I
thought. Everything is so complicated. Yes.
I
could understand. I could even understand this woman's turmoil. although
I
knew nothing of the details.
"He poisoned you." she said suddenly.
"Poisoned me?"
Is
that what happened here? I wondered with terror.
"Poisoned you against me. turned me into some sort of ogre. He was angry at me. Rosemary, so angry at ine. That's why he made up that story and filled you with all that poison just so you would follow him and leave me,
"But," she said, bouncing on the bed. "you realized all that was a lie, a great lie. didn't you? And that's why you came back to
"Look at yourself." she said. turning me so I could gaze into the vanity mirror. "Look at the way your eyes are shaped and your chin. How could you be anyone else but Nolan Simons's daughter?"
She scowled, "A father trying to turn his daughter against her awn mother, trying to convmee her that her mother slept in another man's bed after she was married and use that as a reason why he and she weren't doing what he wanted whenever he wanted. Disgusting, just disgusting.
"You're old enough to know that he wanted me to do animal things. He was a sick man. Rosemary, sick, sick, sick. Imagine, a grown man wanting to play doctor.
"Oh, but I shouldn't be telling you all these sordid, ugly things. It's gone, It's all gone and we're together and happy again.
"And just imagine how happy Grandma is going to be. She cried almost as much as I did when you left. Rosemary."
Her face changed again, filling with anger.
She warned me about Nolan from the start, but a young woman doesn't want to listen to older people, doesn't want to have anyone make those kinds of decisions for her, does she? You won't.
I
know. It's just natural, but we feel so helpless, watching our youngsters make mistakes they could have avoided. That's why I was so hard on you, why I didn't want you wearing those clothes or piercing your ears. why I thought it was too soon far you to go out on dates and stay up so late, and why I tried to keep you from seeing those pornographic movies.
I
was just trying to protect you, honey. You know that now, don't you? Don't you?" she asked again, needing me to respond.
"Yes,"
I
said.
"Oh, good, good. That's good. Your body changed so fast. You grew up too fast. It's like putting someone on a fast horse when she is just learning how to ride. It wasn't fair. Nature wasn't playing fair with you. I had to take charge. I had to lock you up sometimes and keep you safe. I had to keep those boys away from you. too. Rosemary. They were after only one thing.
I
told you and told you." she said, her face back to being hard and cold again. "That wasn't being crazy. Your father was just trying to turn you against me because I wasn't giving him what he wanted every time he wanted it. You understand that now, don't you? Sure you do. You wouldn't be back if you didn't. right? He finally admitted it.
I
bet."
She sighed and looked around. "This was my room when I was a little girl, you know.
I
had a canopy bed like that. My mother was so proud of it and so happy for me. Grandma used to chastise her for becoming so excited over things like this. 'You're spoilin' the child,' she would say, 'You're spoilin' the child."
She laughed and leaned toward me.
"Meanwhile, she was always giving me things on the side. Grandma. Grandma." she said, her voice drifting. "Oh. I'm suddenly so tired. Aren't you tired. Rosemary?"
"Yes,"
I
said.
"Right. We should both get some sleep. In the morning.., in the morning..." Her voice dropped as if she had forgotten what she was going to say.
She stood up. "I'm going to get some rest now. You wash up and get ready for bed and don't forget to brush your teeth well. Up and down, up and down," she chanted. Then she stared at me so hard and long I was sure she was going to say, "You're not Rosemary. Who are you?"
But instead, she turned and walked slowly to the door. When she reached it, she dipped her hand into her pocket and produced a key. She held it up.
"I have the key, but I won't lock your room. I won't lock it ever again. Rosemary.
I
promise."
She dropped the key into her pocket and then smiled and walked out
I heard her go down the hallway to another door, open and close it, and then all was still.
I stood up, looked about the room for a moment. Something wasn't right: something was missing. I thought, and then realized there were no photographs. What about a picture of Rosemary? Weren't there any photographs of her and her parents?
I
started out and down the stairs. Mrs. Stanton was in the sitting room with Uncle Linden.
I
could see they had been talking, and
I
wondered what sort of things he had told her. She looked very troubled. Her eyes lifted quickly to me when I appeared.
"How is she doing?" she asked quickly. "She went to sleep."
"I'm so sorry I put you through all that, darlin', but it's a very heavy burden, very heavy."
"I'm all right,"
I
assured her.
"Good." She looked at Uncle Linden and smiled, "I was just talking to your father, telling him about our tragedy.. He's a very patient and
compassionate man."
"We'll do whatever we can for you while we're here. Lilliann," he said. He said it with such
confidence and assurance. I felt my eyebrows rise. Suddenly he was a tower of strength.
"What happened. Mrs, Stanton?" I asked. "And why are there no pictures of her? Nothing in her room. I noticed."
"I thought it best to put them away for now," she replied.
"I don't understand. Haven't you heard anything from them? Where did Rosemary and her father go?"
She looked at me, her lips quivering. "I hope to heaven," she replied.
12
Daughters and Ghosts
.
As soon as
I
heard Heyden and Chubs
returning, I rose and went out to see them towing the motor home up the driveway and parking it near the largest barn. Heyden had been standing behind Chubs on the tractor. I hurried to them.
"I know. Chubs told me the story on the way to the motor home."
Chubs glanced at us, nodded, and went to unhitch the motor home from the tractor,
"How horrible, First, her husband filled their daughter's head with all these stories and accusations, and then he talked her into running off with him."
"Chubs says they were killed that day in a headon crash with a tractor trailer just two miles south of here on Peach Tree Road. He says the truck driver had no business taking that road. It's so narrow and full of curves, Mrs. Stanton refuses to go down that road ever since, and he has to drive an extra fifteen miles whenever there's a need to take her in that direction."
Chubs came up beside us. listening. "The crash was so bad," he said. "I'm sure there's still pieces of that car in the bushes. I gathered up most of it and got rid of it.
"Mrs. Bessie, she just won't accept the truth. It's all left her in a sort of driftin'," he explained. "like someone stuck in time, just waitin' on the clock to tick. She's been waitin' for that girl to come home ever since. You the first young- woman stepped into the house since the accident. too. Hope and sorrow sure can change the way people sees things," he added. "Imagine lookin' at a stranger and thinkin' it's your only daughter. That's real desperation."
"But what does her grandmother say to her?" Heyden asked. 'Why did she go along with Hannah being Rosemary?"
"Mrs. Lilliann, she doesn't disturb her with the truth. It's easier to just pretend the bad thing didn't happen. Otherwise, no tellin' what. She ain't the healthiest woman round here," he added.
"Mrs. Stanton?"
"No, Bessie."
"What's wrong with her?" I asked quickly.
Chubs looked very uncomfortable talking about it. His eyes went from us to the house. "You understand
I
don't poke my nose into anyone's affairs." he said.
"Sure," Heyden said.
"Heyden, let's not trouble Mr. Dawson anymore," I said, seeing how painful it was for Chubs to talk about it, too,
"Right."
Chubs looked from me to Heyden and back to me.
"When you're around the people you work for as much as I've been around the Stantons, you can't help but overhear stuff. but
I
don't go gossippin' about it."
Heyden nodded. "We understand. sure."
Chubs sighed. "Since they brought you into it, you should know somethin' about it. I guess."
He leaned back against the tractor wheel.
"Mrs. Bessie, she was barn with heart problems. They took her to see lots of doctors. The truth is she wasn't even supposed to have a child. That's what I heard once."'
He gazed at the house. I could see by the way his eyes grew smaller that he was remembering, reliving events, conversations and arguments.
"Everyone was afraid to raise his voice in that house. They walked on tiptoes, fussin around Bessie, keepin' her from doin' too much. Poor girl, she wasn't allowed to do things other girls her ace were cloth'. She never been to a fun park, ride one of them roller coasters, and she was practically
of
marry-in' age 'fore they'd let her go out on a date."
"How sad."
"That ain't the worst of it. First man she gets heavily involved with makes her pregnant. That was Mr. Simms. He was a no-account man, always blowin off about himself, what great things he was gain' to do in business. He had all sorts of new ideas for this place. 'Caused Mr. Stanton to lose a pile of money, too, and after Mr. Stanton died, he considered himself the boss round here. Truth is. I almost quit a few times 'cause of him. but I kept thinkin' about Mrs. Lilliann."
"What about Bess's mother and father?" I asked.
"Mrs. Lilliann's daughter Jessica died when Bess was only ten. Bad cancer, like a wildfire in her body. Bess's daddy remarried 'bout two years afterward and moved on to California. He didn't have much to do with the family."
"He just left his daughter behind?" I asked.
Chubs shrugged. "He married a woman who wasn't interested in a ready-made family, especially one with a sickly daughter. He kept promisin' he'd send for her. In the beginnin' there were calls, and then they started growin' fewer and far between, Mrs, Lilliann took over the motherin'."
"Haw terrible for Bess," I said, looking toward the house too.
"Losin' her mother like that and then her father runnin' off with another woman left her shaky, to say the least,' Chubs said. nodding. She was always afraid somethin' terrible was waitin' around scone corner like a wild cat ready to pounce on her. She had this way of lookin' at me when she saw me first thing in the mornin'."
"What way?" I asked.
"Well, it was like she was expectin' bad news all the time, anticipatin' it, holdin' her breath. I couldn't get my 'Good mornin' out fast enough, but when I did.
I
bellowed it and smiled and she relaxed. It made me feel good to see that."
He turned and looked down the driveway.
But I guess she was right about the bad news. I remember that terrible night, the police cars with their lights turnin'. Soon as I saw that mournful parade comin'up the driveway, my heart sunk. I was workin'in the back here when Mr. Simms come out of the house with Rosemary, both comin' suitcases and she carry-in' that beautiful stuffed black cat under her arms. I knew if she was takin' that out of the house, somethin' was bad wrong. It had belonged to her grandma Jessica and was passed down.
"Anyway. Mr. Simms just looked at me like I was so much dirt or somethin' and drove off, squealin' his tires round the turn there.
"I went back to work and it was dark 'fore I quit I just started to wash up. thinkin' about somethin' for dinner, when I seen the lights.
I
went out first, and this policeman, a local boy, Bobby Pine, steps out shakin' his head at me and sayin"It's bad. Chubs, real bad.'
"You know. Mrs. Bessie, she didn't even go to the funeral. She just lay up there in her room all week, and when anyone go to see her, she'd perk up and ask. 'Is Rosemary back? Did they come back vet?'
"She wouldn't hear nothin"bout anyone bein' dead and gone. No. sir. Those words drifted out of her head as fast as they drifted in. It was like... like she stepped out of the world each time and then stepped in and smiled and asked. 'Is she back yet? Is Rosemary back?'
"Got so I heard that in my sleep," he said. "How sad. All of it is so sad," I said. Heyden nodded.
"You did a kind thing lettin' her believe you was Rosemary," Chubs said. "Most people would just high-tail it outta here, for sure."
"Hannah's mother is a psychotherapist." Heyden told him. I thought he was about to reveal something about Uncle Linden, too, but he stopped.
Chubs raised his eyebrows. That so? And your daddy and she couldn't get along anyway, huh?"
When someone is so forthcoming with you as Chubs had been with us, it made it doubly difficult to fabricate and deceive.
I
looked at Heyden and saw in his eyes that he didn't want to lie to this man anymore. either.
"My mother and father are divorced. Chubs, but the man who is with us is my uncle, not my father."
"That so?"
"We thought it would be easier if people thought he was my father. I'm sorry we didn't tell you the truth."
'Easier? Why easier?"
"Well, we're two young people in a motor home," I began. Chubs looked from me to Heyden and then back to me.
"Y' all runnin' away or somethin'?"
"Just taking a vacation," Heyden replied with a wide smile.
Chubs nodded. "Like I said. I don't poke round other people's business. I just do what I got to do to help Mrs. Lilliann get by."
"Isn't there anyone else in the family who could have helped them?"
"There's same distant cousins, some on Mr. Stanton's side, some on hers, but they have little or nothin' to do with her. Mr. Stanton left her enough of a legacy to maintain what's here now, but not much more. We make do." He smiled, "We're both at the age when you don't complain for fear the Almighty will hear and decide to take you home. Neither of us is ready for that yet."
"You're a good man. Mr. Dawson." I said.
He shrugged. "I am what I am, for good or for worse. I'll be up early to get the parts we need to get you back on the road," he told Heyden.
"Whatever time, I'll go with you. You just let me know."
"Rooster will let us know." Chubs said. "It'll be before breakfast. I'll be in the truck," he said and stretched his big arms. "Time for bed. I have my own place behind the barn, Mr Stanton Senior fixed it up for me long time ago. Got my own television and everythin' in there. See you in the mornin'," he added and walked off.
Heyden and I watched him.
"He's got a big heart to fit that big body of his."
I
said.
Heyden nodded and looked at the house. "What's Uncle Linden doing all this time?"
"I left him with Mrs. Stanton, talking, She seems to be enjoying his company, and he was very comfortable. He's doing a good job of reassuring her. You would be as surprised as I am at how strong he sounds. I guess when you see other people's troubles, you forget your own."
"I don't." Heyden said sharply. It sounded hard and selfish, but he did have so much more weight to carry than I had. I thought,
We walked back to the house and did find Mrs. Stanton and Uncle Linden still together, but in the dining room now, the chandelier lit.
"Your father told me you people didn't get to have any dinner tonight. I just told him how angry I am that no one said anything." Mrs. Stanton said. scowling. "No one's ever gone hungry in Lilliann Stanton's home. Just sit yourselves down here. I have some chicken and dumplings and green beans warming up."
"Let me help at least," I offered.
"Well, fallow me into the kitchen, then. Go on, young man." she told Heyden. "Wash up if you like and then sit yourself at the table."
"You don't argue with Lilliann Stanton," Uncle Linden told us as if he had known her all his life, "She's fed pigs, milked cows, nurtured a garden, and harvested peaches from the day after her honeymoon until now."
I followed her into the kitchen.
"Your daddy's a very nice man," she said. "And an artist, too. I'd love to see one of his paintings."
"He started one. It's in the motor home. Maybe he'll show it to you," I said.
"That would be nice."
She stopped what she was doing and turned to me. "I want to thank you again for helping out back there. That took some sensitivity and consideration. You're a fine young lady."
"I'm sorry for all the trouble in your and Bess's life." "Nothing you can do about stopping trouble when it comes riding in on the back of a tornado. You make do and try to meet the test the Lord has set upon you. That's all," she said stoically and turned back to preparing the food.
I watched her move efficiently about her kitchen, this elderly lady who maintained her elegance and equilibrium even in the shadow of all her personal tragedy. What was it that gave some people spines of steel? Was it her faith, her pride, or just a heavy stream of determination, a refusal to permit Fate to defeat her that helped her maintain herself and carry so much weight on her small shoulders? How little it took for so many people years and years younger than she was to be reduced to whining and self-pity.
I suddenly thought more about myself and my miming off like this. Did I take the easier route? Was I weak and selfish? Would Lilliann Stanton have ever run away from disappointment, conflict, and tension?
"After dinner." she said. "I'll get you what you need. You'll sleep in Rosemary's room, of course. Your father and your cousin can sleep in the downstairs guest room.
"Oh, I couldn't do that," I said. "That room is..." I wanted to say "kept like a shrine." It was almost sacrilegious to even consider it.
"Nonsense. It's a beautiful room. You'll be very comfortable in it, and why not use it? To tell you the truth," she said, turning back to me. "it would do my heart good to see it being used again."
"But--"
"Don't worry about Bess. She'll be asleep by the time you go up to bed." she assured me. "In the morning she might not even remember you. Charles will surely get you people on your way. He's a wonderful worker. My husband used to say he had a natural instinct for mechanical things. There wasn't anything on this farm he couldn't repair. The truth is I wouldn't know what to do without him. He's the closest friend I have." she added.
''Oh," she continued, swiping the air as if there was an annoying fly circling her, "we don't talk corn and mush to each other like that, but he knows how I feel and
I
know how he feels, how loyal and dedicated he is to us, has always been. I warned him not to die before me. or I would never forgive him," she said. and I smiled.
"Let's stop yapping like this and get those hung men something to eat," she declared.
Uncle Linden never stopped raving about her dumplings.
"I
haven't had a meal like this since...
I
don't remember when," he said.
"Oh, go on with you. MT. Montgomery, This is nothing much.'
"Maybe not to you." he insisted. "but certainly to me."
"You live alone, do you?" she asked him. and Heyden and I paused and looked at each other and then Uncle Linden, He was very capable of forgetting our story. We were both afraid of how Mrs. Stanton would take the truth,
"I have for a long time," he replied and then looked at us. "but that's over. My mother was a very good cook." he continued, changing the subject, which let us relax. He went on to talk about Grandmother Grace and his growing up in Palm Beach. "Everyone else had personal cooks, but not us."
"I always enjoyed going to the ocean," Mrs. Stanton said. "We saw some wonderful sea resorts in Europe when we traveled. Since my husband died. I haven't been off this farm for more than a few hours to shop."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that." Uncle Linden said. "Maybe when we get settled down, you'll come visit with us."
"Oh, my visiting days are long gone. This is enough of the world for me now," she said.
She insisted we have pieces of her peach cobbler, her specialty. It was delicious, Afterward, Heyden helped me and Mrs. Stanton clean up. Then she showed them to the guest rooms, settled them in, and returned
to
take me up to Rosemary's room. I was still full of trepidation about it, but she reassured me and repeated how pleased it would make her to have the room used by a nice young lady again. I wasn't about to be responsible for any more disappointment for her.
Inside the room, she paused beside me and closed her eyes for a moment.
"I know it sounds foolish, but sometimes I come in here and feel something so familiar, it's like Rosemary has just been in the room. You know how sometimes you can walk into a room and just know someone has been there moments before you. Maybe their bodies leave the air warmer or there's