The Scars of Us (18 page)

The muscles in his jaw tensed as he swallowed. “No.”

“Then, why did you say those things to me?”

He didn’t say anything for several seconds, and I was afraid he was going to get up and leave me there, not wanting to deal with my bullshit anymore.

“Fear.” He reached for his glass of water before taking a long drink.

Fear? What was he afraid of?
“Fear?” I repeated, wanting him to clarify.

He gave a quick nod as he set down the glass. “I thought you were blowing me off.”

“So, you decided to blow me off first?” I raised my eyebrow and rested my arms on the table.

“Look.” He sighed. “I know I made a mistake, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I… I have issues.” He leaned in, grabbing my hands and locking eyes with me. “I’ve been fucked over in the past, and it’s hard for me to trust someone after what I went through.” He sat back and shrugged his shoulders. “We all have our own demons.”

“Yeah, but some demons are worse than others.” I stared at my glass, tracing a finger along the rim.

“That doesn’t make them any less easy to deal with for the person that has to live with them.”

He had a point. Just because I felt my demons were worse, didn’t mean that Ryker’s weren’t hard for him. I didn’t even know what his were to be able to judge. I wouldn’t feel right asking him to tell me since I kept so much from him all of the time.

I nodded in understanding. “So, where do we go from here?”

“I’m not sure.” He released a heavy breath. “All I know is that I want to keep seeing you. That is, if you still want to.”

“I want to, but I’m scared.” I gnawed on my lip as I looked over his face. “What if you hurt me?”

Abruptly, he stood before coming to my side of the booth and scooting in next to me. He draped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him. He used his other hand to tilt my chin to look in his eyes.

“Honestly, Warrior, I’m scared, too. I haven’t felt this way about someone since… well, a really long time. I promise I won’t hurt you if you don’t hurt me.”

My heart fluttered. I wasn’t completely sure I could trust him, but I was willing to take the chance. Life wasn’t meant to be lived in fear, and I felt that moving forward with Ryker was taking another step to becoming stronger, to becoming whole.

Instead of answering him with words, I brought my lips to his, hoping that was enough of an answer for him. I wasn’t good at expressing my feelings, but I hoped that the kiss demonstrated how I felt, showed that I was trusting him not to crush what was left of me.

When we finally parted, he said, “So, was that a yes?”

I laughed. “On one condition—no other girls.”

Making a skeptical face, he teased, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Then, I guess I’m leaving,” I joked, pushing him away from me.

Wrapping me in his arms, he chuckled. “I was just kidding.” He brushed his lips over mine. “No other girls.”

I pulled back and gave him a deal breaking glare. “Promise,” I demanded.

Cupping my face, he held my gaze. “I promise—no other girls.”

“You better not hurt me or I’ll be forced to use my fighting skills on you.” I lightly jabbed him in the stomach as I giggled.

“No, please don’t,” he playfully pleaded, acting fearful of my non-existent threat. We both laughed before he brought his lips to mine again, sending warmth through my entire body before it pooled between my thighs. My stomach tightened as his tongue entered my mouth, joining with mine to deepen the kiss.
Damn, he kisses so good.

Throat-clearing caused us to break away from each other, but not before Ryker pressed one last soft kiss on my lips. We both directed our attention to the waitress, who held a tray in her hands.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but your food is ready,” she said politely.

Blushing with embarrassment, I avoided her eyes as she set our food on the table. When she left, I looked at Ryker, who chuckled at me and shook his head.

Once we finished eating, Ryker drove me back home. He made plans to take me to dinner once he got off work, and I couldn’t fight the foreign feeling of happiness that overtook me.
Maybe Ryker is good for me
.

When I entered the apartment, Kamden came out of his room and asked me a million questions about Ryker and our date. Okay, maybe not a million, but way more than necessary.

After his interrogation, I tried to escape to my room, but he stopped me as I was walking down the hallway.

“Do you remember about Monday?”

“Monday?” I said quizzically.
What’s Monday?
After a few seconds of contemplation, it hit me.
Our appointment. Kaleb. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
“Fuck. I can’t believe it’s already here,” I groaned.

“You okay?” Kamden asked with concern, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

My stomach tightened uncomfortably. “Yeah, just nervous. I better call Nori and remind her.”

“Let me know if you need anything—I know this is going to be tough for you.”

“Thanks, I will,” I replied before turning and heading into my room. Taking my phone out of my purse, I dialed Nori. She answered after the second ring. “What the fuck happened last night, Ky? You didn’t return any of my fucking calls or texts. I was worried sick.”

Shit.
I forgot that I just left without a word—she sounded pissed. I sat on my bed as I apologized, “I’m sorry. My phone died, and it just slipped my mind this morning.”

“Well, what happened? Is everything okay?” Her voice lost some of the venom that had been in it.

I explained everything that happened at the club last night, but I started with Ryker and I having sex on Thursday. I hadn’t told her about it because I was so upset, but she needed to know everything to understand the events of last night. Nori didn’t say anything for several seconds, then finally spoke, “So, how was it? I bet he was amazing.”

That was an understatement. He was beyond amazing.
“It was… unbelievable.” I sighed dreamily as I flopped back on the bed. “He made me feel things I’ve never felt before, and gave me the best orgasm of my life. There just aren’t words.”

Nori giggled. “Wow, that’s awesome, Ky. I’m really happy for you.”

“Can you believe what he said to me after, though?” Thinking about it still hurt, and it was hard to push the thoughts away when they were so fresh.

“He’s a guy. They aren’t good with rejection. He thought you were blowing him off after literally just having sex with him—total ego killer. Obviously, he didn’t mean what he said or else he wouldn’t have gone to the club looking for you, and he definitely wouldn’t have saved you from that asshole. Actions speak louder than words, girl.”

I picked at the ends of my hair as I released a sigh. “True. Words still hurt though.”

“I can’t believe you told him about Kaleb.” Her voice was filled with disbelief.

“Me neither. I mean, I didn’t tell him everything.”

“Why did you tell him?”

That had surprised even me—I hadn’t told anyone anything involving Kaleb except Kamden and Nori.

“When he saved me, I felt like I at least owed him some of the truth for my actions. And, even after what he said to me, I trusted him. Like you said, actions speak louder than words.”

“Yeah, he seems like a great guy that just has some issues. If anyone should be able to understand that, it should be you.”

I snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure his issues are nowhere even close to being as fucked up as mine.”

“You never know, Ky. Maybe you should ask him about them.”

“I don’t like being asked about mine. He’ll tell me when he’s ready.”

“Just like you will?” she countered.

Will I?
“I don’t know if I’ll ever tell him—I don’t want him to look at me differently.”

“If he cares about you, he won’t. Then, you’ll know whether he’s worth it or not.”

“I’m not ready for that yet.” I blew out a deep breath. “I don’t think either one of us are. We just agreed to start dating. Baby steps, Nori, baby steps.”

“You’ve made a lot of progress. I’m really proud of you, Ky. Seriously.”

I smiled from her words. “Thank you. It’s hard, but I’m trying. Oh, I almost forgot! Monday is our appointment at the hospital.”

“I know. I thought that’s why you were acting all crazy yesterday.”

“Oh. No, I totally forgot. Kamden just reminded me.” My smile began to fade as I thought about the appointment, my chest tightening in anxiety. I rubbed my hand over it, trying to ease some of the tenseness.

“I’m planning to come over to your apartment that morning and we can all ride together.”

We talked a little more about Monday before we hung up. Heading to the bathroom, I searched for some aspirin since my cheek and head were still pulsing with pain.

I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until I lay back down on my bed. Sleep found me within seconds.

I was extremely wound up at class on Sunday because of my impending visit to the hospital the next day. I was so not prepared to be in the same building as Kaleb. It also didn’t help that I was unsure of how to act around Ryker in front of the other students and instructors. It was probably against policy or something for him to be with me, so I didn’t want to get him into any trouble.

Ryker approached me as I was hitting my bag. “Everything okay?” he asked as he eyed me warily.
How could he always tell when something was bothering me?

“Yeah, just a little stressed.”
A lot stressed, actually.

“Anything I can help with?”

“No—I’ll be okay. Hitting the bag helps.” I forced a smile.

Those warm eyes told me he knew better, but he didn’t question me further. “Just don’t overdo it, Warrior,” he said as his lips curved up slightly.

After class ended, I waited for Ryker to close up before we left together. He walked me to my car, then crushed his lips against mine, stealing my breath as he passionately kissed me.
Holy crap.

Pulling back slightly, we both gasped for air.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night, that and so much more,” he said, holding my face in his hands.

Our mouths reconnected in a frenzy as Ryker’s hands roamed over my body. He hooked my legs around him, pushing me against the car as his erection pressed into my core. I might have moaned, I wasn’t really sure since I couldn’t process anything but the feel of Ryker all over me.

“Come home with me,” he murmured against my lips.

Oh, how I wanted to—so badly. It probably wasn’t the best idea given what I had to do tomorrow, but then again, it might be good for me to lose myself in Ryker before I had to deal with Kaleb.

“Okay.”

Even though I answered him, Ryker didn’t release me. He kept relentlessly devouring me right there in the parking lot. I couldn’t have even told anyone my name once we finally stopped—that was how amazing that man kissed.

“My warrior finally gave in,” he teased when we finally stopped. “You can follow me there.”

As I drove behind him, I started to reconsider what I was doing.
I’m going to have to explain my rules—do I really want to go into that right now? What if he laughs in my face? Shit, why did I agree to this? Maybe I should just turn around and go home… no, I can’t do that to him. I’ll just have to tell him something came up and leave—that’ll work.

Once we were up in his apartment, I tried to give Ryker the excuse I came up with, but his mouth silenced mine, capturing my lips as soon as he locked the door.
Shit I can’t lie to him—I’m just going to have to tell him the truth.

Pushing him away, I disconnected our lips and locked our eyes. “We need to talk.”

“We need to talk.”

No man wanted to hear those words, especially when first starting out, but Kaiya was standing right in front of me saying them. The last time I’d heard those words, things didn’t end well for me.

“About?” I questioned as I searched her face. I rubbed my hand on the back of my neck anxiously. I had no idea what Kaiya was going to tell me—with her, it could be anything.

Sighing, she led me to the couch, and we sat down. “Before we have sex again, you need to know my rules,” she advised me matter of factly.