Torrid Affair (13 page)

M
y entire life
I’ve felt worthless. My father left me, my mother didn’t care, and every foster home I lived in made me feel like an obligation rather than loved. Even when Louisa adopted me, I felt like a responsibility. I had stood up for her kid, so she was returning the favor.

It was hard to grow up feeling like the kid no one wanted, so I acted out in school because of it. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I realized it was
my
life and I had two choices: be the asshole kid and become the asshole adult, or change my ways. So I changed. Although being worthy of someone’s love was never something I fixated on. It became irrelevant to me.

Until Brielle.

One taste of her and I was willing to move mountains for her. There wasn’t anything I’d let stand in my way. She made me feel worthy. The connection we shared was undeniable. It transformed into something much larger, something I no longer wanted to control. So I tracked her down in the library, held her in my arms, and kissed her furiously. When she turned me down and refused to admit what we had was perfect, I sat on the long wooden table and watched as she packed up her stuff and stormed off to meet my brother.

Since Christmas, I couldn't focus. I couldn't sleep. The only thing on my mind was her. It was wrong in every sense of the word, but I
needed
to have her. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want to hurt Julian, but I needed her in my life. She made it clear that even if I wasn't with Delaney, I couldn't be with her. And if I couldn't have her the way I wanted, I
needed
to have her friendship.

After I peeled back her doubts about tutoring me, I planned to spend a day with her. I unplugged her car battery, made sure Julian's roommate got wasted at a party so he wouldn’t drive home, and then I paid Stu a hundred bucks to take Terri out and make sure she couldn’t get in to work Saturday morning.

The plan was simple. Her car wouldn’t start and she would have to call me, and when we arrived at the library, Terri wouldn’t be there. I pushed the thought of Julian and Brie together out of my head as I waited for my phone to ring. Two things I didn’t expect: for her to run to the library, and the storm.  

I could still taste her raspberry Chapstick as I pulled away from campus and toward the interstate. My cock pushed against my jeans and all I wanted was to bury myself between her legs.  

She shifted in her seat and lowered the heat.

“Warm enough?” I glanced over at her.

“Yeah.” Her voice was low.

Cupping her hand in mine, I brought it to my lips. “Tell me what's on your mind?”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “Do you want the truth?” I looked over at her again and nodded. “I can't stop this.”

“What?”

“This. Us. It's wrong, we both know it, but never has anything felt so right.” She squeezed my hand. “I don't know what to do. She's my best friend.”

“Are you more concerned about her or him?”

“Both. Neither. I don't know. When I'm with you, I don't care about anything or anyone. It’s like we’re in a bubble and all our responsibilities don't exist. Nothing seems to matter.”

Pulling into a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru, I brought the back of her hand to my lips and kissed it once again. “Can we stay in the bubble a little longer? Even if it's just for a day?” My gaze searched deep into her brown eyes. “I really like the bubble,” she whispered and a grin grew on her face. Without any hesitation, I leaned across the center console and gently kissed half of her lips. Brielle closed her eyes and moaned.

Two hot chocolates and six donuts later, we were back on the freeway. I wanted as far from campus as possible. The rain wouldn't let up but the traffic was minimal. Brielle held my hand as we drove. Neither of us wanted to let go. When I entered Lake Norman State Park, it was empty.

I parked my car near the water and left the engine running. We sat there for a few minutes looking out into the gray foggy cold. My thumb gently ran across her soft skin.

“Did you love her?” she asked. Her gaze never pulled away from the fog.

“No.”

“Why did you stay?”

“I told you, to be closer to you,” I confessed. “Once you broke up with Julian, I left her.”

“And Julian? Don't you feel you're betraying your brother?”

“Yes. But like you said, when I'm with you nothing else matters.”

“You're a fire I can't put out. It started as something small, but now it's consuming and uncontainable. It will probably destroy every last bit of me.” She looked over at me, a small smile playing on her lips. “I can't stop playing with fire even though it's going to burn me.”

I kissed her.

In one swift motion, I had her out of her seat and on my lap; my dick throbbed with need as she bucked against me. Her hair was wild; curls draped over my face. Desperate to feel her, I slid my hands under her sweater and ran them up her back. Her soft skin under the palms of my hands drove me mad. I had her once and I needed more. She said I was her fire, but she was my drug.

I deepened our kiss. My mouth claimed her. “Do you want to stop?”

“No.” She leaned her head to the side and exposed her neck.

“Tell me you're mine.” My teeth grazed her jaw.

“I'm yours,” she whimpered. Her gaze met mine. “You're what I want. It's been you since the beginning”

I framed her small face in my hands and brought her lips to mine. “I need to have you, Brie.”

She pulled away from my hold and trailed her fingers down my chest. Gently, she lifted the hem of my sweater and then tossed it over my head. I watched, amazed and rock hard as she did the same with her shirt, exposing her soft pink cotton bra.

Unable to keep my hands to myself, I wrapped them around her torso and brought my mouth to her chest. When we were together that night, we were drunk and sloppy. I didn't have the opportunity to savor her. Though having her in the back of my car wasn't the best scenario, any second with Brielle was worth it.

I kissed her fair skin and slipped my hands inside her bra. Her nipples pebbled at my touch. With as much patience as I could manage, I slid my tongue across her peachy skin. Brielle moaned and dug her nails into the back of my neck.

“Please, Nate,” she muttered. “I need you inside me.”

Biting on the tip of her nipple, I looked up at her. “And I need to taste you.”

“You can have all of me, but please don’t make me wait.”

“Fuck,” I growled. “Get in the back.”

Brielle pushed off my chest and climbed in the back seat. Discarding my shirt, I watched from the rearview mirror as she undid her pants. At that moment, I thanked God I'd bought a jeep and climbed back.

Brielle sat with her back to the door. Towering over her, I kissed her lips, her cheeks, and down her neck. The rain continued to pour as I made my way down her body. Her jeans were still damp when I tugged them off. She had the devil in her eyes. I kissed every inch of her body until I reached the hem of her panties. Her breathing grew labored as I discarded them. She was wet and ready for me.

I desperately needed to taste her. I didn't know when or if I’d ever have her again, and I wanted to make every second count. My gaze locked on hers, I slid my tongue over her clit and watched as her eyes rolled back in pleasure as I devoured her. Her moans guided me to exactly what she wanted.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered. “Please . . . don't . . . stop.” Her body quivered and I let my tongue ride the wave of her orgasm.

When she finally caught her breath, I pulled away and reached inside the glove compartment for a condom. Patiently, she waited as I slid it on and positioned myself at her entrance. Running my tongue across my lips, I tasted her on them.

A grin took over her face. She clasped her hands around my neck and brought my lips to hers. “I want to taste me on you,” she muttered against my lips.

I sank into her.

She cried out in ecstasy.

We fucked.

It was hard.

Deep.

And mindfuckingly good.

We were both panting for air when I finally came. My back stung from the marks of her fingernails, and she wore a content, sated expression on her beautiful features. We stayed in the back seat holding each other.

“I’m sorry,” I confessed.

“For?” She stopped tracing small circles over my chest and lifted her eyes to me.

“I didn't know you’d get soaked by the rain.”

“I'm not following.”

“I unplugged the battery of your car.”

“Nathaniel!” She smacked my chest.

I chuckled and grasped her hand. Kissing her palm, I explained everything. “I didn't know how to get you alone. You ignored me after Christmas, and when I found you in the library, you ran off. Then I noticed your name on the learning center sheet and I lied about biology so you would tutor me.”

“You son of a bitch.” She shook her head. Her lips puckered with amusement. “What else?”

“I made sure Julian's roommate didn't go home so you couldn't get a ride. Then I made sure Terry was late so I could convince you to get breakfast. I didn't know the rain would be this heavy. Plus, I thought you'd call me when you didn't have a ride.”

“So you weren’t worried about me spending the night at Julian's?”

I shifted my arm so I could run it up her back. “It crossed my mind. But if you didn't sleep with him while you two were dating, I figured you weren't doing it now.”

Brielle scoffed. “You have it all figured out, don’t you?”

I brushed her curls away from her face and lifted her chin. “To get a few hours alone with you where you're not pushing me away, I’d do anything.” I didn't wait for her to respond. Instead, I kissed her again until she begged for more

L
ie
.

L
ie
.

L
ie again
.

I lied to everyone and it gave me anxiety. But being with Nate wasn't something I was willing to give up. There was no escaping what I felt for him. The adrenaline that coursed through me when we were together was better than anything I had ever experienced. But like most thrill rides, it scared me to death.

The fear of being discovered by Delaney or Julian had me panicking, and I began to overcompensate my friendship with them both. Not to mention the fear that Nate could easily change his mind and move on to another girl. I could simply have been a chase, and now that he had me I constantly worried it was only a matter of time before he got bored.

Every Saturday morning, we snuck off to be together. Now that I knew his biology excuse was bullshit, we spent those days together. Along with sneaking off, Nate and I had rules on how we communicated. No emails, phone calls or drop-bys. We texted in code. I changed his name on my phone to Nicole, and I kept my phone glued to me since I didn't want Julian or Delaney to see any of our messages.

I lied to Julian about working more so I spent less time with him. Our Friday night tradition of Chinese takeout was replaced with Nate taking me to dinner far from campus so no one would spot us together.

It wasn't just sex between us. We spent countless hours talking about life and what we both wanted in the future. He knew my passion for art and let me go on and on about it before he shared his dreams. Without realizing it, I fell deeply in love with him.

The first week of March, Delaney and I were in our dorm room and I was getting ready to head off to work at the dentist’s office. My hands were massaging the leave-in conditioner through my hair when Delaney closed her laptop and looked over at me.

“What are you doing tonight?” she asked. I met her gaze through the mirror. Her hair was tossed up in a messy bun, and she was wearing her pajamas so I knew she had no plans.

I hesitated for a moment. “Nothing,” I replied. In truth, I was meeting Nate after work. We were going to stop for ice cream then drive to Freedom Park and eat it on the hood of his car.

“Are you sure?” Delaney pinched her eyebrows.

“Yeah, why?” Nerves made the butterflies in my stomach flap their massive wings.

“Well, you’ve worked at Dr. Carmack’s office for almost three years now and I’ve never seen you get this dolled up.”

My heart sank. “I'm not all dolled up.”

“Okay, Brie.” Her lips puckered, and I knew she didn't believe me. “You never do your hair like that unless we’re going out. You don't have to tell me who he is now, but eventually I’ll find out.”

I grabbed my purse and keys and looked over at Delaney, who was still sitting in the same spot. “I'll be back later.”

“Sure thing, babe. I’ll try to wait up.”

I dashed out of the room and closed the door behind me. Yanking my phone out of my purse, I sent Nate a quick text message.

Me: I can't make it tonight.

Nicole: Why not??

I smiled at the pen name I’d given Nate.

Me: Delaney thinks I'm meeting someone after work. I think she suspects something.

Nicole: Did she say anything about me or that you would be with someone else?

Me: Someone else.

Nicole: Okay, so she doesn't suspect anything except that you’re with someone. And who cares if she thinks that.

Me: I don't know. Maybe we should reschedule.

Nicole: No. I haven't seen you since Saturday. Don't make me beg. Please? I need to kiss you.

His last text message made me grin. I desperately wanted to kiss him too.

Me: I’ll see you at 8.

I sent him one last text message before I hopped in my car. As long as Delaney didn't know it was Nate, there shouldn't be a problem.

Or at least that's what I hoped for.

* * *

I
had done
the one thing a girl should never do—I’d given him my whole heart. I had given him the power to destroy me. And now he owned every single part of me. He had all the power. And there was nothing I could do about it. As much as I’d tried not to fall for him, I
had
fallen. I could only hope he was there to catch me.

It was funny what loves made you feel or think. And the jealousy that came with it was the monster of all one-eyed green monsters. I wasn't prepared for any of that. Like the first big drop on a roller coaster, you hold on for dear life and scream. That's what I had to do.

After my last class on Friday, I sent Nate a message and asked if he wanted to join me for lunch, but he never responded. I met up with Julian and Delaney in the cafeteria instead. I secretly hoped she would fall for him. It would make my life so much easier.

“Where’ve you been?” Julian asked when I slid into the chair next to him. I reached across to his tray and stole a fry.

“I've been here. School is kicking my ass.”

Delaney, who sat across me, pulled a fry off his plate as well. “She literally lives in the library now.”

“I do not.” I crumbled my napkin and tossed it at her. “I just want to graduate a semester early.”

“Mmm hmm.” Delaney winked at me.

“Are you going to the Easter bash at my brother’s tomorrow?” Julian asked Delaney.  I had agreed with Nate that I would spend the night with Delaney so he could go and enjoy his party. Alcohol, Nate and I would not end up well.

“No! There is no way I'm going anywhere near that asshole’s place. Plus, Brie and I are having a girls’ night.” She looked up at me and smiled.

Our plans included manis, pedis, classic eighties movies, and Delaney's favorite boys: Jose, Johnny, Jameson and Jim.

“Yep.” I tried to seem as excited as Delaney. “No boys allowed, sorry.”

Julian reached over to my tray and snagged the chocolate pudding I was saving for last. “Whatever. There’ll be plenty of tail at the party.” He winked at me.

“You're gross.” I smacked his arm and took my pudding back.

We dropped the conversation about Nate's Easter bash and changed it to finals that were quickly approaching.

By the end of lunch, Nate still had not replied to my message. By evening, my phone was glued to my hand. I had sent Nate three more messages and even left him a voicemail which was something I never did. Still no response. Delaney and I sat in our room folding our laundry. She chatted me up but I was distracted.

Where was Nate?

Every opportunity, I checked my phone. This was what love did to people. It made them crazy.

Delaney lowered her pink tee to her lap. “What has gotten into you today?”

“Nothing. I’m just waiting for a phone call from my mom.” I don't know why I used my mother as an excuse. She wasn't one to call unless there was an emergency. She preferred emails. Well,
I
preferred emails. I never had to worry about hearing my father's voice in the background when I read an email.

“Strange.” Delaney’s eyes were wide. “Your mom never calls you. Is everything okay?”

I tossed my phone on the bed and smiled at Delaney. “Yes, she's fine.” I brushed it off. “We should probably go to the grocery first thing tomorrow morning,” I added, trying to change the subject.

“Yep, that works. We can go once you're done tutoring.”

T
hat night
I tossed and turned. There was no news from Nate. No email, no call, no text. I didn't get much sleep, and by Saturday morning I was rushing to the library to see him. When he never showed, I sat back on the chair and stared blankly into the air. I guessed he was done with me and had moved on. I cursed the coward for not even telling me straight up. I wanted to march right over to his house and give him a piece of my mind but he didn't deserve that satisfaction. But I refused to let him see how much he hurt me, and decided I’d think of him fondly as a massive asshole instead.

When I met Delaney at our local grocery store, I was in a sour mood. The only thing I wanted to do was lie in bed and sulk over the fact Nate had turned out to be the guy I always thought he was. The worst part about it was that I had no one to talk to. I couldn't tell Delaney that her ex-boyfriend turned out to be a complete scum to both of us. So, when I hopped out of the car and strolled toward her, I hoped my face was as ecstatic as hers when she spotted me.

“How was the learning center?” she asked as she pulled out a shopping cart.

“It was fine.” I took the cart from her and walked toward the entrance. The supermarket was filled with fresh produce in the entrance. Bypassing the healthy choices, I pushed the cart down the aisle.

“Is everything okay?”

I shrugged. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't okay. I was hurt. My feet slid across the floor as Delaney picked up different items and placed them in our cart. I tried to stay strong, I tried to ignore my phone, but one little chime and I was digging through my purse like a savage.

When I realized it was a text message from Julian, I slammed my phone shut and tossed it back in the purse. When I pulled my gaze away from my purse and toward Delaney, I was greeted by a concerned look.

“Seriously. What is it?”

“Nothing!” I couldn’t mask my annoyance.

“Something is off with you. “

“I said nothing, Del!”

“You know what?” She slammed a package of Oreos in the cart and stopped me dead in my tracks. “I've been trying to give you your space, but you’ve been odd since last year. We don't talk like we used to. You don't tell me anything. Something is clearly bothering you but you don't want to talk to me, your best friend, so whatever.” She took her purse and tossed it over her shoulder.” Have this stupid girls’ night by your damn self.”

Delaney spun away and marched out of the supermarket.

I didn't go after her.

I should have, but there was nothing to say. I couldn't tell her I was in love with her ex-boyfriend. It was something I had to bury in my heart and never talk about it.

Walking up and down every aisle, I let time pass and hoped Delaney had calmed down by the time I arrived at our dorm. A pile of clothes was on top of her bed and she was nowhere in sight. I checked my phone one last time before turning it off completely. “Screw you, Nate,” I muttered as my phone powered off. I showered, put on my favorite PJs, and turned on the TV to watch
Sixteen Candles
.

Somewhere through the 80’s classic, the chocolate, and some much needed tequila to cure my sadness, I fell asleep. The following morning, I awoke to the door opening. Delaney tiptoed into the room, her high heels dangling from one hand as she dropped her key in the fishbowl. Her hair looked freshly fucked, and most of her makeup had smeared to one side of her face.

“Are you just getting in?” I asked, confused and a bit hungover.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn't mean to wake you.”

“Where did you go?”

I wiped the sleep off my face and looked over at the clock on my night stand. It was seven in the morning and Delaney was doing the walk of shame. She sighed and smiled. It was a genuine, happy smile.

It would also be known as the smile that destroyed my heart.

Delaney discarded her short shorts and blouse and held her shirt over her chest. Her smile grew wide on her face as though she was remembering the previous night. “Promise you won't judge?” I nodded. “I spent the night with Nate.”

I shook my head, not believing her. That was impossible. He and I were . . .

Nothing.

“You what?” I asked, my voice laced with disgust.

“I know. It's crazy, right?” She put an oversized T-shirt on and crawled under the covers.

“You and Nate? Last night?”

“Yeah. It was just sex.” She giggled. “Good sex.”

My heart shredded into a million pieces. “B-But I thought you were mad at him?” My head spun, and a part of me hoped that it was a nightmare caused by the tequila.

“I am! But that boy knows his way around my body.” She winked.

I nodded at her response. My throat was closing up, and my tears were on the brink of falling. I lay my head back on the pillow and turned to the wall. I couldn't speak, or move. The only thing I could do was cry.