Authors: Ellen Callahan
“Not tonight?” he asked.
“Not in a while,” I admitted.
Never sober
, my traitor brain reminded me, making me cringe inside. Never sober except for him. Rob Lockett. My head tilted back, just a hint, just a subtle invitation.
The muscles in his neck tensed. Then his head dipped low and he captured my mouth with his.
My whole body came alive with the firm touch of his full lips. I lifted onto my toes with a soft gasp as a hunger came to life within me, clawing at my chest. I wanted to grasp at him, to cling to him, but I forced my fists to remain at my sides. Desperate little whimpers rose in my throat but I held my breath and held them down. We weren’t alone - I couldn’t start losing my mind right then, no matter how much I wanted to.
He broke away with a regretful groan. I shrank away from him, though I screamed for more on the inside. “Oh man,” he said, sounding a touch breathless. “You want me real bad, don’t you.”
It wasn’t even a question. The arrogant jerk was mocking me. My face burned another shade of red and I turned away. “Hey,” he said, “Don’t be like that.”
“Then don’t make fun of me,” I muttered, remaining turned away.
“All right,” he said, then he chuckled. “I’m learning a lot about you. You don’t like being called ‘Kat’ and you don’t want to be made fun of. And, you want me.” His fingers brushed my shoulder. I wished I had the strength to shrug him off but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“I can’t. We’re roommates.”
“Mmm. We’ll see.”
That’s it?
He rejoined the rest of the party with barely a glance back.
The man was toying with me!
What an asshole!
I brushed back my hair with my fingers and hoped I didn’t look too flustered. Who the hell acted like that?
“Arrogant jerks who think they’re rock stars, that’s who,” I grumbled to myself. The man had tattoos, groupies, a fan following from what I understood. He swung his fists instead of playing an instrument, but that was the only difference that I could see.
I locked myself in my room after that. I was too aware of his presence and too aware of all the beer and the booze. The party was over for me. I felt bad, the whole thing was supposed to be in my honor, but I didn’t really want it in the first place.
I’d apologize in the morning. I’d gotten good at apologies lately, and it would be easier to say sorry than to stay at that party a minute longer.
So I locked my door, slipped on my headphones, and tried to think about my movie queue and my job applications and anything but that kiss - that scorching kiss that left a brand on my lips and on my mind. One that I was afraid I would never be able to erase.
CHAPTER 4
I was awake before everyone the next morning. Even the guys, which was surprising, considering their training schedule. I knew Mallet had a pretty long trip out to his trainer’s gym in Jersey. Lockett just seemed to be an early riser in general.
But the apartment was quiet as a tomb when I emerged into the living room. The mess wasn’t as bad as I was afraid it might be, but there was definitely some cleaning to be done.
More importantly, though, I knew just what everyone would be craving when they finally crawled out of bed - bagels. Alexa had professed her undying love of the giant ring of carbs many times before. So I threw on my sneakers and wandered out to the nearest bakery.
I’d almost forgotten that it was a Wednesday. Commuters rushed every which way, to and from train stations and busses, apartments and shops and office buildings. The hustle and bustle was a little overwhelming.
And my memory of the night before kept threatening to distract me.
He’s just messing with you. He’s making fun of you
.
I didn’t know what kind of specific bagels everyone liked so I got one of each and returned to the apartment just as the boys were stumbling out of their rooms.
Lockett, in predictable fashion, had no shirt on.
“Saint Katherine. Patron Saint of Bagels,” Lockett said, sing-song, as he swept me up before I even closed the door.
I held myself stiff as he wrapped his arms around me from behind and rifled through the bag of bagels. Being trapped against his chest like that felt way too good. His chin rested against my temple as he spoke.
“Mmm. I’m gonna eat this onion bagel and then breathe in your face.” Then he kissed my neck, just below my ear.
Oh, God
. I felt it like electricity running right down to my toes.
“This is how you thank her? Early morning molestation?” Mallet asked, snatching the bag away. He slapped at Lockett’s hands. “Let her go.” The amusement left his voice and Lockett finally backed off. I took a long breath.
“It’s just bagels,” I said, “It isn’t that exciting.”
Mallet smirked. “Oh, man. You just haven’t lived here long enough. You’ll understand soon.”
“Gotta run.” Lockett had pulled a shirt on sometime when I wasn’t looking at him. Again, he was heading out without a coat.
Madman. That’s what he is
. He snatched a bagel from the bag and held it between his teeth as he stuffed his keys and wallet into his pockets. With a muffled “Later,” he was out the door.
“I’ll have a talk with him,” Mal said once he was gone. “He shouldn’t be grabbing at you like that.”
No, please don’t make him stop
. “Thanks.”
"Or you could just fuck him."
"Mallet!"
"Sorry. 'Sleep with him.' It would cure the tension, at least."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any... tension. I just needed someplace to stay."
"Katherine." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "It's fine. You're fine. We're blunt and we're crude but we want you here. And we want you to feel at home."
I relaxed a bit. He sounded sincere and he was being incredibly nice. I was really glad Alexa found him, despite his profession. "Thanks, Mal."
He released me with a grin. "Thanks for the bagels."
I had the living room to myself for a few hours after he left, so I brought my laptop out to the coffee table to continue my job hunt. What I really needed was to start substitute teaching but so far none of the districts I'd applied to had responded.
It hasn't even been a week. Have patience
.
I was so engrossed in typing up yet another cover letter that I jumped when my phone rang.
Mom
. I picked up immediately.
"Hi!" I said, trying to sound chipper, like I was happy to hear from her. Really I was just worried - either something was wrong or she wanted something from me.
"Katherine," she said, coughing. I held the phone away from my ear. "You left some things behind."
I rolled my eyes. Probably just some childhood crap long forgotten in the back of some closet. Was Big Mike cleaning house? "I'll pick it up when I visit."
"When will that be?"
What was the next obligatory holiday? Easter? "Soon."
"How about next weekend?"
"Why?" I blurted out.
"Don't take that tone with me." She coughed again. "I need you to take care of a few bills."
"Bills? You kicked me out!" I stood and made a fist with my free hand, wishing I could hit something.
"Don't be difficult, Katherine. Need I remind you of everything I spent on you?"
I sighed. I wouldn't win this argument, I simply didn't have the stamina that she did. It was cave now or cave later, exhausted and wrung out.
"I'll see what I can do," I said.
"Next weekend?"
"Yeah. I'll call."
"Good."
She rushed me off the phone after that. She discussed some medical malady of Big Mike's, then had to go, her morning show was on. Not once did she ask how I was doing. I don't know why I was disappointed - that was business as usual for her.
"Sad sack." Alexa's voice startled me out of my thoughts. "That's it. We're going out."
I closed my laptop. "Out where? Don't you have work?"
“Not for a few hours.” She yawned and stretched her arms over her head, pulling her shirt up and revealing a belly button ring. I bit my tongue. “We'll go do something touristy. Get your coat.”
○●○●○●○●○
“Remember when we used to take lessons?” Alexa asked before spinning around and skating backwards.
She’d taken us to the ice skating rink in Bryant Park. It wasn’t the rink that I’d seen in the movies so many times, but it was just as beautiful and according to Alexa, a little less crowded.
“I was better than you,” I said. I pushed off the ice and spun in the air once before landing gracefully. I wobbled a little but it had been a long time since I’d been on the ice.
“You’re older than me,” Alexa said, “You got to do it for longer.”
The ice skating lessons had happened before our parents divorce - before our mother’s drinking had taken over her life. Before Alexa and I grew apart for so many years.
I spun again, surprised that I remembered how to at all.
Maybe New York isn’t so bad
. This was a tiny oasis in the midst of the chaos and I was finding out that more of these spots existed than I realized. Central Park, hell, all the parks, the public libraries, the museums…
“So I saw you kissing Lockett at the party last night,” Alexa cut in, interrupting my thoughts.
“He started it,” I grumbled. I didn’t want to talk about Lockett so I skated faster. She caught up with little effort.
“Hey,” she said, “I know it would be super lame of me to warn you off of him but I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I have to worry, I’m your sister!”
I sighed as I slowed down. “You don’t have to worry. Promise. I know this… thing we’ve got is temporary. I don’t even know how to flirt! He’ll find someone more interesting to kiss in no time and then…” I shrugged.
Then maybe this stupid crush will die
.
“You’re plenty interesting,” Alexa said, “Cut that out.”
“You know what I mean.” Someone prettier, sexier, more fun. “Just leave it, okay? I’ll be fine.”
I know how this will go
. “I’m a big girl. I don’t need a warning and I definitely don’t need a lecture.”
“Okay, okay,” she said said, backing away. I felt bad - maybe I’d pushed back too hard. But I really didn’t want to talk about it. Whatever was happening or happened with Lockett wasn’t important in the long run. It wasn’t going to last.
What was important was finding more work.
I said as much to Alexa and she smiled, glad to move on. “I was thinking about it. You should volunteer at a library or an after school program or something,” she said. “It’ll beef up your resume and you’ll make some contacts, maybe.”
“Not a bad idea.” Why she couldn’t apply it to herself and get a proper career started, I didn’t understand.
I took her advice to heart, though. As soon as we parted ways when she went off to work, I got back on my laptop and sent out a few applications for volunteer positions.
I’ve got to keep busy
. I glanced towards Lockett’s room. He’d still be at practice, and then he’d probably go out with his friends, drinking and partying and hanging out with those “good luck girls,” whoever they were.
I’ve really got to keep myself as occupied as I can
.
CHAPTER 5
I still wasn’t sure if I liked going to the fighting matches that my sister seemed to enjoy so much.
Mallet and Lockett were both heavily into MMA, and from what I understood, Mal had recently been noticed by a professional organization and was currently training with and competing for them.
I’d never been a fan of violent entertainment. Hell, I hardly enjoyed action movies.
But seeing Lockett step into the ring wearing nothing but those tight shorts and some tape over his knuckles - it woke something in me that I didn’t know was there.
I’d seen Mallet fight before - Alexa had dragged me to some match of his and I’d been pretty lost as to what was going on.