Two Captains, One Chair: An Alaskan Romantic Comedy (30 page)

And yeah, Officer Guileppe was looking.

“I’m a Passion Party consultant,” I said.  Lamely.

He worked on the dresser while I shoved sex toys back into the suitcase.  I finished before he did, and watched him work.

But I was thinking about Ed.  I was thinking, I knew his secret.  It was a delicious, illegal secret.  One that could get him put in jail.

Of course I wasn’t going to tell.  If Ed were in jail, then he couldn’t pin me to a wall, or make me scream, or help me try out all the chairs we could find.  Also, if he were in jail, he wouldn’t be cruising around in his camouflage boat, keeping the neighborhood running.  He wouldn’t be smiling through his beard, or doing my dishes, or making me feel...

I sucked in a deep, shaky, fortifying breath.

I loved Ed.  That was the only conclusion I could reach. 
The
conclusion.

I even loved his beard.

Of course I wasn’t going to tattle on him, no matter how I teased.

“That letter said 5.7 pounds,” Officer Guileppe said.  He looked over at me.  “Was that right?”

“Well, I never weighed it, but it was—” I showed him with my hands.

He nodded.  “Do you have a picture of it?”

“I might be able to get one,” I said, thinking of Ed.  Again.

He handed me his card.  “I’d be happy to receive any and all information you can get.  My direct line’s on the back.”

“You get any fingerprints?” I asked.

“We’ll have to process them, see what we’ve got.”  He led the way back downstairs.  “So, just to make sure I have all of my bases covered,” he said, looking at his notebook.  “There were no signs of forced entry?”

“No.  But I leave my door unlocked.”

He nodded.  “And nothing else missing or out of place?”

“No.  Not until—” I waved my hand around “—this.”

“Who knew you had the nugget?” he asked.

Dammit
.  This again.  “Everybody,” I admitted.  “I brought it to the local Memorial Day party, with most of the locals and guides in attendance, shortly after I got it.”

Officer Guileppe, unlike my
friends
, didn’t make fun of me.  “Do you have anybody you suspect?” he asked.

I shook my head.  “No.”

“Why didn’t you call us sooner?” he asked, his eyes steady on me.

I sighed.  “I thought I could figure out who’d done it.  I know everyone who lives on this river.  I thought I could just ask around.”

“But it could have been someone that doesn’t live here,” he pointed out.

“Yes,” I said simply.  I didn’t even want to think about that.

He cocked a brow.  “Learn anything?”

“Not much.  I’ve pretty much ruled out most of the locals, because they didn’t have the means for transportation, or because they’re busy, or rich, or old, or honest, or lazy, or a half dozen other reasons.  Most recently, I’ve been working on questioning the guides.  But they don’t seem to do much except fish and drink.”  I looked down at my hands as I willfully kept my mouth shut about the bar.

“Well… I’ll put the word out to local gold-sellers, and will definitely notify you if I hear anything.  Feel free to call or email me.”

I nodded.

“Any last questions for me?”

“No,” I said, watching him work his way over to the front door.

“Thank you for your time,” he said.  “I’ll keep in touch.”  He let himself out.

I looked beyond him, at his boat parked at my dock.  Now that the law enforcement official was out of my house, my tongue loosened.  “You drove all the way out here, just for me?” I asked.

He paused and looked back at me.  “I’ve got some business at the bar as well,” he said.  “I’m headed there next.”

I froze. 
The bar?
  Did he know?  Had someone told?

My heart sped.  Ed was at the bar.  Ed was probably officiating at his fight club, right now.  This guy would arrest Ed.

“Oh,” I managed.  I needed to call the bar and let them know.  Right
now
.

The Trooper nodded, and went to his boat.

I got my phone, and dialed Ed. As it rang, I heard the Trooper’s boat motor fire up.

C’mon.  C’mon!

It rang all the way through to voicemail.  “The Troopers are coming to the bar, right now!” I barked into the phone.  I didn’t text him; I didn’t have time for that shit.

I pushed my arms into my float coat.  That Trooper was headed to the bar, where the man I loved was running an illegal fight club.  I needed to get my ass over there and do my best to distract him.  Depending on what Guileppe already knew, I might be able to make a difference.  At least buy them some time…

Ed had said Gary would be at the fight club today.  I dialed him as I jammed my feet in my boots.  I ran toward the dock, shoelaces flapping.

The phone rang.  And rang.  And rang.  Again, no fucking answer.  They probably couldn’t hear a damn thing over that rabid cheering.

I vaulted into my boat, and started it with a vicious turn of the key.  Out in the current, I swung my bow downstream.

I didn’t fuck around with a smooth acceleration.  Instead, I jammed the throttle lever forward.

Since my other boat was a barge, I’d gone completely opposite on this one.  It was small and maneuverable, with an aero- and hydro-dynamic hull.  The 90 horses mounted on the back were absolutely, without a doubt, overkill.  They also made it the fastest boat on the river.  So, when I jammed the throttle forward, my little bullet of a boat almost jumped out from under me.

I caught the Trooper just as we pulled up to the bar.  The dock was full, teeming with most of the fishing boats on the river.  At this point, it was shore parking only.

The Trooper parked at the far end.

Saving myself a precious few seconds, I pulled in to the near shore.  I burst out of my float coat while throwing out the anchor.  Heart thumping, jumping anchor lines like a deer, I ran along the beach.

I beat the Trooper up onto the ramp from the dock, and stopped.  Officer Guileppe peered up at me as he approached.  I didn’t move, effectively blocking his path.

“Fast boat you got there,” he said.

“I don’t think the bar has a permit for their dock,” I blurted.  I needed a way to stall him, and a ticket was preferable to jail time, right?

Guileppe paused.  “Is that right?”  He looked at the dock, then back at me.

Behind me, I heard the faint sound of cheering. 
Oh no, oh no. 
They hadn’t shut down the fight.

This guy was a trained investigator.  He wasn’t gonna walk into the bar and think it was totally normal that the dock was full of boats, and yet no one was inside.  He was going to hear the sounds of those phantom cheers, find the door, go to the basement… and it’d all be over.  I’d lose Ed before I ever really had him.

I firmed my resolve.  I wasn’t going to let that happen. 
No way.

I made an error, though, thinking the ramp I was hogging was the only way up from the beach.  Guileppe bypassed me entirely, and took a set of steps instead.

“Wait!”  I hurried to catch up with him.

He turned to look at me then, and over his shoulder, I saw something that made my heart nearly stop.

Beyond the Trooper, I spotted the guy I’d dubbed Mr. Carrot, the sandy-haired Outsider who’d threatened to reveal Ed’s operation.  He was running around the side of the building toward us, and his eyes lit up as he spotted the tell-tale blue Trooper uniform.

Officer Guileppe’s brow lifted in question.

I felt myself break out in a sweat as I watched Carrot speed up. He was coming right toward us.

“I was just wondering if you, ah, wanted to get a drink with me,” I rasped.

The Trooper hadn’t seen him yet, but he would just as soon as he turned.  Or as soon as the orange tourist yelled, whichever came first.

Time seemed to slow as I watched him gallop toward us.  Carrot’s eyes were rolling with a crazed expression, he had a black eye, and some red marks around his wrists. 
Oh, no.
  They must have given him the tied-to-a-chair treatment, though I was guessing the sandwich Ed made
him
had been a lot stiffer than the one he made me.

“I’m flattered,” the Trooper said.  “But married.”

The carrot-man’s feet landed in the grass in time with the beat of my heart.  Thud, thud, thud,
thud
!

The beat just before he toppled to the ground face-down was particularly loud.  In fact, it sounded a bit like a muffled gunshot.

I blinked.

Gary emerged from the woods, slinging his dart rifle over one shoulder.  On fast, silent feet, he crossed to the downed man.  He grabbed the would-be tattler by his reddened wrists, and dragged him into the brush.

Officer Guileppe followed the direction of my incredulous stare, glancing around just as the heels of the guy’s rubber boots disappeared.  “What is it?” he asked.

“Squirrel?” I said.

“Uh-huh.”  He was getting tired of this, I could tell.  “Listen, I’ve got business in the bar I need to attend to, and I’m on a bit of a time crunch.  I can schedule another visit with you if you’ve got further allegations you’d like to make.”

“But…”  I lifted my hand, but he was already walking away.  Toward the bar.  Which sat atop an illegal fight club.  Where the cheering was still going on.

With a feeling of impending doom, I followed after him.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

M
y worst fears were realized when we stepped inside.  The bar was empty.  Not even the bartender was in attendance.

Officer Guileppe looked around, and then glanced back at me.

Just like last time, the door to the downstairs swung open, and a clamor of noise burst forth.

Except this time, the man in the doorway was Ed.  He looked just as touchable as ever, wearing a soft green Henley with a radio strapped to his chest.

He stood there holding the door open, his eyes taking in the Trooper with his blue uniform.  Then his gaze caught on me, and held.

Did he look betrayed?  Accusing?

I shook my head.  ‘No’, I mouthed.  I hadn’t done it; I hadn’t told.  I willed him to understand even as I sort of wished for Gary to charge in from behind and tranquillize the Trooper. 
What would be the jail time for that, I wonder? 
It had to be less than killing somebody.  But probably more than an illegal dock.

“Ed,” said Guileppe.  “Just the person I wanted to see.”

Ed nodded, still standing in the doorway, letting the noise leak out from around him.  Why hadn’t he shut the fight down?  Why wasn’t he making any effort to conceal his activities?  If he couldn’t even put on a
pretense
of secrecy…

Well, Ed was a shitty criminal.

I was getting ready to intercede, to make a distraction so Ed could escape, to either kiss this Trooper or jump on his back, when Ed spoke.

“Your usual table?” he asked.

I hesitated.  Frowned.

“Please.”  Guileppe looked like he would have said more, but he glanced at me again, instead.

I was about to launch myself at him.  Luckily, Ed’s next words stopped me in my tracks.

“She’s fine,” Ed said.  “She knows.  Here.”  He stepped back, and held the door open for the Trooper.

I watched with disbelief as Guileppe disappeared down the darkened hall.  “Wait.  He
knows
?” I demanded.

“Well… yeah,” Ed said.  He let the door swing shut, and stepped closer.

“Why the hell were you making a big deal out of me bringing in the Troopers if they already
know
?”  I planted my fists on my hips.

“They don’t
all
know.  Just the ones who can keep their mouths shut,” he said, looking at me.  Ed was just in front of me now, and he clasped my hands.  “You didn’t tell him,” he said.  “You had the perfect opportunity, and you didn’t tell.”

I gazed up at him, my throat working.  Had it been a
test
?  I struggled with my emotions, trying to figure out if I was pissed.

The door to the bar opened, and Chastity stepped inside.  She was in red today, a tight red top with lips to match.  Skinny jeans, and a pair of black spike heels that’d probably sunk into the dirt with every step. For once, it seemed she didn’t have her blond Adonis in tow.

Her eyes found me immediately, narrowed, and she started forward.  “There you are,” she said.  She stopped a couple feet away and looked down her nose from her several-inch height advantage. “Where’s my nugget?”

She glanced over at Ed.  “And you, you bad boy.  Was that a Trooper I just saw walk into your fight club?”  She didn’t bother waiting for an answer, instead glancing back at me.  “I wonder if he might be interested in knowing you stole my $100,000 nugget.”

“I don’t have your nugget,” I told her,
again
, trying to keep my voice even.  “Somebody stole it from
me
.”

She scoffed.  “You had it last.  It’s your responsibility, no excuses.  One week,
Suzanne
.”

Ed probably sensed my growing agitation.  He started to move between us.

But I needed to settle this, one way or the other.  “I’ll fight you for it,” I blurted. 

“What?”  Ed’s head swung around.

I held Chastity’s gaze.  “I win, and you walk away, the gold nugget is mine.  You win, and I’ll get you your money.”  I didn’t want to do it.  I hated fighting, hated blood.  But I
would
do it.  I’d beat her bubble-ass into the ground, if that’s what it took to get her off my back.

“What are you doing?” Ed muttered.

Chastity laughed.  “Why would I do that?  I already have the gold nugget; why would I fight you for it?”

I opened my mouth, but Ed spoke first.  “Wait.  Say that again,” he said.  His eyes had narrowed on his very made-up sister.

Chastity shifted, looking impatient.  “The gold nugget is already mine.  Why would I risk—?”

“No, you said you ‘already have’ it…  You
do
have it, don’t you?” Ed said.

“What?  No.  I’ve been trying to get it from this money-grubbing tramp.”

“No.”  Ed’s eyes were sharp.  “I see your game.  You stole it from Suzy, and now you’re trying to extort even more money out of her.”  He crossed his arms, his face suddenly hard.

Chastity made a sound of ridicule and disbelief, but she also shifted back a half step.  “Of course not.  I wasn’t even here!”

“
Had
it stolen, then,” said Ed.

“Why would I do something like that?” Chastity demanded.

Ed’s head tilted.  “Because you’re jealous.”

It actually hurt, the dismissive way she raked her gaze over me.  “Jealous of… what?” she asked.

“Of the fact that our dad liked her more than you.”

Chastity flinched, and I could see Ed had hit the mark.  She started to turn away.  “I don’t have to listen to this—”

“Yes.  You do,” Ed said firmly.  He gave a little nod, and two fishing guides materialized behind his sister, keeping her from leaving.

I was impressed.  And also wished
I
could summon henchmen from the woodwork.

Chastity’s eyes started to look a little wild.  “What—?” 

“Stay there a moment,” Ed said.  Then he grasped my upper arm, and pulled me several feet away.

“You really think she has it?” I asked.

“I know she does.  Just look at her.  She’s guilty.”

I supposed I could see it.  Maybe.

“Suzy,” Ed said, regaining my attention.  “Can you fight?”

I shrugged.  “Better than most women, I’d guess.”

He eyed my diminutive frame, looking doubtful.  “Chastity came up to visit several summers in her childhood.  My dad taught her some.”

“I can take her,” I said, my voice firm.  The woman standing on the other side of the room had perfect grooming, perfect nails, and perfect hair.  While I’d been slinging three and four hundred pound drums, she hadn’t moved herself to do anything strenuous—or God forbid, dangerous—in years.  I’d bet money on it.  I’d bet that gold nugget on it.

“But your problem with blood—”

“Don’t worry about it.  I’ll try to win without making her bleed, but if I do… I’ll handle it.”

He searched my eyes for a long moment.  “You’re sure you can do this?”

I wasn’t sure of anything, but I made my voice firm when I said, “Yes.”

Ed probably wasn’t fooled, and his lips stayed in a grim line for long seconds as he considered me.  But finally he sighed, and nodded.  “All right.”

We crossed back to his sister.  “Fight Suzy for the nugget,” he said.

Chastity crossed her arms, managing to look petulant.  “Why should I?” she demanded.

“You fight Suzy for the nugget, winner takes all, or I send you to jail for fraud.”

Her lips pulled down at the corners.  “You could never prove—”

“I assure you, that Trooper you saw come in is firmly in my pocket.”  Ed stepped a little closer to his sister, looking deliciously threatening.  “I will make your life hell,” he said, his voice low and dangerous, “if you don’t do this.  Fight Suzy for the nugget.  If you win, you get to keep it, just like the will says.  If she wins, she gets to keep it, just as Ralph intended.”

Chastity hesitated, glancing down at me again.

I did my level best to look small and harmless.

“Believe me when I say, this is your best chance to keep it,” Ed said.

Still, she hesitated.

“What, are you afraid?” I taunted.  “Of me?”  I flexed my tiny arm.

Chastity blew out a frustrated breath.  “Okay, okay, I’ll fight her for it,” she said.

“Good,” Ed said.  “Now, where’s the nugget?  I’ll be holding it for safekeeping.”

Chastity screwed up her ruby-colored lips, and didn’t answer.

“That’s okay, we can do it the hard way,” Ed said.  “You’re staying at Dad’s, right?  The cabin he left you?”

He dispatched the two guides to go next door and search Ralph’s cabin for the nugget.

Then he, his bitchy half-sister, and I went downstairs.

“G
entlemen, we have something very special for you tonight.”  Ed stood in the middle of the ring, having demanded silence before he made his announcement.

The man at the chain link gate swung it open, and Ed’s sister and I walked into the ring.  I looked out over the crowd of familiar faces, and heard sounds of surprise.

“Our first ever,” Ed said, holding out his hand toward us, his voice rising with each word, “female fight!”

The crowd cheered.  “Cat fight, cat fight!” some idiot started chanting toward the back.

“These lovely ladies will be fighting for the greatest prize ever offered in this ring,” Ed announced, effectively shushing them.  “A gold nugget, whose value is estimated at—” he held the mic to Chastity’s lips.

Chastity scowled.

“How much?” someone cried.  “Tell us!” yelled another.

Chastity sighed.  “One hundred nineteen thousand, ninety-two dollars—”  Her ‘and twenty-eight cents’ was drowned out by the roar of the crowd.

Ed waited for the clamor to die down slightly.  “On my right we have Chastity Harsnot of California.”

Booo!
went the crowd.

I had my eyes on Ed, fascinated by this new facet of his personality.  He might be hesitant and awkward around women, but in his fight club, surrounded by men… he was king.

“And on my left, the sweetheart of the Kuskana, our very own Suzy Ra—”

I couldn’t even hear the rest of my name.  They were screaming for me.  I grinned and struck a pose for them, enjoying their enthusiastic response.

“You all know the rules,” Ed said, “but I’m going to repeat them for these lovely ladies.” 

Ed turned to look at us.  “This is a no-holds-barred contest.  It’s a fight to the end, until one of you goes limp, taps out, or says ‘stop’.  Anything goes.”

His eyes caught on me, and he hesitated, and I could only assume he was realizing how slight I looked next to his sister.  I’d lost yet another inch when I’d taken off my boots, and she was a good 5’6” who hadn’t missed a latte a day in her life.

I gave him a determined look, trying to communicate that I could do this, that I
wanted
to do this.
I got this.

He nodded.  “The usual rule is no shoes, no shirt—we’re making an exception here.”

The crowd booed and hissed good-naturedly.  Ed waved away their objection.

“The fight will go on as long as it needs to to determine a winner.”  Ed looked at me again.  “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I said firmly, and heard Chastity echo it.

Ed swung toward the crowd.  “And you, are you ready?”

“Yes!”

“I can’t hear you!” Ed called, cupping a hand behind his ear as he paced along the fencing.

I watched him, bemused.

“
Yes!!
” screamed the crowd.

“Excellent.  Make sure to place your bets with Paul.”  Ed tossed the mic to one of his henchmen and headed back to me.

He came directly at me, fast and true, and bent me backward into a carnal kiss.  He was claiming me in front of everyone, holding me close as his tongue swept into my mouth.  The audience roared, the sound overshadowed by the resultant clamor in my body.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.  He was all strength and intensity, swamping my senses.  My knee slid up the outside of his thigh, and my bare toes curled.  I heard the men laughing only from a distance.

Ed stole my breath, and had made a definite impression on my sanity as well, by the time he set me back on my feet.  I steadied myself against his chest as I looked up into his beautiful eyes, no longer much in the mood for fighting.  The lights seemed too bright, and his touch, too fleeting.

His thumbs caressed my cheeks.  “Don’t get hurt,” he ordered.

I shook my head, trying to shed the cobwebs of desire.  “I don’t plan to.”

He nodded, pulled his hands back, and started to turn.

I caught him before he could walk away.  “Put some money on me, would you please?”