twelve
That evening, Grace respectfully declined Mandy’s pleas to attend Singing with her. Grace stood barefoot in the grass near Adam’s black open buggy as Mandy shrugged at her and hopped in. Adam, for his part, whistled as he hitched up his sorrel driving horse, Sassy, evidently not in any hurry.
The evening sky was still blue in places, though streaks of pink and gold appeared as the sun began to set. It was warm enough for Mandy to go without wearing her best shawl, although she’d tossed it into the buggy just in case.
As she waited for Adam to finish, Mandy remarked on Willow’s steady progress toward recovery. “Such a blessing! And even if Willow’s never a trotter again, we’ll have her round for a
gut
long time now, jah?”
Adam peered across the back of his mare at Mandy. “You can’t predict that.”
“I’m just glad Dat gave Willow more time to get better,” Mandy said, sitting there all chirpy in Adam’s fine courting carriage. She seemed quite content this evening.
Is she relieved I’m back?
Grace wondered.
“So, Mandy, do ya expect to have yourself a ride home tonight?” Adam flashed her a grin.
“I’m thinkin’ so.” Mandy glanced at Grace. “You’d have a ride, too, if you’d come along, sister.”
Grace blushed, thinking of Yonnie. “I’m not up to it.”
“Aw, Gracie...” Mandy rolled her eyes, then reached up and touched her hair, smoothing it down on either side of the middle part.
She seems so sure of herself,
Grace thought, hoping Mandy’s beau wouldn’t judge her on whether Mamma was in her rightful place, back here at home – when and if he heard about Grace’s trip. To her embarrassment, Grace couldn’t imagine anyone
not
having heard by now.
“Well, if you do end up needin’ a ride, just come back with Priscilla and me,” Adam suggested, still tightening the lines.
Grace wasn’t surprised at Adam’s willingness to talk so freely of his fiancée. Thanks to Prissy’s wagging tongue, most young people already suspected they were getting married come November.
“I guess Prissy must not be upset ’bout Mamma anymore,” Mandy said.
“Hush, now,” whispered Grace. She moved closer to the buggy, sending a warning message to her sister with her eyes.
Adam patted the horse’s rump. “I s’pose Prissy’s heard a-plenty.”
“No doubt.” Mandy sounded suddenly sad.
Adam gave her an understanding smile. “Prob’ly more than she cared to hear.”
All those gossiping hens under one roof at Preaching today,
Grace thought.
Mandy sulked. “What I want to know is, who’s Mamma been searchin’ for all this time?”
Grace didn’t honestly know, so she kept quiet. Adam took off his straw hat, fanned his face, and put it back on. Fact was, they all felt helpless, and there was nothing a one of them could do to remedy the situation. Goodness’ sakes, Grace had certainly tried.
Now all they could do was keep busy with their daily chores, hoping the Lord might nudge Mamma back to them – the sooner, the better.
Due to unforeseen problems with the van, the trip to Lancaster had taken hours longer than Lettie anticipated. The other passengers were nodding off, including the adults.
The mother of the children riding in the van was cradling the youngest in her arms. The darling little girl was sound asleep, her blond hair all schtruwwlich, the rose-colored dress and white apron crumpled. Lettie couldn’t help thinking of the little girl she’d given up and wondering if her adoptive mother had held her so very close in this way.
In two weeks or so, she’d hear something back from the Ohio Adoption Registry, or so Dr. Hackman had assured her. She hoped the time would go quickly till that important letter arrived in the mail. By then, she would have told Judah about the child and what she’d done in an attempt to gather information from the Ohio court system. Lettie yearned to lay bare her many secrets, bringing peace to herself and even offering forgiveness to Mamm. Truly, these long weeks away from home had worked to soften her heart. No longer did she ponder what her life might’ve been with Samuel; that curiosity had vanished for good. She’d begun to fully understand – and cherish – what God had given her. It was by no means perfect, but it was hers all the same.
Twilight hung like a blanket as they approached Bird-in-Hand. A slight haze was present, reminding her of Holmes County, Ohio, where she’d spent the bulk of her time away from home.
Lettie was wide-awake as the driver made a left-hand turn off Route 340 onto Beechdale Road. She sighed as the familiar sights came into view – Judah’s new lambs wandering the pasture, the field mules and driving horses plodding along, heading toward the stable.
Where’s Willow?
She looked but didn’t see her favorite mare.
Staring longingly, Lettie wondered if she would ever live there again with her husband and family. She wished it was possible to spot Judah... near the barn maybe. Oh, to lay eyes on her man!
Hungry to take in every speck of the landscape, she gazed at the north side of the house, where her parents resided, and pressed a hankie to her quivering mouth.
Does Mamm miss me?
A stream of tears came suddenly, arriving with a strange yet freeing understanding so powerful Lettie could hardly wait to throw her arms around her mother to tell her how sorry she was. “I can forgive her now,” she whispered into her hands. “Thank you, heavenly Father!”
In a few short minutes, Preacher Smucker’s place would be in full view. She’d get out, the driver would retrieve her suitcase from the back of the van, and then she would be at the mercy of Josiah and Sally, who might not want to receive her whatsoever. At least once the preacher knew of her sins. And then what? Once Lettie disclosed why she’d left her husband and children, there was no telling what the Smuckers or anyone else would say or do.
By the moon’s radiant light, the stream looked exceptionally swollen.
From recent rains,
Grace thought as she walked along Mill Creek.
Two full hours had passed since her brother and sister departed for the Singing, and she’d waited till after sundown – coming later each day – to go walking. For while Grace had said she wasn’t up to going, she couldn’t bear to sit in the house. She felt terribly restless as she recalled her siblings’ reaction on Friday to the news of Mamma’s leaving Ohio. Adam had looked downright forlorn, while Joe, on the other hand, had frowned and shook his head in disgust. Most surprising was Mandy, who’d seemed to take it more in stride. Still, the knowledge Mamma hadn’t come home with Grace was difficult to accept all around, even for her grandparents, who had been very quiet when she’d talked gently with them.
Now, wishing to rid herself of her heaviness, Grace reached inside her dress pocket and touched the marble-sized Cape May diamond Yonnie had found at the seashore and given her. Never before had she seen anything like it. Would it be rude to offer to return it?
It wasn’t a special gift to an intended, like Henry’s chime clock.
She wondered what her former beau had done with the lovely clock.
She held the quartz crystal up to the gleaming white moon, fascinated by the way the silvery beams shimmered through it.
Such a pretty token.
The only other time a fellow had given her something so eye-catching was back when she attended the nearby one-room schoolhouse. Her brother Adam had found some “fool’s gold” during recess one morning. It had looked so pretty, so convincing, that Grace had known it was an extra-special gift, whether real gold or not.
Presently she strolled past the old rundown woodshed, covered over in thick kudzu vines, her mind still on her childhood. She could smell summer lurking, even though the days were still cooler than she liked, especially for going barefoot. Anymore she much preferred socks and shoes to the feel of the cold grass against her bare feet, at least on this side of the season.
Must be I’m no longer a child,
she thought, remembering how eager she used to be to abandon her shoes nearly as soon as the trees started to bud.
Glancing across the way at Becky Riehl’s house, Grace saw faint golden light radiating from each of the upstairs bedrooms on this side of the big farmhouse.
Which is Heather’s room?
she wondered. Perhaps Heather was packing her things at this very minute, preparing to move to the Wellness Lodge tomorrow. It was worrisome to consider what might be ahead for her new friend. And she
did
consider Heather a friend. After all, they’d spent a good many hours together traveling to and from Ohio, and Heather had shared something of her heart regarding her deceased mother. Grace would not quickly forget the tender remarks coming from the typically tight-lipped young woman... so reticent about personal things.
So far, though, Heather had not hidden inside a turtle shell like Becky had warned she might soon after Grace had met the girl. If anything, Heather had carried a good half of the conversation on the drive home. Grace found it amazing that an Englischer was so empathetic, even caring, about Mamma’s whereabouts.
She continued walking, surprised there were no courting buggies in sight. Almost certainly Adam was out riding with Prissy. While the girl could be outspoken, even sassy, she
was
exceptionally smart and had always gotten good grades in school. And, too, you never had to wonder where you stood with someone like Priscilla Stahl.
Not like Mammi Adah, who tries to hide things.
Grace couldn’t get over the fact her grandmother had worn full funeral attire to Preaching this morning. Even Mammi’s grave look had matched her somber dress and apron. Had she given up hope?
Now, as Grace walked in the stillness of twilight, she doubted she’d ever sleep soundly again – not till Mamma returned. Until that time, there would be no end to the turmoil. Mamma’s indifference toward all of them was reflected in the faces of everyone who’d ever loved her, especially in poor Dat’s. And even though Susan Kempf had maintained Mamma was surely coming home, there was still no sign of her.
thirteen
S ally Smucker was known throughout the community as a gracious and submissive woman. The wife of the younger of the district’s two preachers and mother to six children, she’d followed the Lord in holy baptism at the youthful age of sixteen, when other girls were more interested in attending Singings and pairing up with potential beaus. Sally was not only a dutiful woman; she was a good friend to everyone who’d ever known her. Lettie included.
Sally had nearly died of cancer, which may have contributed to the gentleness of her mannerisms, although Lettie had always known her to be a tender soul, offering a kind touch and a soft voice to her little ones.
Now, as Lettie carried her suitcase up the lane to Sally’s back door, she wondered just how cordial her longtime friend might be tonight. Would the preacher’s sympathetic wife open the door wide and invite her in?
Lettie’s heart was fragile yet hopeful as she stood silently at the back stoop. She rapped on the door, her heart beating ever so fast. Then, so as not to frighten her dear friend, Lettie called quietly through the screen door, “Sally... it’s Lettie Byler. Did ya get my message?”
In an instant Sally was at the door, smiling. “Oh, goodness... you’re here at last!” Even with a toddler in her arms, she gave Lettie a generous hug. “Come in, won’t ya?” Then, stepping back, she said, “I was getting worried ’bout you – expected you sooner.”
Lettie explained that the van had broken down, and how they’d had to wait for someone to come replace a part under the hood. She told about the Amish family from Indiana traveling with her; the young mother had fretted they’d have to spend the night on the side of the road.
“I was prayin’,” Sally said, looking quite relieved. She motioned her inside the kitchen, past the pretty shelves of soaps out on the porch. “I’ve got your room all ready. Well, actually, you can have your pick of two rooms – one down and one up.”
Lettie followed her to the bedroom on the main level, which was the obvious choice, since the children all slept upstairs and she would be more out of the way there. “Did you tell Preacher Josiah I was comin’?” she asked hesitantly.
Sally’s eyes turned serious and she glanced at the little blond girl in her arms. “He’ll be wantin’ to talk to you first thing tomorrow. You assumed that, jah?”
Lettie said she had. After all, there were important rules that must be followed, generations of tradition to uphold. She would do her part and submit fully.
“Josiah’s mighty cautious, truth be told.” Sally moved to the doorway of the small guest room. “He wondered why you didn’t go directly home to Judah.”
“Naturally, he would.”
“Wouldn’t your husband want to know you’re safe?” Sally’s eyes probed her own. “Judah’s struggled so... since you left. I thought you ought to know.”
Oh, she was heartsick hearing it. Hurting him that way had been all her doing.
“Would Josiah be willin’ to pave the way for me?” Lettie asked, going to sit on the edge of the bed.
“I’ll talk to him.” Sally stood with her wee one on her hip, rocking back and forth. “You’ve come this far, Lettie. Don’t lose heart.”
Lettie looked around, feeling a bit displaced in yet another woman’s house. “It feels
gut
to be here.” Her gaze stopped on the oak bureau Judah had helped Josiah make some time ago.
“Well, I’ll let you be. You’re tired from traveling,” Sally said with a concerned frown. “There’s plenty to eat – just make yourself at home. You’re welcome to anything.” Sally pulled the door closed and left, and Lettie looked about for her suitcase. But she stayed put on the bed, too weary to search for it.
Leaning against the pillows, she hoped she’d done the right thing, coming here. Sighing, she had the distinct impression Preacher Josiah had said more to his wife than what Sally had shared. In fact, Lettie had a feeling there’d been a long discussion about how to handle her return with the brethren and the membership. And her husband.
To think Judah is aching over my absence.
Turning, she looked out through the window at the darkening sky.
Oh, Father in heaven, please soothe my husband’s broken heart. Mend our marriage. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
After some time had passed, she remembered where she’d left her cumbersome suitcase... right where Sally had first welcomed her. Making her way back to the little soap shop on the porch, she suddenly realized how very quiet the house had become. Where had Sally gone? Upstairs to tuck in the children, perhaps?
As she approached the porch, she overheard Sally talking softly to her husband outdoors, the toddler making little bird sounds nearby. They must’ve been standing out behind the wide sycamore tree somewhere.
“Ach, she looks ever so weary,” Sally was saying.
“I ’spect she is.” Josiah’s words sounded detached.
“Please, won’t ya spare her, ’least for now?”
A long pause. And then, “Lettie’s breached the
Ordnung.
” It was the reply Lettie had expected.
“Not to argue, dear, but what can be accomplished tonight?” Sally asked gently.
Reaching for her suitcase, Lettie hoped the minister might heed his wife’s request. She felt nearly limp and on the verge of tears as she carried her suitcase into the kitchen, past the table, where a basket of fresh fruit graced the center. Too exhausted to stop and reach for even a few ripe strawberries, she headed for her room.
Closing the door, she felt certain the preacher would not offer his counsel tonight – urging her to own up to her sins in his hearing. No, Preacher Josiah Smucker had a real compassionate side to him. Surely Sally’s earnest pleading would allow Lettie one peaceful night before tomorrow’s dreary talk.
Grace was glad she’d worn shoes as she continued her amble near the creek bed. Tree roots had pushed out of the ground, causing her to stumble on the uneven ground, though she had not yet fallen. Being more careful now, she was grateful for the abundant light of the moon. Such a pretty night – ideal for courting.
She imagined Mandy with her beau, wondering if she was indeed seeing Becky’s cousin. Then she thought of Adam. Sometimes it was hard to picture him riding contentedly with Prissy in his open buggy. Of course, there was really no need to borrow trouble over their coming union this fall. Even so, there were times she wondered why Henry Stahl’s sister hadn’t called things off with Adam. Why hadn’t Prissy used Mamma’s mysterious absence as an excuse when she’d been so outspoken against Grace’s going in search of Mamma? Was she just determined to marry Adam in spite of Mamma’s bewildering behavior?
Unable to shake off the wretched musings, Grace let herself cry.
Better out here, where no one will feel sorry for me.
Tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped off her chin onto the cape part of her apron. She wished Prissy kept her thoughts to herself more often. Adam deserved as much.
“Hullo,” someone was calling to her just ahead.
Startled, she stayed mum.
“Who’s there?”
The voice sounded familiar.
Grace continued walking, less sure of herself now and looking around her carefully. She made no response.
“Grace Byler, is that you?”
Oh no... Yonnie!
She picked up her pace, hoping she wouldn’t end up walking directly into him.
But as it turned out, she most definitely did. He laughed and seemed pleased, if not overjoyed to see her. “Well, isn’t
this
interesting?” He fell into step with her immediately, going now in the opposite direction he had been coming. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said boldly.
She glanced over her shoulder, aware now that Uncle Ethan’s house was only a half mile away. “Goodness, I didn’t realize I’d come so far.”
“I’m glad you did, Gracie.”
Gracie...
She liked the sound of her nickname on his lips. She brushed back her tears, hoping the trees concealed her sadness. The last thing she wanted was for Yonnie to see her this way, especially when he had cast several quizzical glances in her direction during the common meal today.
“I looked for you at Singing,” he said. “But Mandy said you weren’t up to goin’ after your trip.”
She felt sheepish at Mandy’s excuse.
He talked to my sister about me?
“A pleasant stroll by the light of the moon is a
gut
way to relax,” he said, letting her off the hook.
Turning, she looked at him – this handsome fellow who effortlessly said the nicest things. “Just so you know, Mamma wasn’t in Baltic, after all.”
“I heard that.”
“’Least not by the time I got there.” She explained that Mamma
had
been there. “My family was so disappointed when I returned without Mamma.”
“But it’s not your fault you didn’t find her.”
“I s’pose not.”
“No, no... I mean it,” he said. “I’m concerned for you, Grace. You need to get past this.”
“How would
you
feel?” she asked quietly.
“Prob’ly exactly like you do.” His voice was gentle.
She didn’t want to discuss this further. Not now, with the night so painfully sweet and the moon nearly too bright. She felt too susceptible to his kindheartedness.
The Cape May diamond shifted in her pocket as she walked.
Dare I bring up his question about us courting?
He continued talking, saying that a few of the young men were getting together tomorrow after supper to chop down the kudzu vines across the road from Andy Riehl’s. She mentioned that Adam and Joe might want to help and glanced up at him, breathing easier suddenly.
“We’ll be glad for any help we can get.”
She told him what Adam had said about not wanting to get the Lancaster authorities involved by reporting the vine. Dat had read that some communities were being coerced to spray the toxic weed. “They’ve had to bring in outsiders to do it.”
“I can see why the bishop wants to handle things. Daed says there’s something like over a hundred sites in Pennsylvania where the vine is thriving. And from what he heard over at the buggy shop, the state doesn’t have any funds for an eradication program.”
“Sounds like it’s just as well we’re taking care of it ourselves, then,” Grace commented. “Hopefully you’ll have a nice day.”
Their conversation turned to the exceptionally warm night, and then Yonnie mentioned an upcoming work frolic at the nearby schoolhouse. “The school board wants to get it all spruced up and painted for next fall,” he said.
Grace listened, but his important question of the other day – and her obvious lack of a reply – nagged at the corners of her mind. Still, Yonnie’s easygoing and down-to-earth manner was so pleasant, she felt less inclined to broach the subject. She wanted to be in the right frame of mind, and just now she was anything but.
Meanwhile, Grace and Yonnie talked and walked deep into the night, farther and farther away from her father’s house....