"I better head home."
"Yeah." I nod, biting my lip. The movement causes Paige to stir. She picks her head up, her eyelids flipp
ing open revealing bloodshot eyes. There is a line of black smudges trailing from her eyelids up onto her forehead — the remnants of our earlier make-overs.
Tripp stands up. "See ya later, Paige."
She waves at him before allowing her head to slump back down on the couch. I stand up and follow Tripp to the door. When we reach it, Tripp leans against the doorframe reminding me of a male model posing for a shoot.
"Hey, thanks for letting me crash your sleepover. I had fun."
"Sure." I try to sound calm but my heart is beating frantically in my chest.
"Wanna take Bruiser on a walk tomorrow?"
"Sure." I mentally slap myself for continuing to say the same word over and over like a freaking robot.
"Great. See ya then."
After he leaves, I blow out a breath and head back into the family room. Paige is staring up at me from the couch, her eyebrows raised. "So, are you gonna tell me what's going on between you two?"
"There's nothing really to tell."
"Oh, come on." She pushes an unruly strand of hair from her face. "Tripp Bauer just showed up at your house late on a Saturday night. This is epic, Hads. Spill."
I giggle
. Sinking back on the couch, I try to figure out where to begin. "I'm not really sure what happened exactly. I mean, you know that we kept running into each other in the neighborhood, and that Mom invited him to dinner that one time. I guess at some point we just kind of became friends."
"I can't believe you are friends with Tripp Bauer. I never thought I'd see the day." She slaps me gently on the thigh.
"I never did either," I respond honestly.
FOURTEEN
TRIPP
"C
ome this way," I say, motioning Hadley forward with a roll of my fingers. We step off the road and onto the bike trail. It's early Sunday morning, and dark clouds blanket the sky. "Bruiser loves this trail."
Falling in step beside me, Hadley's subtle fruity scent lingers in the air. "Thanks for coming by last night. It was fun."
"Yeah, I had a good time. Tell Paige I'm sorry for interrupting her night with you though." My insides twist when I think about last night. I hope my dad never finds out that I wasn't out with the guys like I told him. Not that I regret it. It was worth it to be able to spend an entire Saturday night at Hadley's lounging on the couch and watching movies. I can't remember the last time I was able to do that.
Hadley shrugs. "Nah, she didn't mind you coming over. Believe me, if she did she would've said something. She's not really one to hold back how she feels."
"I can tell." We walk forward into an enclosure of trees. Shade surrounds us, making it appear even darker than it is. "That must be why the two of you are such good friends."
"What do you mean?" She turns to me, one eyebrow raised.
"Oh, c'mon, you're not one to keep your mouth shut either," I point out. Two guys bike past us, their wheels whispering as they spin. "I've gotten an earful from you on more than one occasion, and most girls do not talk to me like that."
"I'm so
rry." She blushes, bright pink staining her pale cheeks. It's something she does often, and I find it endearing.
"Don't be. I meant it as a
compliment." I wish I could say what I thought all the time instead of just saying what I think I should. It would be so freeing. I admire that in Hadley. A middle aged couple jogs past us, the woman pushing a baby in a jogging stroller. The woman flashes Hadley and I a knowing smile. I can tell she thinks we're on some kind of a date. And really, would that be so weird? The more I hang around with Hadley, the more I think that could one day be a possibility. If only I could convince my friends to see past her social standing and get to know her. I almost laugh at that thought, knowing it will never happen.
"It's so pretty and peaceful here," Hadley says, her voice breathy.
"I know. That's why I love it." Hadley looks at the greenery all around us, and her face holds an awed look. She is so beautiful in this moment that I want to abandon Bruiser and just sweep her into my arms. As if on cue, Bruiser yanks on the leash and lets out a gruff bark. A couple more bikes head in our direction, so I hold Bruiser steady and keep him close as they pass.
"I always pegged you as a guy who liked noise and excitement, not quiet."
"Guess you had it wrong," I say softly as we continue on. Bruiser hurries ahead, sniffing in the plants. I grasp tightly to the end of the leash, my knuckles whitening with the effort.
"Yeah, I guess I did." She peers over at me, an embarrassed look on her face. "But I bet those football games get pretty loud."
"You've never been?" I cock an eyebrow.
She shakes her head. "Football's not really my thing."
"It's not mine either," I say honestly, surprising myself. I've never admitted that to anyone before. But something about Hadley makes me want to be honest. It's just like the night she bandaged up my fingers when I wanted to pull up my shirt and expose my wounds. She makes me want to open up. For some reason she's the one person in the world that I really want to know me - the real me.
"Yeah, right."
She nudges me in the side with her elbow, and chuckles. Clearly she thinks it's a joke.
I want to tell her it's not a joke, but I just can't seem to get the words out of my throat. How would I explain to her why I'm on the team then? I may want to open up to Hadley, but if I tell her the whole story I might just s
care her off, and I'm not ready to do that just yet.
Instead I say, "Why don't you come to one of my games sometime?"
"I don't know." She chews on her bottom lip, and I wish I was the one nibbling on it. "I'm not really sure it's my scene."
My heart sinks a little. Before she responded, I hadn't realized how much it would mean to me to have her there. "C'mon, you could bring Paige."
"Are you kidding?" She huffs. "Paige hates football even more than I do."
"It would mean a lot to me if you were there," I blurt out before I can stop myself
, the words tumbling out of my mouth in quick succession.
Hadley
searches my face as if trying to decide if I'm serious or not. Then she smiles in a teasing way. "I bet that works on all the girls, huh?"
"Pretty much." I slip so easily back into my flirting, nonchalant attitude I've perfected over the years. Only it hurts to do it with Hadley. I like being myself around her. I don't want to play a part, even if I feel that she wants me to sometimes.
"Too bad for you, I'm not like other girls." She smirks, turning her gaze back to Bruiser who runs just ahead of us.
"I
know. That’s what I like about you," I tell her.
FIFTEEN
HADLEY
"I
hate the rain," Paige mumbles as she pulls the hood of her grey sweatshirt over her curly hair.
"Me too," I agree, yanking down on my own hood. Only it's a losing battle. The rain is coming down in sheets now. We race through the parking lot toward the high school. With each step, my backpack thumps against my shoulder blades. I splash through puddles, soaking my calves through my jeans and seeping into my shoes. Raindrops pelt me in the face, streaming down my flesh in cold rivulets. Finally we reach the school hallway and burst through it. Warmth circles me
, and my teeth chatter as I thaw out.
I slip the hood from my head, my hair springing out of it. Without even looking I'm sure that my brown hair is a mess of friz
ziness. Condensation is not my best friend. Beside me, Paige smooths down her own messy hair. Students push past us while they make their way inside. As I'm jostled about, I wonder if I really am invisible. I mean, does anyone notice me standing here? I move out of the way, practically becoming one with the wall.
Paige gives me an exasperated look."Hads, if people bump into you, bump them right back. You can't keep letting people push you around."
I bite my lip. "It's no biggie."
The scent of wet hair, shampoo and too much cologne waft under my nose. The bell peals and the noise level raises. Shoes squeak on the floor
like the squealing of a rat. I push off the wall just as Tripp rounds the corner. Paige lifts her hand about to wave and her mouth curves into a smile. I find myself following suit. Tripp's eyes find mine, and a smile flickers over his lips. But then the smile fades, and he quickly glances away as if he hasn't seen me at all. When he passes by he is laughing about something with Maverick. The familiar feeling of not being good enough creeps in.
"What was that?" Paige says with disgust.
I shrug as if it doesn't bother me at all. "We have an understanding."
"What is it?" Paige raises an eyebrow. "He gets to hang out with you after school but then treat you like dirt at school?"
Hearing her say it makes it sound so bad. I squirm. "Not exaclty."
"Really? Because that's exactly how it looks to me."
The hallway is almost completely emptied out. "I have to get to class, Paige."
"Fine, but we're not done talking about this." Paige pins me with a stern look before whirling around and stalking off.
As I head toward my first period class, Paige's words ring in my head giving me a sick feeling in my stomach. It's true that Tripp's whole Jekyll and Hyde thing is getting a little old. I hate how comfortable things are with us outside of school, but then at school he treats me like he doesn't know me at all. I thought I could handle it at first. I mean, I was getting to hang out with Tripp Bauer. Any deal I had to make seemed worth it. But now I'm not so sure. I can't help but feel like I'm being used. If I'm good enough to be Tripp's friend, then how come I'm not good enough for people to know about our friendship?
I reach my class just as the bell rings. All eyes turn to me while I weave my way through the desks to find my seat in the very back. As I plop down on the hard chair, I decide to talk to Tripp about it tonight. I'm sure he'll come over with Br
uiser, and this time I won't back down. I'll make him hear me. I'll make him understand.
Only Tripp doesn't come over that afternoon. In fact he doesn't come over for the next few days. By Thursday I'm starting to think that maybe Tripp has made his own decision. Perhaps he's decided that he doesn't want to be friends with me at all. Paige tries to convince me that it's for the best, but I miss him. In fact, a couple of times I even contemplate going up to him at school to ask him what's going on. But then I see him with Sonya or one of his other friends and I lose my nerve. Then on Thursday night he just unexpectedly shows up at my door holding Bruiser on a leash.
"Hey." He flashes me his amazing dimpled smile, and I melt beneath his gaze.
However, I know I can't let him off the hook that easily, even if I can hardly breathe in his presence, and he makes my heart beat rapidly and my palms sweat. Still, I can't just cave every time he decides to give me the time of day. It's like Paige keeps telling me. I can't keep being everyone's doormat. So, I cross my arms over my chest. "Where have you been the last few days?"
"It was raining, so I couldn't exactly go for a walk."
I want to ask him why he didn't come over anyway. I want to tell him it hurts my feelings when he ignores me at school. I want to say a lot of things, but I don't. I just stand in front of him with a goofy grin on my face. I know I'm a pushover, but at this moment I don't care. I'm just happy to spend time with Tripp.
"Whoa," Tripp says as Bruiser yanks him forward. "He's been going stir crazy this week."
"I can see that." I giggle.
"So, what do you say, Hadley? You up for a walk?" He asks.
"Sure. Let me just tell my mom where I'm going." I leave Tripp standing at the door and head into the kitchen where Mom is cooking dinner. She's bent over the stove, steam rising from it, the white tendrils curling around her head. Rob's kids are at their mom's so we have some peace and quiet. "Hey Mom. I'm going on a walk with Tripp, okay?"
She turns from the stove to face me
, her skin shiny. "Okay. Does he want to come over later for dinner?"
Her expectant smile
cuts to my heart. I wonder if she'd feel the same way about Tripp if she knew how badly he treated me at school. Forcing the thoughts away, I push my own lips upward. "I'll ask him."
When I rejoin Tripp
he starts following Bruiser down the driveway. I take large strides to catch up. "Mom wants to know if you'd like to join us for dinner."
"Of course.
" He says this as if the answer should have been obvious.
For some reason this causes anger to bubble inside of me. My insides twist and gurgle, burning up into my throat. I swallow hard, trying to keep my anger in check, but it doesn't work. Finally I turn to Tripp, narrowing my eyes. "What are we doing, Tripp?"
"We're going on a walk, Hadley," he replies sarcastically like this whole thing is a joke.
This upsets me further. "No, not right now. I mean, what's going on with us? What is this...this thing between us
?" I point from him to me with my index finger hoping he'll catch my meaning.
He furrows his brows. Bruiser stops to pee in someone's front yard, so Tripp slows to a halt. "We're friends."
"Are we? Because when I see you at school you act like I don't even exist."
A guilty look crosses his features. "We talked about this, Hadley. I thought you understood. I'm just trying to protect you. You know how mean my friends can be."
"Yeah, I know it all too well," I respond bitterly, the memories flooding me.
"Then you know why I act like that."
I can't just let it go at that this time. "Do you have any idea how it makes me feel, Tripp? The way I feel when you treat me the same way they do?"
Bruiser starts pulling on the leash ready to take off, but Tripp holds him steady. He moves toward me, bringing his free hand up to touch my arm. Chills skitter down my flesh at his touch. I don't move. I don't even breathe. "I'm sorry, Hadley. I hadn't even thought about that."
Aware of his hand on my skin, I find it difficult to respond, but I know I have to. He's finally listening to me. He's finally really seeing me. I have to finish. "I don't think you're just trying to protect me, Tripp. You're trying to protect yourself too. And in the process you're hurting me."
He drops his arm. "I don't want to hurt you, Hadley."
"I like hanging out with you, Tripp. I consider you a friend, but I can't do this anymore. I don't want our friendship to be a secret."
"Okay."
I cock my head to the side, trying to decipher what the one word statement means. "Okay, what?"
He smiles,
and once again reaches his arm up to touch me. But this time his thumb grazes my chin, and I inhale sharply. "Okay, our friendship won't be in secret. No more hiding it. No more ignoring you at school."
My heart leaps in my chest. "You mean it?"
"Of course. I never should've treated you like that to begin with." He steps away from me, groaning. "God, I'm such a jerk."
"No
, you're not." I tentatively place a hand on his shoulder.
"You mean a lot to me, Hadley."
His eyes grow serious. "From now on I'm going to do things right."
I nod, unable to speak with him staring at me so intently.
His body lurches forward, and a chuckle bursts from his throat. "But right now, we better get moving. Bruiser's a little impatient."
I follow him, a grin forming on my face. My insides dance
like there's a party going on inside as we walk together down the street.
Today is the true test.
I step into the school hallway with apprehension filling me. It may appear to be a day like any other, but I know that it's not. My conversation with Tripp last night changed everything. As I walk through the hallway with other students' shoulders brushing against mine, I wonder if this will be the day I cease to be invisible. I also wonder if that's what I really want. Anonymity is something I've become comfortable with. Do I want all that to change?
With each step, anxiety plagues me. I spot Tripp a few feet away, leaning against his locker. Maverick stands in front of him, and the two are engaged in a loud conversation. This will be the moment everything shifts for me.
I almost reach them when
Sonya rounds the corner, her sights set on Tripp. She's flanked by her two best friends and they are giggling in a way that makes me sick. The three of them stop when they reach Tripp and Maverick.
None of them have noticed me yet, even though I'm mere feet
away. Tripp's head lifts, and I hold my breath. Out of the corner of my eye, a splash of neon pink draws my attention. I know it's Paige, and it causes relief to wash over me. Paige I'm comfortable with. Tripp's group I'm not.
Suddenly I regret talking to Tripp about this. Spinning around quickly, I scurry toward Paige. By the time I reach her, my heart is in my throat.
Peering over my shoulder, I see Tripp staring at me wearing a confused look. Sonya looks between me and Tripp with her eyes narrowed. Chills brush over my skin.
"What's going on? Did pretty boy hurt your feelings again?" Paige's gaze flickers to Tripp with a look of disgust.
I shake my head. "No, I actually think he was going to say hi, but I ran off."
Paige chuckles bitterly. "Sure he was."
"No, I mean it. We kind of had a talk last night, and he said he was going to start treating me better at school."
Her eyes widen. "Hads, did you actually stand up for yourself?"
"I guess so." Warmth spreads into my cheeks, and I lower my gaze.
"I'm proud of you." She reaches out to pat me on the back. "So why'd you run off then?"
Tripp and his friends sweep past us, and I'm careful to keep my eyes averted from him. Once they are safely down the hallway I look back up at Paige. "I just don't think I want that group to notice me at all. I kind of like being invisible to them. I mean, Tripp's nice, but I don't know about the rest of them."
"I don't blame you.
Besides, he's still hanging with Sonya."
"I know." I swallow back the sour taste in my mouth.
"Have you told him what happened between you and Sonya?"
I shake my head.
"You should. Maybe then he'll understand."
I nod in agreement, and then head off to my first period class. Maybe she's right. Perhaps it is time that Tripp knew the whole story. In first period, I have a hard time concentrating. I keep thinking about Tripp, and I rehearse the way I'll tell him about Sonya. I'm not sure why it's so important to me that he knows the story. I guess it's because I consider him a friend now, and I want to share it with him. But I know it's more than that. The truth is that I'm hoping he'll cho
ose me over her. In my mind we've gotten so close, but I sometimes wonder if he feels the same way.
My first few classes blur past
. When I’m not thinking about Tripp, I’m drawing pictures in my notebook. By lunchtime I realize that I haven’t taken one note, but I’ve filled multiple pages with sketches of Tripp. Tripp wearing his football jersey, Tripp in his t-shirt and jeans, Tripp in his gym shorts, and the most embarrassing of all - Tripp holding me in his arms. Not wanting anyone to see the pictures, I tear the pages out of my notebook and dump them in a garbage bin on my way to the cafeteria. Just before reaching it, Tripp steps into my path.
"Hey Lee
lee."
I giggle. "I told you not to call me that."
"I know, but every time I do you giggle and your cheeks turn red. It's so cute." He smiles, and my heart stops.
That's the second time he's given me a compliment about my looks, and I wonder if it means anything. Then again, I know that Tripp is a total flirt
, so maybe it's in his nature to say things like that.