The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead (42 page)

“You were a horrible squad commander in your ROTC group, weren’t you?”

“R ... O...?”

“Never mind. Yes, I’m satisfied. Honor is restored. My ancestors can rest easy and stop spitting upon me from beyond the grave.”

Had I still lips I would gladly take over for them.

The voice was muffled, but unmistakable – Decker.

I turned toward Tom, from whom the insult had seemingly originated.

“Almost forgot,” he said, pulling away from Christy for a moment. “I brought your friend.” He unshouldered the backpack he’d been wearing, unzipped it, and pulled out Decker’s skull – still spewing purple light, and definitely still an asshole.

“The vestige of the
maapamba I killed, beloved?” Gan asked, sounding far less surprised than any sane person should. “I am impressed. Such defilement of an enemy to make a fortune totem is admirable.”

I am no totem, you murderous filth! I have seen things...

“That’s enough, Harry,” Christy said, taking him from Tom. She danced her fingers across the top of the skull, yellow sparks escaping, and it momentarily stopped yammering.

“Thanks, babe,” Tom said.

I was tempted to second that, but I didn’t want to get back on Christy’s bad side. Instead, I waved everyone in – well, everyone except Gan’s people, who took to the trees to form a defensive perimeter. That was fine. I hadn’t known her servants to be the best conversationalists anyway.

“So what the hell happened to you?” I asked Tom.

“I could ask the same. You guys join a nudist colony or something?”

“Never mind that. Let’s just say we had a couple of major wardrobe malfunctions and leave it at that.” I could feel Ed glance towards me, but I quickly shunted us back to my original question. “You do know we were captured by the Feet, right?”

“I eventually figured it out,” Tom replied. “I mean, I heard you all thumping around upstairs, but I thought maybe Sally was on the rag...”

“What?” she snapped.

“Or something,” he quickly amended. “Anyway, I came up about an hour later and was like, ‘What the fuck happened here?’ So I stuffed all my shit into a bag and...”

“You mean you took the time to finish robbing that place?”

“Fuck yeah. I mean, that’s not how Indiana Jones would have played it, but that’s why he was still teaching for a living.”

“Whatever, meatsack,” Sally prodded. “Get to the point.”

“Well, the Feet’s footprints weren’t hard to find. So I tried following them, but then I got all confused. They were all over the fucking place, leading this way and that. So, after a while, I decided to head back to the house. That’s when I found this.” He reached into his pocket and produced the vial of de-scenting agent that Gan had loaned us. “Oh, and the note you left too. Thanks, babe.”

I glanced at Christy.

“I only said that I wasn’t going to use it,” she replied defensively. “When we got to the house and didn’t see him there, I left it along with instructions just in case he came back. If we missed him, I didn’t want him wandering around without at least some sort of protection.”

I nodded. Smart, actually, and probably required her to swallow a good deal of pride to make use of something from Gan.

“So anyway,” he continued, “I doused myself with that shit and waited around. Was kind of boring, so I started putting my outfit together – in case any vamps stopped by.”

I gave him the once over. He’d basically made brass ... err ... plastic knuckles from some action figures and tape. He’d then fashioned himself a makeshift bandolier from which the most valuable figures hung. Well, most of them anyway.

“I see Max Adventure got the starring role in this action flick.”

He looked down at the big-mustached figure in the center of his chest. “Yeah, I decided it was to honor my dad.”

“Your dad is still alive.”

“I know, but I always felt bad blowing the shit out of his.”

“This is all remarkably fascinating,” Ed said. “But how the hell did all of
this
happen?” He waved his arms to indicate the chaos that had just transpired.

“I believe I can answer that, and much more concisely than the human,” Gan said, stepping up to my side. “After the battle, we were able to track your back-scent to the domicile in question. There we found this human. At first, my men wished to kill him. The fight left them thirsty and they wished to pass him about until he was drained.”

“I assume you put an end to that,” I replied.

“In actuality, I was going to allow them to do as they wished. They had fought bravely and deserved it, but then I remembered your edict, my love.”

“My edict?”

“Yes, that I was not to harm your friends. That doing so would potentially cause you mild displeasure.”

Sally, Ed, and Christy all turned to stare at me.

“I’m pretty sure I put it a little more adamantly than that.”

“If you say so, beloved,” Gan continued. “Thus, I offered to spare his life so long as he didn’t become a burden. After that, it was a minor matter to catch wind of Francois. The coven he compelled to his bidding were no warriors, so my people were able to track them with ease – all but invisible to you. Once it became obvious where they were headed, I summoned the human and we devised a trap.”

Although I wasn’t particularly pleased that Gan’s idea of a trap was to pit my friend against a vampire so far out of our league that it was almost bad comedy, I found myself impressed with her foresight.

“How’d you figure out that Francois had betrayed the Draculas to go work for Vehron?”

She cocked her head to the side, for a moment looking like a confused, albeit lethal, puppy. “He had?”

“Yeah. He was going to hand us over to the asshole and then join up.”

“I was unaware of that. I thought he might barter you for safe passage, but I had no inkling that he had betrayed the trust of the First.”

“Wait,” Sally said. “Then why did you attack him? You did know he’d been promoted, right?”

“Of course, whore,” she replied dismissively. “I make it a point to keep up with the politics at play.”

Sally gritted her teeth. “Then why did you do it?”

Gan turned to me and smiled. “My beloved is aware of my motivations.”

I was? Then I remembered. Gan’s ambition extended far beyond just marrying me. No, she wanted to off the current regime and take over. Her as empress and me as, I guess, her concubine. “This was all part of that fucking insane plan of yours?”

“Is it not obvious? I knew Francois to be both treacherous and incompetent. Neither are traits I wish to foster among my ranks. I likewise knew I could not persuade him to join me nor did I wish him to. This was a perfect opportunity. One of the thirteen has fallen and in enemy territory too. None shall be the wiser and we will soon see to the rest.”

Holy shit. I thought Alexander and his crew were the dark side. Compared to Gan, they were just standing in some minor shade.

“Whoa,” Adam said. “This chick is hardcore.”

“Chick?” Gan asked. “Are you comparing me to a hatchling?”

Oh shit. “No!” I said, jumping in front of my friend. “Nothing of the sort. It’s a term of endearment in my society. Right, guys?”

Sally shrugged and found something interesting on her nails to look at. “You’re on your own with this one.”

I muttered a few unkind things under my breath, then quickly added, “Yes, it’s a good thing, Gan. It indicates a fondness.”

She smiled. “Very well. I apologize for my lack of understanding. Know then, Dr. Death, that I consider you to be my favorite chick.”

* * *

I waited for the asshole laughter to die down before steering us back to more serious matters.

“You don’t happen to have any spare clothes we could borrow?” What? I didn’t have a build like Vehron’s. I wasn’t about to face down anyone dressed like an extra from
Planet of the Apes
. I mean, shit, Sally made her torn dress look good, but I didn’t fool myself for a second thinking I, or Ed’s skinny ass for that matter, did the same.

There were scraps around from the vamps that had been killed, but most had been badly burned when they went up in flames. Thankfully, Gan was able to cobble together – and by that I mean order some of her people to strip – enough clothing for us to ensure no nip slips occurred.

While this was going on, Christy walked off to try to make magical contact with her sisters. That was good since it seemed we didn’t have a working cell phone among the bunch. Well, Tom still had his, but the idiot hadn’t charged it before we’d left. With any luck, the witches and Sheila had met smooth sailing on their end of the journey. Wishful thinking, I’m sure.

Once my ass was properly covered again, Gan turned her creepy little eyes back to my face and said, “We should go now, beloved.”

“Go? As in together?”

“All of us.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just got a little...”

“Excited? I know. I, too, have ... what is the saying ... butterflies in my stomach when I am around you.”

“Good to know. But you do have a point. Any element of surprise we had is probably lost.”

“Undoubtedly. Though necessary to ensure Francois’s death, doing so outside of the protection the forest affords us has no doubt alerted Vehron’s vassals to our presence.”

“It’s worse than that,” Sally said. “Francois talked to a few of the thralls here. They went to fetch some cars to drive us to the Boston complex. Safe to say that since they were expecting prisoners, there’s going to be an armed escort.”

Gan nodded. “Your whore is correct. We...”

“That’s it!” The claws on Sally’s right hand extended and she stepped forward to point a talon right at Gan’s face. “If you call me ‘whore’ one more time, I’m gonna...”

“Suck it up,” I hastily interrupted, “and get on with your life because sticks and stones and all that shit.”

“What?” She glanced back at me, doubtlessly noticing at least half a dozen of Gan’s people were pointing crossbows armed with silver-tipped bolts in her direction.

“You were saying?” Gan asked conversationally, having not so much as even flinched.

A vein popped on Sally’s forehead, but she somehow managed to restrain herself. “I ... was about to ask what you thought might be best as a course of action.”

“As both the most seasoned warrior here as well as holding the rank of prefect, I would expect no less,” Gan replied.

She gave the barest of dismissive waves with her hand and I saw weapons being lowered in my periphery. A part of me wondered if she’d have actually done it, but then I realized that was stupid. This was Gan. Of course, she’d have done it.

“The Alma’s magic extends east of here for several kilometers,” she continued. “I would suggest we use that to our advantage.” Gan drew her sword and began to scribble in the dirt like this was some old-timey World War Two prison break movie. “We will march east, staying at least three hundred meters inside the tree line. Should we encounter additional Alma resistance, it will be dealt with quickly. Vampires sent by The Destroyer will be compelled to forget our passing. Humans will be divided up amongst our ranks.”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “Did you just say we were going to eat any people we came across?”

“Works for me,” Adam said.

I promptly slapped him upside the head. “Mind your manners, junior. Mom and Pop are talking.” I turned back to Gan. “Why not just compel them too?”

“Compelling humans requires extra effort. It is effort I care not to expend. Besides, it makes sense to utilize them as nourishment.”

“Yeah, but these are the same people we’re trying to help.”

Gan looked up from her makeshift battle plans and cocked an eyebrow. “I am not following.”

“The humans under Vehron’s rule.”

“What of them?

“We’re here to help them.”

“I am not. I am here to help you, beloved. In addition, the Wanderer has expressed concern for the existing prefect of Boston.”

“Calibra.”

“Yes. As a favor to him for his years of service to my father, I wish to ascertain her fate, learn what she has divulged to our enemy, and then dispatch her if necessary.”

“Dispatch her? I thought you said you were doing James a favor.”

“If she has been compromised, then I
will
be.”

I decided to not argue the point. The thing was, compromised or not, if we managed to take down the big bad asshole, the rest wouldn’t really matter.

No. If she was still alive, we’d try to save her along with the rest of Village Coven and any others that had been abducted. If we failed, well, we probably wouldn’t be in much position to worry about what happened next.

Sadly, failure seemed more an option than ever now. I had been counting on gaining access to Dr. Death’s power or cooperation. Now it seemed as if that was one avenue that had been closed off – with any luck, for good.

We discussed things for a bit more, knowing that time wasn’t on our side. It was decided that, assuming Christy reported the all clear, we’d double back and join up with our backup team. Though we’d have certainly lost the element of surprise, Gan’s forces would hopefully reinforce our own enough to make up for it. That her people were all trained killers was a gift horse I didn’t care to look in the mouth, even if it meant having to deal with her a little longer.

I hated to admit it, but Gan’s presence might also serve as a buffer to any weirdness that was lingering between me and Sheila. The creepy little munchkin had a way of saying the worst things at the worst times, which at least kept the conversation from getting too deep. Now to just hope she kept her fucking mouth shut around the Templar about kidnapping their brothers.

I looked up to find Tom walking over.

“How’s it going with Christy?”

“She made momentary contact, so that’s a good sign.”

“Momentary?”

“Sounds like they were kinda busy.”

“Just so long as they’re okay,” I said with a sigh of relief. “With any luck, most of the eyes in Boston are still preoccupied looking north toward where Turd and company were coming from.”

... life.

“Huh? What was that?”

“I didn’t say anything,” he replied.