Read The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead Online

Authors: Rick Gualtieri

Tags: #geek humor, #sasquatch, #vampire series, #shifters, #Vampires, #Superheroes, #alpha master vampire, #fantasy ebooks, #witch, #manhattan, #contemporary fantasy series magic, #vampires fiction, #dark fantasy, #underworld, #comedy vampires, #brooklyn, #underdog heroes, #fiction novels, #bigfoot, #vampires and witches, #boston, #witches, #comedy series, #paranormal romance, #supernatural stories, #Urban Fantasy, #yeti, #faith, #gamer humor, #wizards, #paranormal fantasy, #superhero, #chosen one, #vegas, #new york, #undead, #forbidden love, #templar, #Zombies, #horror comedy

The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead (2 page)

It sounds crazy and, quite frankly, somewhat stupid, but – according to my eleventh-grade economics teacher – the stupidest idea in the world realized will be infinitely more successful than the best idea that gets shelved because someone would prefer to sit on their ass instead.

Even if it doesn’t work, it should sure as shit prepare me a whole lot better than just standing here in my bathroom talking to...

A loud knock on the door causes me to almost jump out of my skin.

“You okay in there, Bill?” Tom, one of my human roommates, asks, a note of concern in his voice.

“Yeah,” I reply, forcing myself out of my reverie.

“Good, because some of us need to take a shit, and your desk is starting to look mighty inviting.”

Taking the time to wash my hands, I make him wait a few extra seconds as an unspoken “fuck you” of an answer.

I glance in the mirror one last time, my mind made up. There’s a lot of work to be done – and some of it goes so far beyond borderline insane that it’s gotten a green card and set up residence there.

Nevertheless, it’s time I got to it.

 

Part 1

 

Bartender in Training

“Anything?”

“Yeah.” Sally held up her glass. “This needs more vodka.”

“I’m not talking about the drink.”

“Sorry. The only thing I can concentrate on right now is what a shitty bartender you make.”

I grabbed the glass from her hand and stormed out of the room, grumbling numerous unkind words as her smirk followed me. Although her memories might still be scrambled, deep down, she was still Sally. That meant she’d quickly made a game out of her sessions with Christy, settling into a routine that was all about her. Christy would do the magical equivalent of entering my partner’s head and rearranging the furniture, often exhausting herself in the process. Afterward, Sally would be the one demanding to be pampered for her
suffering
– refusing to cooperate until she was suitably mollified.

And yet, for some reason, I actually wanted her memories back. Hell, I was willing to do whatever it took to restore her.

I must’ve had rocks in my head.

I slammed the door shut behind me and let out a weary sigh. No, it wasn’t rocks. There was something a lot heavier weighing me down.

Some days, I almost envied the older vampires. To them, power and station were everything. Pesky crap like emotions were too petty a thing for them to worry about. A callous, Vulcan-like attitude sure as shit sounded tempting lately. It would have made things a whole lot easier as I fumbled through the days – trying desperately to sort out my feelings for the women in my life.

I walked over to the kitchen nook, amazed at how life could sometimes hand you everything you ever wanted while still flipping you the finger.

Seriously, if you had told me even a few months ago I would live in the same building as Sheila, the girl I’d been pining after for years, I’d have done cartwheels up and down the halls. That was shit straight out of my best fantasies. Sure, her presence was out of necessity as we prepped for battle – one that we had no guarantee of walking away from alive – but those were just the pesky details.

Allowing myself to have feelings for Sally had muddied those waters, though. A small part of me kept screaming that it made no fucking sense. Sure, physically, Sally was a dream girl for most heterosexual males, but her attitude was enough to drive any sane person to drink. She was an alpha dog to the extreme. In many ways, the concept of just working with her was intimidating – much less doing anything of a more
intimate
nature.

In short, she was a threat to the manhood of any meat-eating, tough-guy male – much less me. She was smart enough to give her biting wit razor sharp teeth and tough enough to let her fists do the talking if need be. Hell, she was out of my league on so many levels that I shouldn’t have even been allowed to watch her play.

All in all, there were enough red flags to make me run screaming. Yet, all of it had the opposite effect on me. I greatly respected her. She was strong even when she didn’t have any reason to be, and she’d stuck by my side during moments when I wouldn’t have blamed anyone for running for the hills.

My thoughts trailed off as I looked through the cabinets in the little nook. Where was that bottle of vodka? More importantly, why was I putting even a modicum of effort into finding it? Was I scrambling to top off a concoction of orange juice and blood in the hope that Sally would claim remembrance of something –
anything
?

Of course I was.

For the sake of our friendship alone, I’d have done that and more had it meant she remembered even a second of our past.

“Getting awfully dry in here!”

Bitch! Yeah, I definitely had rocks in my head.

Speaking of crazy concepts, though, I really had more pressing ones to focus on. The truth was, worrying about any potential relationship with either Sheila or Sally was a luxury I really didn’t have.

The end of the world was nigh, but there was a good chance we wouldn’t even live long enough to see it. We’d been busy planning an assault on the Boston Prefecture – the heavily fortified former nerve center of vampire activity in the Northeastern United States. That in and of itself would be tough enough, but it just got
better
from there. Assuming we got in, we’d have to battle our way through an unknown number of vampires, zombies, and god-knows-what-else to reach our true target: Vehron the Destroyer – a nickname not earned due to his fondness for naval vessels.

The whole part about him being a badass was right on target, don’t get me wrong. The untruth was that my friends had actually been the ones planning things. I’d made myself scarce the past few days. Worry over Sally had been a part of it, but there had also been some planning of my own – considering a desperate course of action that I knew to be batshit crazy.

The others weren’t pleased at me, thinking I was blowing them off. I couldn’t blame them for that. After all, under any other circumstances, that’s exactly what I would’ve been doing. This time, however, I’d been deep in thought, mulling the possibility of...

“I remember it all!”

Sally’s cry caused my thoughts to scatter. Hope instantly filled me and I actually took a step toward the bedroom, bottle of Smirnoff Red in hand, before I stopped myself short. As much as I wanted to race to her side and confirm it to be true, I had to take care of one small bit of business first.

* * *

“What the fuck took you so long?” Sally asked, her tone betraying her irritation. “Were you out there playing with yourself? On second thought, don’t answer that.”

“Sorry.” I stepped into her room and closed the door behind me.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Of course I did.” I smiled and crossed over to the side of the bed where she sat. “Tell me everything.”

“I’d be happy to, but first...” She trailed off and lifted a hand, palm up.

“Yes, Your Highness.” I handed her the now-full glass. “Will there be anything else?”

“I’m good, for now, at least.”

“Great. So what did you remember?”

A smartass grin lit up her face. “Just that you were taking your sweet fucking time.”

“Really?” I asked through gritted teeth. “That’s it?”

“Yeah, but you know how these things go. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You need to have some patience.” She lifted the glass to her lips. “Being a little less gullible wouldn’t hurt either.”

I stepped back as she took a sip. My timing was impeccable. She immediately drenched the spot where I’d been standing just a moment earlier with the spray from her mouth.

“What the fuck?!” she cried, wiping her lips.

“I’d say I have the less gullible part down just fine, wouldn’t you?” I ducked just as her glass sailed at me, missing and shattering against the wall instead. A few drops splattered my shirt, but it was worth it. “Oops, did I accidentally grab the vinegar instead of the vodka? Silly me. I’m always making that mistake.”

She was up in a flash, eyes black and fangs descended. Normally, I’d have backed off. This time, though, I stood my ground, looking down at her despite knowing she wasn’t even remotely intimidated by my greater height.

“Look at it this way. Obviously, I’m well versed in your shit. If that doesn’t prove we know each other, I don’t know what does.” I’d barely finished the sentence when I instinctively brought my hands down to block the knee that was incoming. “See?”

To my surprise and relief, a ghost of a smile appeared on her face. “I guess I
have
been milking it a bit.”

I held up a hand with my thumb and forefinger an inch apart. “Just a little.”

All at once, the volume of her voice dropped, along with any attitude that had been in it. “I want to remember. Really I do.” She blinked, and her eyes turned back to their normal dazzling green. I looked into them and could sense the confusion, desperation, and false bravery radiating from within her.

“I know, and believe me, I will do whatever I can...”

The door opened and Christy appeared. “Everything okay in here? I thought I heard something breaking.”

“Sally just had an accident with her glass.”

“Yeah,” she replied, turning away from me, her attitude back in force. “I accidentally missed his head with it.”

* * *

Christy stepped out into the living room where I stood waiting for her. She put her hands on her hips and looked at me disapprovingly. “Really? Do you have to start with her?”

“Me?”

“Are you trying to tell me you didn’t?”

“Well...”

“I thought so.” She turned back toward her bedroom.

“Wait.”

“What, Bill? I’m tired.” She had dark circles under her eyes. Mucking around in Sally’s head, trying to undo the compulsion put there by Alex – quite possibly the strongest vampire on the planet – was difficult enough. That she was doing so while heavily pregnant was obviously adding extra strain.

Sadly, if I had my way, it wasn’t going to get any easier for her.

I’d been putting off this talk long enough, busy debating with myself the downsides of my considered endeavor. I knew deep down, though, no matter how long I hemmed and hawed over things, there was only one logical conclusion. It was time to stop pretending I had a choice.

The chances of Sally getting her memories back before we were forced to act were almost nil. Without her full faculties, she was at a disadvantage, and we’d be heading north with enough of those as it was. It was time to add a few plusses to our column for a change – or so I hoped.

I stepped away from Sally’s room and beckoned Christy to follow.

She joined me with a sigh. “Listen, I’m sure this can wait until...”

“How’s it going with her?” I asked in a whisper, hopefully low enough so prying ears couldn’t hear me.

“You already know how it’s going. You were just in there. We’re uncovering bits and pieces, but it’s one big jigsaw puzzle.”

“You are making progress, though, right?”

Seeing that I wasn’t backing down, she nodded and lowered her voice to match mine. “Yes. It’s slow, but little by little, I’m making headway.”

“So you know what you’re doing in there?” I raised a finger and pointed it to my temple.

“That vampire did a job on her, but I’m no slouch when it comes to mind magic. But you know this already. I’ve told you as much.”

“You’re right. Just double checking.”

“Is that why we’re whispering?”

“Not quite.” I stepped closer to her, my next words barely audible. “Could you do it to me?”

“What?”

“Could you go inside my mind and do the same thing?”

“In theory, but you’re not missing any memories, so why would we even bother?”

“You’re wrong,” I replied, taking a deep breath. Oh well, in for a penny. “I’m missing three months of my life. That doesn’t even count a big fight up in Canada and a battle with a bunch of Mongolian assassins, all of which are a blank for me.”

For a moment, she looked confused, but then her eyes opened wide with understanding. “What are you asking me to do?”

“We’re in a bad spot right now. We have the Draculas threatening us with their bullshit death sentence. We try to run and they’ll find us. The way forward might be even worse. There’s Vehron, all the vamps he’s swayed to his side, the Jahabich, and then there’s all that business with the White Mo...”

She grabbed my arm, her grip surprisingly strong. “Don’t say it.”

“Sorry, but it’s another X-factor ... one that I’m willing to bet won’t be in our favor.”

She nodded, resigning herself to my point.

“We have a lot stacked against us, and the hand we’re holding isn’t as strong as we’re trying to fool ourselves it is.”

“So you think you ...
he
could...”

“Let me finish. We both know there’s power inside of me, a lot of it. I don’t know if it’s enough to even the odds, but I’d be willing to bet it would go a long way toward doing so.”

“But he’s a killer ... a monster.”

“I know, and that’s why I need you. I want to go deep inside of myself and wake up Dr. Death, but not in the way he wants me to. I need your help to lobotomize the fucker, or whatever is the closest analogy. He’s too much of a loose cannon otherwise.”

I looked her deep in the eye. She had once been my enemy, but she’d since become my ally – my friend. Now I needed her to go beyond even that. It was asking a lot for something that I wasn’t even sure was possible. I had to try, though.

“We need his power, but I want you to ensure that I’m in control this time.”

 

Welcome to Crazy Town

I half expected Christy to freak out on me – to tell me I was a nutcase, that I was crazy to tempt fate. Hell, if she had fireballed my ass in an attempt to talk some sense into me, I wouldn’t have been half surprised.

Instead, she took a deep breath, and asked, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“I’m pretty sure we’re in some serious shit right now.”

She nodded. “And it’s finally time we started shoveling it back in everyone else’s face.”

For a moment, I stood there blinking stupidly. I had figured something like that would be
my
snarky response. Though no older than her boyfriend or me, oftentimes, Christy acted far more mature. Part of it was no doubt her impending parenthood. However, I suspected it also had to do with her upbringing as a witch.

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