The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (130 page)

“Really?” I eagerly asked, once again losing an opportunity to play it cool.

She nodded and unlocked the door.

“I must protest,” Benny said from the backseat, where he still sat with Sally. “I cannot allow her Holiness to go anywhere alone with such untrustworthy company.”

To my surprise, Gan agreed. “I must concur with the Templar, Dr. Death. I wish to be witness should you fulfill your destiny.”

You’ve got to be kidding me. I raised my hands and massaged my no doubt soon to be aching temples. “Stay put, Gan. I promise I won’t fulfill any prophecies while I’m gone. I’ll make sure you’re around when I do that, cross my heart.”

“Thank you, beloved!” she replied brightly, causing Sally to snort a quick burst of laughter from the backseat.

“Stay here, Ben,” Sheila said. “I’ll be okay.”

“You should take your sword,” he replied, “just in case.”

She threw a glance at me and I nodded. If it would keep current company from throwing a hissy fit, what did it matter?

* * *

She pulled off her cloak and wrapped the sword in it. Icon or not, it would be just our luck to run into a cop. Nobody would be fulfilling any destinies if we all found ourselves on the inside of a jail cell.

“Just watch where you’re swinging that thing,” I joked, following her up the stairs to the front door.

“I’ll try,” she replied, putting her key in the lock.

“Where did you learn all the Inigo Montoya moves anyway? Must have taken you years.”

“Huh?” she asked, still working on the door.

“The sword. I would have never taken you for a fencing aficionado.”

“I’m not. I had never even picked one up until about two weeks ago.”

“Really?” Hmm, wonder if that was some kind of Icon power. Seemed likely. Despite what many of us might fantasize, one does not typically pick up a sword and immediately become Conan the Barbarian.

“Go figure. Hmm, this is odd. My key doesn’t work.”

I was about to remark on that when I remembered my little breaking and entering adventure the day before. Guess they had replaced the lock.

“Allow me,” I said. She stepped aside and I moved in, taking care not to brush against her (as much as I might otherwise want to). I grasped the knob and used Sally’s trick of just twisting until it broke. *snap*

“Handy.” She pushed open the door.

“Yep, being a vampire has its moments.” It was good to be joking with her again. I had missed it. Sadly for me, the laugh ended once the door shut behind us.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of the others, Bill, but...”

“Listen. I know what everyone keeps saying about us. It caught me by surprise too...
really
.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Uhhh...what are
you
talking about?”

“Back there in your apartment,” she said. “That poor girl.”

“Christy?”

“Yes. She was scared out of her wits, all because of me.”

“You have to understand, she’s been getting that prophecy crap shoved down her throat for God knows how long. It wasn’t anything personal.”

“But it was. She honestly thought I was going to kill her.”

“Like I said, she’s been force fed that for a while. Besides which, she’s kind of emotional now what with being pregnant.”

“That makes it even worse,” she said as she stepped in front of me and locked her eyes on mine. Goddamn, she was beautiful. Err...no, had to focus. “I want you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” I replied automatically, giving it absolutely no thought whatsoever.

She opted to ignore my pathetic eagerness, and just continued talking. “If I ever become...
that
, you need to promise that you’ll kill me.”

“What?!” I shouted, before remembering we were in an apartment building. I quickly lowered my voice. “
What
?”

“Exactly what I just said. I’m not a murderer and I’m sure as hell not a baby killer. I won’t become that.”

“I know...”

“No, you don’t. How do we know what the future holds, what we’ll both turn into with time? All I know is that I don’t want to become whatever it is that they think I will.”

“I...I...why me?”

“Because if what they say is true, then you’re the only one who can.”

Goddamn, I hate logic.

* * *

I had no choice but to agree. Hadn’t I asked Ed the very same thing less than a day ago? It would have been hypocritical of me to do any less...not that I’m above doing so, mind you, but it was
her
. There was literally nothing she could ask that I wouldn’t agree to. Had she ordered me to rip off my own legs to help prop up one of her tables, I’d have gladly done so.

I just had to hope that this prophesied future, one that we both feared, wouldn’t come to pass. Hell, I wouldn’t let it. I’d die first...for real this time.

Whoever had replaced the front door hadn’t bothered to do the same with Sheila’s apartment. Her door swung in freely when she tried it. Needless to say, I made it a point to play stupid with that one.

I waited in the living room while she gathered her things. It gave me a chance to reflect on the hilarious sense of humor that life seemed to have. Hadn’t it been my dream to be invited up to her apartment? Now there I was and, even if the opportunity somehow presented itself, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it...at least if I didn’t want to wind up barbecued. Why was I the only person on the planet with this problem? You never see this shit in the fairy tales. Prince Charming didn’t get blasted through a wall when he finally kissed Cinderella.

Fortunately, once she returned, that train of thought was immediately derailed. She had changed out of her Templar gear into something more casual - which was to say, utterly breathtaking to me.

“That’s better,” she sighed, stepping out, a large duffle bag in one hand, her sword in the other. “That outfit’s practical, but not very comfortable.”

“I was meaning to ask you about that.”

“The armor?”

“No, the Templar. I just didn’t want to do it around Benny. I don’t think he likes me much.”

“I’d say that’s an understatement. They’re a little...
zealous
.”

“You don’t say.”

“Truth be told, they’re a little grating at times, but...” she trailed off.

“They were all you had?”

“Don’t get me wrong, they’ve been great. They explained what was happening to me, looked out for me, and helped me explore what I could do.”

“Listen, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that,” I said, suddenly feeling the need to spill my guts. Guess it was easier to do when the peanut gallery stayed behind in the car. “I meant to...tell you...”

“That you were a vampire?”

“Sorta, but after that...incident...between us.”

“Incident?” she asked, a wry smile on her face. Oh crap. I could feel all of my old insecurities racing to the surface. Another second or so and I’d become a stammering idiot.

“Yeah...I sorta freaked.”

“Hah, I know what you mean,” she said. “I must’ve picked up the phone to call you at least a dozen times.”

“Really?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Bill. I still have everyone’s contact info from back when I worked for Jim.”

“It’s not that, it’s...never mind.”

“But anyway,” she continued, “for whatever reason, I just never finished dialing. Then there was my business. I couldn’t ignore it...although that probably doesn’t matter now. I haven’t been at the office in weeks. They probably all think I’ve gone crazy there.”

“You’re the CEO. You’re allowed to be crazy.”

She chuckled, and it was music to my ears. I could listen to her laugh all day.

“Trust me,” I said. “It’s better this way.”

“Better? There are a lot of people dead out there tonight. I’m not sure I’d call that better.”

“It is. I know it might not be much consolation, but the Templar knew what they were getting into. They were as prepared as they were going to be. At the very least, their eyes were open to what’s out there. What if they hadn’t found you and those others had instead caught up to you at your office? It would have been a slaughter.”

She nodded, then was quiet for a moment. It had been horrible of me to say, but that’s what our lives had become. It really was a choice between the lesser of many evils these days. If people were going to die, and they were, it was preferable that they at least have a stake in the game.

“So, enough about me,” she said, almost as if this were...a date. “What’s the story between you and that girl?”

“Sally? It’s an interesting...”

“I meant your fiancée.” Once more the grin was back on her face.

“There is no story there. She’s a deluded little girl who happens to have crush on me that borders on fanatical.” I tried really hard to ignore that it was a description that could easily apply to me...except maybe for the little girl part.

“Little? Didn’t she say she was three-hundred years old?”

“I meant in size. In everything else she’s a massive pain in the ass.”

“It’s kind of cute,” she teased.

“Minus maybe all the stuff about leaving a trail of bodies in her wake?”

“Yeah, and also her slightly disturbing wish to watch you kill me.”

“That’s Gan...a whole lot of disturbing in a tiny package.”

“So what are you going to do about her?”

“Figure out a way to get her back home to Mongolia as soon as I can.”

“Speaking of which, how...”

“Trust me, it’s another long story; one that begins with Sally Fedexing my ass over to Asia.”

“You’ll have to tell me about it some time.”

“Oh believe me, I could fill up a book with all the crap Sally pulls.”

“Are you and her...”

“No. She has a thing for Ed...I think. Ed has a thing for her, at least. It’s hard to say. As for us, she’s kind of my business partner.”

“She’s obviously your friend too, that much I can tell.”

“Sometimes I wonder.”

“I don’t. From what I hear, vampires aren’t too big on my being alive.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“I’m beginning to see that. Yet she’s sticking by your side, and I don’t get the vibe that she’s doing so for the same reasons Gan is.”

“Sally’s...hmm...let’s just say she’s never boring and leave it at that.”

“Okay. Shall we get out of here? They’re gonna wonder what we’re up to.”

“I can only imagine what they’re saying.”

“They do seem to have some opinions on the matter,” she said, a smirk on her face.

Heh, was it getting hot in there or was it just me? I so desperately wanted to blurt it out, but I just couldn’t. It was like my tongue had decided to take a vacation. So instead, I opted for what I typically do...wuss out.

“We should probably go down before they come looking for us. Trust me, you don’t want Gan in here.”

I grabbed the bag from her, being mindful to not get too close. I might be delusional in certain things, but I had been nearly killed enough times for one day. There was always tomorrow.

“That’s odd.”

“What?” I turned to find her staring at one of the shelves as we prepared to leave.

“I could have sworn I had more CDs than this.”

Fucking Sally!

* * *

Sheila closed the door behind us, doing her best to wedge it shut with the busted lock.

“Let’s be quiet,” I said. “I don’t want to wake your neighbor again”

“Wait...what do you mean
again
?”

Oops.

*sigh* “Fine. I came looking for you the other day.”

“You did?”

“Well the other night actually, but yeah, once I heard you were in danger. Anyway, the crazy old lady across the hall came out and gave me shit about it.”

“Who?”

“The one who lives over there, in Two-F,” I replied, pointing it out.

“Nobody lives there. It’s been vacant for six months...”

Almost as if on cue, the door opened and the fat old lady stepped out. This time, though, it was a little bit different. She was still fat - let’s not kid ourselves here - but instead of a muumuu, she wore the red cloak of a Templar and held a cross out before her.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Away from the Blessed One, beast!” she screeched. So much for not waking up the whole building. “Back, demon! Back, I say,” she cried, brandishing the cross in front of her Weeble-like body.

“Oh fuck this,” I muttered. Not in the mood for this shit again, I drew back my fist and decked her fat face. She went down with a - dare I say it - meaty thud.

It was only then that realization hit me. I had just punched out an old lady in front of a girl I was desperately trying to impress - perhaps not my finest moment.

“That was...”

“Yeah, I know, probably not the most chivalrous thing to do,” I said.

“No, she’s a Templar.”

“One who obviously missed a few training sessions.”

“What was she...”

“Keeping an eye out for vampires is my guess. I’d suggest we maybe continue this discussion in the car. I wouldn’t doubt there are a few fingers dialing 911 behind closed doors right now.”

“I’m assuming you’ve done things like this before.”

“You get surprisingly used to it.”

I glanced down where the tubby Templar was still laid out cold. I gave Sheila a quick shrug then led the way back outside. It was amazing how quickly this sort of thing became almost routine.

If the cops were summoned, it wasn’t until after we made our escape. I was worried that Sheila would be a bit cross with me for cleaning that fat bitch’s clock. Fortunately, she saved all her ire for Benny during the car trip to our safe house.

“What was that woman doing spying on my apartment?”

“I see you met Sister Bernadette.” He shot a quick glare at me. “I take it she failed in her duty. Tell me, did this creature dispatch her?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Didn’t even ugly her up...at least not any worse than she already was.”

“She’s fine...mostly,” Sheila said. “Answer my question, Benjamin.”

“Of course. My people are keeping watch at all your former places of congress.”

“Or they were,” Sally muttered under her breath.