A Woman Gone Mad (6 page)

“All right Lil. Lilly? Lillian? What the fuck is your name?” he asks as he settles back into his seat.

Okay, so know he speaks
AND
it looks like he’s not going anywhere for a while.

“Ah, it’s just Lil. That’s what the fuck is my name,” I reply.

His chuckle turns into a cough from laughing so hard. “Fucking goddamn firecracker too, I see.”

“I’m sorry. Am I not living up to your standards? What is it you’d prefer Leo? Meek, mild, and timid? You know, like you coined me from day one? The fucking soft cheerleader, right?”

“Holy shit, Lil. I think we’re playing with fire. I can’t be entirely certain but I am pretty damn sure we are out in uncharted territory girl. Ah… maybe pull back a bit, yeah?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He sighs, letting the smoke exhale with it. “All right, so what’s up Lil? What the fuck you doin’ out here? And when the fuck did you start smokin’?”

“Oooohhh, now you want the Spanish Inquisition with the little cheerleader, huh?” I look at him through the dim light while I stub out my cigarette in the ashtray stand. “What, Leo? do you really think I want to be in there”—I nod towards the house—“with them going at it? Ah, no fuckin’ thank you. So I decided to pick up smoking to prevent boredom while they bang the fuckin’ headboard to kingdom come.”

Leo leans his head back and howls in laughter. I turn and look at him like he’s lost his damn mind. “Fuck me, Lil!”

Yes! I know! That’s my thought exactly!

“Damn, baby, I didn’t fuckin’ think you’d be a goddamn firecracker and funny as shit.” He’s still chuckling.

I glance at him with a devil’s grin on my face and lift my eyebrow while lighting up cigarette number two.

Honestly, I am really hoping the cigarette will keep his ass sitting here, talking to me, and as much as I would deny the shit later, I know without a doubt that I want him to keep paying attention to me.

Looking back on it now, I didn’t realize how starved he had made me by avoiding eye contact with me, never speaking to me. And in doing so, he made himself an enigma. And now that I’ve had a taste of his laugh, his undivided attention, I would scale mountains and I would split seas to keep it. However, at the moment, all I have is my smart-ass mouth and quick wit, so dammit, I will use those things with all I freaking have.

Blowing out smoke, still grinning and keeping my eyes locked with his, I say, “Well, stick around, babe. I can promise you this little cheerleader is full of surprises.”

It seems like he is looking at me like he is seeing me for the first time. Leo’s face goes serious, and with an almost sweet smile, he whispers, “That, Lil, I have no doubt of. Not one.”

I thank the Lord above that there isn’t a moon tonight. There is no way he can see the blush that flashes from my chest to my hairline.

“Yeah, well. So what the hell do y’all do on these hot summer nights, Leo?”

Leo stands up and walks over to me. He puts his gentle hand around the one not holding a cigarette, and his other hand goes to the mine with the cigarette. Taking it from me, he flicks it over his shoulder. Gently, he grasps my other hand, pulls me up from the chair, and stands me in front of him.

I will not look at his face. I will not look at his face. He’ll see straight through me. I will not look at his face.

He pulls me away from the porch and into the front yard.

His warm callused hands slide from mine, running up my outer arms and over my shoulders until he is cupping my neck. Using his thumbs, he lifts my face to his.

SHIT! I’m looking at his face.

He locks eyes with mine and brings his face so close that he is towering over me. He leans down, down, down until our foreheads and noses touch and he keeps me like this, his eyes watching me. It feels like an eternity passes. It is way too long and way too short all at the same time.

“Whatcha wanna do on these hot summer nights, Lil? Huh? Wanna be with me? Wanna come with me? Wanna find out?” He’s still not moved an inch, and you can kiss my ass if you think I can move
at all
!

“I ah… I… I’m, I don’t know. I…um… Do I?”
Wow. Just wow. Way to go, Lil.

“Well, there goes your wit and smart mouth. What the hell just happened? What the hell
is
happening here?”

I just need to know how I got from small talk and false bravado to this, dammit!

“I don’t know and I really don’t care. This motherfucker is hawt,”
Lilly freaking beams. “
I like him! A lot.”

Fuck, I’m pretty sure I do too, even if he does scare the shit out of me.

“Lil, that’s not an answer, baby. Try again.” Leo still hasn’t moved or shifted a muscle. Our eyes are still locked even though I peaced out for a second to powwow with Lilly. We haven’t moved.

“Where’d my firecracker go, huh?”

“Ah, yeah. I mean…” I gather my lungs full of air and try to shake off these butterflies that keep stealing my words and making my mind foggy. “I don’t know why you’re even asking me. You hadn’t even looked at me until thirty minutes ago.” My nerves have my feet fidgeting beneath me and I can’t keep my eyes from trying to hide from his gaze.

“Oh, baby, I’ve looked. Fuck, I’ve been watching you with your long blond hair falling down your back, flittin’ around here wearin’ those fuckin’ sexy daisy dukes and those fine as hell short, somehow long-looking tan legs all summer long, Lil. Just not looking when you know it.”

“Oh my God! He has?”

That’s what the man just said, Lilly. Shit, he makes me nervous.

My face blooms in heat, and I bring my eyes up but they will only go as high as the hollow of his throat. I know he can feel my cheeks flush. Shit, I feel it in my ears. There is no way in hell I can look at him now.

“Nuh uh, eyes on mine.” His deep voice has my eyes darting up to his.

Fuck it. If he wants to humiliate me and see straight into my thoughts, let him fucking have it. He’ll be running his ass away in Five…four…three…

“Now, that’s better. Thank you, baby. Where were we? Oh yeah.” A half grin slides on his face. “You wanna come with me, Lil?”

A shudder skates through me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. “Yeah, that sounds like it could be fun.”

“Fun!?! Fun!?! Bitch, that ain’t fun. That’s the god damn time of your life waitin’ to happen!”

Lilly is pulling her boobs up in her bra and shimmying her top down to show off her—my, our—cleavage then walking over and flipping through a collection of fuck-me heels I have never seen before nor do I know where she got them from.

I push Lilly’s crazy ass aside and clear my throat.

Mount up, girl. Big girl panties
—
CHECK. You want it then go get it.

“Leo, I’d love to come out with y’all. Can’t tonight. But sometime, yeah.” I give him a big, bright smile and lean into him. “Yeah I’d really, really love to, actually.”

Growling deep in his chest, he hooks his arms around my waist, lifting me clear off the ground, and straightens to his full stature. I’m still eye to eye with him, still forehead to forehead, still nose to nose.

Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply. And gather what wit, charm, and sass I have left before looking into his eyes. “Just let me know when and where, okay? And I’ll be there.”

Grabbing a hold of my boldness, I brush my lips against his, kiss him lightly on the tip of his nose, and then make my move to crawl down this man, but he holds me still.

I look back up at him, confused.

Well shit, now what? I can’t get any bolder than that. I am straight up out of moves right now. I have no more flirting cards. and this is the opposite of Uno. Uno here means you suck and you have no game!

“Um, Leo, can you put me down?” I’m trying to act nonchalantly and force a laugh somehow.

He continues to hold me still until my eyes reach his again, his face dead serious. “Lil, I’m not playing with you. Do you understand me? This isn’t a fucking game. If you say you are coming with me, then you are coming with me.”

Uh…are we still talking about the same thing? Why is he wording it this way? He isn’t saying coming ‘out’ with me. Why does he keep leaving ‘out’ well…out?

“I’m not playing a game. I know that y’all think I’m some child but y’all don’t know a damn thing about me. And Leo,” I say as sternly as I can muster, “I don’t fucking play games.”

“
Um…. Now correct me if I’m wrong, Lil, but weren’t you just mumbling some shit about Uno cards just a minute ago?”

Shut the fuck up, Lilly! Just shut the fuck up! You are a worthless bitch right now, so just shut the fuck up and go AWAY!

When Leo sets me down on the ground, I see a smirk that I swear screams, ‘Haha! I just won!’ flash onto his face.

“That’s good to hear, babe. Damn good to hear.” Keeping one of my hands in his, he leads me back to the porch then sits down, pulling me into his lap. He tucks his blond, shoulder-length straight, hair behind his ears and lights a cigarette before settling his hand on my lap between my knees.

How the hell, I ask again, did we get from my first cigarette to here?
My shaking hands make it hard to light my third cigarette.

“And I don’t think you’re a child, Lil. You don’t look like a child, that’s for fuck sure.”

“Oh.” I watch his hand making circles with his thumb on the inside of right knee. With each swoop he makes, there is a trail of fire, over, and over, and over… I just watch his magical thumb, almost entranced until I hear him clear his throat. My eyes dance up to his.

He’s been watching me watch his hand. And thank God he doesn’t stop the fiery swoops.

“Okay, so I know you gotta watch Jules on the weekdays and that sometimes runs into the weeknights, so… whatcha doin’ this weekend, Lil?”

I pull a deep drag off my smoke, and on an exhale, in a throaty voice, I say, “I’m coming with you, Leo.” Looking up at him through the smoke that hangs around us in the humid night air, I raise my eyebrow and give him a half grin. “Right?”

“Fuckin’ bet your ass you are.” He wraps his arms around my waist while simultaneously flicking his cigarette. He pulls me up to him on his lap, puts his face in my hair until I can feel his nose on the nape of my neck. Then I feel him take a deep breath.

Shudders, sparklers—hell, streamers and rainbows—light me up from his point of contact to each and every end of my body as heat coils low in my belly and an ache begins between my legs.

Fuck me, I’m in trouble. I am in
big
trouble. Why? Because it just hit me. I’m not playing with the boys anymore. Actually I’m certain I just stepped onto a new playing field and I have a very sneaky suspicion that I am
way
out of my league here.

“Naw, you’re fine, girl. Don’t worry about it. This man is a fucking rock-solid six foot three inches of V-card swiping FUN!!! Woohoo!”

Lilly’s pinching her cheeks and dabbing on red lip gloss. Oh and look! She went with the red fuck-me pumps. Of course the whore did.

Leo and I stay like this, his face in my hair, his hand between my knees, thumb still swooping in burning circles, my body flush with his, and me in his lap for I can’t tell you how long.

I do know that at some point the tension and awkwardness I feel melts away. I feel everything but my submission leave my body, and I settle back and sigh, leaning my head against his broad shoulder. And even still we do not move.

God, I could stay like this, suspended in time, embraced by this man, for the rest of my life…

On Thursday night, I’m packing my stuff into Mrs. Stewart’s car and hear a whistle from the side of the house. I haven’t seen Leo since our whatever-the-hell-that-was on Tuesday night. Not once.

All day today I was outside smoking cigarette after cigarette and to no avail. I never saw him. Until now. I look up in the direction of the sound and can barely make out his large silhouette leaning against the side of the house.

As I begin to make my way to him, I see his face light up from the embers of his cigarette. Butterflies take flight like a storm in my stomach, stealing my breath away.

Fucking hell, he is absolutely beautiful.

Out of nervous habit, I grab the ponytail holder from around my wrist and flip my hair into a messy bun on top of my head. But once I reach him, he hands me the cigarette he’s just lit, smiles while I take a drag, and reaches up and snatches my ponytail out, watching as my hair settles all around my face and down my back in waves.

“I like it down.” His voice is gruff as he comes up to me until we’re an inch apart. Then he runs his long fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face, sliding from my scalp to the ends of my hair over and over.

And yes dammit, my eyes roll back on their own volition into my head. Moaning, I lean into him.

“You coming with me tomorrow night, Lil?”

“Mm hmm.” I sigh and then realize I’m practically rubbing myself on him like a cat in heat.