Authors: Sarah White
Leah
The warmth of the sun on my face feels wonderful as I sit on the grassy hill outside the student union. I haven’t even been here a week yet, but I love this place, like I knew I would. I’ve known forever that I wanted to study at UCLA—my grandmother attended classes here back when being a female college student was a privilege.
The first time I visited was when I was in junior high, and my father took a week off work for my spring break to drive me down the coast to see it. We took the guided tour and I remember loving how big the campus was and the way the brick seemed to trail along the walkways as a reminder of the history of this elite establishment of higher education. Later, I decided that my best bet for a well-rounded education would be to do my undergrad and graduate degrees at different schools, but I wanted my master’s degree to have the UCLA emblem so I waited to apply until I was ready for my graduate studies. I feel a twinge of pride at having made my dream come true.
But I miss Lyle. We must have spoken a million times about UCLA and he’d led me to believe he’d applied here, as well. I guess he didn’t have the heart to tell me he didn’t share my dream.
I lie back on the grass and close my eyes, listening to the bits and pieces of conversations of students passing by. I should go to the student store and buy that bumper sticker my dad’s been bugging me about—he’s threatening to drive down here himself if I don’t do it soon—but I’m in no mood for shopping.
I pull out my phone and dial Emma, my roommate from San Francisco.
“Hey
,
Leah
!
” Her
cheerful
voice is so soothing.
“Hey Emma. Are you getting all settled in?” Hearing her voice makes me miss her even more. The miles between us make it harder for
us to support each other on a daily basis the way we used to.
“Yes, it’s getting better. I still have a million boxes to get through, but I know how to find the best
Italian
food
around
, and where they make the strongest coffee. I’m going to own this town soon.”
“You know, if you spent a little more time at your place you could be all settled in by the time I have a chance to come visit
,
”
I
tease
.
I can picture her smile.
“What would be the fun in that?
” she argues
good-naturedly
.
“
Maybe
if you went out a little more and found someone to distract you from your current situation, you
’
d
be over
Lyle
by the time you visit.” This is the Emma I love. Her encouragement helps me to believe I might actually survive this break-up.
“Emma—you know that isn’t my style.” I try to sound serious, but my giggle gives
me
away. I hear a knock on her end of the line.
“I’ve got to run. I’m serious
,
Leah
. T
he best way to get over an old love is to get under a new one. Make me proud.” The line cuts off and I drop my phone onto my chest
, still chuckling
.
“Laughing to yourself, huh? You do realize it’s not 4/20 yet, right?” a deep voice draws nearer and I open one eye slowly to verify what I already know. Noah. I sit up and use a hand to shade my eyes from the sun so I don’t have to scrunch up my face to look at him. He looks just as handsome as
he did
that first night, his slacks fitting him perfectly, drawing my attention to the muscular shape of his strong legs. He rubs at his chin and I hear the low scratch of his hand against the stubble. His smile is crooked as he looks down at me. My eyes move to his button-front shirt and rolled up sleeves. He looks so enticing—the perfect mix of wild student and professional.
“4/20?”
“I almost forgot
—
you
’
re new here. You are sitting on a patch of grass that is rumored to be federal land and therefor
e
not under the jurisdiction of campus police. Every year
on April 20,
students try to test that legend and hundreds of them cram
into
this
space
and light up
,
believing the zoning loophole will keep them from being arrested.”
“That can’t be true,” I say
,
not believing that anyone would take that risk.
Noah shrugs his shoulders and take
s
a quick glance around at the other students. “It’s interesting. They aren’t arrested while on this
hill
, but as soon as they step off they are cited for public intoxication. I’m not sure if that’s because the legend is true, or
if
the police are just messing with the students so they can meet their ticket quota for the year.”
“Well, I’m not high, just a little crazy.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” he says, sitting down beside me on the grass. “It’s sort of my thing.” He winks at me and I swear my stomach flips. Warmth spreads to all of my limbs.
“Oh, yes. You’re the expert.” A group of students emerge from the building behind us being led by a loud tour guide. I turn my head slightly and watch as Noah offers him a small wave. I don’t miss the way a few of the young female students are checking Noah out.
“That’s Pat—he was in my dorm freshman year.” Noah says. “He’s a lot of fun. Always pranking people and down to party. I think he’s been a tour guide here for about four years. Loves this campus.”
“You guys went here as freshmen?” There goes the theory of a UC well-rounded education.
“Yes, but it’s unusual. I had to fight hard to get a position in my lab. You basically have to wait for students to finish their dissertations, and to know the professors. It took a lot of ass kissing, but I wanted to stay. Pat’s a professional student.” He points at the tour guide and I feel my brows pull together. Noah notices and explains, “He just keeps taking classes and changing majors. I’m not sure if he’s ever going to get his bachelor’s.”
The tour comes to a stop by a set of stairs. Pat stands on a step and shouts to his group, “If ever you get lost, just hold your student ID over your head like this,” he holds a small plastic card up high and waves it around, “and other students will come to your aid and help you find where you are going.” I laugh at how absurd that sounds and Noah joins in.
“Every year a few people fall for that bullshit. Just watch. You’re bound to see it happen.”
“That’s mean!” I bump his shoulder with my own and he grabs hold of me so he doesn’t tip over. His hands feel so strong and my breath slips away when his bright eyes meet mine.
“All in good fun.” He doesn’t let go of me right away and it feels like everything around us disappears as we stare into each other’s eyes. There is something about him that feels so familiar to me, comforting and reassuring. Too bad I know exactly how he feels about relationships because as I let my gaze fall and watch his tongue slide across his bottom lip I’m entertaining thoughts of Emma’s solution to getting over Lyle.
His hands finally slip from my shoulders but he doesn’t look away. I feel my face flush at his attention and turn my head so it isn’t obvious to him how much he affects me. He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair and I try not to turn back around to face him, watching only from my peripheral vision as he messes his hair. “Do you have a class?” he asks.
“No, I’m finished for today. What about you?”
“I just came from the lab, but I need to meet with my advisor about my dissertation.” I feel disappointment that this little moment between us is going to come to an end. “I have time for a cup of coffee if you’re free.” He looks a little nervous and it makes me smile.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” I can see the exhale of breath he was holding and then he jumps up and brushes the grass off of his pants, then extends his hand to me to help pull me to my feet. When I put my hand in his I feel a tingle climbing up my arm from where our skin touches. His hand is a little rougher than I am expecting and now I’m curious why a psychologist would have rough fingers. My imagination starts to run wild.
“So, Crash, what’s your drink of choice?” His hand lingers on mine for just a second before he pulls it away. I feel a small thrill at the way he still uses the nickname he gave me the day we first met.
“Something sweet. I pretend to be a big girl, but really there’s usually more sugar and milk than the dark stuff in my cup.”
“Sweet just like you,” he says, so quietly I almost miss it. He holds the door open for me when we get to the student union and we order our drinks at the counter. Noah insists on paying for mine and then we take our hot cups of heaven to a table for two.
We stay here for almost an hour, and the conversation between us is easy. I laugh more than I have since Lyle and I broke up. It feels good to step away from the heartache and enjoy a man’s company again. He makes me feel interesting and I get a little lost in the excitement of making a new friend.
When Noah’s phone alarm buzzes, alerting him of his upcoming appointment with his advisor, he reluctantly reaches for my empty cup. “Thanks for hanging out with me. Sorry I have to run.” He tosses our cups into a nearby trashcan and stands up. I stand up also and push in my chair, unsure of how to end this. I haven’t had a male friend since before Lyle. Do I hug him? Shake hands? I stand frozen to the spot.
“It was fun. We should do it again.” As soon as the words come out of my mouth I want to take them back. What if that sounded desperate? What if he thinks I’m coming on to him and now he’s going to bolt? Instead, he smiles his crooked smile and dips his chin in agreement.
“Absolutely. See you around, Leah.” He leans in and gives me a small hug, then takes a few steps backward. “Give me a holler if you need any help settling in.” I watch him go and try hard not to grin ear to ear. With a brighter mood than before we bumped into each other, I decide that a visit to the student store might not be so bad after all. I leave the building, already thinking about the next time I might see Noah.
Noah
My dissertation advisor, Dr. Peters, sorts through the new data I’ve given him. I could not be more pleased with the direction my study is going. I’m well on my way to proving my hypothesis. A few more couples and I can complete my study and try to get my findings published. He looks up at me from over the blue folder and extends his hand in my direction.
“Congratulations, Noah. You’re almost there. I can’t believe the numbers are this strong.” We quickly shake hands and he flips a few papers over and skims the data from the latest couple. “What do you predict for these two? Sounds like they’ve been together a long time. I wonder if they will offer you some interesting information.”
I lean forward in my chair, smiling. “They won’t be any different than the majority of the couples so far. I’ve watched their first three sessions and they can’t be any further apart from each other physically. I don’t think a few more sessions will turn that around.” Dr. Peters nods thoughtfully.
“Well, I’m glad it’s going to work out for you. I guess the clinician in me wants to jump in and educate our department on your findings so far. Waiting for your results to be shared is going to be difficult.”
“Soon. I just need these last few couples to complete their sessions and I’ll be ready to interpret the data. Then, of course, we can discuss our recommendations.” I don’t share the fact that I won’t be using these findings in my own practice. I have no desire to work with couples long-term.
“Good to hear.” He stands and I follow suit. “I guess we’ll meet again when all your conclusions are in place.”
“Sounds good. I will be in touch,” I say as I pick up the folder and leave Dr. Peters’ office. It’s an interesting feeling to have an exciting finding but to know that it is a terrible thing to learn. It’s like discovering a new form of cancer; you are excited to have found it but you know it is going to kill a lot of people.
The air is warm as I make my way across campus. I’m so thankful it’s Friday and I am going to be able to head home and have a quiet weekend. I have to double-check the data on one couple that is almost finished with the study. My interns have coded the video, making notes to track when the couples touch and what was said, but I always like to check that they are coding them consistently so the data will be more reliable. Once I get through the fifty-minute video, the weekend will be mine.
I am sorting through my mail in the lobby of my building when I hear the outer door open behind me. I smell her before I see her. Leah’s familiar apple scent drifts in on the breeze and my heart picks up its pace in my chest.
“Hey, Noah.” She seems a little out of breath and I imagine she has just hiked up campus to get here.
“Hi, Leah—” My phone rings in my pocket and I am irritated to see that it is one of my assistants. “Sorry, I’ve got to take this.” Leah smiles at me and retrieves her mail as I answer the call.
“Hey Penny, what’s up?”
“Noah, look, I’m so sorry to do this to you but I just got a call and my mom is really sick. I’m going to drop out this quarter so I can go home and take care of her while she recovers. I’ll be back in the spring. I’m so sorry I have to bail on your study. Do you think you can find a replacement?” I clamp my eyes closed and fight to hold in a curse. Of course she should go home to be with her mom, but that really leaves me up Shit Creek.
“Sure, Penny. Take care. Thanks for your help so far.”
“Thanks, Noah. I feel terrible about it.”
“No worries. Just be with your mom.” As soon as I see her call disconnect I let the curse fly. “FUCK!”
“Everything okay?” I turn around to see Leah staring at me.
“No. Damn it! That was one of my assistants. She needs to take a quarter off to attend to some family stuff. I’m so close to finishing my study, but I needed her to help me code the last couples. Now I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish it in time to submit it for this quarter. It might really put me back.” I shove my phone back into my pocket and close my mailbox.
“Can’t you find someone else?”
“It’s not that easy. I have to post an ad and hope that someone is still looking for placement. For the person to get credit for the work they have to be with me all quarter, but the option for class credit has almost passed.” Leah reaches out and squeezes my upper arm.
“That’s terrible. How much time would it take?”
“Well, there are three couples left to code and each have five sessions. It’s about fifteen hours of work.” I run my hand through my hair, desperately trying to figure out what my next move should be.
“I’ll do it for you,” she offers. I look at her, wide-eyed, and grab her hand from my arm, trapping it between my palms.
“Are you serious?” She nods her head. I could kiss her.
“Sure. I’ve been dying to prove you wrong all week. This way I’ll have a front row seat when your little theory crashes and burns.” She winks at me.
“Or you’ll see that I am absolutely right. You sure you want a front row seat to the truth? How did you take the news about Santa? I need to be sure this won’t ruin you.” She laughs and delivers a playful hit to my abs.
“I think I can handle it.”
“Fucking unbelievable! You’re hired!” I grab her shoulders and give her a little shake of appreciation and excitement.
“When do I start?” she asks through the shaking.
This might be the best part of the whole deal. “What are you doing tonight?”