The Search for Ball Zero (20 page)

“
Ok ok. But where can a
thousand primates live and not be seen by The Company?” Perry asked
again.

“
Here.” Axl said and they
stopped walking next to a thick redwood. Jimi

jumped off his shoulder and scrambled up the
tree to one of the first set of branches.

There was click that came from up where Jimi
was. Axl reached behind some pieces of bark and there was another
click. Jimi jumped and landed on Axl’s shoulder. An outline of a
darkness appeared the tree, in the shape of a door. Axl pushed on
it and it slide back into the tree, then slid up. Axl disappeared
into the tree.

“
Close door behind.” He
said.

They followed him. He climbed down. Perry
first, then L, then Perry’s clone, then Perry’s woman, then Tony.
Tony put Fozzie on top of his pack, there was some room and she fit
nicely, her dog butt inside the pack, front legs and head sticking
out over Tony’s head. As Tony went in, he looked for tuxedo guy, he
was no where to be found. Tony pushed on the door, it glided
smoothly and closed perfectly into the outer hole, filling the
inside with darkness.

There wasn’t a ladder or anything to grab
onto, just a bunch of random foot and hand holds that lined the
walls. The packs were pretty heavy and bulky, it would’ve been
really hard to climb down with them, but the hole they were
climbing down wasn’t very wide, so the humans could use the pack by
pressing against the side to create friction so they could rest.
The footholds looked like you could go up. Tony looked up, the
inside of the redwood was hollowed out, it went up as far as he
could see.

They descended into darkness, following the
apes and monkeys.

At the bottom there was light. A hallway
went curving off in both directions. Not very bright lights dotted
the long hallways. There was a gorilla at the bottom of the hole.
It had a top hat with curly hair coming out of the bottom and round
sunglasses. He looked like a gorilla dressed as Slash for Halloween
He greeted everyone.

Perry exited the hole into the hallway and
laughed, “Hey, what’s up Slash!”

The gorilla looked at him, “How know my
name?”

Tony and L exited, Perry laughed again,
“Look, it’s Slash!” They looked, they

had experienced so much craziness in the
past few days that a gorilla dressed like Slash was pretty normal
to them now.

When Clone Perry entered the hallway Slash
grabbed him, held his face in his hands.

“
Dey cool man. Dey coo.”
Jimi said.

“
Clone.” The Greeter
said,”No in.”

“
Maaan, take dem to guest
room. Lock em in man. We back soon.” Jimi said.

Axl agreed, “Take dumb Human and dog to
guest room. Smart Human, come us. Leave packs.”

“
Man, take Human shit to
guest room too Slash.” Jimi said.

The humans looked at each other. They were
pretty sure that these primates

weren’t going to jack them. But you never
know, all their stuff was in those packs. Including their guns.
Tony thought about grabbing a gun to take with him, but decided
against it. They went with their gut and didn’t upset the scene
playing out in front of them.

Axl grabbed Perry’s face and held it up to
the Slash,“Smart Human.” Axl told the greeter. “Where King?”

“
Mosh Tree. King
challenged by Big Flea.”
“
Ohh crap, man, I forgot
let’s go!” Jimi was excited.

“
You like this.” Axl said
to the smart Humans.

As they quickly walked down the underground
hallways, Jimi explained, “Man, King fight. If want King, must ass
kicker.”

“
They’re having a fight to
be the Alpha?” Tony thought out loud.

“
Ohh shit.” Perry
said.

“
Sounds scary.” L
noted.

“
Normal.” Axl said,”We
like.”

“
Yea man, it like Human
vote. More fun!.” Jimi declared.

“
And no cheat, fair
fight.” Axl added.

All the humans looked at each other and
shrugged like “Makes sense.” There

wasn’t an election in Human history that
wasn’t tainted by some sort of cheating.

They turned a few more hallways, Soon they
could hear what sounded like a

sports crowd. It got louder as they walked
closer, then the sound mixed with a rumbling. It felt like they
were walking through a tunnel under a football stadium filled with
a crowd, just before kickoff. They walked under a carving on the
top of the wall, “Mosh Tree.” it said.

Axl looked back over his shoulder at the
Humans with a big grin on his face, the

grin said,”I bet you can’t wait to see
this!”

The door opened, they could hear the crowd
was rowdy. They weren’t cheering or anything, they were just pumped
up. The Humans had to walk a few feet before the stadium opened up
and they could see the space. It was sold out, whatever it was. It
was indoors, had a dirt floor and what seemed like leaves created
the walls and spherical ceiling. The floor was circular, about the
size of a high school basketball gym. It didn’t have any seats,
everyone on the floor was standing. But all along the walls were
branches that served as seats, all the way to the roof. Monkeys
traversed the walls as easily as walking on the ground. It looked
like some of the best seats were up in the branches.

“
Nice way to maximize the
space.” Tony thought.

“
Fucking cool!” Perry
said.

L just looked around in amazement.

In the middle was a circular ring, no ropes
or cages, but it was a big ring, like 2 or 3 boxing rings or UFC
octagons put together. The edge of the ring was lined with
gorillas, laughing, yelling, punching each other with friendly
punches, drinking from brown cups, spilling everywhere, throwing
things into the higher up seats. The whole place smelled like a hot
box. All different types of primates and monkeys were everywhere.
More primates than monkeys though.

Attention shifted towards the humans.

All of the humans heart dropped. “Ohh shit!”
Went through all their heads.

Axl grabbed them, “Move.”

Jimi continued,”Out of the way man!”

They schootched out of the way, looking
behind them they saw a gigantic

gorilla, ducking to enter the hallway. He
filled the hall. He had his game face on. As he walked by, he
looked at the three Humans and bared his teeth. To L, it felt like
the Alien 3 poster and she was Ripley. When he fully left the
hallway into the arena he looked left and right and pounded his
chest with a thunderous force, the crowd erupted. Mostly cheers,
but some boos. A couple pieces of poo flew by his head. He roared.
The roar shook the entire Mosh Tree.

Jimi jumped off Axl’s shoulder and onto
Perry’s shoulder in between Perry and

Tony, he yelled over the crowd,”Dat Big Flea
man!”

Big Flea made his way to the ring. The sea
of primates parting in front of his path. Gorillas slapped him on
the back. He got to the ring. He jumped up and down, quickly darted
from one side to the other. Then he took both his fists and pounded
the ground.

Tony looked at L. Her eyes were wide open, a
little fear, a lot of uncomfortable-

ness and questioning. Tony looked the other
way at Perry. He had a million dollar smile, Jimi was on his
shoulder hitting a joint. Perry continued to smile, Jimi put the
joint in Perry’s smile and he hit it also. They shuffled through
the crowd and found a spot, on a branch on the wall, only a few
feet off the ground. It was sturdy and surprisingly comfortable.
Their feet dangled above the crowd below them.

“
Holy fucking shit this is
awesome!” Perry was loving it. He leaned to Jimi,

still on his shoulder,”Can we bet?”

Yea man, der man!” Jimi pointed to a booth.
Like a scene out of a movie there as a single gorilla grabbing
money from a crowd of gorillas and handing them back pieces of
paper. He was yelling about odds or something, they couldn’t hear
over the crowd.

The attention switched to the opposite side
of the arena. There was another hallway on that side. The moment a
shadow stretched down the hall and was visible the crowd started
getting excited. Monkeys who were on the floor jumped and ran up
the walls to their seats, the betting booth emptied.

A giant gorilla head emerged, the crowd went
bananas. When he was fully in view, he stopped. He beat his chest
with the quickness of a speed metal drummer on double bass. Then he
roared with his entire body, it was otherworldly loud. The crowd
that was already going bananas, went completely motherfucking
bananas! They were so excited they jumped and spun around, some
roared themselves. The whole place was shaking. L covered her ears,
even though she was half way across the arena. This gorilla was a
true silverback.

“
Dat King man!” Jimi
yelled to the humans.

He walked through the crowd with more
charisma than Big Flea, giving high

fives back to his fans, pointing at monkeys
in the crowd. There was no boos in this entrance and no poo being
flung.

Tony noticed as King walked towards the
ring. There was no timer, no judges,

no referee.

King was actually a bit smaller than Big
Flea, and seemed a bit more likeable. As soon as he hit the ring,
his demeanor changed. He became deadly serious. He pounded the
ground, one fist after another. He looked at Big Flea and his eyes
widened. They both walked towards the middle of the ring. Big Flea
held a fist above his head. King stretched his long arms and walked
up to Big Flea. The crowd was getting louder and louder as he
approached. King held up his fist and slowly moved it towards Big
Flea’s fist. The arena exploded with cheers. The fists touched.

At the moment their skin touched, Big Flea
threw a wild haymaker, attempting

to surprise King and make first contact.
King seemed to know his first move, and did a backflip out of the
way with unthinking wisdom. The crowd went ballistic. He looked to
the crowd. Big Flea charged. King seemed to act like he didn’t see
it coming, then at the last second ducked and went under Big Flea’s
charge. King even managed to land an upkick to the face as he went
under Big Flea. The upkick didn’t look like a massive hit, but it
dazed Big Flea. He had to shake it off.

King was done playing. He took the center of
the ring and pounded his chest,

like “Cmon!” Big Flea charged again and they
collided in the center of the ring like 2 charging elephants. The
entire place shook with the impact. Dust flew, neither gave an
inch. There was a battle of strength, both had the other in a bear
hug, they each had one arm under their opponents, it was an even
stance. The battled for arm position, each trying to get
underhooks, but it was a stalemate of a grab. Big Flea pushed on
the ground with his massive feet, and started to move King back. He
roared in King’s face as King began to be forced backwards. He kept
at it, King was being bent backwards. pushed toward the edge of the
ring. The fans on that side of the ring moved out of the way, just
in case. King had to take a step backwards to keep his footing. Big
Flea took a step forward.

King made his move. He was waiting for Big
Flea to take a step, and in the

short second Big Flea had one foot in the
air King swept his other foot. Big Flea’s other foot was swept off
the ground, his whole body in the air now King shifted his weight
like a sumo wrestler and slammed Big Flear to the ground. It was a
massive, Earth shaking slam. It actually made the whole Mosh Tree
waver, a thousand primates and monkeys had to hold on to their
seats. Everyone went crazy screaming, a game 7 grand slam, a last
second touchdown, a 3 pointer as time expired.

Both massive apes were on the ground for a
second, King’s body on top. Then King slowly stood up, he looked
down at Big Flea, put both fists together and raised them above his
head. It looked like he was ready to deliver a knockout blow, or a
killing blow, maybe both. Big Flea had the wind knocked out of him
and many broken ribs, he was laying there probably wanting to put
up his arms in defense, but he couldn’t. King was about to lay down
the final blow when Big Flea motioned with his head, he gave. King
turned his death punch into a hand and helped up Big Flea.

The crowd flipped out, everyone left their
seats, running, climbing, collecting bets and jumping around.

King was at the center of all of this.
Pointing and smiling at the crowd like he was The Rock. After a bit
of celebration, King reached down into the crowd and pulled up Big
Flea. They hugged, Big Flea said something in King’s ear. They both
laughed and pounded their chests. A celebration began, right then
and there. Some sort of monkey booze seemed to be the drink of
choice.

A random monkey handed a cup of it to Tony,
he smiled and drank it. It wasn’t

good, but it was strong. Tony offered some
to L, she tried it with an “eww” face. Perry grabbed at it.

“
Don’t weeze the juice!”
He finished it, grimacing but smiling at the same time. There was a
lot of drinking, smoking and worming. The sports crowd turned into
a party crowd.

After a while of partying, it started to die
down. Axl made his way to the group. Jimi was telling the story of
how they made his mini guitar.

“
Let go.” Axl
said.

They all went, talked about the crazy scene
they just saw on the way back to the guest room.

“
If Big Flea win, Big Flea
leader.” Axl said.

In a hallway, they passed Big Flea. He
wasn’t naked anymore, he had a pair of human underwear on. Seeing
Flea in just his underwear it reminded L of another rock star named
Flea.