Torn (19 page)

I had to force myself not to slam
the front door behind me as I entered my house. A God damn date-off. What was
she thinking? She either wanted one of us or she didn’t. How could she still be
torn after three months of knowing us? Granted she’d spent way more time with
Billy and Josh, but we’d hung out on our own and got along fine. More than
fine. There was a natural ease between us, if you took away the obvious sexual
tension that constantly arced between us. Josh would be a sweet boyfriend, but
that wasn’t what she needed. She needed a God damn man, someone to take charge
of her, protect her, fulfill all of her needs, especially those obvious unsated
sexual ones she had. Her need to be claimed radiated from her every pore. I was
the only one who could offer her that. The problem was getting her to realize
it. And I only had one night to convince her.

“Thank God you’re back,” Josh
uttered as he raced into the lounge, a frantic look on his face.

“What’s wrong? Did she get out?”
I demanded, as my long legs made short work of the distance between us, taking
me closer to her room.

“No, she freaked out when she
realized that you weren’t here. I told her you’d taken Sky home and she started
crying and wouldn’t stop. I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do.”

“She just needs to be held when
she gets like that. Put the kettle on, I’ll go calm her down.”

“I’m really sorry, Nate, I didn’t
know.” He sounded anguished and he looked it, like he’d somehow let me down. I
reached out and squeezed his shoulder, forcing the frown off my face.

“You’ll learn, and in the
meantime, I’ll talk you through the different scenarios to help you, ok?”

“Ok,” he nodded, letting out a
shaky breath. “I’ll make coffee for us.”

I let myself into Ma’s room,
thankful to see that he’d at least tidied up. He’d removed the daily empty
bottle and the tray with the meal Sky had dished up for her earlier. She was
backed up into the corner of her bed, her frail arms around her legs, her face
buried in her knees as she rocked herself while she cried. No wonder Josh was
upset, he usually only saw her when she was pissed and angry. He hadn’t really
had to deal with this side of her. Unlike me. I’d grown accustomed to all of
her personas. I sat next to her on the bed and put my arm around her, pulling
her against my chest and rubbing my other hand up and down her arm as I tried
to soothe her.

“What is it, Ma? What’s got you
so upset? You were ok before I left. You missing Dad again?”

“Yes,” she sniffled. “He left me.
My brother left me.
You
left me. Everyone leaves me.”

“I didn’t leave you, Ma, I just
took Sky home. You remember me telling you about Sky? She’s friends with Josh,
goes to college with him, cooked us that lovely Thanksgiving dinner you tried?”

“She’s a bitch!” Ma spat. “I
hate
her, trying to take my boys away from me. Haven’t I lost enough?”

“I know you’re upset, but I won’t
listen to you talk about her like that.”

“See, she’s poisoned you against
me. You’re going to leave me, too.”

I grimaced as Ma struggled out of
my embrace and shoved my chest as she scrambled back to her corner. She glared
at me as she wiped the tears from her face. It was hard to reconcile this haggard,
bitter, nasty, and selfish person with the beautiful, warm, and loving mother
I’d had only two years ago. I’d given her everything I had and it still didn’t
seem to be enough. She verbally and physically abused me one minute, cried and
told me she loved me the next, then screamed at me if I told her she couldn’t have
another bottle of vodka for the day. We were running on monetary fumes as it
was, Josh and me not eating as healthy as we should, living on sandwiches and
cheap takeout to make sure she’d get her bottle of vodka every day. But even I
had my limits. Once she’d drank that, she knew the rule, no more.

That didn’t stop her from
climbing out of her bedroom window when she was desperate, to walk to the
nearest liquor store, then verbally harass them when they refused to give her
bottles on credit. They had my number on speed dial. How the hell I kept up my
grades, with the amount of classes I’d had to cut out on to drive back and
remove her before the police did, was beyond belief. Could I subject Josh to
this? I’d shielded him from the worst of it, but I wasn’t sure how much longer
I could deal with it myself. Every day I spent around her was another day where
the memory of my mother was slowly being erased and replaced by the emotional
and aggressive drunk in front of me. Pretty soon I’d have no nice memories of
her at all. I needed help, but I couldn’t afford it because we had no
insurance. Josh was all I had.

“I’m not leaving you, Ma. I
promised I’d never leave you and I meant it, but I can’t be here around the
clock, you know that. Come on, it’s late, you need to sleep. Let me get you
into bed.”

“Don’t touch me!” she snarled. “Making
out like I’m incapable. I don’t need you!”

“Then I’ll leave you in peace,” I
sighed. This was what my life with her was like. Inconsolable tears when I
needed to leave or when she wanted something, then pushing me away when I came
to help or I pissed her off by refusing to give her more alcohol. I stood up
and bent over and kissed the top of her head. “Happy Thanksgiving, Ma. I love
you.”

“And I love
vodka
. I want
that, not you,” she snapped, shoving me off her.

“You know where I am if you need
me, but no more vodka until tomorrow. You’ve had your bottle already today.”

“I
hate
you,” she
screamed.

I shut the bedroom door behind me
and grimaced as I heard something ricochet off it. I stood in the hallway for a
moment and closed my eyes as I took a few calming breaths, the way my kiddie-league
coach had taught me to calm my nerves before a game. I shook it off and headed
to the kitchen. Josh slid a steaming cup across to me and I cradled it and
inhaled deeply. I drank too much of this shit, but I rarely got a full night’s
sleep and sometimes it was all that kept me going.

“You ok?” he asked.

“Yeah. She’s on a low at the
moment, gone beyond the usual hug fix, but she’ll be fine. Listen, I’m not sure
it’s such a good idea you spending more time with her.”

“No way, don’t you dare
backtrack, Nate. So I messed up tonight. Like you said earlier, I’ll learn. You
had to.”

“It’s not fair for you to see her
like this.”

“It wasn’t fair to you, but you
did it! No one asked you to take Dad’s place, Nate. You just did. I’m not
asking your permission now either. You need more help, you need to get out of
this town and get that God damn major league contract to get her the help she
really needs. Until you do, I’m all you’ve got. Argue all you like, but I’m not
taking no for an answer. Not anymore.”

He stood up abruptly, poured his
coffee down the sink, and stormed off to his room, leaving me slightly stunned.
Since when did my little brother grow a pair? I was so busy trying to juggle my
life, and theirs, that I was missing out on him growing up. I finished my
coffee, then headed to my room, stripped down to my boxers, and climbed into my
bed, letting out a yawn. I was totally beat, but my mind was completely wired
from the revelations about Josh and his plans today, Sky’s visit and her insane
proposal, which I’d accepted like a damn dog who’d just rolled onto his back as
he panted and wagged his tail, then Ma’s angry mood. I reached over and turned
on the baby monitor, so I could keep an ear out for her if she needed me, then turned
off the light and closed my eyes. Moments later, I heard her crying again.

“I’m sorry, Nathan, I’m so sorry.
I love you. Please don’t leave me, I need you,” she sobbed over the static-sounding
airways. I sighed and put on the light, then grabbed my sweatpants off the
chair by the door and pulled them on. I hadn’t expected a turnaround that fast.
I’d hoped to at least get a few hours of sleep first. But when I opened my
bedroom door, I found Josh in the hallway.

“Go back to bed, I’ve got this,”
he said firmly. I gave him a puzzled look, and he held up another baby monitor.
“I wondered how you always knew when to go to her in the middle of the night.
When I found it in your room the other week, I wrote down the name of the kit
and bought an extra receiver.”

“Josh,” I sighed. I was too tired
to argue with him again.

“Please, Nate. Let me do this.
I’m up to date with my studying, I’ve got no classes in the morning, I can miss
a few hours of sleep. Go back to bed and turn off your monitor.” He gave me a
firm nod, looking more like a man than I’d ever seen him. Letting go was hard,
but if I stood a chance with Sky, if I was lucky enough to have her pick me,
and if I wanted some kind of relationship with her, I’d need to start letting
go of the reins here a bit. I walked up to him and pulled him into a bear hug,
slapping his back hard as he did the same to me. “Jesus,” he grumbled. “Not so
firm, not all of us have sonic-speed pitcher biceps, you know.”

I chuckled and let him go, but
grabbed his face between my hands and kissed his forehead. “You’re a good kid,
Josh Hudson. I love you, bro.”

“Love you too, Nate. I’ll only wake
you if I’m in over my head.”

“Promise you will?”

“Promise,” he nodded, before
disappearing into her room and closing the door.

I got back into bed, turned off
the light, and kept the monitor on, listening in for a while to make sure they
were ok. I’d just turned it off when my phone buzzed. I picked it up to see a
message from Sky.

I’m looking forward to our
date, Ace.

Ace??

Don’t tell me I got it wrong.
I thought you were the Rebels’ ace pitcher?

I chuckled at her eagerness to
find me a fitting nickname. Weirdly, none of the team had called me that, I was
still just “Hudson” to them, but I kinda liked that she’d gone with that
baseball phrase.

No, you got it right. Ace it
is then. And Sky?

What?

I’m looking forward to it as
well x

I lay back in bed with a big smile
on my face, not even phased to have put my first kiss on a text to anyone. I
suddenly felt good, like there was some sunshine in my life after all, and it
didn’t even involve sex. It was just her.
Sky Torres
. The complete stalling,
infuriating, and temptingly sexy little package. It seemed like I wasn’t going
to get any sleep now after all. First I had a damn erection to attend to, to
thoughts of her, which had been the case since we’d met, then I had to come up
with the perfect date to make sure I didn’t strike out. If she was my reward,
I’d put up with any shit Ma or the world wanted to throw at me. I just had to
make sure I was the one she chose. Ace Hudson didn’t like losing. At anything.

Sky

Thursday Night – A Week Later

“I’ll
pick you up at ten-thirty, wait inside the lobby. I don’t want you standing
outside on your own, ok?” Pops advised, as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“Got it, thanks so much. I may call
you to come get me earlier if it gets really awkward,” I grimaced.

“If you don’t want to go out with
Billy, I’m really not sure why you’re going on a date with him,” he chuckled.

“Me neither. It was a stupid
idea, but I can’t back out of it now. I said I wouldn’t make up my mind until
all three of them had taken me out.”

“Youngsters,” Pops muttered as he
shook his head. I giggled and got out of the truck in the parking lot of the
brand new entertainment center in Boulder City. It housed a multiplex cinema, a
bowling alley, laser quest, and an outdoor mini-golf course, not to mention a
few fast-food outlets and a brand new arcade. He waited until I walked into the
main lobby before driving away.

I spotted Billy immediately, his
pale skin, red hair, and freckles making him stand out in the crowd of people
milling around and looking up at the large LED screen as they tried to decide
what tickets and time slots to book. I quickly looked down at my outfit. I’d
made an effort, since it would have been unfair not to, but I’d also been
careful to dress conservatively, so as not to give the wrong impression. I’d
also decided on a black and white theme for my three nights of back-to-back
dates. It seemed silly in a way, but I didn’t want to single anyone out as
getting extra special treatment, so theming my outfits seemed logical, in an
illogical way. For this date, I was in my black skinny jeans, a white Bardot sweater
with three-quarter sleeves, and my black suede heeled pumps, which I was
already starting to regret wearing. I’d become too used to my sneakers and
flip-flops and my feet were already aching. I’d pulled my hair back in a loose
ponytail, and for once had put on some mascara and a soft rose lip-gloss, and had
painted my finger and toe nails in a deep and glossy black. Billy was
positively beaming as he strode over to greet me, and I felt so guilty I exaggerated
my smile.

“Sky, you look real pretty.” He
leaned in and kissed my cheek, and I noticed he was wearing his usual
aftershave. For a moment I wondered if that was why he got so many headaches. He’d
put so much of the pungent scent on tonight, I was liable to get one just by
standing next to him.

“Thank you,” I replied, kissing
him back. “And you clean up well!” I nodded my head, totally sincere in my
praise. He was wearing a pair of bleached jeans, the kind that hung low and
were slightly baggy around the ass and thighs. He had some pristine blue
sneakers on and a blue and white plaid shirt, which didn’t have a crease in
sight.

“Couldn’t have you showing me up,”
he grinned. “Right, I already got our tickets. Bowling first, then some food,
then mini-golf, and finally the highlight of the evening, the new arcade!”

“Billy, that must have cost you a
ton,” I exclaimed. “Please let me pay my way.”

“No, I told you the date was on
me.”

“I don’t want you dipping into
your college fund,” I protested. Billy didn’t have a part-time job, unlike Nate
at the garage, or Josh who waited tables at one of the more upmarket restaurants
in town. I didn’t have one either, but Mom and Pops weren’t hard up. They’d
paid for my college tuition, I got room and board at home for free, and I earned
a spending allowance by helping out with the cooking and chores around the
house. I wanted a job though, to start setting aside a nest egg for when I
graduated. I’d either need a car, or a deposit on somewhere closer to Vegas, if
I got my dream job.

“I haven’t. I don’t exactly brag
about it, but Mom won quite a lot of money in the Nevada state lottery last
year, so I can afford it. We spent some of it, paid off the mortgage, since Dad’s
life insurance didn’t pay out. Then we used some to set up decent savings
accounts for us both, and invested the rest for an income for us for life. I’ll
never be short.”

“I had no idea,” I confirmed, as
I accepted the arm he offered and we headed toward the entrance to the bowling
alley.

“I’d rather you didn’t say
anything to Nate or Josh, they don’t know,” he added, a look of guilt crossing
his face as I flashed him a glance.

“I promise not to say anything.
I’m so pleased for you, though,” I nodded, but inside I was actually furious.
Nate had told me how tight things were for him, that they were only just making
ends meet, and that he’d rather struggle than get a loan or use credit. To
think his aunt had won some money and not even offered to help out her nephews,
after all they did for her and Billy. It stuck in my throat.

We went to get our bowling shoes,
and disposable socks for me, and headed to lane four. I couldn’t remember the
last time I’d been bowling, and made an idiot of myself by bouncing my ball so
hard it jumped lanes. Billy roared with laughter as I profusely apologized to
the couple next to us, who were taking their game very seriously. I made a face
at Billy as I returned with it and giggled.

“Ok, even though I’m competitive,
I think I need to show you how it’s done,” he chuckled. “Come and stand next to
me, and I’ll take it slow and talk you through what I’m doing.”

I watched intently and he supervised
my go, tucking in behind me to hold my wrist and show me how to swing and at
what point I should let go, then he straightened up and told me to do it for
real this time. It was noticeable how I didn’t feel anything when he touched
me. My skin didn’t burn, my heart didn’t skip a beat, and those fireflies in my
tummy didn’t light me up from the inside out. Billy was my very platonic friend,
pure and simple.

 I missed with my first hot pink
ball and it veered off to the right, rolling down the gutter, but I squealed
with joy as my second ball trundled its way down the lane, hitting the triangle
of pins slightly to the side and taking down about half of them. Billy laughed
and high-fived me, then put me to shame with a strike for his turn. I faked limbering
up, cricking my neck and cracking my knuckles, which made him laugh even harder,
as I grabbed another ball and put all of my focus into trying to knock all of
those pesky pins down. I pouted as I downed all but two on the far left, and
Billy murmured some words of encouragement as I prepared to throw again. It was
a good thing it was a large and noisy twenty-lane center, because when I
knocked down the two remaining pins, I screamed with delight. Billy grabbed me
and lifted me off the floor, bouncing me up and down as he sang my praises. He
suddenly stopped and cursed, then set me down abruptly.

“What? What’s wrong?” I asked,
wondering if I’d either put his back out, or worse, given him a black eye with
one of my jiggling breasts. I’d nearly given myself one. Wearing a sports bra
hadn’t even crossed my mind when Billy asked me to meet him here.

“What the fuck is he doing here?
He’s so out of line,” Billy muttered, glaring off to the right, fury virtually
radiating off him. I followed his eye-line and took in a sharp breath to see
Nate about ten lanes away. “Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Billy ordered.

“I’ll get us a drink,” I called,
as I watched him stalk over, steam practically coming out of his ears. I headed
over to the bar and lined up, looking over my shoulder to see what was
happening. Nate seemed to be with a group of three other guys, all around his
age. I had a feeling I recognized one of his teammates, Saunders maybe? Nate
held his hands up in a surrender gesture as Billy got in his face, pointing his
finger. People from the lanes on either side were rubbernecking to see what was
going on. I winced as Billy shoved Nate hard in the chest, but Nate stood
immobile, not even making an attempt to push Billy back, and that seemed to
piss Billy off even more. It looked like things were quickly escalating as
Nate’s friends gathered around him and looked like they were arguing with
Billy.

“Are you still in line?” a girl
behind me asked. I realized that the people in front of me had ordered and
left, and the server was giving me an are-you-having-anything-or-what look. I
stepped forward and ordered Billy a Coke, and a bottle of water for myself, then
quickly looked back to see what was happening and groaned. One of Nate’s
friends had restrained Billy by gripping his arms behind him, as Nate tried to
talk him down. If your date going postal on someone wasn’t a sure enough sign
that he wasn’t the one for you, I didn’t know what was. Was Nate here by
coincidence, or had he come intentionally? If it was the latter, no wonder
Billy was pissed.

I paid for the drinks and
apologized to the girl behind me with a smile, then headed back to our lane,
not wanting to embarrass Billy by getting in the middle of whatever was going
on. I sat on the padded seat, swinging my legs as I stared at my red, black,
and white shoes, waiting. When I’d got bored of studying my footwear, the shiny
laminated floor, and then my nails, I snuck a glance their way again. Billy was
still being restrained, and there were now two uniformed security guards
talking to the guys. Hardly anyone was bowling now, all of their attention
fixed on whatever was going on over there.
Great first date, Sky
. I sent
Liam a text, updating him on how well it was going.

Seriously?
he responded almost immediately.
Firstly, when have you ever been
into bowling? I thought the idea of these dates was for them to prove how well
they know you. He’s got as much chance of you picking him now as you have of a turkey
or a bagger.

A turkey or badger? What are
you talking about?

A bagger, not a badger. If
you’re that bored, look up bowling strike names. The point was the only balls
you’ll be handling after this disaster of a date are the bowling ones. He’s
just lost any chance of you handling his.

At what stage did ball
handling ever get mentioned? I’m on a first date, with a guy I only agreed to a
first date with so he wouldn’t feel left out. There would never have been any
handling, of any part of the anatomy, with anybody, thank you! Did you shut
down that Bootylicious profile? You’ve turned into some sexual innuendo pro
since I set you up on there, Rimalicious!!

I can neither confirm nor deny
that statement, Torres. But my eyes have sure been opened to a whole new world,
and we need to get out in it more often.

Which was my point for the
profile, but which of us is actually out of their room, off the internet, and
on a date with a real live person? Torres 1, Cooper 0. And that, my friend, is
what they call a wild turkey, or badger, beaver, raccoon, or whatever! Slam.
Dunk. Drops the mic and heads off stage to raucous applause!

I looked over the lanes again as
I realized that the noise levels had increased, to see things appeared to have
calmed down and people were getting back to their games. I craned my neck to
see Nate talking to his three friends, his eyes directed straight at me. He
appeared to give me a restrained smile, but tipped his chin, as if he was
telling me to look behind me. I did, just in time to see Billy disappearing
into the restrooms. Liam had sent me another couple of messages, which made me
giggle.

No one drops the mic on Liam
Cooper, Torres. It’s back in play.

Hello, Torres, anyone there?

So rather than disrespect Billy
by going over to talk to Nate, I chose to keep my head down and keep texting
Liam instead, turning off my ringer as messages pinged back and forth.

Much as I’m loving a texting
night with my best friend, we’ve been at it for over fifteen minutes. Has your
date skipped out on you?

 Liam’s last message made me
frown and check the time. He was right, Billy had been gone for ages. I sat up
and looked over at the restrooms, then scanned the bar area and looked over
toward Nate’s lane, but there was no sign of Billy anywhere, and now Nate was
missing too. Something didn’t feel right, and it wasn’t like I could head into
the men’s room to see if he was alright.

“Sky?” came a gruff voice behind
me. I looked around to find Saunders, if it was him, standing behind me.

“Ermmm, hey,” I offered, not sure
why he was here.