The Way We Were (31 page)

‘That's the whole trouble. Angela's clever. She manipulates people and works on their fear. I've hated you sometimes when you've been all over her at some party or Ladies' Night and she looks so triumphant and then she comes here a week or so later and drops her little poisonous hints.'

Pete looks so shaken that Julia feels a wave of sympathy for him, yet she holds firm for she knows that she's been given her chance at last; it is the opportunity to be free of Angela's influence for ever. She crosses her arms so as to stop herself reaching out to him.

‘You should have said something,' he mutters.

‘I
did
say something,' she cries. ‘You know I did. Often. You just laughed it off.'

‘Women are such bitches,' he says. ‘Oh, I don't mean you, darling. But honestly …' He shakes his head. ‘It was nothing. Just a silly jokey habit we'd got into. And, like I said before, I suppose my vanity was tickled. I thought you were just being oversensitive. I still can't believe she made me go out for the books so as to start a rumour but I did wonder why she made such a song and dance about them. And she hung about on the doorstep keeping me in silly conversation.' He colours, looking uncomfortable, remembering her overaffectionate farewell hug. And to say that to Tiggy! I wonder who else she said it to. Good grief, the woman's crazy!'

‘Tiggy thought she was mad,' says Julia. Suddenly she relaxes. It is clear from Pete's reaction that none of her fear has been justified and that Aunt Em is right: she's allowed that fear to colour her imagination and feed her suspicions. Now, Pete has been given an insight into the results of his readiness to go along with Angela's behaviour and Julia knows with a deep conviction that Angela's hold over him has been dissipated. ‘It's OK,' she says. ‘I had to get it out of my system, that's all. From now on I shall be able to handle her.'

‘From now on I hope you won't have to,' he says grimly. ‘Sorry, love.' He holds out his hands again and this time she responds.

She goes into his arms and hugs him tightly. He kisses her, drawing her closer, slipping his hands beneath her jersey. Neither of them hear the footsteps come pattering down the stairs and into the room.

‘That's what they call a lip-lock,' says Andy, observing them closely and with great satisfaction. ‘Daddy woke me up when he had his bath, Mummy, and now I can't get back to sleep. I could hear you arguing. I hate it when you argue. Why do you?'

‘For the same reasons that you and Liv argue,' answers Julia, freeing herself reluctantly. ‘And Daddy and I hate that too.'

Andy made a face. ‘OK,' he concedes. ‘Will you read me a story?'

Julia grins at Pete's frustrated expression. ‘Daddy will read one very short story while I get his supper ready' she says. ‘Your penance,' she whispers in Pete's ear, and gives him a quick kiss. ‘Don't forget where we'd got to, though.'

Pete sits down on the sofa and pulls Andy down beside him. ‘I see you've come prepared,' he says resignedly, taking the book. ‘What is it?
Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
. OK. Five minutes and that's it and no arguing.'

‘OK,' Andy says again, settling himself comfortably.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

2004

‘I remembered something last night,' Julia told Aunt Em next morning on their way to Tavistock. All that summer of nineteen seventy-six the little Merlin was out in the tent. The twins took it out to stand on their little table to make it seem more like home. Do you remember? When the weather broke I put it into a box with all the other bits they'd had out there and carried it into the porch. It was there for weeks.'

She glanced sideways at Aunt Em and they both burst into horrified laughter.

To think of it,' murmured Aunt Em. ‘Vischer's
Child Merlin
in the bottom of a toy box in the porch. And then you gave it to Zack?'

‘When the wretched Cat spilled the beans about his adoption to Zack we gathered up all Tiggy's stuff and gave it to him. All except for the jewellery, which I kept for some special occasion; perhaps to give to his wife, if he had one. I gave the garnets to Caroline on their wedding day. Now I'm thinking that if they have a daughter I shall give the locket to her when she's old enough to appreciate it. Tiggy had very little, of course, but Zack was given the photographs and her books, and the Merlin went up into his bedroom. When he got married and we were clearing the room up he must have taken it with the rest of his things. To be honest, I can't remember when I last saw it. Once the children grew too old to play with it none of us was particularly interested in it, apart from its sentimental value. Oh dear. It makes us all sound such philistines, doesn't it?'

‘Obviously you've never noticed it in Chapel Street?'

Julia shook her head. ‘They haven't been there very long and it's taken Caroline a while to unpack everything. Anyway, I wouldn't have been looking for it, you see. Let's hope I find it quickly. I've told Caroline we're having lunch with one of your old chums at Mary Tavy so we're just dropping in for a cup of coffee.'

‘Have you got a good size bag?'

Julia jerked her chin in the direction of the back seat and Aunt Em glanced over her shoulder. A big black and red tapestry bag with cane handles lay there, capacious and strong; it usually contained Julia's knitting. Aunt Em settled back in her seat.

‘I'm terrified,' she said conversationally It was true; her heart was behaving very oddly and her head felt as if it were filled with cotton wool. ‘What about you?'

‘I feel sick with terror,' admitted Julia. ‘I couldn't sleep at all last night, thinking about it. I'm frightened at the thought of taking it but not as frightened as imagining that I shan't find it. I keep wondering what Pete would say if he knew. He'd be horrified. I suspect that he might feel that the time had come to tell Zack the truth, but how can I? I
promised
Tiggy If she wanted to keep her father's existence secret then, how much more would she want to
now?
Not only a child molester but a forger! At the same time I can't believe what I'm doing. Honestly, Aunt Em! What
are
we doing?'

‘Protecting Zack,' she answered calmly, ‘and keeping your promise to Tiggy.'

Caroline led them through the house, down the garden to the shady pergola; Julia carried the tray.

‘Poor darling,' she said, momentarily distracted from her terrors by Caroline's size. Are you very uncomfortable?'

‘I shall be very glad to get it over with,' answered Caroline, pouring coffee. ‘I just hope that Zack will be home in time. I feel it might be any minute.'

And the boat's due in on Sunday?' Julia let Caroline put her mug on the table; her hands were trembling slightly. ‘You should have come to Trescairn for this last week.'

‘Perhaps I should have.' Caroline smiled warmly at Julia. ‘It was sweet of you to invite me, and Mum offered to come down, but I've been fine and I'm sure that Zack will make it in time now. I'm sure you can understand how I feel. I want to be here when he gets back.'

Julia nodded. ‘Of course you do. I'd feel exactly the same. At times like these one's own home is always the best place to be. Goodness, it's hot. We left poor old Frobes at home. He's feeling the heat almost as much as you are.' She took another quick sip of coffee and stood up, clutching the tapestry bag. ‘I'm going to the loo,' she said. ‘Shan't be a sec.'

She crossed the garden, hearing Aunt Em say to Caroline: ‘So you'll be going into Derriford to have the baby?' and went into the house. She paused in the narrow, fitted kitchen, looking round; no Merlin here nor much room for him except on the windowsill. Julia hurried along the hall, into the sitting-room. No sign of him in the glass-fronted alcove cupboards on either side of the pretty Victorian fireplace, nor in the room across the hall which they used as a combined dining-room and study. This room was more untidy than the sitting-room and Julia moved round it slowly, checking out the crowded bookshelves, the small bureau, the big table.

Upstairs she hesitated, looking down into the garden from the landing window. Aunt Em and Caroline seemed engrossed in conversation but she was filled with anxiety and her palms were damp as she opened the bedroom door and looked into the warm, comfortable untidiness of Caroline's bedroom. The Merlin was not among the dressing table's clutter or on the bedside tables; he wasn't in the neat and tidy spare room or in the nursery.

Downstairs she took several deep breaths before going out into the garden. Aunt Em and Caroline were laughing beneath the pergola and Julia sat down, keeping the bag on her lap, picked up her mug and took a long draught of the lukewarm coffee. One quick glance at Aunt Em, a tiny shake of the head, and then she was glancing at her watch, telling Caroline that they really mustn't stay much longer but, yes, perhaps another half-cup of coffee.

Aunt Em was amusing Caroline with an anecdote about Uncle Archie arriving back unexpectedly early from sea, allowing Julia time to gulp her coffee and try to control her shaking hands. Presently they were standing up, kissing Caroline goodbye.

As they drove out of Tavistock up on to the Launceston Road, Aunt Em gave a great sigh. ‘No luck then.'

Julia shook her head. ‘That was awful,' she said. ‘I feel like a criminal. There was no sign of it anywhere. So what do we do now?'

‘Just because you couldn't see it doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't there,' said Em. ‘Maybe it hasn't been unpacked yet.'

Julia shook her head despondently. ‘There was no sign of any tea-chests, and the nursery looked all ready for action. Zack's old teddy was sitting on the bed.' She smiled reminiscently. ‘He always went everywhere with Zack when he was little. When she knew she was pregnant Caroline insisted that teddy should be with them but there are quite a few toys left at home. Some of them have come into their own again now Charlie's two are old enough to play with them – the little trolley with the wooden bricks in it, and the rocking horse and things like that – but there are a few special ones that the children couldn't quite bear to part with. I put the soft toys into a sealed plastic bag but the other things are in the toy box in the attic.'

Em turned to her sharply. ‘But didn't you say that Zack and the others sometimes played with the Merlin? Might he have been put away with the other toys?'

‘Oh my God,' said Julia slowly. ‘What a fool I am. Yes, that's where he'll be. The children wouldn't necessarily have considered him as an ornament. Why ever didn't I think of that first? I suppose it was because the toy box has been in the attic for years and Zack only cleared out his room eighteen months ago. That's why it was uppermost in my mind. Damn!'

‘But that's much better,' cried Em with relief. ‘Don't you see? It means that Caroline has probably never seen the Merlin and that Zack hasn't given him a thought for years. The fewer people to have seen it recently, the better. How easy is it to get up into the attic, Julia?'

An hour later Julia was in the attic at Trescairn, on her knees before the toy box with its torn stickers and faded, peeling paint. As she lifted the lid the smell of the past, musty with a thousand memories clinging to it, assailed her nostrils. Here were Andy's roller skates, wrapped in a twenty-year-old copy of the
Daily Telegraph
, his tattered collection of
Mad
magazines and his Evel Knievel motor bike. There was Charlie's little blue plastic suitcase specially constructed to hold two tiers of Dinky cars, each in its own small compartment, and most of which were still intact, if very battered. A group of Zack's grim-faced Action Men were bundled together, each wearing his own special uniform, whilst Liv's Sindy doll smirked vacuously at them across James Bond's Aston Martin from her bed on a pile of Mr Men books.

The Child Merlin
stood upright, wedged into a corner; chin up, hurrying forward into the future with that familiar swirl of his tunic and the falcon on his wrist. With a tiny sob of relief, Julia reached and took him into her hand, feeling the smooth weightiness. She looked at him, turning him, examining him with fresh eyes. Memories stirred; she swallowed, biting her lips, and then called down softly: ‘I've found him.'

She turned round, still on her knees, scrambling to the hatchway, and handed the little Merlin down to Aunt Em, who received it carefully. She held it in both hands and Julia closed the toy box and came clambering down the ladder to stand beside her. They gazed at it together; at the intricate workmanship and the soft sheen of the bronze.

‘Beautiful,' murmured Aunt Em, turning him gently. ‘Quite beautiful.'

Julia touched
The Child Merlin
with one finger. ‘He
is
beautiful,' she agreed. ‘I never really noticed it before. I just sort of took him for granted. But what shall we do with him?'

‘We must lose him,' said Aunt Em calmly.

‘But it seems so terrible,' said Julia anxiously ‘Now that we know, I mean.'

‘Terrible but necessary if you are to keep your promise,' said Aunt Em.

CHAPTER TWENTY

2004

Liv was sitting with Chris and Val in their kitchen sharing an early lunch. She felt an odd detachment, as if a glass sheet had been slipped between her and the two who sat opposite. The emotional excitement of the last few months had been quenched with determination, though bittersweet tremors still shook her heart, rather as an amputated limb might twinge long after its separation.