The Scent of Lilac: An Arrow's Flight Novella (7 page)

           
Leah
raises her head, her mouth dropping open with understanding. “Are you asking
that we dispose of him?”

           
A panic
sweeps over me. “No!”

           
My answer
is far too exuberant, and Leah purses her lips, eyeing me with some suspicion.
I wriggle uncomfortably on the stool until she speaks.

           
“I see.
Well, there is always the possibility of another girl having the same issues.
If so, disposal would be our first option. But we’ve also seen the reverse.
With another girl, we may have instant results.”

           
My eyes
widen as another shock bounces through me. “But then, that would mean…”

           
I can’t
say it, so Leah finishes the sentence for me. “That you were the problem? Yes.”

           
In
despair, I sink lower on my stool, but Leah reaches out with a soothing hand,
squeezing my arm.

           
“All of that
is behind you, Mia. You shouldn’t fret over the dog anymore. What we choose to
do with him is, and has always been, council business.”

           
I can’t
look at her. I stare into the cooling bowl of porridge, wishing I hadn’t come.
Because what she says is completely sensible. Perhaps my difficulty in
conceiving had nothing to do with
Chad
,
and the only way of knowing for certain is to assign him to someone else. And
it shouldn’t be my concern.

           
But that
nauseous feeling rises in my gut again anyway, and my head is spinning.

           
“Is there
anything else?”

           
I hear
Leah’s voice as if it comes rolling out of a long tunnel, and I force myself to
concentrate on her face. After a moment, I shake my head and stand.

           
“No.”

           
She takes
the bowl from me. “Then go enjoy your time away from the Pit. It will be gone before
you know it.”

nder shadow, I slip into
Chad
’s
cave in the middle of the night. I slide beneath the blankets and press up
against his back. He stirs momentarily when I slip my arm around his waist, but
he settles back into sleep after taking my hand and weaving our fingers
together.

           
Kate and
Diana’s departure has changed everything about my life… except for this. This
monotonous routine that I’ve participated in for almost a year now is all I
have left. This is why I keep coming here even when I don’t have to. I crave
it. On mending day, I sit by the river alone. I make lilac shampoo… alone. I
eat alone. I never realized how much those four girls meant to me until this
moment when there is nothing left of them. They were my life.

           
This morning,
after I left Leah, I found myself at Kate’s hogan. No one has touched it since
she left. Her basket of clothes sat in the corner, and I took up a blouse and
pressed it to my nose and the scent of lilac filled my nostrils. I’d curled
into a ball on her mat and cried for a good while. And I felt no better after.

           
I squeeze
closer to
Chad
until my body cups his. Right here, inside this musty, dark cave is the only
place I don’t feel alone. Or sad.

           
I’ve
denied my connection to
Chad
for too long. I do care. I’ve cared since the moment Kate brought it to my
attention. And I can’t bear the thought of not coming back here for months.

           
I can’t
bear the thought of another girl taking my place.

           
I reach
up, stroke
Chad
’s
hair away from his face.

           
“
Chad
?”

           
I shake
him; he stirs and rolls over.

           
“Mia?
What are you doing here?” His voice is rough with sleep, and it makes me shiver
with a strong desire. I lift up on one elbow to peer down at him, although all
I can see is the dark shadow of his face.
 
“I’m not dreaming, am I?”

           
“No,
you’re not dreaming,” I whisper. I stand tugging on his hand. “Will you come
with me?”

           
“What?”

           
“Come
with me.”

           
He
lumbers off the mat to tower over me in the dark, not quite awake. I tangle my
fingers with his and pull him toward the dim moonlight. The hairs on my arms
rise with anticipation as I consider what I’m doing, but for once, I shut my
mind off and simply act. I shove open the gate.

           
I’m
pulled to an abrupt halt when
Chad
suddenly stops. I turn.

           
“What are
you doing?” His confusion funnels through his grogginess.

           
I step up
close to him, peer up into his eyes. “Going out. Just outside the gate.”

           
Alert, he
stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind—which isn’t a stretch—and then, he shakes
his head, backing away.

           
“I can’t.”

           
“But see,
you can,” I step forward, taking his hands, squeezing his fingers with fervor—as
if my own life depends on what he decides. “The gate is open. Nothing’s
stopping us.”

           
He shakes
his head, and I press closer, pleading.

           
“
Chad
,
I know you’re scared—”

           
He stops
me. “I’m not scared.”

           
Puzzled,
I lean back. “Then what is it?”

           
“This is where
I belong.” He eases a step away from me.

           
His words
fill me with a strange sorrow. And here it is again: his duty. Just as Leah
said, he’s been well-trained. In this moment, I see a true lack of need for a
single lock in the Pit.

           
Peering
up at him, I step in, squeeze his hands. “Do you trust me?”

           
He tilts
his head, and after a long, silent few seconds, he nods.

           
“Then
come with me, just for a few minutes.”

           
I tug on
his hand, a deep desire riffling to the top of my emotions. It’s an odd
sensation, but it’s very real, and it makes me feel as if
Chad
is drowning and completely unaware of it.
 
And before it’s too late—before the Council gets around to shutting up
all the gates—he has to taste his freedom, and I have to bask in it with him,
even temporarily.

           
I see his
mind working, the breath easing in and out of his chest the only sound.

           
“Just
outside?” he finally asks.

           
I nod, a
hope rising. Another long pause as he stares at the gate. But after a moment, he
shakes his head again and takes another backward step, tugging free from my
grip.

           
“I can’t.”

           
This time
his tone is filled with finality. I sink inside. Behind me, the gate rattles
with the wind.
Chad
climbs back onto his mat and pulls the blankets up to his chin.

*

           
I stay
with
Chad
every
night after this, always making sure to leave the cave long before the sun
rises. I’m determined to do so for as long as I can, and my leaving is more
difficult each time, marked with finality. It creeps in on me like a horrid,
old hag waiting for her chance to snatch me away forever with her nasty claws. I
haven’t the heart to tell him that very soon I will not return, and that
someone else will come in my place. Instead, I press myself up solidly against
his side, delight in the feel of his embrace, and try not to think.

           
When the
Council decides to utilize some of the guards, placing them on watch in the Pit
as a precaution until the gates are repaired, I’m fully aware of the added
danger. Breeders don’t sleep in the Pit, and I’m terrified of being caught. And
so, I take care to learn the routines of both guards and jailers alike. I map
out the best route to
Chad
’s
cave. I memorize every shadow that will keep me hidden, and I sigh in relief
once I’m in his arms.

           
It’s still
partially unsettling, my sudden attachment to
Chad
…
one that could bring trouble on my head. But tucked in his arms, I understand
why I risk it. His touch… it’s more important to me now than ever.

           
We still mate,
and this too has become important. Because with the absence of a need for it,
I’ve come to see how beautiful it is—that in its own right, there is most
definitely a need for it beyond conception. Often, I think… this must be what
Meg felt for her mate. And it must have felt this right.

           
It scares
me. It thrills me.

           
It makes
me very mindful of Meg’s end.

           
Overnight,
I have become a rebel. A shiver runs down my spine.

           
Tonight,
I lie against
Chad
’s
chest. The moon is full, the cave is brightly illuminated, and his fingers
brush slowly back and forth over my bare back. It feels nice, and I’m just on
the edge of sleep when he speaks.

           
“I’m
ready now.”

           
I raise
my lids, sleepily. “For what?”

           
“To go
outside the gate. I’m ready.”

           
Surprised,
I pull up to look into his eyes.

           
“I’ve
been thinking,” he continues. “And I would like to know what it’s like on the
outside.”

           
Our eyes
stay hooked together in a brave moment of realization until my skin races with
goosebumps. On impulse, I excitedly lean in and kiss his lips… for the second
time despite my promise to never do it again. He responds hungrily, pulling me
to him until I’m encompassed in his strong arms, and I melt.

           
This time
when I push open the gate,
Chad
only momentarily hesitates. I check the vicinity for jailers or guards, and together,
we step out into the night. I hear
Chad
’s
breath catch in his chest, and I squeeze his hand reassuringly.

           
We stand
hand in hand, my eyes on him, his eyes on the sky above us. Just past the edge
of the Pit, the moon lingers on a blanket of stars, and
Chad
’s
mouth hangs open as he takes it in. Squinting one eye, he reaches out,
measuring the moon between his thumb and forefinger.

           
“It’s so
bright. Amazing.” His eyes settle on me and then sweep down the line of gates.
“It’s been so long...” His voice trails. I tighten my grip on his hand.

           
“I would
like to take you to the river, if I could,” I whisper, and he swivels his eyes
back to meet mine. “If this amazes you, the river would leave you speechless.
Blue and white... and foamy. In one moment, it’s powerful and full of life and
terrifying, and in the next, it’s calm and clear and full of peace. It is the
most beautiful creation.”

           
“I would
like to see it.” His response is laced with a heaviness that crushes my heart,
and I suddenly wish I hadn’t mentioned it. But he keeps talking, and I focus on
him. “I remember the nannies taking us there before we...” His words fade. He lowers
his eyes, wiggles a bare toe into the dirt. “I don’t remember much about it.
Just that it was wonderful.”

           
“It is,”
I answer.

           
He’s very
still. After a minute, he drops my hand and disappears back inside the cave. I
press my fingertips to my lips and wrestle with my tears.

*

           
A week
later, two locksmiths decide to resume their duties. They arrive with their
tools. The work is slow, and by the time they leave the Pit on the first day,
only five caves in the front section are repaired.
 
I tell
Chad
the minute I reach his cave. He grows strangely quiet.

           
“What is
it?”

           
Chad
has been different ever since the night we stepped outside the gate. Quieter.
More serious. I can’t remember the last time I saw his grin, and I miss it. He
makes me wary.

           
I drop to
my knees next to where he sits on the mat. “
Chad
,
I know something is bothering you. Please tell me.”

           
He
settles his stony gaze over me. There’s just enough light tonight to see his
eyes dancing fervently. I wait, my brow creased with an anxious fear.

           
He opens
his mouth to speak, closes it. I rest my hand on his knee.

           
“How long
do you think it will be before the locksmiths reach my cave?”

           
Surprised
by the question, I lean back. “I don’t know.
 
A few weeks. Maybe more. Why?”

           
He
swallows, studies me cautiously. “I want to see the river.”

           
My breath
eases out. “You do?”

           
“Yes,” he
shrugs. “I know my place is here, and I won’t forget that. I told you, I will
never leave you, Mia.”

           
I nod.

           
“But I
want to see the river,” he repeats. “Before they lock me in again.”

           
My heart
races, and I rise to my feet, pacing. This would have been much less harrowing
a week ago, before guards were assigned to the Pit and the locksmiths decided
to behave. Taking
Chad
outside the gate was risky enough as it is. This? Breeder or not, this is a
death sentence if I’m caught.

           
Chad
lumbers to his feet halting me in my spot, and the look of anticipation riding
in his eye shoves me right over the edge. I know. His freedom is inextricably
tied to my own, and if he doesn’t have a small taste of it, I will never know
what freedom feels like.
 

           
I also
know that we don’t have weeks. I’ve been fortunate so far, and the broken locks
have made it easy for me to come and go as I please without a jailer’s
assistance, but soon this won’t be the case. And soon another breeder will be
assigned to
Chad
.

           
The time
is now.

           
I breathe
deep. “Wait here.”

           
Outside
the cave, I scan the area near the ladder. Only one guard is on duty tonight,
walking the perimeter, checking for anything unusual. I can tell from her lazy pace
that she’s not very attentive. I can also tell that it will take her quite some
time to walk the full length of the Pit, work her way past each cave, and round
back. She inspects nothing as she saunters along, assured that there is nothing
to suspect. The stock know their place. This is an advantage.