The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (73 page)

I arrived early and had to listen to her go on and on about the fabulous job Alfonzo had done with her hair. The changes were pretty subtle - some layering and a little extra body added (
did I actually just think that?
). That being said, some people pulled off subtle far better than others. Sally’s one of them; however, letting her know that wouldn’t be any fun.

“So what did he do?” I asked innocently. “Clean out any excess lice and rat droppings?”

A few minutes later, she was distracted from trying to break into the bathroom - where I was hiding - to answer the door. Saved by the bell. And
yes
, it was totally worth it.

As she disengaged the multiple heavy-duty locks, I slipped out and assumed a casual position on the couch. I was fairly sure the elder vampires already had a relatively low opinion of me. I saw no reason to exacerbate it further by letting them see Sally and me acting like ten-year-olds.

She slipped me a sour smile and then opened the door. While she did so, I indulged in a little fantasy involving a sword swinging through the open doorway and decapitating her before she had a chance to make even a single snarky remark.

Alas, no such luck on that happening. Instead, a voice said, “Hello, my name is Alex. I believe you are expecting me.” (
*sigh* what is it with the formality? Do vampires above a certain age become allergic to contractions?
)

Sally stepped aside and made a welcoming gesture. As our guest walked past, I could see her sizing him up and not entirely in a sisterly manner either if you get my drift. She looked up from his ass just in time to meet my questioning gaze. Realizing she had been caught, she quickly turned to close the door.

As usual with the vampire world, the person who stood before me was nothing like I expected. This guy was supposed to be a specialist, hand-picked by the Draculas. As such, I was expecting some Nosferatu-looking dude in a severe black and white suit. Sure, I had never actually seen a vamp who looked like that, but still, this guy had flown in from Europe. I had figured that maybe over in the old country they still respected tradition...or at least the tradition established by multiple Christopher Lee movies.

The newcomer was a few inches shorter than me, but his shortcomings ended there (
figures
). He was broad shouldered and obviously had a strong build beneath the unassuming leather jacket he wore. Jeans, a t-shirt, and a laptop bag rounded out his look. Hell, the dude looked like he could have just driven over from some construction site in Jersey. Apparently, the Draculas weren’t big on giving their minions a hefty expense account for wardrobe purposes.

Moving on to the rest of him: he had wavy dark blonde hair, and a smooth complexion; however, what stood out most of all were his eyes. An intense gaze met my own, one that was augmented by the fact that two different colored eyes peered out of his head: one a bright green, the other brown. Hell, I thought Huskies were the only ones like that.

Thus, instead of saying something non-idiotic like, “Hi,” I instead asked, “Contacts?”

“Excuse me?” he answered in a slightly accented voice.

“Your eyes,” I said. Hey, in for a penny of stupidity... “Are you wearing colored contacts?”

I heard Sally sigh. No doubt, I was breaking some established protocol for visiting dignitaries. However, being that our guest looked like he had just gotten off a motorcycle, I figured I was justified for not dropping to one knee and looking for a ring to kiss.

If Alex was insulted by my question, he didn’t show it. “You have a unique way of introducing yourself,” he replied in a bemused voice. He held out a hand and repeated his initial greeting. “My name is Alex. I am here as a representative of the First Coven to assist you, and this is my natural eye color. Any other questions?”

I smiled back, half amazed. Though I had met only a small subset, my dealings with the vampire world had led me to believe it was mostly populated with self-absorbed, humor-deficient assholes. Thus, to meet a vamp who obviously had some rank behind him (
the Draculas were rumored to be very picky about who they hung out with
) yet wasn’t immediately oozing with douchebag vibes was a pleasant surprise. I reached out my hand and shook his.

“I’m Bill. Pleased to meet you, Alex.”

“Likewise, Freewill,” he said, indicating my status as a vampire freak. “And I presume you are Sally,” he said, turning toward her. “I was told you were quite stunning, but I dare say the reports did not do you justice.”

To my surprise, she actually blushed (
quite the feat for someone lacking a pulse
). Damn, Alex was a playa.

He gave her an appraising look. “I hope you did not go through a lot of trouble to make yourself so presentable just for my arrival.”

“Oh this? I just threw on something real quick,” she replied as if she hadn’t spent the greater part of the week under Alfonzo’s care. Now it was my turn to eye-roll.

I had to admit that Alex was one smooth character. No wonder the Draculas employed his services as a diplomat. He had disarmed both Sally and me within seconds, the former accomplishment being something I had yet to master.

“We all have a lot to discuss, so we should get started right away...as soon as I make use of the facilities, if I may.”

“Sure,” I replied. “Make yourself at home.”

I pointed him toward the bathroom. He stopped at the doorway, no doubt noticing the numerous dents in the door and newly splintered wood in the frame. He turned back and gave us a questioning look.

“Oh, don’t mind that,” I said. “I was combing my hair earlier and Sally had a burrito for lunch. When you gotta go...”

He gave a sheepish smile in reply and then entered.

As the door clicked shut, I yelled to him, “There’s some air freshener in the cabinet if you need...OUCH!” Damn, Sally can hit hard when she wants to.

* * *

Alex returned to find us sitting on the couch waiting for him, me still rubbing my arm. The phrase “hits like a girl” definitely did not apply to the saucy little blonde in the room.

Ignoring whatever had occurred during his brief foray in the restroom, Alex sat in a chair opposite us and opened his bag. He pulled out a ruggedized laptop and proceeded to boot it up. Apparently, ancient scrolls written on parchment made from human flesh was passé these days. Nobody believed in setting the proper mood anymore.

“Care for a glass of blood before we get started?” I asked, trying to be cordial. My thoughts regarding the Draculas aside, if this guy held favor with them, then that probably meant he wasn’t exactly a spring chicken. The older the vampire, the stronger. I didn’t see any need to get on this guy’s bad side and discover just how quickly he could kick my ass.

“No thank you,” he replied, typing on the keyboard. “I had a light snack on the way over.”

I didn’t ask him to elaborate. Knowing vampires, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to read about some missing cabbie in the morning paper. Friendly or not, I needed to remind myself that Alex was probably a top notch killer. It was probably best not to get too enamored of him, especially since his primary job was to prep me on how to be the Draculas’ fall guy.

Seeing that the small talk was rapidly fizzling out, I proceeded to just sit there and wait. Sally too was unusually quiet. Our normal banter aside, it was starting to sink in just how serious this was...or more precisely just how deep the shit we were both standing in was.

After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, Alex pulled his eyes away from the screen. “Before we begin,” he started, “I should point out a few nuances of your situation. Both of you are far too young to have had any serious dealings with the First Coven.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he held up a hand. “I am aware, Freewill, of your dealings with the Khan. Suffice to say, that circumstance was anything but typical.”

“Thank God,” I muttered.

A look very close to amusement passed through Alex’s freaky eyes, then he continued. “The first thing I shall say is that you should both consider it an honor. It is almost unheard of for the First to have dealings with any of our kind less than a century in age. The First are not particularly tolerant of
children
.” He put a heavy emphasis on that last part.

Thinking back to Gan, my mouth decided to have a mind of its own. “I don’t blame the Draculas. Kids these days,” I said with a laugh, only to realize I was the only one in the room grinning. Alex had a look of mild disapproval on his face, while Sally’s eyes were wide open in shock.

“Yes, about that,” said Alex. “I should warn you that the First are not particularly fond of that nickname. Their agents have been given authority to make liberal examples of offenders.”

“You’re one of their agents aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Way to go, Bill,” Sally quipped quietly.

Again, Alex smiled. “I think, considering the circumstances, we can forgo the formalities of this offense for the time being. However, you should know that the First are not particularly known for their forgiveness.”

“Point taken.”

“Good. Now is it correct that the Wanderer filled you in on some of the details as to why you have been chosen?”

“The Wanderer?” Sally asked.

“James,” I replied to her. As I had learned in China, the dude had a lot of nicknames. He apparently got around. I then said to Alex, “Yeah, he brought us up to speed on the whys. I’m to be their proxy to this event because...THEY’RE A BUNCH OF PUSSIES AND I’M OBVIOUSLY FUCKING EXPENDABLE!” Well okay, that’s what I
thought
. I really finished with, “because I’m the Freewill and thus considered to be highly honored.”

“Essentially correct. The Grendel demand that...”

“Grendel?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Our adversaries at the table...”

“You call them the Grendel?”

“They have lots of names.”

“So I’m learning,” I said. “Isn’t ‘Grendel’ a little insulting, considering how Beowulf kicked its ass?”

“Very astute of you,” Alex replied with a hint of approval. “Yes, it is. Therefore we don’t call them that in their presence.”

“Cool. So Beowulf was a vampire?”

“Not quite. He was one of the Shining Ones.”

Seeing our confused looks, he added, “Sorry. I sometimes forget that name has fallen out of usage. I believe you refer to them as Icons.”

There was that word again. Apparently many of the famous monster slayers of old were actually these so-called Icons. From what I had been led to believe, they were actually a bunch of egomaniacs. Even so, somehow their belief in their own badassery actually made it so. They were able to empower themselves with faith, a form of magic that’s not too compatible with vampires or other supernatural creatures, wizards included.

These guys got around back in the day, and by that I mean kicked everyone’s asses. According to the wizards, supposedly my
birth
meant they were returning too. Hoo boy, shit was definitely going to start getting real...assuming of course I managed not to get my head ripped off by a pack of apes with lots of names - each stupider than the last.

“Are you still paying attention?” Alex asked.

“Of course,” I lied. He had been droning on about politics and places at the table for over an hour. He lost me about halfway through, going on about the supposed high honor that was bestowed upon me by Bigfoot.

“Then you understand the significance of signing this treaty anew?”

“Well...”

“Anew?” asked Sally. “I keep hearing that. So what happened to the old treaty?”

“Yeah...what she said,” I unhelpfully added.

“Very well,” Alex replied. “I suppose a little history is in order. Although keep in mind what I am about to share with you...”

“...is First Coven business, for our ears only, blah blah blah.”

He stopped and just looked at me for a moment. Again, a smile broke out on his face. “You certainly are a refreshing individual compared to those I usually deal with.”

“Thanks.”

“Pity most of the elders would not see it in that light. It could get you killed one day.”

“I’m more concerned about not getting killed by the Alma, Sasquatch, or fucking Forest Folk in the here and now.” I should’ve been watching my tone more, but Alex’s easygoing attitude was a bit disarming, so I found myself speaking more and more freely.

“Either way you look at it, Bill’s not exactly building a huge friend list,” Sally chimed in. Guess she was feeling the same about him.

“Very well. Probably a wise attitude, to be concerned with the present,” Alex replied. “As for your question, Sally, our original treaty with the Grendel stretches back over five thousand years.”

“Holy shit!” I said. “We’re talking cradle of civilization here aren’t we?”

“Very much so. The rise of man triggered the first great war with the Grendel.”

“Why?”

“Well, this was a long time ago and records are a little sketchy, but from what we know it was all about encroachment. As human civilization grew, it also expanded. The Grendel, being nature spirits, took offense to this. They considered it an affront, that mankind had begun to defile the lands with their continued expansion.”

“Kind of like druids in D&D?” I asked. As expected, that drew an eye-roll from Sally. Alex, however, just looked at me with a confused expression. Jeez, was I the only vampire on the planet who was into role playing? “It’s a game,” I explained.

“I see,” he replied in a tone that suggested quite the opposite. “Alas, what we are talking about here is no game. Insulted and feeling threatened, the Grendel launched an all-out war against humanity.”

“So where do the vampires come into this?”

“An excellent question. Before humanity’s rise, we were different than we are now...or so I am told. In fact, we were not entirely dissimilar to the Grendel at the time. However, something happened. Whether accidental or not, I do not know. What I do know is that we somehow became tied to the human race. Our spirits coexisted with and amongst theirs. It was the beginning of our kind as we know it today.”