Trained for Seduction (34 page)

Did she dare believe? “Never?”

“Never. I’m a cold bastard. I’m not often impressed by much.”

“Thank you.”

“But that doesn’t answer the question of where you were the day after the formal debriefing.” He slipped into the boss skin but seemed careful to keep it less intense than usual.

“We don’t need to go there.” No, they didn’t. Not really.

Chase cocked his head, his eyes glittering. “You didn’t have clearance to be wherever you were. You know that.”

“Yes.”

“So where did you go?”

She sighed and shifted in her chair. “Do we have to do this? You’re just going to be angry again. It’s done, I won’t do it again, and I’d rather we just part amicably. I’ll transfer if they let me.” She couldn’t quit. They had her contracted for ten years. Either she complied or they sent her to jail.

“Are you planning on transferring?”

“No.” She blinked. “You’re not sending me away?”

“Of course not. You’re a good agent, excellent in the lab.”

But the boss voice had begun to creep into his last words, and despite Jake’s warning, he folded his hands on his desk. “But I will own your ass and make you wish you were in jail if you don’t tell me where you were. So in case you haven’t guessed, ‘tell me, now,’ is a direct order.”

She should tell him. If she had screwed up in some way, he’d have to clean up her mess. And he hadn’t done anything about her other indiscretions. She decided to trust him.

“You left me too much free time, and so I started thinking. I had missed the anniversary of my death while in the hospital. Emma’s death.”

“I didn’t think you’d celebrate it.”

She shrugged. “And I had a lot of questions. Things didn’t add up to me, once I was clear of Emma’s life and could look back at it.

“Like why would a man sell his only daughter’s virginity with a clear conscience? Yes, he was crazy, but what drove him there? Why would he treat me like I was no more than chattel in the home but cherish me in the lab? And I had to know how my housekeeper was faring without me.”

“That’s a lot of thinking.” So unreadable right now, but she sensed he wasn’t angry. Yet.

“Yes.” She wished for something to occupy her hands. Now she knew why he played with paper clips. “So once I got done thinking, I went to work on a day I knew you had back to back meetings. Ryan gave me access to the tech lab, and I forged myself new credentials. I donned a wig, brown contacts, took my second phone and made an appointment to see Janet, my old housekeeper. I was a journalist, possibly writing a story about Edgar Walters.”

“You didn’t.” He opened his mouth, no doubt to state the list of rules, regulations, and specifications she’d broken by contacting Jane. But she owed Jane everything. He did the unthinkable and closed his mouth, his mouth set in a firm line of disapproval.

Then he ground out, “Please tell me you didn’t.”

“I did. There was no way she would recognize me. I used an accent, a fake identity—Kate Bishop. You did facial recognition scans on me. I know I’m clean as far as being tracked.”

She glanced down at her hands, remembering how it had felt to hold Jane’s hand again, for just a moment as the woman cried over her death.

“She told me a story of a man who loved his wife, loved his daughter, was so brilliant. And then his wife died. When he began to unravel the pieces, that man discovered his wife had been cheating on him.

“Though he couldn’t bear to do a paternity test then, years later when Emma needed surgery, he would discover the brilliant Emma Walters was not his flesh and blood. But you knew that.” She gripped the chair with her hands, wanting the truth.

He blew out a huge breath, his eyes darting to the pen in his hand, anywhere but at her. But finally he did, with reluctance. “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed. “You didn’t need to know. Why hurt you more than you already hurt? I think that’s pretty shitty news.”

For once, she believed he had her best interests in mind. It was shitty news, to most people. “I didn’t think that. I was so…happy. Finally, a reason. I wasn’t his. He wanted me to be his because what mad scientist wouldn’t want a daughter with a one-seventy IQ? He kept me, but he battled the demons. So when schizophrenia set in, it was part of the brickwork the demons had treaded for years.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, then,” he said, sounding contrite.

“I’m sure I didn’t have clearance for that. Did I?” He shook his head, so she shrugged. “That’s not all I did, though, and this is the part that will piss you off the most I think.”

“Then get on with it,” he urged. “When you whack the devil with a stick, take as many blows as you can before he brings down the wrath.”

Kate gave him a small smile. He wasn’t going to like this at all. “I needed verification. So on another day when you were in meetings, Helen let me into your office because I was planning a surprise for you. I proceeded to break into your file cabinet and found his file, my file… I swear, I didn’t read anything else. Just what pertained to me.”

Chase frowned. The hands folded again. “Interesting reading?”

“Yes, because I didn’t realize how much damage my father—Edgar—had done. How much he’d sold, what he’d designed. How many lives he’d taken. He was truly evil, and I didn’t even know it.” She felt foolish, looking back. Foolish, stupid, and so young, even though she was only a year older. “For someone so smart, I was pretty stupid.”

“You didn’t know. And I know how innocent you were—not just sexually. He brainwashed you into thinking a lot of things you shouldn’t have. Now you know why I was so drawn to you, as Emma. You should have been jaded, angry, and deceitful. You were so pure and beautiful, untouched by his madness.”

“Oh, I’m plenty deceitful. All on my own.” She shook her head. “You’re not angry?”

Chase snorted. “Hell, yes, I’m angry, and when you return to work, you’ll run home like everyone else. Probably twice. But I’m not going to yell at you for it. You know it was wrong, am I correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then I think you’ve punished yourself enough. Next time, ask me, and I’ll try to accommodate you. It was your life. I would have broken the rules to give you peace. I’m not a total hard ass for the rules.”

A silence ensued and they stared at each other, over the desk. Something flitted across his expression, and he rose, removed his coat and went to sit next to her, in the chair Jake had vacated. So close, his thigh brushing hers. The last time he’d been this close, she’d seduced him.

Stupidly, she had put the ball in his court. But she didn’t want to force him on this. He had issues, and he needed to come to task with them. She couldn’t live as nothing to him any longer. She had to believe in herself, that she was worth more. Seeing Emma’s past life convinced her of that. Emma hadn’t believed until she met Chase, as Alex.

“Now the hard part.”

She closed her eyes, her stomach churning. Jake had said Chase loved her, had shown her the text that said he cared, but she didn’t believe him. Not for a second. Chase loved her as Emma, plain and simple. That she believed. But after his mission, she didn’t believe he loved her as Kate. Never Kate.

It took him eons to say anything, and she imagined his judgmental gaze again, burning through to the soul he owned inside of her.

He gulped, the sound odd coming from him, her dark, dangerous Lord of the Spies. “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me,” he whispered.

Her eyes snapped open to meet his conflicted brown ones, full of pain. “You are?”

He nodded and looked so lost, like he was five instead of a grown man. “I was stupid. Jealous of Jake to the point of insanity. And yes, I was judgmental. But I didn’t think you were a whore, ever. Not for what you did—that was work. I saw you with Jake and all I could see was Diane.

“So I treated you the only way I have ever been treated by my uncle. Which is no excuse. A person should learn from how they don’t wish to be treated. But I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“You’re really sorry.”

He nodded, his thigh pressing against hers now, as if he needed some form of contact with her. “Yes. I’m sorry for shutting you out. I was…scared. You almost died, and the one time you woke so I could speak to you, you were talking about what you owe Jake when I had wanted to tell you how much I cared for you, how important you were to me.”

“You care.” It was as if he’d tossed something special on her withered heart. It beat again, and hope started to grow.

“It’s not what you want to hear but give me time to work up to it. The last time I said anything remotely connected to how I felt, those words were chucked in my face with an admission of adultery. Diane was cruel. It’s no excuse for my behavior, and I know you don’t have a vicious bone in your body. But it’s still hard.”

“Okay.” She could wait to hear those words.

“I want to be your boyfriend, for lack of a better title. And if I were to be honest, I felt you were my girlfriend from square one, despite my pleas for you to hate me. I feared what this mission would do to you, to us, and I thought it would be easier if you thought I was just a cold-hearted bastard. Which I am. Most of the time.”

His boss persona was a cold-hearted, egotistical bastard sometimes, yes. Chase, her boyfriend, could be a really nice guy when he wasn’t being chased by green-eyed monsters. But she wasn’t letting him out easy. “Yes, you are. Egotistical, too.”

“Can I…can I touch you? Somehow?”

“Yes.” She leaned in and sank into his arms, her head against his chest, inhaling him, absorbing his heat through his dress shirt. A few buttons were open, and she nuzzled into that patch of skin, his chest hair tickling her nose. This is where she belonged, her favorite part of the day, any activity. If she was in his arms, her life was complete.

He sighed and kissed the hair at her forehead. “Now, this brings us to Jake.”

She blinked again, this time against his chest, his heartbeat thumping under her ear. It shouldn’t surprise her that Chase’s apologies would be just as orderly as a grocery list. But he was Chase, and planning and organizing were what he did best. So, of course, he would have this mapped out, unless she tossed a monkey wrench in the proceedings.

“What about him.”

“Do you want him?” Chase asked.

“I want you more.” And she did, if only he’d believe it.

“But if he were to join us…”

She struggled a bit to look up at him. “I want him, but only if you do. This would be for you, not me. Okay, maybe a little for me, because I do find the thought of making love to both of you to be exciting. But it can be just a fantasy if you’re that jealous. Can you deal with him joining us? Realistically? Or will you hate him again? He didn’t do anything wrong.”

Chase looked uneasy. “I’ve never had to be jealous before, ever, so it’s a new feeling for me. I wasn’t jealous when my wife cheated. I was more upset that she lied and threw it in my face. But by the time she cheated, it had been over for quite a bit.”

Had he even talked about his divorce to anyone? Jake was his friend, but he wouldn’t last more than two seconds before he wanted to drink or play poker. Or find women.

“But as Jake once informed me, I do much better with a ménage on my terms. And though I thought that mission was on my terms, it wasn’t. Not really, when my choices were for Jake to take you in or for you to die. I enjoy having Jake join. It will be the ultimate pleasure for you, which will in turn make my experience better.”

“You sound like you’re convincing yourself.”

“I’m…anxious.”

The Chase she knew wasn’t anxious about anything. “Why? That I’ll love him more than you if he joins?”

“That’s part of it, yes. He’s Jake. He’s much more fun. He’s a much better friend. And he’s not the boss.”

“Well, I like you just fine the way you are.” How sad that he thought so little of himself. She thought for a moment. “Did Diane like Jake, too?”

Chase shifted, and she sensed his unease. “I never asked, but I think so. I think she was pissed at him for not picking up her signals. Jake hated her. He wouldn’t have given her the time of day, never mind fuck her senseless.”

And now it all made perfect sense. Maybe if he believed she loved him, he’d be more comfortable with himself, with her. With Jake.

“But I love you for you. Not because you’re sexier than hell. I love all of you, the jealous you, even the boss side. I think the boss side needs to lighten up, and I think a girlfriend is just what he needs.”

He chuckled and ran a finger over her cheek. “Then would you be open to having Jake join us?”

“Yes.” She swallowed nervously, every cell in her body on high alert. Her libido was higher than a kite because she hadn’t come earlier with him. The idea of having Jake join them was almost sinful. “When? How? Not here. I don’t think I can have him in our bed.”

He laughed. “If you’re game, then we can go to the club, tonight.”

“What if he’s not game?”

“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled. Jake loves you, and this used to be a part of our friendship. If we want this, he’ll want this, too.”

Her brain whirled a mile a minute. She was going to the dark side with her two favorite men. How lucky was she? How scared was she? “What does one wear to a threesome?”

He kissed her lips softly, one full of promise. “Don’t worry about a thing, love. I have it all planned. It’s what I do best.”

But she was worried as he rose with the dimpled smile she’d waited two months to see again. All the planning in the world wouldn’t help her if he didn’t believe she was strong enough to accept that side of him. If she didn’t do this, he’d leave the next time things got rough at work—she knew it.

“Ready to find Jake, love? We have a plan to spring on him.”

She forced a smile and took the hand he offered. “Let’s go rock his world.”

She rose, channeling the kick-ass, strong Kate inside her. She could be his submissive in bed, could make love to both men if that’s what he needed.

Though she was ready to share his dark world, a part of her didn’t believe he was ready. Chase would freeze up and lump her in with all the Dianes in the world, despite her willingness. Then she’d lose him for good.