Authors: Lori Deschene
3. Create a vision and take tiny steps toward fulfilling it each day
.
What change would you like to see in your life six months down the line? What passions or hobbies do you enjoy regularly? What new habits have you adopted? What relationships have you nurtured? Now identify the first steps that will help you create those changes, and do one small thing each day to work toward those goals. If you're going through a difficult time right now, realize this isn't the end of the world; it's the beginning of a new part of your journey, and the perfect opportunity to evaluate what you want to change and how you can do it.
4. Look back at where you were ten years ago, five years ago, and one year ago to celebrate how far you've come
.
It's all too easy to focus on everything you think you're doing wrong. Instead, take a moment to recognize everything you've done right—all the ways you've learned, grown, and improved over the last one, five, ten years of your life. Then tell yourself that your worth has nothing to do with those improvements.
Life is about change and growth, but that doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with who you are right now. You will not be the same person tomorrow as you are today—but each perfectly imperfect version of you deserves your love and respect.
T
HROUGHOUT OUR LIVES, WE
'
LL EACH EXPERIENCE OUR DAYS IN
many different ways. We'll feel scared, lost, and saddened about the road behind us. We'll feel passionate, exhilarated, and eager to travel the path ahead. We'll feel paralyzed with fear and uncertainty, unsure that our actions matter. We'll feel energized with hope and possibility, knowing full well they always do.
It's the same for all of us. We each live a constantly evolving experience, with highs so immense it may feel like flying, lows so deep it may feel like dying, and limitless shades in between. This is what it means to be human, for all of us. Loving ourselves won't change that we won't always love what's in front of us. It will, however, change how we treat ourselves in response to it and what we believe we can do with it.
Loving ourselves means knowing that we are the constant in all our experiences, and that's something worth appreciating. Because each of us has a powerful light that we can use for so much good. Somewhere underneath everything we've learned to doubt or detest, there's a formidable force of strength and beauty—a spark so bright
it can light a path through even the darkest days, not only for ourselves, but also for others.
To access it, we need to look back at where we've been and choose to see our pain as fuel for strength and wisdom. We need to know that our imperfections are gifts, not curses, for without them there'd be no individuality, no journey, and no opportunities to help others who can relate. We need to see our mistakes as tools to keep moving forward—not the building blocks of who we are but rather steps to who we can become. And we need to see ourselves as the beautiful blend of both our strengths and weaknesses. Even if others choose to focus on the latter. Even if we're tempted to think they're better than us. Even if we're afraid they might not value us when they see us for who we really are.
Every time our heart beats, we have a choice that can change the meaning of that beat: we can choose to see the worst in ourselves or decide to nurture the best. No matter where you've been, what you've done, or how many years you've lived, this second can change your life if you use it to believe in yourself. Because once you decide to believe—once you shift your perception from regret over who you've been, to faith in who you are—you dramatically change the potential of who you can be and what you can do. You transform your experience of every moment that follows. Instead of blaming yourself for everything that feels wrong, you start empowering yourself to create something that feels right.
This doesn't mean you'll never feel down on yourself. It doesn't mean you'll always feel confident and self-assured. It doesn't mean you'll always bounce back from failure, disappointment, or heartache with an immediate sense of optimism and hope. It means you'll eventually find your way home to a soothing place inside yourself, where your own thoughts and beliefs reinforce that you will be just fine. It means you'll know more and more every day that no matter how you struggle, you deserve to enjoy as many of the moments as you can.
If ever that seems hard to believe—if you have trouble accessing your faith in yourself—remember you're not alone. Whatever you're going through, take comfort in knowing that someone else has been there, is there now, or will be there someday down the road. We're all in this together. Today, one of the people who shared a story in this book may have been helpful to you. One day, you may be there to shine a light for them, or possibly for me. We're all doing the best we can, for ourselves and each other. As someone who formerly spent years believing that I wasn't good enough, I propose we each decide that's something to be proud of.
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection
.
—B
UDDHA
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
.
—U
NKNOWN
When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you
.
—A
FRICAN
P
ROVERB
Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful
.
—T
HICH
N
HAT
H
ANH
No matter where you go, there you are
.
—C
ONFUCIUS
The most important thing in this world is to learn to give out love, and let it come in
.
—M
ORRIE
S
CHWARTZ
It isn't what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it's what we say to ourselves about what happens
.
—P
EMA
C
H
Ö
DR
Ö
N
It is better to be whole than to be good
.
—J
OHN
M
IDDLETON
M
URRAY
Good enough is the new perfect
.
—B
ECKY
B
EAUPRE
G
ILLESPIE AND
H
OLLEE
S
CHWARTZ
T
EMPLE
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself
.
—T
HICH
N
HAT
H
ANH
The moment you accept yourself you become beautiful
.
—O
SHO
If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher
.
—P
EMA
C
H
Ö
DR
Ö
N
Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others
.
—L
AMA
Y
ESHE
Things and conditions can give you pleasure but they cannot give you joy—joy arises from within
.
—E
CKHART
T
OLLE
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are
.
—P
ROVERB
When you lose, don't lose the lesson
.
—U
NKNOWN
Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it
.
—R
UMI
What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly
.
—C
ARL
R
OGERS
What other people think of me is none of my business
.
—W
AYNE
D
YER
Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, being nothing
—A
RISTOTLE
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are
.
—
E. E. CUMMINGS
The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life
.
—E
CKHART
T
OLLE
Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you
.
—U
NKNOWN
If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is
.
—U
NKNOWN
As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it
.
—E
CKHART
T
OLLE
We love because it is the only true adventure
.
—N
IKKI
G
IOVANNI
If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone
.
—M
AXWELL
M
ALTZ
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection
.
—B
UDDHA
Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path
.
—U
NKNOWN
Our lives only improve when we are willing to take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves
.
—W
ALTER
A
NDERSON
What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful
.
—B
REN
É B
ROWN
Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark
.
—Z
EN
P
ROVERB
Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul
.
—M
AX
E
HRMANN
Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything
.
—J
ACK
K
ORNFIELD
The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
.
—D
R
. S
ONYA
F
RIEDMAN
You don't have to worry about burning bridges if you're building your own
.
—K
ERRY
E. W
AGNER
Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself
.
—
LULULEMON
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years
.
—A
BRAHAM
L
INCOLN
The grass is always greener where you water it
.
—U
NKNOWN
Always concentrate on how far you've come, rather than how far you have left to go
.
—U
NKNOWN