Trailer Park Princess (9 page)

Sitting up on the tailgate, I hate this. I wanted to climb the ladder to be closer to my star, my Saige.  I feel so lost right now. All I have wanted for weeks was some time with Toby. I just wanted to hug him and tell him about my day. I wanted to be like every other normal couple, yet here I sit beside him, and neither of us is saying anything.

“I hate him, Rory” Toby finally says. Hmmm… that’s not what I was expecting to hear.

“After tonight, that is all you have to say, Tobias? Wow!” I use his real name, and he notices. I see him cringe, but I continue. “He came to hang with us…as Mando’s date, mind you…so you could see he is like a brother to me. And what do you do? You hang all over your ex the whole night. So you know what? I bet he hates you, too, Toby. Actually, I take that back. I bet he doesn’t hate you because he’s not like that. However, I know he dislikes you right now because you’re causing me pain. Obviously, you don’t understand that. Or maybe you just don’t care.”

I jump down to the ground and start kicking at the loose gravel with my new pumps. All the times I have spent with Toby are playing through my mind as I try to put it all into perspective. I try to see his side of the story. I hate his being around Ashley, but he dated her. Rome and I have never crossed any relationship lines. Rome saved my life. Why can’t Toby understand that?

“He looks at you like you are a glass of water, and he has been lost in the desert for years. His face changes when you talk to him. He touches you nonstop, and when you walk, his eyes follow you. It’s like he always knows where you are, what you are thinking, and what you need. I know you don’t look at him that way because you look at me that way. But he wants what is mine, and it kills me because he has a part of you that not even I can get to. I hate him!”

Toby is seething, but I do not care. The word ‘mine’ keeps playing in my head, over and over. I am not Rome’s, and I am not Toby’s. What the crap is his deal right now?

“Toby, are you on drugs? He wants what is yours? YOURS! Since when am I an object? If I belong to anyone, it is me …
I AM MINE,
and don’t you ever forget that!” I am so mad now I can’t even see straight. I am stomping around, swinging my arms, and jabbering so crazily, even my own mind can’t comprehend what’s going on.

“John Lennon’s first girlfriend…her name was Thelma Pickles. Did you know that?”

Toby looks at me like I have lost my mind. “What’s that matter, Rory? My God, I am trying to save us, and you’re thinking about music legends? Go figure. You never take anything serious except your job and brother. Not even school.”

Boy, this is getting bad. I don’t know why he can’t except this flaw I have. I just ramble. It’s a nervous habit, but he doesn’t understand that. He doesn’t get it because he doesn’t even know me. He thinks I am just some clueless trailer tramp.

“Fuck you, Toby.” I go to stomp off with tears in my eyes when I hear him gasp. I think he is hurt, so I turn back towards him. There he is, down on his knees again, hands clasped together like he is begging for his life.

“Aurora, wait, please, w
ait on me. I will figure it out, I swear to you. Please just wait. I cannot do this without you, and I just… I just feel like I am losing you to someone who is not me. I want to do good for myself so I can take care of you. Please see that baby. Please see how stressed I am. I try so hard to please everyone. My dad requires football, so I play. My mom wants her good boy with a church background, so I go. Teachers expect the happy-go-lucky all-American boy, so I smile even when I cannot find a reason to. Then, there’s you. All you want is me, and I can’t figure out how to do it because Rome is always around. My coaches and family are on me like crazy, and all I can think about is whether or not Rome is at your house rubbing your sore feet. Because you deserve stuff like that, and I never give it to you anymore. Rory, I love you so much; please see that. I am trying, and for you, it’s you! Even if you are not mine, I am yours.”

He crumbles, holding on to my shoes, kissing my ankles. How did I ever question his love for me? I bend down and cup his cheek, pulling his tear-stained eyes up to mine. “Toby, I love you.” I smile at him. It’s all I can do. Toby stands and picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He looks so sexy with his tie undone and hanging around his neck.  He sits me on the tailgate and kisses up my leg, starting at my ankle.

“Rory, you deserve the best in this world. You are so kind, caring, and loving. You are not judgmental, and you are so forgiving,” he says while soaking my body in his kisses, moving his hands up the front of my dress. I get the urge to stop his hands. They are high enough. But he is weak right now, and he needs to know I love him. He climbs in the back of the truck with me and pushes us towards the cab. He runs his hands up around my waist, pushing my dress up even higher, and rubs all over the outside of my black lacey panties. His thumbs are rubbing so close to the edge, if he coughed, his fingers would slip right in, no problem. I am a ball of nerves. I do not want to do this; I can’t do this; I’m not ready.

I tense up, but he does not notice. I close my eyes and take a few deep breathes, willing myself to calm down. Toby works his way up until his hands are on my face.

“You’re beautiful, baby. Your eyes are so amazing. The first time I ever saw you, I belonged to you.” He kisses my face and down my collarbone. I can’t help the groan that escapes me. It does feel good. I can do face and neck. I hear the zipper of my dress as it slides down. Toby jumps up and opens the door to the truck. He comes back and throws a pair of jersey shorts and a hoodie down beside me in the truck bed. “You may get cool out here, and this is way comfier,” he says, winking. Then, he turns his back to me. I slide the dress down to my waist and slide the hoodie on, zipping the front up.

“Done,” I say. He turns back around and smiles. I haven’t changed into the shorts yet. He dropped them a little too far out of my reach.

He is suddenly back in the truck bed, pushing me down on my back. He showers me with sweet, gentle kisses all over my face and neck, constantly telling me how he loves me and why. He slowly unzips the hoodie so his hand can slide in. “Damn, baby, I love this bra! I didn’t even think you had one on.” I forgot about the black strapless bra. If he finds out it matches my panties, I will be in trouble soon.

Next thing I know, his mouth is on my nipple, and I flinch because I wasn’t expecting it. Toby is waiting for marriage, so what is he doing?

“Toobb…Tobyyy, stop. I thought we can’t…you said…ugh, we are waiting. Remember?” He looks up at me, my nipple still in his mouth.
Pop!
He lets it go and is running his tongue all over it.

“Rory, I love you, and you love me. That will not change. Nothing will change but your last name.”

I just stare, fighting the squirm I have going on because my body is refusing to listen to me. It wants more. I huff out and fall back.

“Not all the way, Toby. I will do anything except all the way; I’m not ready.” He smiles and his tongue darts out again. I feel him tugging at my dress, and I lift my legs. I told him not all the way; he will respect that. I feel his hand again. His tongue is relentless.
Wow!
My back arches again, and I moan. It feels so good. He has one hand cupping and squeezing my breast, one hand circling my clit, and his tongue is running slowly down my stomach.

“Anything, right, baby? Please trust me. I want you, and I want this. I am going to miss you so bad when I leave. Baby, please, give me this memory to hold on to, please. It’s just you and me forever, baby; I swear.”

I almost say yes, and he uses that second to flick my throbbing clit. I scream, “Oh, Toby, please.” I meant ‘please do it again,’ but he took it as ‘Oh, TOBY FUCK ME LONG TIME,’ and now I don’t know how to stop it. Before I know it, he has my dress off, and his fingers are slamming into me hard. He is being way too aggressive, and it kind of hurts. I figure I can ride it out, though, you know…give and take a little. I squirm again and “Oh yeah,” slips from my lips before I can stop it. I am trying to think about other things while he power-drives my vagina like it’s a sidewalk being destroyed. I’m so disoriented I don’t even realize it’s not his hand anymore. I know! I should be able to tell the difference, right?
Right?
My mind is so worked up trying to block the minor pain, it totally
slips
by me. When I realize what’s going on, I try to push myself out from under him.

“Oh, Toby, stop!”
             

But my ‘oh’ comes out ragged from the struggle, and he takes it and my pushing as ‘Go Faster!’ I guess I’m confusing him or something. A few seconds later, a sharp pain pushes its way through me.

“Ohhhh!” I cry out. He stops moving. Finally, he’s figured out he is hurting me. I try to push out from under him again, and he pulls me into a tight hug. That is when I notice it. He didn’t stop; he
finished!
I can feel the heated cum squirting inside me. I can feel the jerky movement just barely down below. There is no controlling the tremors and silent tears that take over my body. I start crying my eyes out right there.

“Rory, you were perfect.” He pulls back, and only then realizes I am crying and shaking. “What’s wrong?”

I take the opportunity of him moving to push him off. I move to the top of the truck bed, lean back against the cab, and pull my knees in close to me.

“I told you not all the way.”

He jerks back like I slapped him. “What the hell, Rory? You said that, but then you said, ‘OH, YES, TOBY! PLEASE, TOBY!’” He makes his voice all high-pitched to mimic me while making rapid hand movements. “Don’t you start that shit, Rory; you are no victim here. You wanted it just like I did.” He jumps from the truck and zips his pants. I reach for the shorts he threw at me earlier and pulls them on.

“I didn’t mean do
that
; I meant do what you were doing with your mouth!” I scream at him. We make our way to the truck, and when I climb in, I do not move over near him. I just stare out the window.

“I’m sorry, Rory. I didn’t know that’s what you meant. I thought you wanted it. It felt like you did. I mean, how am I supposed keep up with you? It’s like you are on a bipolar rollercoaster or some shit all the time.”

I don’t acknowledge him. I just keep looking out the window the rest of the way home. As he slows to let me jump, I hear, “Call you tomorrow.” I just jump, actually falling to my knees because my mind is elsewhere. He doesn’t stop. I bet he never even looked back. He stopped tapping the brakes a long time ago.

“What do you mean, Jim?” I ask, crushing the paper in my hand. “Yes, I know it’s late, but the water is not coming on, and I know the bill has been paid. I need water. I have to shower. I have work tomorrow!” Jim makes me sick. He is that guy in the park at the very back with a spray-painted American flag trailer. I have never seen him in anything except a stained up wife beater, blue cutoffs, loafers that look more like house shoes, and for some reason, he is always wearing these stupid lion ears attached to a headband. Something about being the king of the jungle…I don’t know; he’s just a dumbass. Jim has obviously lost his marbles. Then again, his yard shows that. He has a hoarding problem when it comes to plastic kiddie pools, pink plastic flamingo’s, and duck decoys.

“Oh, dear night, Jim, I swear you are the worst superintendent I have ever had. And trust me, that is pretty dang sad.” I slam the phone shut. I cannot even believe I wasted my minutes. If he weren’t so wrapped up in Nascar or his trashy wife, he might be able to do his job. I mean, come on, people, the 80s called; they want their clothes back! Flo runs around here acting like she’s thirty instead of pushing fifty. She wears these old pants that she cut off and a tube top. Her eyes always seem to have blobs of blue shadow splattered on them, and those red heels she wears have more scuffs than a pair of skateboarder’s Vans. Do not even get me started on that teased-up-to-the-sky hair or fishnet tops she wears over the tube top sometimes. She chases the drunken boys, while Jim chases her. It’s so gross.