The Truth About Faking (25 page)

I shrug.

“
You don’t seem as excited as before. Is it all this stuff with your mom?”

“
No. I mean, I guess.” I can’t explain to her about Jason. Not since she’s apparently going out with him on Friday. It just makes everything a jillion times worse.

“
Maybe you’ll get some more of those something-like-spark-ie kisses. Yes?”

I look down, and Shelly smiles. “It’s going to be okay, you know.”

“
Everybody keeps saying it is.”

But when I walk in the house, it’s all worse. The Benders are here and Dad’s waiting in the kitchen.

“
Harley, there’s been another incident,” Dad says. “I have to go to the church for a meeting. It seems, well, Ricky had an appointment with Ms. Jackson this afternoon. And… she says he threatened her.”

“
What! How? I can’t believe it.”

“
I know. It sounds ridiculous, and not at all like Ricky,” Dad says. “But your mom is talking to him, and I think he wants to speak to the session himself.”

Mrs. Bender walks over to me and places her hand on my arm. “I know this is hard, but your mother is a virtuous woman,” she says.

I stare at her speechless.

“
You don’t have to go if you’d rather stay home,” Dad says. “The Benders have kindly offered—”

“
No,” I interrupt. “I want to go.”

He nods, and I go to my room to change. I want to be present this time. Maybe if Mom sees me and my dad sitting there, she’ll realize this is about more than her pride. It’s about more than some personal philosophy or individual protest. Or even protecting her job.

When we get to the church, it looks like a Sunday morning service. The grapevine must’ve been smoking this afternoon because everybody’s turned out to hear what Ricky has to say. I walk inside and see my mom on the front row beside her co-defendant. She looks serene. I take a seat behind them, and she doesn’t even acknowledge my arrival. She just continues looking straight ahead at the empty pulpit as if my father’s standing there delivering one of those sermons she always finds so inspirational. All of the elders and their wives are across the center aisle in the first two rows.

Dad goes and sits on Mom’s other side, and I watch as she takes his hand. The Benders are beside me, and I know they’re ready to stand up and defend her. Vigorously if need be. Mr. Bowden walks to the center of the room.

“
I apologize for the sudden nature of this gathering,” he says. “I didn’t realize there would be so many interested parties.”

He clears his throat and looks down. “Earlier today, we learned that Ricky Marino wanted to address the session about a recent matter. We thought it best to meet here. Of course, since this involves the pastor, members are welcome to be present.”

Ricky’s jaw is clenched, and he has a strange expression on his face. Mom looks down.

“
Mr. Marino, would you like to come forward?”

Ricky stands and goes to Mr. Bowden’s side. Mom glances up at him then, and her face is pleading. He turns away from her quickly, and I feel panic tighten my chest.

“
I thought I’d just be talking to you men,” he says. “I didn’t know everyone would be here.”

There’s a low murmur in the crowd. I look around and see Mrs. Perkins sitting next to Ms. Jackson. They both have smug expressions on their faces, as if they’re eagerly awaiting some major dirt. I feel ill at the sight of them.

Trent is nowhere to be seen, and I wonder if he even knows what’s happening. I wouldn’t know if Dad weren’t the pastor. At least, I hope I wouldn’t.

Mrs. Turner is sitting in the side pew looking pained. It appears her lips are moving, and I think she’s praying quietly. A few of the parishioners who I recognize as Mom’s clients are here seeming curious. Several other non-involved, regular members are here. I’m trying to remember if there’s ever been an incident in our church of this magnitude. Nope. This is the biggest. The pastor’s wife accused of adultery.

Ricky continues speaking. “I just learned this morning that Jackie had been accused of… well, that it had been said she and I were…”

His voice trails off, and I realize he’s nervous. My stomach starts to burn. If he’s about to clear their names, he should be eager to announce the truth, and he doesn’t seem so eager to me.

“
The statement was that your relationship is inappropriate,” Mr. Bryant says from where the elders sit. “That is all you have to address.”

Ricky looks at him. “Jackie said there was more to it than that.” Then he looks down. “She says there was some suggestion that her position as an instructor might also be in jeopardy.”

I hear throats clearing and Mr. Perkins speaks.

“
There was some debate over whether it gives an improper appearance,” he says. “With the two of you working so closely together. And in such an intimate field.”

I hate him. And his stupid wife. And their stupid insinuations.

I glance in front of me and see my mother look down again. Dad slides his arm around her shoulders.

“
Right,” Ricky says. “Well… I think I can put all of your minds at ease and clear Jackie at the same time.”

I watch as a calm comes over him and wonder what he’s about to say. His brow relaxes and he sets his jaw as if he suddenly doesn’t care that almost a hundred people have come out to hear his public statement.

“
Jackie is a talented teacher, and I’ve learned so much studying under her,” he says. I glance at Mrs. Perkins. She has an evil grin on her face.

“
But even more than that,” Ricky continues. “She’s a compassionate friend, and her heart is so warm.”

I watch as Ricky looks down and clears his throat. “It’s been a difficult year for me, but she’s always been available to talk and give me advice. I’m not sure I would’ve made it through these past weeks without her.” He looks at Mom, and she smiles at him. “And she’s so beautiful,” he says, like he forgot where we are.

Mrs. Perkins’ eyebrows rise. He quickly adds, “But I would never do anything… I couldn’t.”

He pauses and glances around at all of us. I notice his eyes rest on Ms. Jackson. “You see, I’m not interested in Jackie like that,” he says directly to her.

Then he looks at Mr. Bryant. “I wasn’t planning a public announcement, but well, the thing is… I’m gay.”

Fourteen

The moment Ricky says the two words that clear my mom’s name, relief hits me so hard, I nearly laugh out loud. Instead I shoot a glance at Ms. Jackson. Her face has gone red and her eyes are as wide as a cartoon character’s. But beside her, Mrs. Perkins is just the opposite. Her eyes are little slits like a snake’s, and I imagine she’s silently cursing the fact that once again my mom has slipped through her clutches. When Mr. Bowden stands to dismiss the congregation, she jumps to her feet.

“
That is
not
the end of this,” she shouts. My eyes fly to my mom. Her jaw is set, and now she looks ready to fight. I look at Ricky, and his face says this is exactly what he expected to happen.

“
I think we can discuss how to handle this in executive session, Crystal,” Mr. Bowden says, clearing his throat. “Since clearly nothing inappropriate was going on.”

“
Nothing inappropriate!” Mrs. Perkins cries. “Every bit of this is inappropriate! From her sexually charged avocation, to this. Jackie’s brought this sin into our midst. She opened the door to this perversion, brought it around our children! And as our pastor’s wife, this cannot go unaddressed.”

“
Unaddressed?” Mrs. Bender jumps to her feet. “And just how do you want it addressed, Crystal? Jackie’s done nothing wrong, and this young man doesn’t even attend our church. But you’ve just been waiting for a reason to attack her, haven’t you? To put Ted in charge.”

“
If Ted were in charge,
nothing
like this would have ever occurred,” she says. “Now we have this blemish on our church.”

I glance at Mom. She’s looking down and her eyes have closed, but Ricky simply smiles. My throat feels all tight and painful. I mean, sure, Ricky doesn’t go to our church, and I guess some people here think how he lives is wrong. But he’s always been sweet around me. I don’t feel like I’ve been subjected to anything.

“
If you ask me, she’s the blemish,” Mrs. B. mutters.

“
Ladies,” Mr. Bryant’s voice cuts through them all. “The issue has been resolved, and everyone is free to leave. Now.”

He fixes his eyes on Mrs. Perkins. She presses her lips into a tight line as she sits down again, but her cover is blown. Now everyone knows she’d been out to get my mom, to replace my dad with her husband. She wanted Ricky to be the story of the night, but in the end, it’s the truth about her that takes center stage.

The congregation rises and starts slipping out of the pews, making their way to the back amidst a low murmur. Mrs. Bender touches my arm and motions for me to come with her. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happens next, if Mom’ll even talk about it.

The Benders drop me off at my house, and the only thing I can think about is telling Jason. I need to talk to him anyway, to make him understand how I feel and what happened with Trent. I grab my phone and send a text.

U there?

I wait several seconds, then a whistle.

What.

Mom cleared. Ricky gay.

No way.

Way.

Am glad. U OK?

Need to talk. Creek?

No.

Pain tightens in my chest when I read his response.

Need to explain.

Night, HD

Tomorrow.

I put my phone away and lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. Tears sting in my eyes as I imagine what he must be thinking. That I’m just some flaky chick who’s been playing games with him since the day we met. I have to make him understand what’s really happening.

But what
is
really happening? Why does Trent care so much about talking to me now, and why do I feel like I need to listen? Is it because he used to be my hottie-future-husband? My hero? I don’t owe him anything. Do I? I bite my lip and remember us talking at the creek that night about his mom and her searching his room, his dad and him not feeling like he belonged. I can’t just turn my back on him. Can I?

I breathe deeply and focus on tomorrow. Jason and I have talked about so many things before. I’m sure I can explain this to him as well. He just needs to listen to me. And now that this business with Mom is settled, there’ll be no more distractions, nothing to get us off track.

Ricky’s not at our house the next morning. I walk into the kitchen and look around, but for the first time in almost a year, he’s absent. It’s funny. I never dreamed I’d miss him, but now that I know the truth, that he was never a threat to my family, I wish he was here. He was funny and sweet to me. He was brave, and he set the record straight for Mom, even thought it meant a big, public display in front of a bunch of strangers—a few of which were hostile. I feel bad for being so mean to him yesterday morning, and I wish I could say I’m sorry. I didn’t know it’d be the last time I’d see him.

I see the door to Mom’s office is open, so I walk over and look inside. She’s sitting in a chair holding a cup of tea.

“
Mom?” I ask stepping around the door. “Hey.”

She glances up and gives me a small smile. “Hi, Harley,” she says softly.

I smile back and sit beside her. She doesn’t speak, but she reaches over and smoothes my hair. The last time I spoke to her, we were shouting, too.

“
I didn’t hear you come in last night,” I say. “Dad came in, but he was alone.”

She nods and sips her tea. “I needed to discuss how we’d finish the semester with Ricky.”

“
It’s weird not having him here. What’s going to happen now?”

“
He’ll probably just do his last few sessions at the school in Glennville. It’s a little awkward for him coming here now.”

I nod and give her a grin. “Mrs. Perkins really showed her true colors last night, didn’t she?”

Mom doesn’t smile. “A lot of people agree with her.”

“
But you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“
It’s a very divisive issue, Harley,” she says, smoothing my hair again.

I’m quiet a moment, and I think of Dad reading that
Issues
book. I look at her sitting there, legs crossed, hair swept back in a long pony tail.

“
Why didn’t you just tell the elders Ricky was gay?”

She smiles at me like I’m very young. “He asked me not to tell anyone.”

“
Why?”

“
Oh, he had his reasons.” Then she laughs softly. “I think he didn’t want to cause any conflicts for your dad at church if it could be avoided.”

“
That really worked out.” But I’m not satisfied with her answer. “You could’ve told them it was a secret—just to get yourself off the hook.”

Mom shakes her head. “Ricky was struggling with telling his own family. I couldn’t betray his trust like that.”

I look down at the floor. “But by not telling, Dad could’ve lost his job. And we might’ve had to move-”

“
Daddy wouldn’t have lost his job.” Mom sighs. “And I’m sorry you were worried. But there are some things you’re too young to understand, Harley.”

That makes me angry, and I look straight at her. “You say that, but it’s not true. I understand a lot. And you did choose him over us.”

“
I didn’t choose anyone. Your daddy and I were trying to decide what was best.”

“
Whether it was better that people thought you were having an affair? So being gay’s worse than adultery now?”

Mom just looks at me. Her expression is weary, and I don’t want to argue with her. But I still don’t understand her staying silent.

“
Ricky only had a few weeks left in his training,” she says softly. “And then he’d be gone.”