With her finishing words, he rolled her on her back and took over the lovemaking with such rigorous intent, she couldn’t speak at all.
When they were done she’d again yanked him out of bed to see to his hand. She cleansed it, bandaged it and he’d allowed it, not letting on that she was the first and only person he’d ever let take care of him. He’d never even allowed Laura to tend to him but he didn’t share this either. He would, just not right then. There were other things he needed to share.
Then he guided her back to bed. There he pulled her back to his front and quietly, he shared with her the rest of his life, speaking more words at one time than he ever had. He told her of growing up with Deirdre, of his mother not sending him to a special school when the teachers told her she should, of her murder, of Victor’s part in saving him then Laura’s, of Danielle’s unwanted attention and Jeffrey’s malice.
Through this all, she said nothing, simply rested her arm on his at her waist and laced her fingers in his. Often her body would tense but she didn’t interrupt him.
Finally, when he was finished and silent, she whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
It was his turn for his body to tense. “I thought if you knew, you’d leave.”
“Why?” she asked.
“You’d probably never seen a syringe filled with heroin or held your mother’s hair when she was so drunk she was getting sick in the toilet,” he explained.
“You thought I’d leave because you had a terrible, awful, horrible, useless, unspeakably bad mother?” she queried and at any other time Nate might have smiled at her dramatic description of his mother but it wasn’t the time for smiles.
“I thought you’d leave because I did bad things.”
“You didn’t know,” she defended him.
“I
did
know. I was young but I wasn’t stupid,” Nate replied.
“You had no choice,” she returned immediately.
Nate didn’t answer for this was true.
Finally he said, “It isn’t a pretty story of genies and magical wishes or even lazing away summer days floating on ponds.”
“No,” she admitted, “but it made you… you.”
“Yes,” Nate allowed for this was true too.
“And I love you,” she went on.
This time his arm tensed, pulling her deeper into his body.
“Yes,” he murmured.
“And I wouldn’t change a thing about you, except to erase what you’ve been through,” she told him, snuggling even closer.
“I didn’t want it to touch you,” Nate shared. “It was ugly, dirty and I didn’t want it to be a part of your life.”
“
It
was ugly and dirty but
you
weren’t,” Lily replied in a voice vibrating with feeling and registering so low, he had to tilt his head closer to hear and what she said next shook him so deeply, any remaining armour he had around his heart fell away (although, there wasn’t much left) and the quickly melting ice around it shattered. “I’m proud. I’m proud of who you were, how you survived and what you’ve become. And I’m proud that you were an inspiration to make Victor see he should change his life so you and he and Laura could have a better one. And I’m proud that you love me and we made Tash together.”
Nate closed his eyes and drew in his breath. Of all of it, he’d been dreading this moment the most. He had one last admission to make that night.
“Lily, there’s something else you need to know.”
“All right,” she said trustingly and, now vulnerable, knowing he’d come so far, she’d given so much and he had her back, he steeled himself against her reaction to his next words.
“I meant to get you pregnant,” he announced.
She went completely still and Nate felt his chest constrict. Then she turned in his arms and looked into his eyes, hers were bemused.
“I did it with intent,” Nate went on, feeling she had to know and hating himself for doing it as well as the fact he had to tell her. “I wanted to bind you to me, I knew how you felt about family and I thought making you pregnant would mean you’d never leave. I didn’t know you were pregnant when you
did
leave but I did everything I could when we –”
“Thank God,” she breathed, shocking him into silence with her words. Then she smiled her quirky smile and Nate stared at her, dumbfounded by her reaction.
She moved in, brushed her lips against his and turned again, nestling contentedly into his body.
“If you hadn’t,” she carried on sleepily, clearly not upset in any way that he’d callously impregnated her in a selfish effort to tie her to him then left her to bear the child alone through a difficult pregnancy and a birth that caused her to die for two minutes and thirty-eight seconds and then, for seven years, she’d reared Tash under supremely trying circumstances all without Nate’s assistance, “we wouldn’t have Tash and, well, anyway… thank God.”
And that, Nate realised with a profound sense of relief, was that.
He buried his face in her hair, laid silent and listened as Lily fell asleep.
Then he held her.
Then, for the first time in his life, at peace with himself, at peace with his past, Nate slept.
He woke before dawn and carefully pulled away so as not to wake her but she rolled into him and wrapped her arms around him.
She lifted sleep-filled eyes to his, “Where are you going?”
He kissed her softly and murmured, “I have to go to Tash. Go back to sleep, darling.”
She nodded, gave him a sleepy smile and let him go. The minute he exited the bed, she clutched his pillow to her.
Nate dressed, sat on the edge of the bed and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“You’ve seen me on our wedding day,” she muttered into the pillow, not opening her eyes.
Nate bent down and touched his mouth to the skin at the back of her ear.
“I think we’ve had all the bad luck there is to have,” Nate assured her.
Her lips came up in a half-grin before she fell back to sleep.
Nate allowed himself a moment to watch her, a moment to feel the joy that had replaced the tightness in his chest, to come to terms with his newfound sense of contentment, security, belonging.
Then he left his soon-to-be wife and went to their daughter.
Everyone
Lily
“Lily, the limousine is here!” Maxine called up the steps.
Lily stood looking at herself in the mirror thinking maybe, just maybe, Nate hadn’t been bewitched by Fazire’s magic, maybe she
was
beautiful.
Her dress was simple ivory silk, strapless, form-fitting, cut at just above the knee. At her waist there was a thin belt of the same ivory material with a small, silk-wrapped, square buckle. She had on a pair of pointed-toed, stiletto-heeled, ivory, sling-backed pumps. The only jewellery she wore was a one strand pearl necklace and matching bracelet with pearl studs in her ears, a set that Laura had given her that morning stating it was her engagement present from Laura and Victor. Her hair was swept back softly in a satin ivory ribbon tied in a bow at the nape of her neck.
“You look fab,” Susan said from behind her.
Lily’s eyes moved to the three girls in her bedroom with her. Susan, Emily and Lorna were her shopgirls from Flash and Dazzle. The shop was closed for the day so the girls could attend the wedding and be involved in the preparations.
Susan was great with hair and thus, she did Lily’s for her wedding day. Emily was great with makeup so ditto Emily’s reason for being there. Lorna had no special skill but Lily was not about to leave one of her girls out and Lorna was the type of girl who wouldn’t have allowed that anyway.
Lily could have, considering the fact that she had a little less than seven million pounds in her bank account, had the best stylists and makeup artists in the United Kingdom tending to her wedding preparations but what would be special about
that?
Maxine hustled into the room, all business.
“Come on girls, you better get going or you’ll never make it to Bath on time and –” she stopped dead when her eyes fell on Lily. Then her mouth dropped open. Then, seconds later, she burst into loud tears.
Lily, Susan, Emily and Lorna all rushed toward Maxie and Lily wrapped an arm around her friend.
“Maxie, what on earth’s the matter?”
Maxine’s tear-brightened eyes never left Lily. “You…” she started then sighed, “oh Lily.” And Maxine threw her arms around Lily and gave her a tight hug. When she pulled back, she looked in Lily’s eyes and whispered, “You’re the most beautiful bride in the world.”
Lily smiled thinking that, of course, Maxine would say that.
“Hear hear!” Lorna shouted so loud and with such conviction that Lily jumped and Lorna downed the last sip out of her champagne glass.
“I’ll say!” Emily followed suit with her champagne.
“Me too!” Susan chimed in, not drinking as Susan was driving all the girls to Bath.
“What’s going on?” Laura bustled in, looking around the room which bore the evidence of not only wedding preparations but of a hen morning that had started the minute Lily staggered, tired from a sleep-disturbed night, but still elated at the events of that night, into the kitchen to see a concerned Maxine and Laura sitting at the kitchen table. Once their eyes hit Lily’s happy, shining face, their concern melted, hugs were exchanged, tears of joy fell and the first of several bottles of champagne was popped open.
Lily felt on top of the world, on top of the universe, gliding along in heaven.
She had Nate, finally,
completely
, he was hers. She wanted to climb to the roof and shout it to the entire town (this, she did not do, as her dress would be ruined).
Laura’s eyes alighted on Lily and she, too, stopped dead and stared.
“Oh, dear Lord,” she breathed.
Lily moved to Laura and stood in front of her.
Putting her arms out to her sides, her heart thundering in her chest, she asked her soon-to-be mother-in-law quietly, “Will I do for your son?”
It was Laura’s turn to burst into tears and she reached out and clutched Lily to her.
“You’ll do, you’ll more than do.” Laura leaned away from Lily but didn’t let her go. “I couldn’t have made a better bride for my son if I had it in my power. Lily, you’re
perfect
.”
Lily felt tears fill her eyes at Laura’s sweet words and Emily shouted, “No! Don’t cry! Oh no!” She snapped at Lorna, “Get me my makeup bag, quick!”
Susan, Lorna and Emily swiftly repaired makeup damage on Lily, Maxine and Laura and then Emily shoved lipstick, mascara, blusher and a powder-blue, lacy handkerchief, the one her mother held on her own wedding day which was also the one her grandmother held on hers, in Lily’s small, exquisite, ivory handbag (another gift that morning, this from Maxine) and they all ran down the stairs.
Lily stood on the pavement and waved off her girls as they were shouted encouraging and somewhat raunchy words out their open windows as they drove away. Lily was giggling and smiling and thinking nothing,
nothing
could ever make her sad again.
However, she did not see the three people alighting from the car down the street as she had her back to it.
But Laura did and her face paled at the sight.
* * * * *
Tash
Natasha Roberts McAllister Jacobs was thankful that Mummy had sent Fazire with them to Bath.
Daddy, Tash found, was
not
very good at doing a seven year old girl’s hair and making it ultra, super beautiful for a
very
special day.
This, Tash thought, was okay considering her Daddy was good at everything else. No one, she allowed, could be good at absolutely
everything
.
And anyway, Fazire had magic. He just snapped his fingers and Tash’s hair had all sorts of fun, bouncy curls and was pulled back at the sides with pretty, sparkly clips. When he did this Daddy stared at Fazire in a funny way that looked both exasperated (Tash liked this word and knew what it meant) and amused. It was a look that made Natasha giggle.
Daddy, Tash found out, now knew that Fazire was their special genie and he didn’t mind. Tash knew he wouldn’t and thought they should have told him
ages
ago. He was the best Daddy
ever
and since Fazire was one of the family even though he was a little strange, Tash
always
knew her Daddy wouldn’t mind.
Mummy was making her wear pale blue, like the colour Daddy had used in Mummy’s new, now old bedroom. Tash had not been happy about the blue, she wanted pink. Until she’d seen her pretty, frilly blue dress. Once she’d seen the dress, she didn’t mind at all.
“Now that I’ve seen to Natasha’s hair,
I
need to prepare,” Fazire said in his I-am-a-genie-all-bow-to-me voice and he disappeared in a poof of grape-coloured smoke that drifted towards his bottle until it was gone.
Tash looked at her father. He looked more handsome than anyone she’d ever seen in her
whole life.
And she remembered everyone she’d ever seen in her whole life, she remembered everything, though she’d never told anyone that. He was wearing a dark suit with an ivory shirt and a pretty tie the
exact
colour of Tash’s dress.