The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead (6 page)

“Yeah, but...”

“And then fucked her corpse.”

“Yes, thank you. I remember, but that’s not the point!” My fangs descended and my eyes blackened in annoyance.

“Whoa,” Mike said. “Easy there, buddy.”

I rounded on him with a snarl, my temper fraying, but then stopped myself. They were all in serious need of a good beat-down. Hell, they were all deserving of jail time, really, but I didn’t see that in the cards. Even so, I couldn’t be blamed for kicking the shit out of them. Fuck, they probably deserved to be dusted because they’d turned out to be such monsters, unlike...

Actually, they weren’t all that different from me, were they? Hadn’t I considered doing similar stuff when I was first turned? Maybe not the mass murder part, but I’d definitely wanted to try out my abilities. Hell, the motto of any gamer worth his salt when it came to newfound powers was “use it and abuse it.”

In my case, though, I’d chosen a different path. It probably didn’t hurt that I also had Tom and Ed around. As fucked-up as those two could be, I’m sure they’d have said something if I’d shown an inclination toward depopulating our neighborhood.

“And what did
you
do while this was going down?” I asked Dave, my eyes still soulless orbs of black vengeance.

“What? Between my job and research...” He hesitated when I bared my teeth. “I was the one who suggested the masks and keeping things low key ... you know, maybe a delivery person a week, the occasional crackhead, stuff like that. I also suggested they keep in character.”

“In character?”

“Yeah,” Carl said, a hint of pride in his voice. “You have to admit that hitting you from behind was definitely worth some sneak attack damage.”

“What? You don’t even play a thief.”

“I know, but we switch off character classes every now and then. Hell, you should have seen it a few weeks back when I pulled out the Barbarian Rage. It took three showers before...”

“I get the hint,” I snapped. It was true too. Hell, Village Coven’s properties were purposely stocked with the facilities and extra attire needed to clean up after a particularly
fun-filled
evening. But those hadn’t been my idea. Those were all in place prior to my taking over, back when Jeff had been boss.

Under my charge, I’d tried to curb things, but it had been an uphill battle. Hell, even the new recruits I’d met recently – their early days as vampires spent under the rule of Starlight – had been bloodthirsty assholes. And she’d been the farthest vamp I knew from being a coldblooded killer.

A thought began to form in my head, maybe more of a revelation. “Why?” I asked, hoping that they didn’t give me the answer I knew they probably would.

“Why what?” Adam asked.

“Why the killing? I know you guys. None of you have ever so much as jay-walked.”

“I shoplifted a candy bar when I was seven,” Mike said.

“And I see how it set you off down the path toward Guantanamo Bay,” I scoffed. Mike was, or had been, a middle manager at a large health food conglomerate, about as harmless a job as one could find. “What changed?”

“We did,” Adam replied. “Look at us. We’re all so much more than we were. Fuck, I can put my fist through the drywall here without so much as feeling it.”

“Please don’t,” Dave added.

“We’re beyond laws, beyond humanity. I mean, jeez, Bill, read a book or something. This is the way we’re supposed to act.”

Carl nodded. “And it is pure awesome to have absolutely no fucks left to give.”

I’d been afraid of an answer like that. It amounted to “because we can,” which seemed to mirror the attitudes of most other vamps I’d met.

Why? Was it an “absolute power corrupts absolutely” thing? If so, that pointed to some extremely shallow personalities. A newborn vamp got some nifty abilities, but it’s not like they woke up as Superman. I remembered my first few weeks as a vampire distinctly, especially a little episode in which I got my ass handed to me by some guy in a club. The freshly risen were tough, but by no means unbeatable. Our powers grow as we age, but that takes several years. I mean, I was the strongest vampire in the room, but it was only by a marginal amount. If the rest decided to gang up on me, they’d potentially fuck up my shit.

Was it maybe because of something deeper? Was there something about waking up as a monster of the night that actually gave you a proclivity toward becoming one? Hell, my turning was anything but normal – even among vamps. I hadn’t been given much time to acclimate before I was diving out a window in order to save my own ass.

But then I remembered the first bit of typical vampire business I’d been exposed to – being given a fat, naked dude to drink from ... well, it was the drinking that was typical, hopefully not the fat, naked part. It had almost sucked me in, pun intended. My fangs had descended, and I’d started chewing a hole in the guy’s neck before I even knew what I was doing. It was only by force of will that I’d managed to resist.

It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time. Now, I had to wonder if that had actually been my defining moment. Had I not stopped myself, would it have proven to be a slippery slope? I was sitting here, ready to judge my friends for turning into monsters, but maybe they were just darker reflections of who I was – who I could have been with only the slightest extra nudge that night.

Wow. That could explain why there were so many Jeffs and Colins in the vampire world and so few Starlights and Jameses.

Sadly, we were probably a little late in the game for me to spend time philosophizing about this shit. I didn’t have hundreds of years to meditate on the nature of the beast or sit in a cave full of funky vapors, waiting for visions while I poked my eyes out of my head every hour. The end of the world was looming, and I had a sinking sensation a group hug and some understanding wouldn’t halt it.

That still left the problem of my gaming group. It seemed Dave had his shit under control. That wasn’t surprising. Waking up with a burning desire to cause harm to the human race was probably a slow Tuesday as far as he was concerned. Guess being a dick in life sort of insulated you from it. My other friends, though, had become killers and seemed happy as pigs in shit about it. Something needed to be done.

Sure, I had much bigger fish to fry. What were a few people compared to the entire world being royally fucked by whichever side won the war? Would saving a few Newark residents from the dork knights mean much if humanity was enslaved by either Alex or the Sasquatches?

Hell, I’m not even sure my roommates would argue with those odds. Still, I had a conscience, a grasp on my humanity – however tenuous at times – and it probably didn’t hurt that one of the two women I had feelings for was the foretold last defender of humanity. Purposely leaving a major city at the mercy of a bunch of ... err, deadly nerds ... would probably not score me any points in her book.

I considered my options while they continued bantering among themselves – each one telling tales of their supernatural prowess: who had killed the most people, who’d spilled the most blood, who’d picked up the most one-night-stands via his vampiric charisma – in short, all bullshit, at least that last part.

Dave was alone in keeping his mouth shut. Though his tenure as a vampire was short, he was a smart guy – smart enough to put two and two together and know I was currently the big dog in the room. It felt good for a change.

Still, I hadn’t made a trip out here to gloat. I’d come with a very specific purpose in mind. It was time to get to it.

“Can I have a word with you? Alone, in your lab?” That was a bit of a joke, trying to get some privacy from vampires by stepping into another room not ten feet away. Still, I knew my friends – a self-absorbed bunch once they got to bullshitting if ever there was.

Dave arched an eyebrow, probably certain he was about to get a new asshole chewed, but simply replied, “Sure, Bill.”

I followed him toward the small extra bedroom that he’d converted into a poor man’s Dr. Frankenstein lab. Before closing the door behind me, I addressed the rest of the party.

“If the real pizza guy gets here, pay him, tip well, and don’t fucking kill him. I mean it. Oh, and save me a slice while you’re at it.”

* * *

“I know what you’re gonna say.”

“How has your research been coming along?”

“Okay,” he replied, blinking stupidly. “Maybe I don’t know what you’re gonna say. Come again?”

“This ain’t your personal porno. I need to know if you’ve been keeping up with your experiments.” It was a rhetorical question. A quick glance around confirmed that. Also, I knew Dave. He was the type to plan for the world normalizing again – probably in a way that would ensure he’d make a few bucks in the process. Screw bettering humanity when there was cold, hard cash at stake.

“How could I not?” he asked simply enough. “Especially now that I have an endless supply of samples to draw from. Let me tell you, spontaneous tissue regeneration is fucking awesome.”

“Can’t argue with that, but the hurting kinda sucks.”

“Which is precisely what they make local anesthesia for.”

“You never used a local on me.”

“You never asked.”

Same old Dave. Still my buddy, but a world-class prick. I decided to let that pass for now. He’d never meant to get turned into a vampire, and it was pretty much one-hundred percent my fault that he had. I could cut him a little bit of slack from that perspective. “Fine, I need to know...”

“I wouldn’t mind a few more samples from you, of course.”

“Why? You just said...”

“I know, but you’re different. Yes, you already told me as much, but it turns out that physically that might be the case too. I was comparing my blood to yours via some prepared slides I had made months ago. Hard to get a full readout with this crap here, but your samples seem to have a few extra protein strands that I can’t quite identify. It might be contamination, but I’d love to get some fresh blood so maybe I can sneak into the Microscopy unit over at Saint Jerome’s and find out for sure.”

“I think I’m gonna have to take a rain check on that one.”

He opened his mouth, but I held up a hand and then gave him a very brief overview of what had gone down since he’d gone AWOL. Needless to say, I made it a point to drive home the urgency of the situation.

I needn’t have bothered.

“So, you’re telling me that not only do you have a girl living with you that can heal others with her touch, but your roommate has a condition that’s never been seen before?” His eyes lit up as he spoke, the sound of gears turning in his head practically audible.

“As far as I can tell anyway. He’s an anomaly ... although this Vehron guy seems to prefer the term ‘abomination.’ Whatever the case, the main thing is I need to...”

“Yeah, yeah, go on a suicide mission to kill the big scary guy whose head you gave me as a present. I got all that. Let’s get back to this whole anomaly thing.”

I’d been prepared to use the stick to get Dave’s help, but now it seemed I had a big fat carrot dangling in front of him too.

“Here’s the deal. I need to know if you’ve come up with something ... anything at all that could help me with this fucker. Hell, even if it just gives me a smidgeon more than I have now.”

He hesitated for a moment. “Maybe.”

“And in return for coming along with me to kill...”

“Wait, you want me to come with you?”

“This isn’t a field trip to the blood bank. We’re leaving ASAP. You want some new toys to play with, you come with me and you stay with me. No more of this running off shit. You’re still uncovened as far as vampire rules go. They aren’t going to tolerate that shit. You do this for me, though, and I’ll make sure you guys are square with the authorities once this bullshit is all settled.”

“And?”

Fucking Dave. “And I will put in a good word with both my friends so maybe they’ll provide you with a few tissue samples.”

“I might need more than a few.”

“As a freebie, I’ll also give you ample warning that sticking a needle into either of them without proper precautions will most likely end with you as a smoldering pile of dust.”

He blinked confusedly, seemingly unsure whether I was joking or not. Finally, when he saw that I wasn’t laughing, he shrugged. “Fair enough. Deal.”

“Good. So do you have anything for me?”

“Not much, but I have a few theories I’m working on.”

“I’m listening.”

* * *

Dave was right – he didn’t have much. In fact, most of it sounded like Greek bullshit to me. But I had to trust him. Hell, anything at all was better than what I currently had.

I told him to get ready to hit the road as well as grab whatever he thought he needed.

“If we’re being honest, I need my entire lab.”

I looked around at the space – smaller than my bedroom in actuality. “So bring it. Need I remind you that you don’t really have to worry about encumbrance these days? Besides, you’ve got three minions out there to help you pack up if need be.”

“I’m not sure they’re gonna be all too happy about me leaving. They’re having way too much fun with this shit.”

“I can see that. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I told you...”

“Yeah, yeah, the coven bullshit. You had to know that wouldn’t work.”

“Well, I thought it had a shot.”

I tapped my foot in annoyance, waiting for him to come up with something better.

“And honestly, I thought I was saving their lives.”

“What? How? By killing them?”

“Have you looked at what’s going on out there, Bill? The world is going nuts. Even with the extra stamina I seem to have gained from this condition, the hospital is still running me ragged on my shifts.”

“Let me guess, you switched to nights?”

“Duh! They were happy to have me too. Used to be the late shift was dead, except maybe on the weekends. Now it’s their rush hour.”

I didn’t doubt that for a second. “Fine, but how does that translate to turning everyone out there into the monster squad?”

“Seriously? Look at them. I got a taste of what was going on when we were trying to escape from that tattooed nutcase. I’m like you now, and I still almost shit myself. But those guys?” He waved toward the door leading back to his living room. “They wouldn’t have lasted ten seconds. They’re armchair heroes.”