The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (345 page)

I went to the computer, looking for somewhere to turn to. I headed over to the Facebook page and scrolled through the posts. They were all positive and deceptive. Where was the truth? It was hidden as usual. Don't get me wrong; I loved the positive support, but not every day was rainbows and sunshine. This life was dark and lonely at times, and I couldn't be the only one who felt that. There needed to be a place where wives could talk freely about the dark side, judgment free.

That was it. I was a writer and a firefighter's wife going through one of the bleakest moments of my life. I would start a page for others like me to seek solace in. To reveal their deepest, darkest pains and hopefully learn from each other's mistakes before they made the same ones. It wouldn't atone for my own recent sins, but I could help others not follow the same path as me. I could be there for them when no one was for me.

I took a deep breath, knowing the full weight of what I was about to do. I didn't know if a page like this would take off, but at the very least, it would be a place for me to talk about the things I had never been willing to reveal before. A place where I could still hide my face, but expose my sins.

I selected
Create a Page
. My hands were shaking. It seemed juvenile, but I had never been one to talk about my feelings like this, so it was a monumental step for me. What would make a good title for the confessions of a firefighter's wife? That was it. I typed quickly as if someone would steal my idea before I pressed
Submit
. The cursor on the screen flashed on the title,
Confessions of a Firefighter Wife.
I stared at the screen for a dramatically long time, watching the cursor blink.

It reminded me of a heartbeat, only it had an infinite amount of flashes, whereas a heart had an unknown number branded individually and uniquely to each person. I wondered how many beats I had left.

I set up the page with a silhouette of Dean on a commercial fire. It was hauntingly beautiful. The gravity of the situation forgotten by the image portrayed. It was at night, and he was on a ladder spraying water onto an industrial building fully engulfed in flames. All it took was one wrong move in that moment and he could have lost his life. And he did this every day. At what point would the odds stack up against him? He may not live to see how many beats his heart had.

I wrote a quick bio, pinned it to the top, and closed my laptop. I felt dazed as I thought about Dean's life at work. About the risks he took all in the name of love. He loved his job. He said it wasn't the thrill he loved the most; instead, it was the look on someone's face that said
thank you for saving me
. Not every call was like that, though.

He had some rough days that affected him for months. Some even haunted him to this day. He saw things I could never imagine myself being able to handle. I didn't know how he shut it out, but I imagined it was the same way I did, bottling it up. The way we dealt with stressors wasn't healthy, and our marriage was suffering because of it and would surely fail if we didn't make a change soon.

I couldn't shut my brain off. I desperately wanted to retrace the moments of our life to figure out what happened to us, what led to my betrayal and the possible destruction of the past sixteen years. Did he feel the same way, or was I alone in this? Had he committed the same betrayals? The thought tightened my chest and made me struggle for breath.

I wanted to believe we could come back from this, but I just didn't know if that was what I wanted anymore. I was conflicted and confused as I had been for so long, but it took this weekend to push it to the forefront of my reality. My life, present and past.

****

H
igh School Years

I was celebrating my sixteenth birthday with my bestie, Kylie. She had an infectious smile that lit up the world. Her soul was just as beautiful as she was. Guys fell at her feet, literally, but she never left me behind. I always came first, and if anyone ever made me feel less than that, she was sure to torture them for life. I wasn't hard to look at, but I wasn't your typical cheerleading beauty either. I was tiny with an olive complexion, dark hair, and bright blue eyes that turned green when I was feeling feisty. I think the secret of my allure was the mysterious flirtation I emitted when I was drawn to someone. No one else was worth my attention. I lived in my dreams and imagination more often than not. I wanted the fairy tale. I wanted someone to make me feel alive from the inside out. I had to feel it to want it, and when I did, watch out. I would ignite a fire inside them that they would never be able to extinguish.

Kylie had planned a night out shopping. She loved shopping, especially for me. I was plain, and she loved dressing me up like her little doll. It made me laugh, and I loved how happy it made her when I received compliments. I wasn't huge on birthdays, but she insisted we do something. She was six months older than me, so she already had her license and was more than excited to be driving. I, however, was in no rush.

"I can't believe you didn't take your driver's test today." Kylie was rummaging through my closet.

I sat on the edge of my bed watching her amusedly. "I have an appointment next week, no worries." She threw a pair of red canvas platforms on the floor in front of me. "You're funny," I said sarcastically.

"What? Come on, Len. It's your birthday. Live a little." She pouted playfully.

"Not going to happen, Ky." I slid off the bed and pushed past her into my closet. I dug out a pair of black Converse. I was already wearing a pair of fitted Rockabilly-style jeans and a white V-neck. I pulled on a pair of invisible ankle socks and then my Converse, all the while secretly giggling to myself as I watched Kylie fuming at me.

"Seriously, Kylie. It's not a big deal. I like simple. It's comfortable." I stood up and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. "Besides, look how cute I look, and you didn't even have to help me. I'm learning." She walked over and stood next to me as she glared at my reflection.

"Well, I guess you do look pretty cute, but you would look amazing if you wore the platforms. I mean really, Lennox, why do you even have platforms if those are the only shoes you are going to wear?"

"If I remember correctly, I didn't buy those. You did." I threw her a smirk.

"Fine." She threw up her hands in defeat. "Let's go."

She grabbed her purse off of the bed and headed out of my room, which was now a mini tornado from Kylie's clothing raid. I sighed at her, grabbed the vintage wristlet my mom bought me for my birthday, and followed her out.

****

I
didn't know what it was about the mall that attracted so many high school kids on a Friday night. It could be that we lived in a rural town outside of Los Angeles that didn't have much for kids our age to do. Kylie and I lived in Somis, which was way off the beaten path, so getting to the mall took us a good thirty minutes.

There was a bowling alley and a Denny's within walking distance of the mall that everyone tended to frequent between the hours after school until the ten o'clock curfew. We had a name, "Mall Rats." I didn't partake in the antics of normal high school kids, but Kylie tended to, so tonight I made an exception and went along with it. When we walked through the doors, we caught sight of a long line forming outside of the movie theatre.

"I wonder what movie is playing," she said.

I just shrugged.

"I see one of my friends in line. I'll go ask her. I'll be right back, okay?"

She didn't wait for me to answer as she trotted into the crowded line. And then I saw a beautiful excuse of a guy standing with her friend, a girl from school whom I didn't particularly like, but the boy I had never seen before. He was tall and lean, but had well-defined muscles. His hair was styled like a guy straight out of the movie
Grease
only with a little more punk edge to it, and he wore amazingly dark fitted jeans and a comfortably fitting rock band T-shirt.

I could feel the immediate lure to him. My heart fluttered, and my lips tingled.
This was crazy
! I hadn't even met him... yet. But I would, and I would steal him away from that girl. I felt like a dog marking its territory, but like I said before, it was rare for me to want someone, and when I did, I didn't let anything or anyone get in my way. Kylie came skipping back over to me.

"It's a free preview thing."

I was still staring at them. "Who's the guy Elisha is with? I've never seen him before."

"His name is Dean. Cute, huh?"

Oh great!
Of course, she had her eye on him, too. "He's very cute."

"They are going to Denny's after the movie, so we can stalk him after we go shopping. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me farther into the mall. I looked back and caught Dean watching us walk away. I smiled to myself secretly. Tonight was going to be interesting after all.

After a few hours of shopping, I ended up with nothing, but not to worry, because Kylie bought three bags of clothes to make up for it. We walked back to her car.

"Let's head over to Denny's and see if
our
guy is there." She threw the bags into the back of her two-door purple hatchback coupe.

We hopped in and drove around the corner to the restaurant. The lot was full as the sun was setting. High school kids loitered the parking lot, smoking cigarettes and blasting music from their cars. Today was the first official day of spring break in the area, and everyone seemed to be celebrating it here.
So random.
We squeezed into a small spot in the back of the lot and made our way among the crowd of cars and people. I recognized some, but we were in a different town than we went to school in, so there were more unfamiliar faces than familiar ones. The front entrance of the restaurant was no less crowded. We squeezed past everyone.

"Let's look for Elisha. I'm not going to wait for a table," she said.

I followed her inside. We scanned the restaurant and stopped at the table Elisha, Dean, and two other guys were occupying.

"Come on." She grabbed my hand.

"Are we really going to just go sit with them?" I asked her.

"Um, let me think about that. Yes, of course." She giggled and pulled me along with her.

I was surprised at how nervous I was getting with every step we took toward their table. I could feel my palms begin to sweat, so I dropped Kylie's hand and rubbed them on my pants. My breathing became slightly irregular as we barged in on their evening.

"Hi, again," Kylie burst out.

Elisha was sitting on the inside of the booth next to Dean, and the other two boys were sitting across from them. They were in a large enough booth that Kylie was able to squeeze in next to Dean. I felt a little awkward sitting next to some guys I had never met, so when I sat down, I introduced myself to break the ice.

"Hi, I'm Lennox," I said loud enough for the whole table to hear. Elisha shot me a fake smile which I returned with a bitchy smirk. Dean locked eyes with me immediately.

"I'm Dean," he said smoothly.

Those two words melted my insides like chocolate fondue. We stared at each other as the moments passed until Elisha interrupted.

"What were you guys up to today?" she asked Kylie, not making any stitch of an effort to acknowledge my existence again.

"It's Lennox's birthday, so we are just out celebrating."

I shot Kylie a glare which she countered with a guilty look. It being my birthday wasn't necessary information for the conversation.

"Happy birthday, Lennox," Dean said to me.

The way he said my name sent chills down my spine. He was so cute, and I could feel the connection between us heating up as the seconds ticked by. I smiled at him and lowered my eyes shyly. I could tell Elisha was getting irritated with the attention I was attracting.

"I need a smoke break. Anyone want to come?" she blurted out.

"We'll come," chimed the two guys sitting next to me.

I never did get their names. We all got up to let them out.

"Hey, I see Braxton over there. I'm going to say hi real quick, okay?" Kylie winked knowingly at me.

"Sure, okay," I said uneasily. Dean and I sat back down in the booth across from each other. The silence was disconcerting, but not uncomfortable. As I was trying to focus on calming down, he broke the silence.

"Are you from around here?"

"I live in the next town over, but this is the closest mall."

"You seem to know Elisha. Does she go to your school?"

"She does." I felt stupid just answering questions rather than asking them, but he was making me so damn nervous that I was scared I would ask something mindless.

"So, how old are you today, Lennox?"

"Sixteen, and before you ask, no I didn't get my license today and not because I failed the test. I'm just not in a rush or anything."

"I'm seventeen, and I just barely got mine, so I understand. I wasn't in a rush either."

Oh shit
. We already had something in common. One of his friends came strutting back to the table.

"Dude, we're ready to go."

"Okay, I'll be there in a second." He picked up a paper napkin and called to a passing server, "Excuse me. Can I borrow a pen, please?" She handed him one and walked away. He wrote something on the napkin. "Here's my number. I hope you call me sometime." He stood up and walked away. I didn't realize I had stopped breathing until the wind rushed back into my lungs. Kylie plopped down in Dean's seat.

"What's that?" She snatched the napkin from the table. "Oh my God. Is this his number?"

"Yeah." I looked up at her and smiled.

"Nice. Way to hook us up."

I grabbed the napkin from her and slipped it into my wristlet. "Us, huh?" I winked at her.

"Hell, yeah. He's got some pretty hot friends. You're not leaving me behind."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Ky."

"I bet Elisha is pissed," she said.

"Like I care. You ready to go home?"

"Yeah, let's go and plan our day with Dean."