Tuning in to Inner Peace: The Surprisingly Fun Way to Transform Your Life (4 page)


        
The Perfect Time

The fourth day, ask yourself, is it possible to view this period as that ‘perfect time’ in your life? Is there something unique about this time, that allows you to Be alone or with others in a special way? Brainstorm ways that you can feel blissful about this time of your life.

I used to have a daily ritual of running around the house, saying, “Omigod, where are my keys? Have you seen my phone? Where did I put my purse?”

My roommate (who happened to also be my offspring!) asked diplomatically, “Mom, don’t you have a system for this?”

I took this as an insult. Indignant, I replied, “Hey, I’ve traveled the world, and I’ve managed.” (And that’s how I managed to not answer the question.)

Her calm retort, “Yeah, I’ve traveled the world too. And I do know where my keys are.” She didn’t have to add, “as well as my phone and my purse.”

We talked and I learned that she had a whole set of small rules about where she set things when she came home, and in which rooms she took her phone, and where she put it when she was finished with a call.

As we talked, I had a visceral reaction, thinking this was entirely too clinical for such a small issue. I mean, I had a system: Put stuff down anywhere. Run around like a crazy person and hope to find them. Hmm, yes, over time, I realized she was right.

Chaos is a Choice

Like most of what we perceive to be problems in our life, chaos is more often than not, a choice.

Certainly, if you’re in the midst of a natural disaster or a war, chaos is not a choice. But most of us, on most days, are the chief architects of our daily life schedules.

If every morning is chaotic, every lunchtime is hectic, and every hour after work is a mess, those result from your choices to live that way. If your desk is piled high with stuff, and you can never find that important piece of paper, it’s time to ask yourself, why? Why do I choose to live like that?

Chaos as part of our normal routine relies on deliberately ignoring reality.

I used to show up fifteen minutes late to every appointment. Why? Because I chose to send one more email, run one more errand, make one more phone call or do just one more thing before I left. Then, I’d rush out the door frazzled and hoping that somehow the traffic lights and the universe would shift to allow me to arrive in 15 minutes less than it always takes to get there.

Excuses that admit chaos but don’t accept responsibility for creating it, sound like this:


        
I’m sorry I’m late, but I had to stop for gas.


        
I wanted to be there, but I just got too busy.             


        
I never have time to eat before I leave the house.


        
I always forget to bring my lunch.

Being surprised by chaos relies on consistently ignoring reality:


        
I can’t believe it! It’s Sunday night already! The weekend’s over and I didn’t even have time to do my laundry.


        
Time always flies by so fast when I’m on the computer!

Really? Does the pace of time actually change? No, time marches on predictably. It’s only our awareness of time that varies, and fortunately we are in control of that!

When you are at home with small children, taking care of an ailing friend or facing declining health, you’ll have even more unpredictability in your schedule. In those situations, you have to be even more humble about what all you put on your ‘to do’ list. You have to scale back even further the promises you make to yourself and others about what you will do.

Why chaos?

It may be surprising to realize that chaos has served many useful purposes in your life. Chaos:


        
Provides an excuse to not take responsibility for managing your life.


        
Gives an excuse to blame external factors (traffic, weather, bad luck, others).


        
Provides a distraction from more serious issues by sustaining an atmosphere of consistent turmoil and drama.


        
Provides a way to rebel against others indirectly when you don’t have the courage to do so directly.


        
Creates a sense of confusion and murkiness, so it’s hard to pin down what’s actually happening and why.

If you grew up with chaos, you’re likely to be a chaos addict by training. You may unconsciously create that atmosphere as you move through adulthood. Didn’t most of us grow up with this, in one form or another? It can come in the form of families with addictions, parents that are controlling, insecure or abusive, financial or health turmoil, or a host of other factors.

Chaos definitely does a whammy on inner peace. When you’re running late already, can’t find your keys, didn’t put gas in the car, and don’t have any idea what you’ll feed your kids for dinner, peacefulness is (like your keys) nowhere to be found.

Feeling Good without Chaos

The good news is, unlike other addi
ctions, kicking the chaos habit is pretty easy. Once you start identifying the areas that cause chaos, you’ll find simple strategies that will obliterate these pockets of confusion one by one.

When I worked as an engineer, I could get away with sliding in late to a cross-town meeting, cursing the traffic gods, “Aw, sorry I’m late! Traffic was terrible!”

That approach does not work for teachers! When I began teaching in Denver, I honed my morning ritual to include eating a nutritious breakfast at home, packing an easy, delicious lunch, walking to catch the bus, and arriving 30 minutes early. In that extra time, I would sit in a coffee shop or bookstore, send emails, write, rest and recharge before teaching.

When you get in the habit of starting your day in a state of peace, it’s hard to go back to chaos.

Systems Thinking

E
liminating chaos requires a systems-thinking approach. Instead of running from one hectic situation to another, step back a bit and look at the big picture. It’s not just today’s lunch you’re packing now, but it’s your overall plan for how you will handle lunch every day. Having ingredients on hand, ideas for what to prepare and a regular time to do it, will increase the likelihood that you’ll be able to easily prepare a nutritious lunch every day.

Giving up chaos is a process. It will require you to pare down your “to do” list. You’ll feel more moments of contentment and peace. As you DO less, you’ll find that you’ll more often BE that person you want to be.

Giving up chaos comes only via personal growth! This comes as you acknowledge that you can’t do everything you’ve been trying to do (unsuccessfully, I might add!)

As you look at your schedule realistically, you’ll see that there are things that you will have to change if you want to eliminate chaos. You’ll have to say ‘no’ to someone or some unrealistic tasks you’ve set for yourself.

This takes courage, strength and honesty. Enter these discussions with the intention of improving harmony and understanding, and forge ahead. Do it! The people around you will benefit when you give up chaos, so don’t hesitate to discuss it with them. As you begin to confront these sticky areas and smooth them over, you’ll find your life beginning to flow more easily.

Exercises


        
Tomorrow, notice what parts of your day are chaotic. Then, think back over the past month, and consider, does this happen regularly? Is this a pattern? Each time, notice how you feel and what your thoughts are about this chaotic time. Are you berating yourself or others? Are you blaming external factors? How do you feel?


        
The next day, consider what the underlying issues are. In what ways have you overpromised yourself or others about what’s possible? Is there someone you need to talk to about changing your commitments or your schedule? When is a good time to discuss this? How can you best express your intention for change in a loving way that improves harmony?


        
The third day, choose one part of your chaotic day to address. Brainstorm three or more ways that you can alleviate this chaos. Choose one approach to try the following day. If your new strategies impact others, talk with them clearly and honestly, keeping your focus on improved harmony and understanding. 


        
Try one approach. In the coming days, try this approach again or try something new. Give yourself several iterations to come up with a system that works well for you.


        
Once you’ve got a new pattern in place, check again, how do you feel and what are your thoughts about that time of day, now? If you’re feeling more peaceful and more harmonious with life, you’ve got it! Once a week, focus on another sticky spot. Repeat the steps.

In a matter of weeks or months, you’ll notice a dramatic change. Life will feel freer and lighter, and more fun!

In the future, when you have something that repeatedly pops us in chaos and confusion, you’ll notice it sooner.  And you’ll know just what to do to let it go!