The Unexpected Evolution of Language (3 page)

Discordianism is a satirical “religion” created in the 1950s. The focus of its worship is Eris (a.k.a. Discordia), the goddess of chaos. Disciples of Discordianism believe that order and disorder are artificial states. There is only reality. In this respect, the “faith” is a lot like Zen Buddhism. This religion even has its own calendar, which contains seventy-three-day months: Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy, and The Aftermath. The Aftermath, as its name suggests, is “a time of cleaning up the mess.”

album

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
white

NEW DEFINITION:
book of keepsakes; phonograph record

The Beatles released an album in 1968 called
The Beatles
but known to most as “The White Album” because of its stark white cover, containing only the words “The Beatles” on it. Did they, or did most record buyers, know that there actually was a connection between “white” and “album”?

In ancient Rome, “albus” meant “white” and “blank.” Romans used the name to denote the tablet on which public notices were posted because, prior to any postings, the tablet was both white and blank. Before long, people began using the word “album” to mean the collection of notices themselves, ignoring the word’s “white” roots.

As the word was adopted into English, people emphasized the concept of pictures or items placed on pages. Albums became books of photos or autographs or various odds and ends. But the sense of “white” lingered.

In the twentieth century, people began to use “album” to describe phonograph records, and this meaning actually harks back to the word’s original denotation. Records usually had inner, protective sleeves that were blank and stark white.

allude

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
to mock; make fun of

NEW DEFINITION:
to make an indirect reference

At one time, “allusion” and “ludicrous” were kissin’ cousins. If you “alluded” someone, you made fun of her. Maybe you mocked the mannerisms of your teacher, for example. “Ludicrous” also suggested a similar play or sport (see entry for “ludicrous”).

Just how did “allusion” stop meaning “mock” and come to be a concept that continues to stymie high school English students?

A lesser meaning of “allude” was “to play with,” and an allusion does “play with” language as well as create a puzzle for the listener or reader to figure out. If someone says, for example, that a couple seems like Romeo and Juliet, then she could be saying the couple exemplifies true love … or that it’s hopelessly doomed.

Another key to the change is in the mocking itself. People in the early sixteenth century “alluded” someone by aping his mannerisms. In so doing, they were “alluding” to that person, in the modern sense of the word, by making an indirect reference to him.

amazing

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
terrible, dreadful

NEW DEFINITION:
really wonderful; causing amazement

When “amazing” first began to be written in the fifteenth century, it meant something akin to the modern sense of “causing amazement” or “stupefying” you. If God were to come down from the sky and stand next to you in a cornfield, that would have been amazing then, just as it would be amazing now.

However, by the 1700s, something “amazing” meant something that would fill you with wonder. The word took on a pejorative connotation and referred to something dreadful. You found your best friend in bed with your wife? Amazing. The king is going to tax you even more? Amazing.

This sense of the word was a metaphorical leap from “stupefying.” If something makes you feel stupid or insensible, then it must be bad, right? By the turn of the eighteenth century, however, “amazing” shifted again and often described something “wonderful.”

Thus, “amazing,” like many contemporary politicians, could be accused of being a “flip-flopper.”

Amazing Grace

John Newton was your quintessential bad boy. A sailor who participated in the eighteenth-century slave trade, Newton loved to make up profane ditties to pass the time. One night, his ship was caught in a dreadful storm. Newton’s fear of the terrible storm led him to call out to God for mercy, also known as grace.

Newton survived the storm and transformed his life. He was ordained by the Church of England in 1764, and in 1773, he wrote a poem to accompany a sermon. The poem was called “Amazing Grace,” and it was autobiographical. He was the “wretch” who had been “saved.” In 1835, “Amazing Grace” was joined to an extant tune and became the staple of Sunday morning services it continues to be today.

ambulance

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
mobile or field hospital

NEW DEFINITION:
conveyance for getting someone to a standing hospital

If you’ve seen the movie or television show
M*A*S*H
, then you’ve seen an ambulance. No, not those trucks that bring patients to Hawkeye and the gang. The field hospital itself was the ambulance. It brought the care to you … not the other way around.

Look at the word. It has the same root as words like “ambulatory” or “amble.” In essence, the word means “walking.” The French term from which the English derives was “hôpital ambulant,” but English dropped “hôpital.” The bottom line is that the emphasis was on walking, on movement.

Then came the Crimean War (1853–1856). Sometimes considered the first “modern” war, this struggle for control of the former Ottoman Empire was the first to use railroads and telegraphs tactically.

In addition to giving literature (and dismayed students) Lord Tennyson’s “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” the Crimean War was when people began to refer to ambulances as the conveyances moving troops from the field to places where their injuries were treated.

The change likely occurred because the war had so many different theaters. Field hospitals couldn’t possibly have kept up with all of the battles. Thus, ambulances took you
to
the hospital instead of
being
the hospital. Field hospitals still exist today, of course, but they’re no longer called ambulances.

amuse

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
to delude; deceive

NEW DEFINITION:
to appeal to one’s sense of humor

From the Middle Ages into the eighteenth century, “amused” had a mostly negative connotation. It was used to describe someone diverting your attention while trying to cheat you. For example, a minister who preached fire and brimstone to cover up the fact that he was breaking multiple commandments would have been described as “amusing.” (Actually, some might still find him amusing.)

As early as the mid-1600s, the word was occasionally used the way it is today. It described something preoccupying, especially something humorously preoccupying; something that puzzles or bewilders you. Nonetheless, it continued to be a synonym for “deception” and “trickery” for another hundred years. Now, however, it has dropped its deceptive tone and simply means something humorous.

Amuse vs. Bemuse

Good news! You’re not the only one who gets the definitions for “amuse” and “bemuse” mixed up. Nowadays, if something bemuses you, then it puzzles or bewilders you. At one time, something or someone “amusing” did the same thing—but now, “amuse” usually refers to something humorous. So the next time someone corrects you for using the wrong word, you can explain why you are not as bemused as you may seem. So … are you bemused yet?

apron

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
from “napron,” meaning napkin or tablecloth

NEW DEFINITION:
garment worn over one’s clothing to protect from spills and other household messes

“Apron” comes, via Latin, from an Old French (the Gallic version of Old English) word “naperon,” changed ultimately in English to “napron.” The Latin word meant napkin, and the French word meant tablecloth.

The shift in the word’s denotation was complete by the 1600s. Tablecloths protect tables from food and drink spills. Napkins clean stains off of your face. Thus, it wasn’t too great a leap to make “napron” gain its current meaning. Aprons, after all, are like tablecloths for your body.

But why is the word “apron” instead of “napron”?

English is a great hodgepodge, and when it was newly minted, confusion reached Babel-like proportions. For example, the French pronunciation (and difference in the articles used with nouns) made “un naperon” sound like “un aperon.” Thus, a lot of folks thought people were saying “an apron” rather than “a napron.”

And that’s how we got a seemingly boring word that shouldn’t exist at all. Umpire (see entry for “umpire”) is another example of this French to English screw-up.

artifice

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
workmanship demonstrating craft or skill

NEW DEFINITION:
trickery; deception

“Artifice” is a word that can be said to have an infancy, an adolescence, and an adulthood.

As an infant, “artifice” suggested cunning or skill. Note that word “cunning.” When
that
word was born around the fifteenth century, it contained seeds of “artifice’s” contemporary meaning. Thus, “artifice” was not always a positive word.

As an adolescent, however, “artifice” shifted until it did have a completely positive connotation. If a builder of tables showed “artifice,” it meant he or she showed great skill and craftsmanship. Presumably, someone who told good stories showed “artifice” as well.

When “artifice” grew up, it once again took on the mostly negative connotation it contains today. One reason is that the word, as noted, once contained the sense of “cunning.” If someone is cunning, then he’s probably being tricky. Granted, he may be using his wits to help out humanity, but most of the time, cunning suggests someone trying to get away with something.