Thirty-Eight Days (32 page)

He must have realised how wrong this is.

Sitting alone, she looked around at her surroundings. Everything was perfect: the lights, the bakery, the flowers, and Noel. That feeling in her continued to strengthen, and it took a lot to try to contain it. She tried her best to rationalise her thoughts and tell herself that it wasn’t the case, but she knew that beating in her heart could only mean one thing.

A plate of lasagne sat before her, Clara leaned over and sniffed it. Tomatoes and basil engulfed her sense, and there was another aroma she hadn’t smelt in a very long time.

“Granny Parker’s lasagne?” Clara breathed out, amazed. Granny Parker was one of the greatest things about having to visit the Parkers. She only lived a few houses away, but would always come over to see Clara. She hadn’t heard about Granny Parker since she moved up to the Yarra Ranges, but Clara still received her annual Christmas card off her. There was another pang in her chest, and Clara’s eyes started to sting. It was getting too much for her.

“You always loved her lasagne. It was something you liked when you came over. I called her for the recipe, and I was scared she was going to have a heart attack when I told her who I was making it for. She has never once let me have the recipe, and when I said your name, I heard her go quiet and then she did a little squeal that I didn’t know she could do,” Noel said as he put a forkful of pasta in his mouth. Clara looked down at hers. Noel got the recipe and made it himself. She knew he would never share Granny Parker’s famous lasagne with anyone outside his family.

“Question four,” she announced. Noel dropped his fork. His eyebrows raised high and a surprised expression crossed his face.

“You want to play that now?” he asked, surprised. Clara took a sip of the red wine he poured for her. She needed it to be brave.

“How do you know all these things? The tulips and Granny Parker. How do you know all this?” Clara asked with more sourness than she wanted.

“What do you mean?” he sighed out, exasperated by her question.

“You know these things about me and it’s just… unbelievable. You’re Nolan Parker! I grew up with you. You hated my guts! How could you have known all these things? You didn’t even know I existed!” Clara could feel herself heat up, her heart racing. She needed to know how and why. She was curious, and it was curiosity that could break her heart.

“I’m surprised, too, Clara. I seem to have paid more attention than I thought when I was kid. Of course I would remember things that made you happy. I’m not heartless. I guess it’s just all coming back to me. I was awful to you as a kid, and I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you,” Noel said as he cut into his lasagne. The sadness in his eyes returned, and it was breaking her heart.

Their past seemed more entwined than she thought. Clara shifted through her memories, and she could feel her head start to hurt. She found more memories where Noel was mean to her rather than nice. But that’s how they were; those few good memories were ones she would treasure.

“That’s just how it was with us. You’re my brother’s best friend, and I’m his sister. We weren’t meant for more,” Clara confessed as she placed a fork of lasagne in her mouth. That mouth-watering smoothness of the tomato sauce and basil was everything that reminded her of her childhood. Noel winced at her reply as his eyes saddened and his body stiffened. He was silent for a moment before he opened his mouth to speak.

“My turn, question six. Is that how you still see us? Alex’s best friend and Alex’s sister?” he asked, the question surprising her.

Clara looked around the room. Before their date she wanted to be so open with Noel and hold his hand as they walked the streets of Melbourne. But now, she questioned the pain in her heart and the sadness in Noel’s eye. She breathed in and her heart constricted.

“No, I see…” Clara stopped and sighed before she continued, “I see you as more than just my brother’s best friend. I see you as someone I want to be with. After everything between us, I should be saying no, but my heart tells me I shouldn’t let you go so easily. Because if I blink too fast, I may lose you, and I don’t think I’m prepared for that,” Clara said as she looked down at her plate. She couldn’t look at Noel. This was
her
heart on the line.

“Clara,” Noel whispered in her ear. Clara raised her head to see Noel’s seat empty; she hadn’t even noticed that he got up. The feel of his hand covering hers caused her heart to pick up. Noel crouched beside her, his eyes meeting hers.

“I’m sorry. I’ve ruined this night and I’ve ruined this dinner. I’ve ruined everything. I’m so sorry,” Clara said as she looked down at his black dress shoes. Looking in his eyes was too hard. She was ashamed of her confession. It was too soon, and just saying it out loud made her nauseated. A million emotions consumed her and it started to hurt her head.

“Come here,” Noel said as he tugged her out of her chair to stand. “I shouldn’t have asked you that; it was too soon. I’m the one who’s sorry, Clara.” He gave her a small apologetic smile.

Looking at him, she saw a side of him she had never known except from moments in her childhood. The zoo and the tulips. It’s seemed that she was the one who ignored Noel growing up. She always perceived him as a self-absorbed jerk, and maybe through it all she was the one that was wrong. She never gave him the chance to be more than just her brother’s best friend.

“Can I ask you question seven?” The twinkle in his eye confused her. Clara nodded. She’d give him anything.

“Dance with me?” he asked as he held his hand out to her.  She swore those three words removed any doubt that her mind stored. She gave Noel a smile before placing her hand in his.

He tugged her close to him, her hands placed on his chest. Noel cupped her face and brushed off the tear she didn’t know she’d shed. Clara ignored that lone tear; she wasn’t sure why it fell, but the feeling of him wiping it away made her lose sense of the world. There was no music as he encased his hand in hers and placed his other on the small of her back, bringing her closer.

She let herself have one more look at Noel; his eyes softened in colour, and his lips formed a content smile. All fear escaped her body and she sighed as she rested her cheek on Noel’s chest. Noel tensed before he breathed out and rocked her in a soft sway. There was no music, just the sound of Noel’s heart and the twinkle of the fairy lights.

Clara inhaled Noel’s smell. Like before, that spicy and woodsy scent made her head foggy. This is what she liked about them, the feeling of being so close that they both shut out the world. There was no Valerie or Darren. It was just them, and it was how they were meant to be. She loved the solidness of Noel’s chest and the warmth of his touch. Those feelings she tried to suppress were boiling over, and she didn’t care anymore.

“Question eight,” Noel whispered. Clara tensed at his need to ask one more question. “Can you ask me the one question I know you’re too scared to ask me?”

Her body stilled. She removed her head from the soothing sound of his heartbeat and looked up to meet his eyes. The soft tone of green was back in full colour. The pure beauty of them made her legs weak. Noel let go of her and took only her hands in his.

Will you run to Valerie?

That was the one question she was too scared to ask. Valerie had more history than she did with Noel. But this was the present, and she hoped Valerie wouldn’t be a threat to what they had. Noel squeezed her hands in reassurance. Before she could think her question through, she said the one question she wouldn’t have ever asked.

“What happens when Alex comes home?” The question surprised her, but she realised it was
the
question she feared. Noel dropped his head and looked at the ground. That one action slowly killed her. He was as unsure as she was. He removed his hands from Clara. His reaction shocked her, and she knew there wouldn’t be a
them
when Alex returned. That realisation made her eyes tear, but she was hell-bent on making sure he didn’t see her cry. They would be over. And tonight was their last night. This was their last stand.

Clara tore her gaze off Noel and turned away from him. His silence was her answer, and she knew this was better for them. If they went further, there would be no way of healing from the destruction he would inflict on her. It was the best for both of them and for Alex. He would never forgive either one of them if it went further. She felt the blood leave her face, her knees shake, and the pain in her chest return. Clara closed her eyes in attempt to stop the tears, breathed in, and grabbed her handbag from the back of her chair and made her way for the door.

“We face him together,” she heard Noel say after her. Clara stopped short of the door handle. She turned to face him, his fists clenched tight, and she could see the absolute fear in his eyes. Raw and uncertain.

“He’s my brother, Noel. I can’t hurt him. He’s all I have left. I—I can’t hurt him,” she whimpered out. Because it was true; Clara knew it would kill Alex, and it scared her.

“I promise, we’ll face Alex together. I won’t let him hate you. We’ll be fine. I promise.”

She shook her head, the pain in her heart intensifying. She knew she’d have to make a choice, either her brother or Noel. She couldn’t have both, and that killed her. Her legs buckled beneath her and she fell to the floor; the sobs and tears ran freely. Noel sat directly in front of her.

“I’m going to lose my brother,” she softly cried out. Clara knew she had already made a choice.

“Clara, you won’t lose Alex. I promise. He’ll see. I told you I wanted you, and I do. I want to spend every waking moment in your presence and every sleeping moment with you tucked in my arms. It’s you and me, Clara. Alex will understand. I just need you to understand how much I want to be with you. I told you I’d risk it all to be with you. I’m just waiting for you to understand how true to my word I am. I will
always
choose you over Alex.”

She looked up to see the intensity in his eyes, and that’s when it hit her like a ton of bricks. Maybe it was too soon, but the feeling of being near him engulfed her, consumed her, and no doubt confused her.

I’m not meant to want Nolan Parker like this. Not one bit.

Those feelings broke the levies, letting the dam flow freely. As she looked into those beautiful green eyes, she knew. It was in that moment she had stopped falling, and instead she fell
in
love with Nolan Parker. The first boy to give her a tulip and watch toucans turned out to be the first person she ever fell undeniably and madly in love with.

I
t wasn’t the first date he expected with Clara. In fact, he never expected this to happen on a date. Period. But her eyes screamed “fragile,” and the tears that fell were heartbreakingly sad. The realisation that she might lose her brother hit her hard. He couldn’t blame her; he also feared his own relationship with Alex. He was possibly going to lose his best friend because he fell hard for his best friend’s sister. The moment the fairy lights turned on and he saw her, Noel lost all thought and the air in his lungs. The way the lights reflected off her skin and her short, light purple dress was mesmerising.

She is unforgettable.

The minute her eyes found his, he knew he fell hard. Seeing her eyes light up in wonder at the way he and Rob decorated the bakery made his heart leap. He should walk away now. This was his one chance at a clean goodbye, but leaving her would be too painful. Instead, Noel took her hands in his, her touch alone making his heart race. Clara blinked the tears away and her eyes darted to their hands. He smiled at the thought of how her small perfect hands fit in his, and he was determined to never let them go.

The uncertainty in Clara’s eyes had him wanting to reassure her of the possibility of them. It was the need to fight with Clara’s uncertainty that made this feel so real for him. If he fought for her, it would make Clara see the clear picture he was trying to display for her. But it was hard. They didn’t have such a blank canvas to work on. They were up against an already painted surface, with clumps of dried paint that took time to clear away, but he could see the picture they would share together.

“Clara,” Noel squeezed her hands as she peeked up at him. “I will always choose you because this… this
is
real. Everything I feel for you is real.” He couldn’t help the feeling of his heart melting when Clara smiled that flawless smile at him.

“This date is a total bust. I’m so sorry, Noel. You put so much effort into it, and it’s by far the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me.”

He brushed away the strands of damp hair out of her face. “You should be sorry. I had Rob on a ladder for ages wrapping those lights around those rafters for you. He poured his heart and soul into this date! And Danny and Josie put so much effort in too,” he joked, and that sad smile he saw vanished.

Clara let out an honest laugh. “There’s an iPod dock in the back. Josie has a million songs on that iPod. I think I could find a song we could probably dance to. What do you say?” Clara asked.