To Love a King (Court of Annwyn) (12 page)

“That must have been one awful date.” Ash raised her eyebrow. She was still trying to fish for the details.

“I’ve had worse.” Much worse with humans. Dates with Felan were always something she remembered, even if for all the wrong reasons. She wished she hadn’t kicked him out of bed. He was right. What were the odds of her getting pregnant with one ovary and him being a fairy? Slim? Remote? Impossible? She should have taken the chance and saved him from the battle and the wounds. If not for the mirror, she’d have never known. He’d given her a look into his life and not just the good bits. The mirror had been so tightly focused on him that everyone else was blurred as if out of focus. But she’d felt his tension and an all-pervasive chill. The mirror had never warmed against her skin. Yet she missed it already. Missed him.

He would be back. He always came back…even if it did take seven years.

She picked up a cloth and went to wipe down tables, anything to get away from the look in Ash’s eyes. If he was a drug, she was addicted. Even when she’d gotten clean, the aftereffects were still there—the memories, the seeing things that didn’t exist. Her life would never be fairy-free.

Felan climbed the stairs formed out of branches. They spiraled up, around the trunk of a tree. Up here, above the castle, there was more of a bite to the air. Frost gleamed on the bark like silver and the branches were totally bare. Beneath him was castle Annwyn. What had once been the leafy green roof was now dead fingers of twigs reaching skyward. Beyond the castle, the ground was patched brown and white. The snow was spreading. At night, the snow was falling, and it wasn’t leaving during the day. Soon it would snow day and night, and winter would have truly arrived in Annwyn. It cut at him to see the place he loved so cold and desolate.

Snatches of music drifted up from the Hall of Flowers. The party continued…but the wine was no longer flowing so freely. There was no fruit. Soon they would have to source food from the mortal world. He grimaced at the thought. No one would want that job when they expected the power shift to happen in days. Annwyn days. He had no idea how many mortal days had passed while he was recovering.

The time difference wasn’t going to be helping his cause with Jacqui.

The stairs ended at a door. Silver bars crossed the frame like a spider’s web. His mother shifted in the darkness. The spider or the fly?

She stood up and walked over, her skin as white as snow and her eyes as dark as night. “I didn’t expect you to come.”

There was no glimmer of the mother he remembered from his childhood. The woman who’d laughed and chased him around the garden. Those vague early memories had stayed with him. The ones where she’d deliberately hurt his father also remained etched in his mind. His parents arguing bitterly and not bothering to hide it, and then the descent into bitterness and scheming. Was it worth it? Was she enjoying the fruits of her efforts?

He pulled his own cloak tighter around him. He longed for summer; already the cold and mud was depressing. Even the Court was giving up on the bright colors and taking on the darker colors of winter, midnight blues and blood reds, black and deep-bruised purples.

“Mother.” Now he was here he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t love her. He didn’t trust her. And yet he couldn’t walk away without saying something to her before her death.

“Lost for words? Go back to your gambling and dancing. It’s what you do best.”

He was tempted to bite, but she was just goading him, hoping he’d let something slip, a tidbit for Sulia to devour.

“I’m not sure there are any words left to say, Mother, only that I had to come up here and wish you well on whatever we face after death.” He’d love to know why she’d chosen to back Sulia over him, why she couldn’t be happy with what she had, and why the love of his father wasn’t enough. What had gone wrong? How could he stop his Queen from becoming like her? But he knew he wouldn’t get a straight answer. He doubted she knew the truth from her own lies anymore.

And Jacqui?

How would she fare here? Better? Was that the best he could hope for? Or would she be unchanged?

“Do you cede to Sulia?” She gripped the silver web, her eyes bottomless pits of greed.

“Never. But I will trade you one answer to one question if you so wish.”

Eyra tilted her head and considered him as if she’d never truly seen him before. She hadn’t really looked at him in a long while. “I accept. You may go first.”

He nodded. “When my father first took you in his arms, did you love him or was he always a means to power?”

She laughed, her body shaking, before she dissolved into coughing. Being imprisoned and exposed to cold was taking its toll on her, but when he peered into the gloom of her cell, he saw blankets and cushions. Someone had supplied her with a few comforts.

“You speak of love as if it is something to envy, to desire. Power is the only truth. You failed to grasp that young, so I sought out a more suitable successor.”

“Sulia.”

“The daughter Gwyn denied me. You were required as part of the deal, but she was the child I longed for.”

“She’s not your child.” Had his mother’s mind slipped that much?

“She was brought to me as a youth. I taught her the ways of the Court and she blossomed.” Someone had protected his cousin, lied about her true lineage to the Court but not his mother. While she’d known all along that Sulia was the daughter of Gwyn’s defeated brother, she wasn’t stupid enough to be caught in a lie. No doubt the person who had lied had paid for it with their life. His mother didn’t like loose ends.

“And look where it has gotten us,” he muttered. But if Eyra had never loved Gwyn, then maybe he and Jacqui had a chance—if she loved him the way he loved her.

“My turn.” She grinned, all ice and malice.

Was he prepared to lie? Not directly. He’d rather be truthful, but if it endangered Jacqui, he would and damn the consequences. He wasn’t going to let his mother anywhere near her—or his mother’s minions.

“To rule you need a Queen and heir. Do you have both?”

“Yes.” He didn’t blink as he spoke. It was a lie that he was getting used to saying. He hoped that no one ever discovered his deception. He didn’t like what he was becoming and he couldn’t blame it all on Sulia or winter. Desperation brought out the worst in people. Him included.

His mother drew back, her eyes wide with shock. “You kept that quiet.”

“While you watched me dance, I was planning. While you rolled the dice and watched me bet, I was putting my plan into action. Now, while we wait for snow to fall, I am ready. Your death with bring in a new era. A new Annwyn.”

Her pale lips moved, but for once she had nothing to say.

Felan turned away and was down the first step when she called after him. “I will have my funeral games. Your battle for the throne will honor my death. I will be truly immortal and the stones will sing of me!”

He swallowed and took the next step without looking back. People would remember her as the woman who’d brought war and winter to Annwyn. A sad legacy.

“Felan, you can’t walk away from me. Felan!” The breeze took her words away.

It took all his strength to keep walking and not look back. The woman calling his name wasn’t how he wanted to remember his mother. That woman was long gone and now she saw him as the enemy. She would try to trick him into revealing something. All he’d told her was that he was prepared and Sulia would have a harder time than she first thought—something Sulia had discovered yesterday.

He reached the bottom of the tree and glanced up. From the ground he couldn’t see her, but she’d be watching everything—and for once she was powerless.

***

Five days and not a word from Felan. Jacqui walked along the beach, needing to clear her head. She hadn’t seen any more imps except in her nightmares. She’d been watching the news and reading the papers ever since Felan had mentioned the plagues. Countries were shutting borders. In some places, the military had assumed control. People were being urged to cancel all nonessential travel, and public gatherings, like concerts and sporting events, were starting to be canceled. People were worrying and stockpiling for what they believed was the coming disease-ridden apocalypse. The world was falling apart, all because she wouldn’t be Felan’s Queen.

The responsibility almost crushed her.

She took a deep breath laden with salt air and turned to face the ocean. She was one little cog. A no one. Any woman could save the world. It didn’t have to be her. Felan could have anyone. But he wanted her. He’d wanted her from the moment they’d first met in college. Need wasn’t love. He’d said the words, but she’d never really felt them, not when he up and left so easily. While she loved him, she didn’t need him. It had taken her seven years to learn that and be okay with that.

What was she going to do?

This place was her home. She wasn’t fairy and didn’t know how to be Queen. She didn’t even have the full story about what was expected of her from Felan. She watched the waves roll in against the sand, creeping closer to where she was standing, but even the ocean failed to calm her.

If Felan had asked her the night they’d celebrated her pregnancy, she knew she would have accepted with barely a blink. She’d wanted a life with him at any cost. It shouldn’t be different now. How selfish was she, worrying about her tiny life while thousands died because she wouldn’t agree?

But that was part of the problem; there was too much pressure on a relationship that had already failed once when tested. What if they failed again? Only this time they’d be stuck together in Annwyn for a very long time. Marrying a fairy took
till
death
do
us
part
to a whole new extreme.

She blew out a breath and turned to go home.

Then she saw him, walking toward her along the sand, his long, dark blue coat catching in the breeze. For a moment she thought she was imagining things. He wasn’t even dressing like a human this time—not that most humans would notice, as he’d be using a glamour. To her he looked every inch the fairy Prince.

A smile twisted her lips. She liked seeing him as he truly was, instead of him pretending to fit her world. In moments, she was in his arms before she could even think it through. She’d missed him, worried about him. What the mirror had shown wasn’t enough and yet too much. He smelled of cold and frost. His clothes were darker too. She was used to seeing him in bright colors or human clothes. This man was different, more was happening than what she’d seen in the mirror or in the newspapers.

Perhaps she shouldn’t have destroyed the mirror.

His body tensed. “Gently. I am still healing,” he whispered in her ear. His lips brushed her cheek as his arms slid around her waist.

She nodded and eased her embrace, her fingers gliding over the dark blue fabric, soft and thick. He was dressed for winter, not a California summer. She lifted her gaze to look him in the eye. This time there were none of the smiles she was used to. She saw the naked worry and the stress in the set of his lips. “I know. I saw.”

He drew away. “I don’t have long. Things are moving faster than I had thought.”

Only just back and he was brushing her off already—after she’d just flung herself into his arms. She pulled her hand free. “It’s been five days.”

“I knew it had been days. I wasn’t sure how many. I wanted to be back sooner.”

She shook her head. “Save it. I know the excuses.”
Annwyn
came
first. It always did.

“You used the mirror. You saw what it’s like.”

Jacqui looked away. She had, and she couldn’t deny that it had given her a greater understanding of what he was doing while he was away from her. “I’m glad your injuries weren’t life threatening.”

“They were. The iron could’ve been fatal.” His gaze lowered to where the mirror should hang around her neck. “Where is it?”

She blinked and then met his questioning gaze. “I saw you fight. I saw you with the blond fairy, and I saw you high in the trees talking to someone else. I didn’t want to look, as it felt like prying.”

“I wanted you to see, to understand my life there.”

“Your gift attracted an imp.” She couldn’t keep the accusation out of her voice.

Felan drew in a breath and cast a quick look around. While there were people on the beach, no one was looking at them and there were no Greys this close to the ocean. “What happened to the imp?”

“I killed it. I killed it so it couldn’t report back. I killed for you.” She hated that. Her love for him had turned her into a killer—even if it was of small, banished fairies that no one else could see. She saw and she knew and she’d always remember.

“I’m sorry, but you did the right thing.” He didn’t sound particularly sad.

That was the worst part; she knew she’d done the right thing. She’d protected Felan and herself. “I broke the mirror. I didn’t want the connection to Annwyn. I don’t want to be killing to be safe.”

“You will be safe once I am King.”

“Will I? Because what I’ve seen of Annwyn so far isn’t very appealing.”

“You are seeing it at its worst.” He cupped her cheek and turned her head so she had to look at him. “I have days, Jacqui. I need to know: am I wasting my time?”

“Wasting your time?” She raised one eyebrow and took a step back, edging closer to the ocean. “Am I your first choice or your only choice?”

“Both.”

“I’m not ready. I may never be ready for what you want. You come and go and expect me to jump when you appear. Then you leave and I’m left waiting. Nothing has changed. Will anything ever change?”

“You think I like this? That this is how I want things between us?” He let her go and scrubbed his hands over his face. In that unguarded gesture, she glimpsed how hard he was trying to hold it together, hold everything together for two worlds. “Do you love me?”

She looked at him. The man she’d fallen for at eighteen was still there, but he was being swallowed up by the responsibility he had to shoulder. “Do you really need to ask me?”

He nodded.

“Yes. That’s why you could always hurt me so badly.”

“I don’t mean to,” he said.

“I know, but you do. You will again.” One day he would turn up and he’d take her to Annwyn and that would be that. It didn’t matter how much she fought it or tried to deny it. Fate was breathing its icy breath down her neck.

“I have called a Court meeting. I have to strike before Sulia, the woman who also wants the throne, tries to kill me again.”

There was an edge to his voice that worried her. “What are you going to do?”

The ocean rolled against the beach and the silence expanded. He didn’t want to tell her. Did he not trust her?

“Annwyn needs you. You should come with me today.”

The pressure gripped her and sucked her breath away. Did he realize what he was asking, what he wanted? Or was he so focused on the big things that he wasn’t looking at the details and the people who were wrapped up in his plans? Then she realized she was his plan. She was how he was going to stop Sulia. He was going to take her to Annwyn sooner rather than later. She took another step back, her shoes sinking into the soft, wet sand. “It’s always Annwyn. What about you? What do you want? Do you want me? Do you need me? Do you love me?”