The Rhythm of My Heart (36 page)

She just gets me so worked up, with her long blonde hair and her sexy little smile. I never expected her to slap me; I know I damn well deserved it with the names I called her. She’s right when she says that I’ve been an asshole, but I really don’t mean to be. I’ve never treated another woman the way I’ve treated Ashley. That confuses me even more, because I’ve never been attracted to another woman as intensely as I’m attracted to her either.
I feel like I’m going fucking crazy.

That kiss, those lips. I can still feel them on mine, can still taste her; it’s like she’s branded me somehow, as though she’s infused my mouth with her essence. Every single second of that kiss is burned into my memory. It’s been playing in an endless loop, over and over again, all day long.

I can hear her moan and pant my name; I can feel her fingers clawing at my clothes and grabbing my hair. At first, she was so unresponsive, and then, when she finally gave in…
God, I’ve never been so fucking hard in my life.

And now, I’m hard again just thinking about it; considering I’m currently sitting in the doctor’s lounge and could be called away at any minute, now is not the most appropriate time to be dealing with a raging hard-on.

Maybe, I’m having an emotional breakdown. I mean, look at how I acted on Christmas Day when Cole and Gracie asked me to be the baby’s godfather. I had to leave the room to calm myself, before I ended up crying in front of everyone like a big wuss.

Since my parents died, it’s just been easier to bury my feelings instead of exposing them. I know I love the Tierneys. John and Olivia saved me from the uncertainty of foster homes because there was no one else to take me in. They gave me a home and a family. They gave me love and affection, but truthfully, even now, at twenty-eight years old, I still have insecurities about where my heart belongs.

I think what affected me the most, about being asked to be the godfather, was the responsibility and commitment that comes with the word ‘father’. I know I’m not the baby’s actual father, but there’s still a certain obligation made by accepting the role. It’s probably also the fact that Cole’s life is moving forward while mine isn’t. In only thirteen more weeks, he’ll have his own family. That’s something I desperately want, but I’ll never allow myself to have, because I know exactly how it feels when your family is ripped away from you forever.

I’ve never admitted it to anyone, but that’s the whole reason I chose to specialize as an OBGYN, because for a little while, I get to be part of creating a family, so to speak. I get to watch a couple experience a time of great joy; then, when they walk away to get on with their own lives, I move on without any heartbreak or emotional attachment whatsoever.

Between the godfather thing and my confusion over Ashley, I feel like there’s a storm of pent up emotions brewing inside me. While short bursts erupt from me occasionally, especially around Ashley, I think it’ll only be a matter of time before I completely lose it if I don’t start to deal with everything.

My pager going off snaps me back from the tormented thoughts running around my head, and when I see that I have a delivery to get to, my mind begins to clear. The shitty reality of it is that once I help this little life into the world, I’ll be right back in this pit of confusion as soon as the rush disappears.

I made it through the rest of the day without any more worries, but that was solely because I had another woman in labor arrive shortly after the one I was paged for. After the late night last night, my only plan is to go home, grab a shower, a beer and a sub. Then I’m going to crawl my ass into bed and make up for the very little amount of restless sleep I survived on today.

As I grab my bag from my locker, I realize that I haven’t had a vacation for quite some time. Maybe, if I get away for a little while to some tropical paradise where I can relax and clear my head, things will start to sort themselves out.

“You done for the day?” Cole asks, as I close my locker door.

“Yep, and I’ve got a beer and bed calling my name. Are you heading out now, too?”

“Yeah, give me two seconds and I’ll walk out with you,” he says, as he hurries to gather his things.

We talk about hospital stuff on our way out, and it isn’t until we’re through the front entrance that he brings up the one thing I don’t want to discuss.

“So, I spoke to Gracie on my break. Apparently, someone kissed the shit out of Ashley down my hallway last night. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

I know he’s curious and wants to look out for both Ashley and me, but I really don’t want to talk about last night right now. “Let’s not pretend like you don’t know it was me who kissed her, and I will talk to you about it because I need to talk to someone about all this shit. However, I can’t do it today. I’m trying to wrap my own head around everything, and right now I’m just confusing myself more.”

Cole gives me a nod of understanding and doesn’t push it any further. “All right, man, just know that I’m here for you whenever you need me,” he promises.

“Yeah, I know,” I simply reply.

When we get to Cole’s car, I laugh when I see the flier on his windshield. “First day of the year and they’re already out canvasing the parking lot.”

Cole reaches over the hood of his Jeep and grabs the piece of paper. “I think I’m going to say something to security, I’m getting so sick of…” He fails to finish his sentence when he turns the paper over. His face instantly pales and his hands start to shake, causing me immediate concern about what he’s looking at.

“What is it?” I demand.

Shaking his head back and forth, he eyes start frantically scanning the parking lot, as his clenches the paper in a white-knuckled grip.

“WHAT IS IT, COLE?” I yell, trying to get him to give my some information as my concern skyrockets.

“FUCKKKK!” he roars.

Not being able to handle being kept in the dark a moment longer when something is clearly very wrong, I reach out and snatch the paper from his hand. Cole immediately starts pacing back and forth pulling his hair through his fingers.

A flood of anxiety has adrenaline pumping rapidly through my veins in anticipation of what I’m about to see. Slowly, I turn the seemingly innocent piece of paper over, and my stomach drops straight to the ground.

It’s not a piece of paper and it’s not innocent. It’s a photo. A very clear photo of Cole and Gracie completely naked and having sex on the side of his pool. The image is disturbing enough, but what grabs my attention the most are the words scrawled across the top.

She won’t be yours for much longer.

“Who’s it from Cole?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Fuck. That was taken from the trees behind my house, Sam. Someone was fucking watching us.”

“I know, man; I can see. Do you remember when this was?”

“My birthday. Six fucking months ago,” he stammers, and I know he’s close to losing it.

“Have you had anything else happen, other than this?” I ask, motioning to the picture.

He’s still pacing, unable to calm himself. “No.” He shakes his head. “No, nothing that I’ve noticed…” He stops and goes to the passenger door, flinging it open.

“What?”

“I got a note… A few months back, around the time of the move, I think. I just assumed that it was put on the wrong car, so I threw it on the floor.”

After he searches around and digs under the seat, he comes out with another piece of paper and hands it to me. I study both for a moment and the similarities are obvious.

“I’m no police expert, Cole, but the writing looks the same to me. If you’ve got your dates right, then someone has been watching you and Gracie for at least six months. We need to go to the police, because as much as I hate to say it, I guarantee if he has one photo, he has a hell of a lot more.”

I can see the fear in his eyes and I’m sure he can see the same in mine. Based on the comments, it’s hard to work out who the actual target is, but my guess is that it’s Cole. The photo is at his house and the notes were left on his car; they want to scare him and they want Gracie for themselves.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll head straight to the police station,” he says, as he takes the papers from me and jumps in his Jeep.

“I’ll be right behind you,” I tell him, and jog to my car with my mind going a million miles an hour, trying to work out what kind of sick fuck would stalk a pregnant woman and her partner.

A few hours later, we walk out of the police station absolutely furious with the lack of help we received. Cole damn near got himself arrested; thank God, I was able to calm him down a little, and the cop wasn’t heartless to the circumstances. The problem was that we only had a picture, two pieces of writing, and nothing else to go on. With no idea of who the culprit is, and no other concerning events, the police said there was nothing for them to investigate. As angry as Cole was, he understood what they were saying, but without saying the words aloud, we both know that it meant something else had to happen before he would get their help. I know that prospect is what scares both of us the most.

Chapter 44

Grace….

I’ve heard a lot of pregnant woman say they felt like they were pregnant forever. I definitely don’t feel like that. I’m thirty weeks today and since I’ve only known about the baby for half that time, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that in only ten more weeks I’ll be a mom.

My last appointment with Sam was between Christmas and New Year; everything is right on track and progressing, as it should. I’ve asked Sam several times why I was able to conceive when I was told I couldn’t have children, but he has replied each time that he can’t say for certain, that sometimes these things happen. He’s also told me that after the baby’s born and my body has recovered, he’ll run some tests to see what’s going on.

With my next appointment later this morning, I’m really hoping that Cole’s going to be able to sneak away and be with me for it. Sam’s going to do another ultrasound, probably the last one for the pregnancy, and I’d love for both of us to be able to see our little miracle again.

So, for the past hour, I’ve been standing here in the nursery folding little clothes and blankets, and taking in every little detail that Olivia, April, Ashley, and I have done to this special room in the last three and a bit weeks. They’ve been insisting on organizing a baby shower as well, but with how much stuff we have already, it hardly seems necessary.

Olivia has gone a little crazy purchasing the crib, the matching changing table, and the car seat. She also bought an identical car seat for her car because, apparently, it’s an absolute necessity for her ‘Nana days’. But for all the craziness and excitement, the room is perfect and I know that this baby is going to be adored and loved like no other.

Taking a seat in the rocking chair beside the crib, I slowly rub my ever-growing belly. “I’m going to try to be the best mommy I can, precious baby. I wish your other Nana were here to see you, but I know that she’s watching over you from heaven and loves you just as much as the rest of us. You certainly have a lot of people excited to meet you, especially your daddy. You’re going to have him wrapped around you tiny fingers the moment he sees you; I just know it.”

Leaning back with my eyes closed, I think about my mom. I miss her so much. I’ve always felt like she’s still with me; lately, she seems to be on my mind a lot. I get a certain amount of comfort believing that she’s watching over me and keeping me from any harm; I know, she’ll be watching over her grandchild, too.

The ringing of my cell phone takes my attention away from thoughts of my mom. I hurry out of the nursery and into our bedroom, frantically, looking for the phone that’s playing Cole’s ring tone. Grabbing it off the bed, I sit down and press the answer button, ready to hear Cole’s sexy voice.