The Red Fox: A Romance (6 page)

He turned and looked into her eyes, and continued, “It's hard to see who you are, to search inside, but when you start doing it, you also gain the ability to see inside others, too. You begin to see the beauty in them, even when no one else can. And I see that beauty in you.” He shook his head before looking back at her and saying, “I don't care if others can't see it, but I care that
you
can't see it.”

He closed his sketch book. “You don't believe it, but it's true.”

He stood up and walked to her side, opened his sketch book again and put it in her hand, pointing to the portrait he had just drawn. “When you see yourself like you are in this picture, you'll see how bright your inner smile is, too. You'll see just how valuable you really are.”

She stared at the picture. A mix of emotions clashing against each other. She continued staring as she said. “I've done so much wrong. I deserve the reputation I have.” She looked up at him. “Do you understand that? I
am
what people say about me.”

Jay dropped the butt of his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.

“
No, you're not,” he said, “You're beautiful on the inside. You're clean on the inside. You're a masterpiece on the inside. You have so much to give to the world. So much love, so much joy, so much grace, but you have to believe it. You have to see what I can see in you.”

“
You don't even know me.”

“
Then let me know you. Let me listen. That's all I want. That's all I'm asking for.”

She shook her head. She wanted him to know her, but she didn't know if she could trust him. She hadn't trusted anyone for so long.

Jay continued, “Yesterday, in the woods, that's what I wanted. Not your body. I just wanted to get to know you. When I first saw you, I knew I'd remember you forever. You felt that, too, didn't you? The feeling that even if we had never met again, even if I had gone straight back to New York, you'd never forget me? You'd never forget the moment when our eyes locked?”

She nodded. That moment. It was that moment that had moved her to sit next to him in class, to pull him into the closet, to take him into the woods. She didn't know what else to do but to draw him in sexually. She didn't even want that, she wanted just what he did. She wanted to know why that moment, those few seconds they saw each other for the first time, meant so much to her. She wanted to understand why she wanted to be close to him; but all she knew about getting close with someone was through her sexuality. But now, for the first time, she had the chance to draw close to someone with her heart instead of her body. It moved her and scared her at the same time. She had defended her heart her whole life, could she now open its doors and let someone in?

“
I moved to Jacksonville because I was being constantly harassed in my last school. That was
my
reason for moving here, but you're the reason I want to stay,” Jay said. “When I first saw you, when we first looked into each other's eyes, why did it matter? I've looked into the eyes of hundreds of people and those moments didn't touch my soul, so why did it matter so much when we first saw each other? Why do I feel my heart move within me when I'm with you? Why won't I ever forget you, even if you walked away now and never came back? I want to know why. I just want to get to know you and understand why we shared that moment.”

She looked down at the drawing in her hand again. That smile. Was that really her smile? But, if he learned of her past, would he still feel the same way he did now?

“
I've made so many mistakes.”

“
There are no mistakes in a masterpiece,” Jay said. “Imperfections, but no mistakes.”

She shook her head. “I'm not a masterpiece.”

“
So I've been told. But I believe you are.”

“
Why?” she said, slightly frustrated. “Why do you see me as a masterpiece if I'm so imperfect?”

Jay took a deep breath. “Because it's the imperfections that make a masterpiece unique.”

He pulled the portrait out of his sketch book, handed it to her, then packed his sketch book away. “We've all got imperfections, but that doesn't disqualify us from being a masterpiece. On the contrary, it's what makes us one—you just have to have eyes to see it.”

She looked down at the portrait in her hand.
A work of art?
Could she really see herself as being a work of art, a masterpiece even? Could she allow herself to change her perspective?

“
Can I keep this?” she asked.

“
Will you meet me here tomorrow, to talk?”

“
Will you draw me again?”

He smiled. “I'll draw you everyday if you'll let me.”

Berkley made his way down to the football field. There was no training that day, but liked being on the field. It was there he was the King. It was there he was the Man. He ran the length of the field, stopping every ten meters to do some pushups. He wasn't really interested in training more, but just standing on the field gloating about his awesomeness would make him look like chump. So, the genius he thought he was, he pretended to be training. He was sure some of the hotter girls in school were hiding up on the hill watching him.

He was
the
Man, so why was he still trying to win back Leaf? She was a nobody. If anything, he was insulted that she wasn't taking her place next to the King. She could be the Queen of the school next to him. She could be loved, envied. But she just threw it all in his face. She didn't want him, and he hated the thought.

He was
the
Berkley. Everyone wanted him.

She had enjoyed his incredible company, his incredible Beast, too, and now she wanted it no more? How could that be? The whole situation greatly confused him. He was genuinely shocked at how she was acting.

He began to grin to himself. It was just a game. She was just playing, that's all. She wanted him. She wanted him like everyone else. She was wet with anticipation for their next romp in the bedroom. Yes, he was sure of it!

But what about New Guy—that long faced beaver, that blonde haired goose—what was he doing between them?

As he was thinking about all these thing, he noticed Brick walking down the hill to the field. Even from the distance between them he could make out his facial features. The guy had a moon face like no other.

Berkley stopped his pseudo training and began to stretch as he did his cool down, making sure to give a good flex for all the ladies hiding up on the hill. Of course there were no girls secretly watching him on the hill, but the King believed there was. In fact, he imagined they would all race home and feel themselves up with the memory of his awesomeness. That was no joke. He really believed that happened.

He made his way over to Brick who was standing on the side line.

“
So, what did you find out about New Guy?” Berkley asked.

Brick flashed his huge goofy smile at him.

“
I got the computer nerd who does my homework to dig up some dirt on New Guy,” he replied. “And you wouldn't believe what he found out.”

“
Hit me with it.”

“
The reason he left his last school was because of bullying.”

Berkley raised his head into the air and began to howl.

“
Oh, that's
too
good. He's not just your regular yellow belly. He's an interstate coward!” He turned to Brick, and said, “Well, I don't think we should let him run away from his fears that easily.”

He gave Brick their regular handshake. It was a complicated mash of knuckle knocks, sips, and slaps. It looked ridiculous, but Berkley and Brick thought it was a sign of ultimate sophistication.

Big Face and Peewee knocking knuckles. Oh yes, classy indeed.

Day Three
started with a bang.

As soon as Jay arrived at school he was met once again by Brick.

“
Hey, Jay, I've got another question for you.”

“
About your brother?”

“
Ah, well, No, but since you brought him up,” the question caused Brick to make a detour in their discussion, “I do have a question about him, too,” he said awkwardly.

“
What's that? I know him well, good ol' . . . Brad, right?” Jay couldn't help but play along with what was possibly the most gullible giant he had ever encountered. “And I'm more than willing to help. I know everyone in New York, especially Big Face Brad.”

“
Well,” Brick said, “this is a little awkward to talk about.”

“
It's got to do with
the event
, doesn't it?” Jay said, trying to keep things as general as possible.

Brick pulled him to the side of the hallway.

“
How did you know?”

“
Me and Brad were pretty tight. You know how it is with New Yorkers, we stick together.”

“
Did he tell you about the night before he left Jacksonville, when he walked into my room?”

Everything in Jay told him to stop playing with fire, but he couldn't. He just could
not
walk away from this conversation. He had to find out just what this event was.

“
Yes, he did,” Jay lied. “He told me
everything
.”

Brick lowered his voice. His goofy face suddenly had a very serious looking expression.

“So y
ou know about my mom's G-String?

What the heck?
Jay thought.

“
Oh yeah, sure. He was pretty descriptive about the whole G-String thing.”

“
Did he say he believed me?” Brick asked, his voice low, “That it was a joke?”
Brick leaned closer. He moved his giant moon face quickly side to side, double checking that no one could hear him, and said, “I was trying it on just as a joke—
I swear!
”

Jay's eyes widened in shock.
He didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. One thing he knew for sure: he didn't want to visualize it.
Too much information!
He
keep a straight face and tried to get out of the conversation immediately.

He nodded at Brick and said. “Not at first, but I convinced him you were telling the truth.”

A wave of relief poured over Brick's face.
“Geez, thanks! You know, i
t really
was
meant to be a joke.
”

Jay smiled at him sympathetically. “Of course it was . . .
he just walked in a little too early, nothing more—Now, let's forget this conversation ever happened, OK?”

Jay winked at Brick who was nodding rapidly in agreement.

As Jay began to walk down the hall, again he felt the mountain following him.

“
Hey, there's something else,” Brick said.

Jay turned and looked at Moon Face. “What's that?”

“
Berkley wanted me to give you a message.”

Jay's heart suddenly sunk. His universe collapsed into his lap.

“
Oh, yeah? What's that?”

“
He says you better not show your face at the Ball on Friday.”

Brick patted him on the back, “I'm just the messenger, but let me give you some advice. I'd pay attention to the warning. When Berkley makes a request, people obey—got it?”

Jay nodded, wondering why Berkley would care if he went to the Ball or not.

“
You know Berkley's got it in for you, right? His fan club have been spreading the word all morning.” Rick wasn't smiling.

“
Yeah, so I've heard,” Jay replied. “What do you think he wants?”

“
According to popular opinion, he wants to make New Guy soup.”

Jay sighed. He pulled out his books for the next class and shut his locker.

“
If you want, I can talk to Ms. Hopkins about it. Get her to intervene.”

“
No, I tried that in my last school. It just made things worse. This time I'm just going to stay out of his way.”

“
Good,” Rick said. “And while your at it, stay away from Leaf, too. She's the source of all your problems, you know?”

Jay turned to his friend. “No, she's my solution—I can't stay away from her. I
won't
.”

“
Solution? To what, Berkley?”

“
No—to
me
. She's the solution to
my
problem. It's got nothing to do with Berkley.”

Rick stole a glance down the hallway, momentarily distracted by a pack of cute blondes that just passed by. He returned his focus to Jay.