Those Bones Are Not My Child

TONI CADE BAMBARA
Those Bones Are Not My Child

Toni Cade Bambara is the author of two short story collections,
Gorilla, My Love
and
The Sea Birds Are Still Alive;
a novel,
The Salt Eaters;
and a collection of fiction, essays, and conversations,
Deep Sightings and Rescue Missions
. Her writings continue to appear in literature anthologies around the world. A noted documentary filmmaker and screenwriter, Bambara’s film work includes the documentaries
The Bombing of Osage Avenue
and
W. E. B. Du Bois: A Biography in Four Voices
. She died in 1995.

The Black Woman
(editor)

Tales and Short Stories for Black Folks
(editor)

The Salt Eaters

The Sea Birds Are Still Alive

Gorilla, My Love

Deep Sightings and Rescue Missions

Y
ou’re on the porch with the broom sweeping the same spot, getting the same sound—dry straw against dry leaf caught in the loose-dirt crevice of the cement tiles. No phone, no footfalls, no welcome variation. It’s 3:15. Your ears strain, stretching down the block, searching through schoolchild chatter for that one voice that will give you ease. Your eyes sting with the effort to see over bushes, look through buildings, cut through everything that separates you from your child’s starting point—the junior high school.

The little kids you keep telling not to cut through your yard are cutting through your yard. Not boisterous-bold and loose-limbed as they used to be in the first and second grades. But not huddled and spooked as they were last year. You had to saw off the dogwood limbs. They’d creak and sway, throwing shadows of alarm on the walkway, sending the children shrieking down the driveway. You couldn’t store mulch in lawnleaf bags then, either. They’d look, even to you, coming upon those humps in your flowerbed, like bagged bodies.

A few months ago, everyone went about wary, tense, their shoulders hiked to their ears in order to fend off grisly news of slaughter. But now, adults walk as loose-limbed and carefree as the children who are scudding down the driveway, scuffing their shoes, then huddling on the sidewalk below.

The terror is over, the authorities say. The horror is past, they repeat every day. There’ve been no new cases of kidnap and murder since the arrest back in June. You’ve good reason to know that the official line is a lie. But you sweep the walk briskly all the way to the hedge, as though in clearing the leaves you can clear from your mind all that you know. You’d truly like to know less. You want to believe. It’s 3:23 on your Mother’s Day watch. And your child is nowhere in sight.

You lean the broom against the hedges and stretch up on tiptoe. Big boys, junior high age, are on the other side of the avenue, wrassling each other into complicated choke holds. You holler over, trying not to sound batty. Maybe they know something. A bus chuffs by, drowning you out and masking the boys in smeary gray smoke. When it clears, they’ve moved on. The hedge holds you up while you play magic with traffic, making bargains with God: if one of the next four cars passing by sports the old bumper sticker
HELP KEEP OUR CHILDREN SAFE
, then you will know all is well, you’ll calm down, pile up the leaves, make a burnt sacrifice, then get dinner on. Two cars go by, a mail truck, an out-of-state camper, then a diesel semi rumbles along. You can feel it thrumming up through your feet. Your porch windows rattle, so do your teeth. An exterminator truck pulls up and double-parks by the cleaner’s. The familiar sticker is plastered on the side of the door, the word “children” under the word “pest.” Your scalp prickles, ice cold. A stab of panic drives you onto the porch and straight through your door.

You dial the school. The woman who answers tells you there’s no one in the building. You want to scream, point out the illogic of that, and slam down the phone. But you wheedle, you plead, you beg her to please check, it’s an emergency. You can tell by the way she sucks her teeth and sets the receiver down that you’re known in that office. You’ve been up there often about incidents they called “discipline” and you called “battering.” Things weren’t tense enough in Atlanta, teachers were sending “acting-out problems” to the coach to be paddled. In cutoff sweats, he took a wide-legged stance and, arms crossed against his bulging chest, asked, since it wasn’t your child sent to him for punishment, what is your problem?

Exactly what the principal had wanted to know when the parents broke up the PTA meeting, demanding security measures in the school. Never enough textbooks to go around; students would linger after school to borrow each other’s, then, having missed the bus, would arrive home to an hysterical household. The men voted to form safety patrols. The principal went off: “There will be no vigilantes in my school!”