A Woman Gone Mad
Authors: Kimber S. Dawn
A Woman Gone Mad
by Kimber S. Dawn
A Woman Gone Mad Copyright © 2013 Kimber S. Dawn
EPUB Edition
Published by Kimber S. Dawn
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.
This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
Published: Kimber S. Dawn: December 2013
[email protected]
Editing: Mickey Reed
Cover Design © Cover design by Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Designs
Cover photo – Copyright © Amanda Hollis, MHPhotography
Formatting by: Paul Salvette @ BB Ebooks
Chapter Headers & Other Graphics: © Kimber S. Dawn
***This book is intended for a mature audience.***
Table of Contents
Chapter 2
–
The First Cuts Are Just as Deep
Chapter 4
–
The Loss of Innocence
Chapter 5
–
When You Learn Forever Isn’t That Long
Chapter 6
–
Picking Up the Summer Pieces in Fall
Chapter 7
–
When You Really Love a Woman ~ Bryan Adams
Chapter 8
–
Lillian & Nicolas’s Story Begins
Chapter 10
–
Going to the Chapel and We’re Gonna Get Married
Chapter 11
–
And I See Her Face, Bella Means Beauty
Chapter 12
–
Time Flies When You Aren’t Looking
Chapter 13
–
This Can’t Be Happening
Chapter 14
–
A Second Chance Affair
Chapter 15
–
In the End I Did Drag Him to Hell
Chapter 16
–
Please, Please Don’t Break Me…
Chapter 19
–
Let’s End This Where We Began
About The Author and Author links
Sneak Peek of Holding Her in Madness: Leo Phillips Story
Connect with Kimber on Substance B
For my baby brother, Bobby. I miss you still to this day, your big brown eyes and your sweet smile. Thank you for being the best brother a sister could ever ask for. I would gladly accept the short twenty years with you as my brother over a hundred with another.
I love you, Bobby.
T
his morning started off just like every other fucking shit morning. I can’t even remember where the hell I am.
As I look around the swanky hotel suite, I do a quick room and body assessment. Alone—check. I don’t know if I’m relieved or saddened by this fact. I probably should be relieved. Every damn time I wake up with a morning-after-whatever-the-fuck-I-did-last-night visitor, shit tends to get real awkward, fast.
The reasons are that one, I’m sober for a brief second, and two, I’m left looking at this morning-after visitor and I quickly realize I have no idea who this person is or what the hell I thought was so fan-fucking-tastic about him last night. Then I remember. Oh yeah, I thought he was handsome, my first date last evening was with Mr. Jack Daniel’s, and by the time he’d used me up, I was well into thinking anyone with a half-decent smile and a business suit was good looking, and of course the coke in his suit pocket also helped out his chances for a one-night stand.
Do you want to know what’s really fucked up though? For some stupid-ass reason, I usually wish I weren’t alone the morning after. I’m telling you, it’s better when I’m
not
left unattended. When I’m alone, that’s when the bad shit happens.
See, I have these voices. No, dammit—not schizophrenic voices. They are all my voice. It’s just that each of my voices, when I’m left to my own devices, has a lot of different crazy shit to say. Most of the time the voices are talking shit about me, and there’s this one that mocks EVERYTHING I do. “
Bitch, don’t wear that.” “Hahahaha, you look like the chick from
Steel Magnolias
.” “Looks like two pigs, fightin’ under a blanket.” “Take that off or buy some damn Spanx, fatty.”
Fucking hate that bitch, the condescending cunt.
Most of them, however, are harmless and just as tired as I am. And they’ve been begging me to quit. And ever since the main voice, the positive one I call Lilly, the one that had been in my mind for as long as I could remember, went silent, most of the other harmless voices fell silent as well.
I miss Lilly. She was always there for me. When I’d get discouraged because I didn’t understand the rabbit ears and the loop song to help me tie my shoes, she’d hum it for me and help me remember. Every heartbreak I endured, she would talk me through, let me know that everything was going to be okay. And even if it wasn’t going to be okay, sometimes it was nice to hear the false reassurance. It helped ease the sting of disappointment.
I’m unsure of the exact moment Lilly died, but now that she is gone, the voices left behind either whine or beg me to quit because they are just so fucking tired. And I’m tired too. Once positive Lilly’s voice died and went silent years ago, a new, loud voice was born, and this bitch scares the shit out of me.
I call her Lilith.
Lilith is unlike any of the other voices I have dealt with. She knows when to handle me with kid gloves. It’s like she senses when I need it. She also barks orders and lets me know what the fuck is up when I am lost or in the midst of my own perfect pity party. However, I also have this suspicion that she and I are in some twisted game. I’m playing chess but she’s playing cat and mouse. And while I’m lost and confused as hell trying to figure out my next move, this bitch sees the next twenty moves ahead. She makes damn sure that I know once she becomes bored, I’ll hear her say, “Checkmate.” And that will be the end for me.
I do have to give her credit though; out of all the other whiners up there, she is the most rational one, and when I listen to what she says, shit does get better. Not permanently by any means, but hell, at least she’s producing something resembling a fucking solution. I know that if I did have a morning-after visitor right now, my attention would be more easily diverted, and Lilith would be made to sit back and quietly wait before starting up again about the perfect answer, the perfect solution to every ones problems.
“Jesus H., my head feels like it’s about to split open!” It’s pounding like a jackhammer behind my damn eyes. “Stupid ass, close this shit before passing the fuck out next time.” I pull myself up out of the bed. “Well shit, at least I have both my gown and my robe on, right? It’s got to be better than waking up on a floor stark-ass naked. Fucking been there. Done that. And they stole my t-shirt! Fucking sucks!” My voice echoes off the walls of the empty, cold, tomb-like hotel suite.
I stumble my way to the huge floor-to-ceiling windows and yank the thick curtains shut to get the damn sun out of my eyes.
“Is it too much to ask for every day to be a rainy day? Who the fuck doesn’t like rain?” Taking a step, I trip over some shit I can’t see.
After I make my way into the bathroom, I turn the lights on to the dimmest setting. As I look into the mirror, what I see staring back at me is not at all what I pictured I would see in my head. My hair has gotten so thin, and the skin on my face is thinning too. My once bright blue eyes have dulled to a colorless gray and look sunken in with bags underneath. My cheekbones are still high, but now they look sharp and harsh on my gaunt and hollow face. I can’t even see any laugh lines anymore.
“Fuck, an. This is why you
always
at least make out with Jack D before you subject yourself to this horridness.”
With my bed calling me, I head to turn off the lights but notice a few lines from the night before. Shocking that they’ve gone unnoticed until now. Grabbing the straw next to them, I bend over and inhale. Annnnnnd there they go.
The voices start up again. Some are screaming, some are crying, some are bitching at the others, some bitching at me. The normally loudest and clearest one, Lilith, remains quiet. She doesn’t utter a word. I feel her eyes on me; I feel her smirking at me. And why shouldn’t she smirk? She has already won and she fucking knows it.
I take my long, stringy blond hair and tie it up quickly in a French twist.
Might as well snort all the lines. Why let them go to waste?
Leaning over the mirror, I grab my handy straw and finish both thick, long white rails.