Torrid Affair (11 page)

I looked deep into his eyes. I wanted this. I wanted everything he wanted to give me. His tongue slid across his lips and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t care if it was wrong. In that moment I didn’t care who we hurt. All I cared was his lips were on mine.

“Kiss me.” The words slipped out of my mouth.  

Nate growled and wrapped his firm hands around my body. His mouth captured mine in a full kiss. I was drowning in him, but I refused to come up for air. My hands reached around his neck and entwined in his hair. Nate kissed me with hunger, want and desperation.

He released his hand from my hair and lifted me to his waist. My legs clung around his body as he kissed my cheek, my neck, and moved down my shoulder. The need to be with him had me aching for his touch.

Nate pressed me harder against the wall and lowered both the straps of my camisole and bra. In one swift movement, he had my breast out and his tongue swirled around my nipples.

“Oh. Fuck. Nate.” I moaned each word in ecstasy.

Nate released my nipple and captured my mouth in his again. “You’re so perfect,” he grunted. “Fucking perfect.”

With his lips on mine, he carried me from the wall and to the couch. I ripped my top off and he lay on top of me. My greedy hands reached for his shirt as he kissed the mounds of my breasts. From the outside of my jeans, he rubbed my clit.

“Yes,” I whimpered. I wanted his hands all over my body.

Nate’s tongue took turns teasing each of my breasts until I felt I was about to burst. His grunts and moans only built my need to have him inside me. Yanking his head away from my breast, I pulled him to my mouth.

His lips brushed mine gently. “Brielle.” He said my name as he stared deep into my eyes. His hand unbuttoned my jeans, and before I could utter a sound, he was down my pants with his finger deep inside me.

I cried out in pleasure.

“You’re soaked,” he moaned against my lips. Nate’s fingers dipped in and out of me in rhythm.

“Please don’t stop.” I pushed down on his hand.

Nate growled and pulled his hand out of my pants. He kneeled on the floor and pulled my jeans off with one quick tug. His fingers hooked the soft cotton booty shorts and gently pulled them off. Soft lips followed them down my legs. Each inch he pulled on my shorts was another kiss he placed on my leg.

I was aching. Pent up with need. Nate’s hands ran up my legs and goosebumps rose all over my body. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. Naked, I waited for him to do whatever he wanted with me.

He pushed my legs apart and lowered his mouth to my core. I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head as his warm tongue licked along my clit.

“Nate, please, don’t stop,” I moaned.

His tongue flicked and sucked everything I had to give. He took his time drawing my orgasm out of me. Any time I was close, he slowed down only to start all over again. Minutes passed and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Please,” I begged.

Nate shoved one finger inside me while his tongue lapped at my clit. Within seconds, the world went dark and my body exploded as my legs shook and I screamed out his name.

When my breathing returned to normal, I looked at Nate. “There are condoms in the drawer.” I pointed to the nightstand that divided the two beds.

He ran to the drawer and walked back. He stood tall in front of me and I sat up on the couch. My hand ran down his abdomen and unbuttoned his jeans. Lowering his jeans and boxers, I reached for his thick, hard cock. I stroked it gently as he tore the foil wrapper.

Nate slid the condom down his shaft and I lay back. He kissed my stomach, breasts and neck as he climbed on top of me. His forehead rested on mine when I felt him at my opening. My lips kissed his, his tongue playing with mine as he sank each inch inside me.

“Fuck,” he growled. “You’re fucking tight.” He sank deep inside me and I whimpered. Months. It had been almost ten months since I had sex.

Nate gave me a few seconds to adjust and then he began to thrust in and out. It was gentle at first but like a small fire it grew until we were both panting, desperate for air. He grunted my name as I moaned his. He called me beautiful while I begged him not to stop. Our bodies grew damp with sweat. I clung to his body and when my second orgasm took over, my fingernails scraped down his back. Nate buried his head in the crook of my neck and pounded deep into me, finding his own release.

He lay atop me until our breathing calmed. His hand traced the lines of my face. “Hi,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss me.

I hugged him tightly, not wanting this moment to fade away. Between the alcohol in my system and feeling sated from sex, my eyelids were heavy. “I’m sleepy.”

Nate kissed the tip of my nose and stood. I bypassed the paint supplies, threw a T-shirt over my bare body, and crawled into bed. I didn’t know if the arms that held me were Nate’s or my imagination, but sleep soon followed and I was oblivious to everything else.

* * *

I
woke
the following morning to my phone ringing. My head was heavy and there was someone else in my bed.
Nate
. My mind reminded me of the previous night.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

I dug under the covers until I found my cell phone. A new text message appeared on the screen. My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the brightness.

Delaney: Merry Christmas! Love you!

I closed my text message and noticed I had a missed call from Julian.

What the fuck did I do?

“Mmm,” Nate moaned and pulled me closer.

“You need to leave.” I tried to pull his hand off my body.

“Five more minutes.” He held me closer and kissed my shoulder.

“Seriously!” I began to panic as guilt permeated my body. “Get out.”

“Brie.” Nate lifted his head off the pillow. Confusion ran across his face.

“What we did last night never happened, do you understand?” I began to kick the sheets off our bodies. “It. Never. Happened.”

“Fuck.” He wiped the sleep off his face. “Brie, wait.”

“You need to leave.” I hopped off the bed and gathered his clothes from the floor.

“Can we talk about it?”  

“No!” I threw his shirt at him. “There is nothing to talk about. Nothing happened.”

“We can’t do that.” He shoved his shirt over his head. My gaze met his eyes and then I pulled them away.

“She’s my best friend!” I pulled a pair of pajama bottoms from my dresser and slid them on. “He’s your brother!” I scurried around the room looking for a hair tie. Tubes of paint were scattered around the floor. My eyes refused to look up at the red wall.

“Where does that leave us?’

“Nowhere!” I shouted. “Don’t you get it? This is wrong. So fucking wrong, and people will be hurt by our actions.”

Nate stood up from the bed and walked toward me. His boxers hung at his waist and I tried to ignore the fact he made me feel things I had never experienced before. “Tell me you don’t feel this.”

“Nathaniel.” I bowed my head.

“Tell me what happened last night wasn’t perfect.” He strolled closer until his body towered over mine. His hands ran across my cheek and lifted my chin. “You feel it, too. I know it.”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. What we did was wrong.” I bit my lip and hoped the tears wouldn’t come. “Please, Nate, you have to leave.”

His let his hand drop and walked past me. I turned to see him slide his jeans up his legs, put his shoes on, and grab his jacket. “When you’ve cleared your mind, we can talk.”

It was the last thing he said before he left my room.

My heart ached. Guilt pressed on my lungs and made it impossible to breathe. Tears began to drip down my face as I realized I could never have the man I wanted.

Crawling back into bed, I pulled the covers over my body. His scent lingered in my sheets and I found myself coiling around them as I cried myself to sleep. Shame resonated deep within me but it didn’t come alone. It brought doubt and insecurity to the party.

I was a fucked up person.

I
ignored
the world after my night with Nate. I never texted Delaney back, and I ignored Julian completely. At one point, I even began to pack my bags to head back home, but a nor’easter stopped my trip. I sat in my room—alone—for an entire week. I only left to shower, but that was just down the hall.

Somewhere between Christmas and New Year's Eve, a random text message appeared on my cellphone.

Unknown: Can we talk?

Me: Who is this?

Unknown: Nate

Me: How did you get my number?

Unknown: Julian texted me to see if I had seen you around campus. Apparently, you’re ignoring him.

Me: I’m ignoring you, too!

Unknown: What we did felt too right to be a mistake.

Me: I’m not talking to you.

Unknown: You can’t ignore me forever.

Me: Watch me!

On New Year’s Eve, I sat in my room watching the ball drop in Times Square. I had avoided any alcoholic beverages for the past week. Rum had gotten me in enough trouble as it was, but I didn’t see any harm in tequila. It was New Year's, after all.

I had cleaned and repainted the wall back to its original color, and found Delaney’s stash of her favorite boys: Jose, Jameson, Johnny and Jim. I figured tequila was the easiest to drink straight up, and grabbed the bottle of Jose Cuervo.

Thousands of people gathered around Times Square in the blistering cold to watch a giant lit-up ball ring in the new year. People arrived in the heart of Manhattan around ten in the morning to hold their spots. And once the ball dropped, everyone disappeared. I thought it was the stupidest thing.

Jose agreed.

A few minutes before midnight, my phone buzzed next to me.

Nate: Can I see you?

I wanted to say yes. Hell, even Jose was screaming at me to agree. But I couldn’t.

Me: No.

Nate: I’m outside.

Me: I don’t care. I’m not seeing you.

After I sent the text message, I ran to the window to see if I spotted his car. It was nowhere in sight.

I grabbed my phone.

Me: Liar

Nate: I didn’t say I was outside your dorm. I’m working, so I can drive by if you want.

Me: No. I don’t want to see you.

Nate: Now who’s the liar?

“Ugh!” I tossed the phone and poured myself another shot.

The ball dropped and a new year was upon us. I was drunk and alone. I dragged my feet and climbed into bed. This new year I would be a better person. That was my resolution.

My phone vibrated in my hand with a new text message. Instantly, my heart rate sped up. But it wasn’t from Nate.

Julian: Happy New Year. I miss you, Brie.

Guilt echoed in my chest.

I was a liar.

I tossed my phone to the side and let the effects of the tequila guide me into a deep sleep

* * *

T
he new semester
was about to start, so the university was busy with students returning from break. Delaney returned a week before classes started. Her skin was beautifully tanned from her vacation in Belize, and though she looked sun kissed, she seemed off. Her eyes were puffy and surrounded by dark circles She tossed her suitcase on the bed and sighed. “We broke up,” she whimpered.

“Oh, Delaney.” I tried to act as though I had no clue. I never asked Nate when he did it. I didn't want him to tell me anything. I knew when she returned she would need me there for her.

“He's such an ass.” She tossed her clothes on the bed. “He broke up with me right as I left. I wasn't even home yet when he called.” Her voice broke and I knew she was holding her tears in.

I, on the other hand, felt like the worst friend. Bowing my head, I avoided her gaze and let her vent. “He's no good for me, anyway. Daddy always said I should be with a man who has a wealthy background. Someone who can provide for me. And the only thing Nathaniel has for him is his looks. I’ll find someone better.”

Delaney sat on the couch and began to tell me how happy she was to be back and how this semester she wouldn't be a lost puppy trailing after a boy, but all I could picture was how Nate had been on top of me in the exact spot where she sat. Instantly, I felt I was drowning. I was suffocating and the walls were closing in on me. I couldn't lie to her. I hated what I did.

Unable to sit there any longer, I shot up from my bed and walked across the room to grab my bag.

“Where are you going?” Delaney asked. Her eyebrows were furrowed and confusion appeared on her face.

“I need to go to the library. I completely forgot I signed up to do some tutoring this semester.”

“Brie,” she complained. “I just got back.”

“I know.” I shook my head, hating the fact I was about to lie to her
again
. “It's just that I have three people to help this semester and I can't fall behind in my own work.” I inhaled and let guilt filter through my body. “I'll be quick. Rest up and we’ll chat later.”

I started to walk toward the door when her voice stopped me in my tracks.

“Did you paint the wall?”

My heart began to accelerate in my chest. I turned slowly. “Yeah,” I said in a shaky voice. “I tried to do a dry erase board for us with this paint I found at the hardware store, but it didn't work out.”

“Oh.” She seemed disappointed. “Maybe we can do a chalkboard instead?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “We'll go to the paint store sometime soon.” I didn't wait for her response as I walked out of the room.

Strolling past my car, I let the cool, crisp air hit my face.  
A walk across campus would help clear my mind.

It was a simple mistake.

Nate and I . . . It was . . . nothing.

It
had
to be nothing.

It was
one
drunken night.

That was it.

But I knew deep down that wasn't true.

I looked up into the clear sky. Though the sun was out, it didn't warm my skin. “What the hell am I doing?” I asked the world.

Everything would be fine
, I told myself. Nate wouldn't be in any of my classes this semester. And Delaney wouldn't be bringing Nate around, so I would ignore the situation and it would all work itself out.
It had to.

Digging in my pocket, I pulled my cell phone out and sent Julian a text message.

Me: Are you back on campus?

Within seconds he responded.

Julian: Yes.

Me: Do you want to meet up? Talk?

Julian: Yes :)

Me: Java Joes at 3?

Julian: I'll be there.

A
cloud
of warm air hit me like in an inferno when I pulled back the heavy glass door. I gave a staff member a kind smile and headed for the stairs that led to the second floor. Along the walls were wooden tables used for quiet studying. I walked to the farthest corner, the last table. No one would find me there. I would be completely alone.

Scattering my books and papers across the table, I flipped my laptop open, silenced my phone, and got to work.

My back was toward the door but I felt him approach. When I heard footfalls behind me, my heartbeat began to race. The passage I was reading became a scramble of words on the page.

There was no hiding. I couldn’t simply pick up my belongings and run. Slowly, I inhaled and closed my eyes. I had to face Nate. Closing my laptop, I began to shove everything back in my bag.

“Hi,” he said as he pulled a chair out and sat across from me. At first, I was hesitant to meet his gaze, but the pull was undeniable. I couldn't deny myself. He looked . . .
like a dream.
He smiled at me, and his emerald green eyes lit up.

I was fucked.

There was something between us,

I couldn’t ignore it.

It was like a fire that refused to burn out.

“What are you doing here?” My voice was barely audible.

“Tracking you down.” He licked his lips. “I’ve been looking for you all day. All week.”

“Why?” I pulled my gaze away from his lips.

“Because you can’t avoid me any longer.” His gaze was stern and his eyebrows pinched together.  “We need to talk.”

I pushed back my chair and stood. My brain felt scattered, as though it lacked oxygen. It was impossible to focus. “There is nothing to talk about, Nate.” I shoved a few more things in my bag.

“Is that how you want to do this?” His low voice made goosebumps rise all over my body. “Nothing happened between us?”

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and hoped when I opened them this would all be a dream. A nightmare that would soon pass. But when I lifted my lids he was standing right in front of me. His tall frame towered over me and the smell of his cologne teased my senses. I wanted to lace my arms around his neck and have him hold me for all eternity.

But I couldn’t.

“Nothing. Happened,” I told him.

He moved a step closer, his gaze trailing up my body. “So, what we did . . .” He lifted his hand and brushed it across my cheek. “It didn’t mean anything to you?”

I whimpered at his touch and closed my eyes. Why did it feel so right with him? “Please.” Was I begging him to stop or to kiss me? I couldn’t tell. His touch was electrifying.

“You feel it.” His forehead pressed against mine. “This pull between us. I know you feel it, too.” I forced myself to shake my head, but my mind refused to work.

Nate’s breath was minty and warm against my skin. He inhaled my scent and I felt wanton in his arms. No matter how wrong a situation is, when your heart wants something, there isn’t anything you can do to fight it. The heart wants what the heart wants. I never understood that phrase
until now
.

My heart wanted him.

My soul craved him.

But he was forbidden.

He took his time running his nose along my cheek. Teasing me with each passing second, he kissed along my cheek, chin and the tip of my nose.

I anticipated his kiss.

I longed for it.

I was becoming an addict waiting for its hit.

“Open your eyes, Brielle.”

I shook my head ever so slowly.

“Brielle.” He said my name as if it was chocolate in his mouth. “I want you to see me kiss you.”

Both scared and excited, I opened my eyes. Trapped in the endless emerald green sea that was his eyes, I stood before him helplessly. My heart raced a mile a second. A small boyish grin grew on his face.

I was fucked.

I was a horrible person.

I would deal with the consequence of my actions later.

Because I was done.

Completely, utterly, done.

My lips parted slightly and a calming sensation passed through my body as his lips pressed against mine and the world around us seemed to stop. He wrapped his arms around my body and deepened his kiss. His tongue twirled with mine and any fear, guilt, or remorse vanished.

Being in his arms, captured by his kiss, was everything I ever prayed for.

Nate pressed his body to mine and ran his hand up my back until my hair was tangled in his fingers. I whimpered in ecstasy, hoping we never had to stop.

In the back corner of the campus library, I was in heaven.

Until I heard a soft buzzing from my cell phone.

Gasping for air, I pushed on his chest. “I can’t,” I said as I tried to catch my breath. Nate released my body from his grip. “I have to go. I have to meet Julian.”

“Are you going to tell him? Nate asked.

Pressing my fingertips to my eyes, I tried to calm my breathing.  “No.” My voice was shaky. I scanned Nate's eyes. “This was a mistake. It was a lack of good judgement.” I closed my eyes and forced the feeling of pure joy out of my system. “It won't happen again, so there’s no need to tell them.”

Nate took a step forward to close the gap between us. His hand reached up to brush back a curl and I swatted his hand away. “Stop!” My hands waved in front of him. “
She
is my best friend.
He
is your brother.”

“We can tell them.” He spoke softly. His tongue ran along his lips. “We can tell them the truth.”

“What good will that do?” I felt tears pool in my eyes.  “It would hurt him, it would destroy her, and at the end of the day we couldn’t be together.”

“Why not?” He scanned my face for some sort of answer. “God damn it, Brie, why should we deny what we feel for each other because of them?”

My head shook. “It was a physical attraction that led us to do a horrible thing. Nothing more. You’re my ex boyfriend’s brother. My best friend’s ex. Any way you look at it, it's wrong.”

“That's not fair.”

“Life isn't fair.” I brushed back a tear. “Do you really want to hurt your brother that way?” I paused for a second and let my question hang. “Do you really want to destroy the bond you have, because of me?  Because honestly, I can't do that to Delaney. She’s like my sister.”