The Scars of Us (15 page)

I cut him off as I felt tears rimming my lids, “I have to go.”

Once inside my car, I couldn’t contain the tears anymore, and I ended up crying all the way back home. Thankfully, Kamden was asleep, so he didn’t see my puffy, red eyes and blotchy skin. I didn’t want to explain to him why I was crying after dinner with Nori.

As I lay in bed, my mind taunted me,
I told you this was a bad idea.

Fuck off,
I replied as I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would find me sooner rather than later.

Going to class the next day probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t want to give up on all the progress I had made. I just needed to suck it up and stick with it, no matter if I had to suffer with my emotions. Plus, even though I had ruined things with Ryker, I still wanted to see him.

Things were more tense then normal between us, which I had expected. I didn’t know how he could look at me, let alone touch me after how I treated him.

We practiced all of the escapes that he’d already taught me, reviewing everything to make sure I remembered the moves. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on any new techniques with everything running through my mind, so I was glad that we were doing things I already knew.

Once class was over, Ryker asked me to stay behind. “I want to talk to you. I’m going to lock the doors—I’ll be right back.”

I wanted to leave, but he deserved an explanation for last night. I needed to just break things completely off with him, maybe ask to work with one of the other instructors, even though I didn’t want to.
It’s best for him. You’ll just bring him down with you.

When he walked back in, he surprised me by saying, “I have a proposition for you—if you can get one good hit on me, I’ll leave you alone.”

My head cocked in confusion as I stared at him, contemplating what he had just said.
Would he really leave me alone? Did I want him to?
I had just been telling myself to break things off, but I really didn’t want to.
“Just one hit?”

“Just one. And a good one, not some weak shit. Are you up for it?” His eyebrow raised in question.

My heart screamed no, but the fear rooted inside me said yes. I didn’t want him to quit pursuing me, but I doubted that I’d ever be enough for him; he didn’t deserve someone as fucked up as me. So, I went with what was familiar, what I knew, pushing him away. “Yes.”

The smirk that was on his face fell slightly, but he played it off as he took up his fighting stance, holding his hands up to protect his face as he chuckled. “Good luck.”

Narrowing my eyes, I mimicked his pose. He always wanted a challenge, so I planned to give him one. Or at least go down trying.

“Ready?” he questioned as he pulled off his shirt, exposing those immaculate, inked muscles. My eyes instantly traced over them, admiring every inch of his perfection.
Fuck.

When I nodded, he advanced on me instantly, landing a soft slap to the right side of my head, toying with me. “Hands up!”

I picked my hands up, but I knew they’d be falling again soon. I always forgot to keep them in front of my face when I got caught up doing combos, and I tended to drop them more when I was tired.

Aimlessly, I threw punches and kicks at Ryker, all of which he dodged or blocked easily. After several attempts, I finally landed something, grazing his jaw with my fist. He cockily smiled in response as he pushed me out of the way, throwing me off balance as he got me with a light side kick.

Stopping, I struggled for air while wondering how he sparred so effortlessly, seemingly unfatigued while I was the opposite. I was utterly exhausted from just a few minutes.

Ryker’s legs swept mine out from under me, causing me to slam to the mat on my back. The impact stung my exposed skin, the force from the fall reverberating through my bones and causing the air to vacate my lungs.

Covering me with his firm, sweaty body, Ryker mounted me, pinning me to the mat as my chest heaved with heavy breaths. “Are you finished?” he gruffly asked.

My heart pounded wildly but not from fear or panic. Ryker was like a pure shot of adrenaline mixed with lust that ramped up my entire being.

I struggled against him, not wanting to concede defeat. I had only been coming for about two months, so I didn’t know that many defensive tactics to aid in my efforts, at least not with sparring.

Ryker grinned as he trapped my hands above my head on the mat. “Why do you insist on fighting what you feel for me? I know that you want me.”

“No, I don’t,” I panted. That was a huge lie, maybe the biggest I’d ever told. I wanted Ryker more than I’d ever wanted anything before, and that scared the shit out of me.

“Oh, really? You don’t want this—want me—to fill your pussy?” he challenged as he ground his ample erection against me.

Closing my eyes, I bit my lip as I stifled a moan. Ryker’s firm body pressing against mine was like gasoline to the fire he always set within me, and I was so close to letting the flames consume me.

Ryker’s hot mouth met my neck, causing the moan I’d been withholding to escape. His tongue slowly trailed over my skin before he brought his lips to hover over mine. “Admit it, Warrior. You… want… me.”

Clouded by desire, I breathlessly groaned in response, “Yes.”

He softly grazed my lips with his as he gruffly asked, “Yes, what?”

Voice laced with need, I replied, “Yes, I want you.”

My words set off a passion within both of us. Ryker crushed my mouth with his, eagerly devouring me as his hands roamed over my body. His tongue parted my lips before tangling with mine, the barbell in his mouth adding to the amazing sensations from his kiss.

Instead of fighting him like before, I melted into him, wanting to feel him all over and in me. My hands ventured over the hard planes of his flawless muscles as he mercilessly kissed me, one hand tangled in my hair, the other skimming under my muscle shirt.

His fingers traced over my fevered skin, causing a slight shudder to run through me. All of my thoughts, insecurities, and compulsions were erased by Ryker’s skilled mouth and hands. The only thing I could focus on was the divine sensations he elicited in me as he flooded my senses, making me lose all control in a completely different way.

His hands continued up my body, pushing my shirt up as they explored my skin. Breaking our kiss, he pulled the tank top over my head before reconnecting our mouths, which couldn’t get enough of each other.

Finding the waist of his shorts, my hands tugged on them, needing to remove the remaining barriers blocking his skin from mine. I wanted to feel every inch of him all over me, wanted him to continue to drown out everything else with his touch.

Ryker growled as he swiftly removed his shorts before pulling at mine. “Fuck, baby, I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Maneuvering my body, I allowed him to easily slide my shorts and panties down while I lifted my sports bra off.

His naked body was flush against me within seconds, his thighs opening my legs as his shaft pressed against my slick entrance. I moaned from the contact, wanting and needing more of what only Ryker seemed to be able to give me.

Slowly pushing into me, he blissfully filled me inch by inch with his massive cock. Arching against him, he sank even further into me, the entirety of him still not able to fully fit inside me. We both groaned as he seated himself within me, my pussy tight around him as he began to stroke inside me.

My nails dug into Ryker’s shoulders as he nipped and sucked on my breasts. Each thrust was like heaven, giving me an immense pleasure that I’d never experienced before.

Wrapping my legs around his hips, I pulled Ryker deeper within in me, causing him to emit a sound that was a cross between a growl and a groan. “God, Kaiya. I’ve wanted you so badly, wanted to feel your sweet pussy clench my dick.”

I moaned in response to his words, unable to think straight, let alone say anything comprehensible. He continued to relentlessly pound into me, bringing me closer and closer to ecstasy with each exquisite thrust.

Perfectly caressing my walls, his cock sent me into orgasmic oblivion. Tremors of bliss flowed through my body as Ryker extended my climax with his perfect strokes. Seconds later, he pulled out before streaming his warm release all over my breasts and stomach. The feel of his cum on my body added to my arousal, making me want him inside me again, filling me over and over.

As we both regained our breath, Ryker grabbed his sweaty shirt off the mat before wiping his cum off my fevered skin. Immediately I became anxious as realization of what we’d just done sank in.
Oh my God, I just broke all of my rules. We didn’t use a condom. I’m on the shot, but still. How could I lose control like that?
“I have to go,” I stammered as I abruptly stood, grabbing my clothes off the floor.

I awkwardly dressed as I continued to rush towards the door.
Shit, shit, shit. Wait until you get in the car to break down—don’t let Ryker see you. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

“Kaiya, wait. Where are you going?” Ryker called after me as I flew out the door of the kickboxing room.

Please don’t follow me.
I all but ran towards the main entrance but was stopped by the locked doors.
Fuck!
I pushed against them, even though I knew Ryker had locked them when everyone left. We were the only ones still there.

Tears began to drip down my face as I realized I had to face Ryker.
He’s never going to want to see me again. Why do I have to be such a freak?

Pressing my forehead against the cool glass of the door, I exhaled a shaky breath as I willed back the tears.
In, out, in, out. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Just tell him the truth.
Tell him the truth? What the fuck was I thinking?

Ryker interrupted my thoughts as he placed a hand on my shoulder. His soft voice surprised me as he asked, “What’s going on, Warrior?”

Swallowing the huge lump in my throat, I apologized, “I’m sorry, Ryker. I can’t do this. We shouldn’t ha—”

Interrupting me, his harsh voice was a stark contrast to the gentle one from a moment before. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I got what I wanted. I told you I’d have you once, remember?”

My head snapped from the glass toward him, not believing what had just come out of his mouth. My jaw gaped open, my brain unable to form the words needed to express the emotions roiling within me. “You fucking bastard,” I finally seethed as I slapped him. Hard.

Ryker’s eyes thinned to tiny slits as his nostrils flared in anger. Silently unlocking the door, his muscles tensed, making his tattoos bulge as he held the door open.

Neither of us said anything else as I exited the gym, and I couldn’t help but feel as if I left another broken piece of myself at his feet when I walked out that door.

What the fuck just happened?
I stood staring at the doors to the gym, wondering what the fuck went wrong. Things went to shit in less than two seconds. I couldn’t believe what she’d said after we just finished having sex, especially when it ranked up at the top of my list. I thought she was blowing me off until I saw her face.

Those watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks made me regret what I’d said. Every. Fucking. Word. It was all bullshit anyway.
Why did I have to be so fucking stubborn?

I didn’t understand what caused the pain in her eyes, but I knew what I’d said made it worse. I wanted to apologize, to take back the lies I defensively spewed out; anything to remove the hurt on her face. But, I couldn’t, my words stuck in my throat for fear of her rejection.

Then, my warrior broke through. Anger replaced the sadness and mixed with the pain that always seemed to linger on her face. Her eyes hardened, and her lips thinned as she slapped me.

Yeah, deep down, my girl’s a fighter.

I wanted to find out everything that made Kaiya who she was, to peel back every intricate layer and uncover what lay beneath her guarded exterior.

I knew her standoffish demeanor was a front that she put up to protect herself. What I wanted to know was from what. Obviously, someone had hurt her—I recognized that type of pain; the kind that embeds in your soul, and never goes away. I endured that scarring pain every fucking day.