The Storm Before the Calm (19 page)

She threw her head back and laughed, and I couldn’t help but join in, although my laughter was mostly born of relief rather than humor.

“How long?” she asked.

“Since about a week after we met.”

“Aww,” she cooed. “That’s adorable. How did it happen?”

So I relayed the story to her about how he had asked me to work on a special project with him and how one thing had led to another in the studio. I left out most of the intimate details. It wasn’t that I was ashamed they had happened or I was embarrassed about being physical with him… well, not entirely. It was more those details were private and just for us.

“That’s so amazing, Charlie. You must be so happy.”

“I am, actually. This is the first relationship I’ve been in, and it’s kind of awesome.”

“Of course it is. Max is so hot, and it sounds like he’s sweet and attentive too. You’re lucky, Charlie. My first relationship wasn’t like that at all.”

I reflected on what she’d said. “I am. Lucky. Definitely. I really like Max, and he makes me feel… I dunno, like I’m the most amazing person on earth, like I shine in his eyes. That sounds freaking corny, doesn’t it?”

“Totally, but I think it’s sweet too. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. I guess what they say about hindsight is true, huh? But now that I look back on it, you guys do seem pretty smitten with one another.”

Mild panic formed in the depths of my chest. “Are we obvious? Do you think everyone is going to figure it out?”

Other than a few lingering touches on Max’s part and a lot of staring on mine, I didn’t think we’d been all that obvious about how we felt about one another. The thought of everyone in our class finding out was daunting. It was one thing for Ginny and Andy to know. It was another for our entire studio to be in on it.

“I don’t think so. I’ve spent a lot more time with you two than anyone else has, going out for lunch and chatting before class, and I didn’t figure it out until you told me. You guys are pretty discreet.”

“Good.”

“Is it a secret?”

“Well, I’m not out. You know. My aunt knows. A few strangers at the club where Max works….”

“He took you to his club?” Andy demanded, leaning forward a little more in her seat. For a moment I thought she was going to actually pounce on me.

“Yeah, last weekend. He was dancing, and I went to watch.”

“Oh my God. Pole dancing? I’d heard he did that on weekends. Was it sexy? I’d kill to see him pole dance.”

Anger and jealousy flared in my belly. Max was mine. I didn’t want Andy, or anyone else for that matter, drooling over him. I knew, logically, it happened a lot and that Max liked me and only me, but the part of my brain that controlled the jealousy wasn’t a rational one. But instead of showing her how I felt, I nodded, smiled, and said, “It was.”

“I know I already said this, but you’re so lucky,” she gushed.

“Thanks.”

“And Charlie? Thank you for telling me. If you’re not out, I know that probably wasn’t easy. And don’t worry. If you don’t want people to know, it’s not my place to tell anyone.” Her voice was quiet and serious.

“Thank you,” I replied sincerely.

Chapter Twenty-Three

“W
HERE
ARE
we going?” I asked. It was Saturday morning. Max had called the night before, told me to be ready to go by 9:00 a.m. and to wear comfortable shoes, but he wouldn’t tell me what we were doing.

We’d left the apartment nearly an hour ago, hopped the subway, and now I had no idea where we were. Considering it took less than half an hour to get from the Upper West Side to the dance studio, I could only imagine we had left Manhattan.

“You’ll have to wait and see.”

“You’re still not going to tell me?”

Max shook his head. “Nope. It’s a surprise.”

“Fine,” I huffed, but Max knew I was kidding. I trusted Max. I knew he wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to us. I was confident putting all the control into his hands.

“So, is everything okay with you and your aunt?” Max asked finally. I knew he’d been wanting to bring it up since we left the apartment.

“I think so. I mean, I haven’t talked to her about it in depth, but I think us having breakfast with her, however awkward it was, is a good sign.”

“I was thinking the same thing. She seemed all right with it. How are you feeling?”

“Less anxious than I thought I would. Thinking about telling my family that I’m gay made me feel sick to my stomach. Now that Ginny knows, I feel a little bit lighter.” Admitting out loud that I was gay was becoming easier for me. The word held less terror than it had before.
I’m gay
. Admitting it to myself was no longer scary at all. Progress.

“Do you think maybe you’ll tell your mom soon?”

I thought about it. The idea was less terrifying than it had been days before, but the core trepidation was still there. I had no idea how she would react, and the thought of breaking her heart was more than I was willing to risk. Maybe one day I would gather the courage to tell her, but for now, it was better for me to keep that part of myself hidden from her.

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “I just can’t….”

Max held my hand. “I get it. I’m not trying to push at all, just asking. You will do it if and when you feel ready, and I hope I’m around to be there for you when you do.”

I squeezed tightly. “Thank you.”

“Charlie, I think you’re incredible, and I’m so proud of you for the progress you’ve made in the last week. It’s been a big change and a fast change, and you’ve handled it like a pro. It’s impressive.”

“I haven’t really—”

“Are you kidding me?” Max asked. “When I met you, you weren’t even able to admit to yourself you were gay. Now look at you. You’re holding hands with a guy. In public. And you just came out to your aunt.”

“Well, that wasn’t totally my choice. I wouldn’t have if she hadn’t walked in on us.”

“That may be true, but you could have tried to come up with some sort of lie to cover it. Instead you put your pants on and marched out there all ‘I got this’ and told her what was up. That took balls, Sparky. And you got balls. Nice ones.” The last comment was added under his breath, but that didn’t keep me from blushing.

T
HE
TRIP
took us almost an hour and a half, the last portion taking us from underground up into the air. Max finally stood, indicating the next station was the one we wanted. When the train stopped, we exited, walking down the stairs and onto the street. Max paused, looking around.

“Are we lost?” I asked.

“Nope. It’s just been a while since I’ve been here. I’m just getting my bearings. A lot has changed since the storm a few years ago.”

He nodded decisively. I could smell the ocean and the next block over I could see a roller coaster. I could feel the excitement building in my chest. I’d never been to an amusement park before.

We followed the sidewalk toward it. I couldn’t stop staring. I could hear the cheering and screaming of the people on the ride, and it made me itchy to try it. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t nervous, but the anticipation eclipsed the anxiety.

“Welcome to Coney Island,” Max said as the boardwalk came into view. We walked past Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs and the Ferris wheel in the distance before we stepped out onto the wooden-planked walkway that ran along the shore. Lots of people milled about, and Max took my hand, pulling me along. There was so much to look at, so many shops and restaurants and little ice cream stands.

“The two best things to do here are Luna Park and the aquarium. What do you wanna do?”

“What’s Luna Park?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s the amusement park behind us,” Max clarified.

“Definitely that. I’ve never been to an amusement park.”

“Not even when you were a little kid?”

“Nope. There’s nothing close to Beacon, and even if there had been, it would have been tough for me to get there.”

“So you’ve never been on a roller coaster? Or a Ferris wheel? Or….”

“None of it.”

“Well, we’re going to remedy this right away. This is your summer of firsts, Sparky. Let’s pop that coaster cherry.”

I chuckled and tried to keep up as Max all but ran for the entrance to the park.

M
INUTES
LATER
we were standing in line for the Cyclone, the coaster that I was told was a Coney Island classic. It looked pretty terrifying to me. A wooden monster, it hulked above us. The kid standing in front of us was crying and begging his dad not to make him go. His dad looked down, laughed, and called the kid a pussy. I wasn’t sure how solid the parent’s judgment was, but I was beginning to think maybe we should have eased into this, started with something smaller, like, oh, I don’t know… the Tea Party or the Mermaid Parade.

I told Max as much, citing my preferred starter rides, to which he winked at me and replied, “Pussy.”

Before long we were the next in line, standing, waiting to load into the red death cars. Max stepped in first, scooching over so I could sit next to him before he pulled the lap bar down. I held on to the handle in front of me, my adrenaline spiking as the car lurched forward.

We wound around the corner, and suddenly we were climbing. The track wasn’t very smooth, and as the pulls clicked and clacked away, I inspected the wood beams that held us in the air. They looked old—
very
old. In fact, the whole thing looked like it might have been constructed by a bunch of drunk guys back in 1802.

“This is safe, right?” I asked Max as we were pulled under the giant sign that said
remain seated
. Who in their right mind would
stand up
? As we crested over the apex, I could see for miles—the whole park, the whole boardwalk, the whole ocean—it felt like.

And then we were falling, pitched forward as we raced down, metal on wood, my whole body shaking with the force of it. My stomach was in my throat, and I was struggling to breathe. I heard Max next to me, whooping peals of laughter intermixed with his yells. He was having a blast. Up and down, we traveled faster than I’d ever gone in my life, nothing holding me down but a metal bar and my solid grip on the handle in front of me.

Finally the ride was over and the cars bumped and slid their way back to the beginning. The attendants ushered us from the seats and down the walkway out of the ride.

“Well?” Max asked expectantly.

“Can we go again?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Definitely. Right now? Or should we try some other stuff first?”

“We could do some other stuff. See everything and then head back, hit all our favorites again.”

“Sounds good. So should we start with the Tea Party or the Mermaid Parade?” Max teased.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I’d been so ridiculous, worrying about what the roller coaster would feel like. Sometimes in life it paid to take a gamble. I felt like I had been doing nothing but rolling the dice since I’d arrived in New York, and I was on a winning streak. Not all of the gambling had been my decision, but I’d won in the end nonetheless.

Max asked me if I was feeling brave. I’d never felt braver in my life.

“I think we should do the 360 next.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

Max simply pointed. The ride looked terrifying. People were strapped with shoulder harnesses into seats that surrounded what was essentially a pendulum. The seats rotated around the pendulum as it swung, higher and higher until it went all the way around, the people on it suspended upside down as it went over. My stomach turned with the thought of it. Maybe I wasn’t so brave after all.

“What else is there?” I asked.

Max laughed. “What about the Wild River?” He pointed over to the large blue structure in the corner of the park.

“That looks a little more my speed.”

We made our way over there, stopping to look at a few of the midway games along the way. The line was relatively short considering the midday heat. It didn’t take long for us to get to the front.

“Want to ride up front?” the attendant asked, looking inordinately bored.

“He does,” Max volunteered for me.

The attendant motioned for us to climb in. The interior of the log-shaped boat was sopping wet, and I muffled a squeal as I sat down, the water soaking through my shorts. Max climbed in behind me, shuffling up farther than was necessary as the other people climbed in behind us. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tight as the boat lurched forward, then glided along the water. The front of the boat caught, and we were lifted up the first rise.

“Ready?” Max said in my ear, his breath tickling my neck.

I nodded.

He intertwined his fingers with mine and lifted my hands into the air above my head as the boat tipped over the top of the rise and we plummeted down the first drop. Water splashed along the sides of the boat and rebounded off the edges, spraying the people behind me, including Max. He yelled and squirmed, his shirt drenched.

I cackled, pleased he had borne the brunt of the splashing, but karma has a way of catching up with you, and when we went over the last drop, the nose of the boat dipped below the surface, causing a great wave of water to cover me from head to foot. I could hear Max’s maniacal laughter in my ear as we floated our way back to the start.

When we exited the boat, Max was wet, but I was absolutely sodden. I reached down and wrung out both legs of my shorts, creating a small pond beneath my feet. Max watched, looking a little too pleased if you ask me.

Chapter Twenty-Four

W
E
DECIDED
to take a break from rides until our clothes dried, opting instead for another lunch of questionable nutritional value.

“We have to get Nathan’s.”

“More hot dogs?” I asked. “We just had Gray’s Papaya.”

“And these are amazing. Trust me, Sparky, sometimes you need a wiener two days in a row.” Max giggled at his own bad joke.

I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. If he said we needed hot dogs two days in a row, that’s what we would get.