The Truth About Faking (22 page)

“
Stuart?” her voice breaks.

My eyes fill with tears. If the congregation believes she’s having an affair and won’t repent, she could be excommunicated. If she won’t answer them, what other choice do they have? Why is she doing this?

Dad looks at her for a moment before pulling her into his arms and rubbing her back. “Is it worth it to you?” He asks softly. “Is this really worth that much?”

She doesn’t answer him. I can’t stop the tears. He’s going to let her decide. Even if it means he might lose his job. Lose his church. I know he will. It’s the way he always is with her. Whatever she wants to do, she does. He won’t stop her.

“
I just, I can’t be something I’m not,” she says leaning back and looking at him. “And I can’t go back on my word.”

He smoothes her hair away from her face. “This could turn into something. More than what it is now.”

“
More than nothing?” Her voice is rising again.

“
Don’t get angry with me,” he says quietly. “I’m on your side.”

Mom sighs and puts her head on his shoulder. I watch as he holds her a few moments, rubbing her back.

“
I’m going to ask Paul to lead the service tomorrow,” Dad says. “I’ll take the day off and let this die down.”

“
I’m going to take a bath,” Mom says, standing up.

I watch as she breezes past my room, and I hear her door click. Dad slowly walks to his study. I’ve been lying on my stomach in front of my door watching the whole thing and now I roll onto my back. My eyes are damp as I stare at the ceiling. Watching the two of them just then, the way they talk and interact, I can only think of one thing. I sit up and grab my phone.

Meet@creek?
I type.

BRT.

No one even notices me walk out the door, get on my bike, and ride off into the night. I’m at the creek sitting beside our tree with Jason in less than ten minutes. It’s dark, but it’s early. And the sounds of kids playing in yards and dogs barking can still be heard off in the night. It’s all so normal-sounding I can almost believe what just happened at my house is some crazy dream I had. Only it isn’t.

“
So? What happened?” Jason reaches forward and laces our fingers. I look up at him. He really does care. And after such a short period of time.

“
My mom’s actually going to let them kick her out of our church.”

“
What? What the hell are you talking about, H.D.?”

I suddenly feel exhausted. “Trent’s mom called one of the elders at our church and said my mom is having an inappropriate relationship with Ricky.”

“
Trent’s mom?” Jason looks confused. “What does that even mean?”

“
I guess that they’re having an affair or something.”

Jason strokes my hand. “And they believed that? Haven’t they noticed how she is with your dad?”

“
I don’t know,” I say, looking down. “All I know is they all came to our house tonight to talk to her about it, and Mom got all mad and said she’d have to think about whether or not to deny it.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and then Jason says the words that are killing me. “Like she’s going to let them think it’s true?”

I can’t answer. I sit there staring at our hands, listening to the sounds of kids playing, the currents trickling by, and I can’t think of a thing to say. That’s exactly what she’s going to do. And in front of the whole church. We’re all going to be publicly humiliated. And if that’s not bad enough, Dad could lose his job or be reassigned. We’ll have to leave Shadow Falls. All my friends, my home, Jason. I can feel my eyes start to burn as the tears spill over onto my cheeks.

“
Whoa, H.D.” Jason pulls me into a hug. “Don’t cry.”

But I can’t stop. Especially with him being so sweet. If Dad gets reassigned it could be to a whole other state. I might never see Jason again.

A sob jerks me, and he kisses my head. He’s holding me so that my cheek is pressed against his chest, and I can smell that citrusey-wood scent in his clothes. I pull closer to him trying to forget all this stupid drama. We stay that way for several minutes until I slowly sit up and push my hair back. I wipe my face with my hands.

“
She’s so selfish,” I say. “She looked at those men saying those things and she just forgot all about us. Me and Dad and what she’s doing to us.”

“
She just lost her temper—”

“
But it won’t change anything,” I interrupt him. “It never does. She’s going to stick to her guns and Dad’s going to let her. He always does.”

I look at Jason and fresh tears fill my eyes. I really am starting to care for him. It’s amazing how fast being with him has become my new dream, and now it could all be taken away just as fast. I put my head in my hands again.

“
Harley,” Jason whispers. He reaches up and smoothes my hair back. “You’re getting too upset about this. I’m sure your dad’ll talk to her, and they’ll get it straight.”

“
Right,” I breathe. I sit there imagining the possibility. That would be a first. I turn away and lean back against the tree. I think about my mom. My nontraditional mother and her crazy ideas. Jason’s beside me, and we both listen to the currents for several minutes. Finally I speak.

“
Do you know why I’m an only child?”

Jason smiles and pulls my hair back. “They couldn’t top you?”

“
It’s because Mom thinks responsible Christians shouldn’t have more than one baby. She really thinks they shouldn’t have
any
children. That they should adopt unwanted babies and then raise them in Christian households.”

“
That’s pretty radical. But I thought having kids was one of those sacraments or something.”

“
That’s for Catholics,” I say. “Mom believes God told us to be fruitful and multiply and to fill the earth. But now that the earth’s full, we should focus on being good stewards.”

Jason raises his eyebrows and glances back at the creek. “I don’t think that idea’s going to catch on.”

“
The only reason they had me is because Dad really wanted to have a baby,” I say.

“
C’mon, H.D. Your mom loves you.”

“
Oh, really?” I hiccup a breath. “You think so?”

“
I know so,” he says. “I was there when she cross-examined me before the luau. She wasn’t letting me take you anywhere.”

“
Maybe. But that’s just one example.”

“
OK. Give me another.”

“
She likes to say God gave us the Bible, but he also gave us a brain.”

Jason laughs. “That’s awesome. I agree.”

“
Yes, but you’re not a pastor’s wife. She’s never once cared what her wild ideas mean to Dad. What they could cost him.”

“
I think your dad loves your mom’s wild ideas.”

“
Maybe before, but I’m not sure he loves them now.”

“
I bet he does.”

“
How can you say that?” I demand. “He’s not leading the service tomorrow. He could lose his job.”

“
Your dad is in love with your mom. Like seriously in love with her.” Jason pulls me, and I slide my back against him so he can wrap his arms around me. “And it’s pretty obvious she feels the same way about him.”

“
She’s selfish. She gets on these soap boxes of hers, and she doesn’t care who gets hurt by them.”

“
She loves you and she loves your dad. And she’s fierce. I think you’re going to be proud of her before it’s all over.”

We’re quiet for a minute. I’m afraid to say what I’m thinking, but I do.

“
And what if Ms. Jackson’s right?” I say quietly. “What if there is something inappropriate going on?”

“
Harley.” Jason pushes me forward. I turn to face him. “You don’t really think your mom would do anything with that guy do you?”

I look at Jason and think about it for a minute. I think about how my feelings for Trent changed after Jason came into the picture. How after a year of dreaming in lavender, one week with Jason changed everything. What if the same thing happened to my mismatched mom?

Then I imagine tone-deaf Pocahontas pressing her lips to hairless Ricky’s.
Ugh!
I can’t even picture that. No. There’s no way. At least not under any normal circumstances.

But what if he showed up unexpectedly? If she let him in and then he threw himself at her? Would she cave out of pity? Or hormones?

“
What are you thinking?” Jason ducks his head to meet my eyes.

“
It’s hard to imagine, but what if…”

“
What if what?”

“
Remember that night after the movies when I ran into the house?”

“
Our one fake date.”

“
Right. The reason I jumped out of the car so fast was because Ricky was there. His car was parked right in front of our house. At ten o’clock at night.”

“
Why?”

“
I don’t know, but Dad wasn’t there. And when I went inside, I could hear them in Mom’s office.”

“
What did you hear?” Jason takes my hand again.

“
He was pleading with her, telling her he needed to see her,” I turn my head away. This is so humiliating. “She was telling him to give it time. And she said she would always let him in.”

I can feel the tears burning my eyes again.

“
Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jason asks softly.

“
I couldn’t. It’s too embarrassing.”

“
But nothing happened, right?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Not that night.”

“
I dunno, I mean she’s his teacher. That could’ve meant anything.”

“
Anything? Them at our house? Alone? On a Saturday night?”

“
I’m just saying. What if there’s another explanation?”

“
Like what?” I take my hand back and cross my arms over my stomach. “She put herself in situations, in places where it looked like she did. Like she might’ve.”

“
You’re not supposed to judge things by appearances. You know that.”

“
You’re not supposed to, but you do. Everybody does. And she knows that. It’s one of Dad’s favorite sermons. Guarding your appearance.”

Jason presses his lips together and we’re quiet. The currents keep moving, only this time I’m not soothed by the sound. This time I think of my dream and those currents pouring down my nose and my throat. Drowning me.

“
And then there’s that whole ‘try something new’ thing,” I say, starting to feel angry.

“
What?”

“
Like you were saying about being loyal and trying something new.”

“
I was talking about you and me. Your parents are completely different.” He reaches for my hand.

I look directly in his eyes. “Oh really? Shelly’s dad wasn’t so different.”

“
I don’t know Shelly’s dad, but I know your parents. I’ve seen them together and it’s way past old or new with them. What they’ve got’s real.”

I look down feeling my eyes getting hot. “Real,” I say softly. My chest clenches.

He pulls me to him again. “I think you’re tired and you’re hurt,” he says. “I bet if you got some rest and maybe talked to your mom about it, you’d feel better.”

I don’t answer. I don’t tell Jason I haven’t been able to talk to my mom about anything in what feels like a year. That she’s always too busy teaching Ricky or working with a client or dispensing herbal wisdom.

“
I don’t know.” Is all I say.

Several minutes pass, and I realize the sounds of dogs barking and kids playing have stopped.

“
I gotta get home.” I stand and dust off my shorts. Jason stands beside me and takes my hand as we walk back to the street. I pick up my bike and glance at his car. He’s in a newish-looking Volvo tonight. “I never asked you what your dad does. I mean, to make you all Shadow Creek material.”

“
Oh,” he grins. “He’s a doctor. Psychiatrist.”

For some reason that’s funny to me. “Oh my god,” I breathe. “What’s that like?”

Jason shrugs. “He’s gone a lot. On call and stuff, but when Mom died, he knew all the right ‘things you’re supposed to say following the loss of a loved one.’”

He says it in a deep, fake-formal voice, and I wrinkle my nose. “Really?”

“
Yeah. We made fun of how stupid they all were. He’s kind of a good listener, I guess.”

I look down. “I’m sorry. My problems must seem really dumb to you.”

“
No! This isn’t dumb. It’s actually pretty serious.”

I get on my bike and pause. “Thanks. I think you’re a good listener.”

He smiles. “I like listening to you.”

I study his lips. His white teeth and his smile. Then I look back at his eyes and notice his expression has changed. He steps forward and with his forefinger, he gently traces a line from my forehead down the side of my face, moving my hair back. Then his palm rests on my cheek and he leans forward and kisses me. It’s the softest thing, just his lips touching mine, but it steals my breath. It’s electric, and when he straightens back up, I’m sure he felt it too. His dark eyes are so deep.

“’
Night,” he says softly, dropping his hand.

I nod and turn the bike toward my house. I think about Jason the whole ride back. He always makes me feel better, every time we’re together. It’s so effortless. And that kiss… I get home and I know what I have to do.

But Dad’s waiting for me when I walk in the door. They both are. Mom’s in the living room with her hands on her hips and Dad’s in the kitchen holding his keys. I can’t believe it.

“
Harley!” Mom says. “Where have you been?”