Authors: Melissa Marr
L
ate that night, Eavan slipped out of her apartment window. She wasn't sure if she could get out the front door without Cillian noticing. Odds were that he wasn't staring at her door, but she wasn't sure about video feeds. He'd mentioned surveillance in the hallway, the breezeway, the parking deck, and the back lot.
Safer to slip out the window.
The drop wasn't that far. She might be predominantly mortalâand intending to stay that wayâbut her genetic heritage still came with a few extra benefits.
After a surreptitious glance to assure that no neighbors were out on their balconies, she hopped up on the balcony rail so she had her back to her apartment and dropped down. The impact of the landing was muffled by the grass-covered ground.
No one the wiser.
With a satisfied smile, she crossed the lot and opened her car door.
It was good that her Z was home instead of still at Nyx's, but when Eavan thought about strangers driving her car, it felt more like injury than insult. She hated the fact that he'd had some stranger drive her car home. She slid her hand over the wheel affectionately.
She left her car door slightly open, put it in neutral, and coasted to the bottom of the hill. Once she hit the intersection, she slammed the door and popped the clutch. The squeal of tires and almost-but-not-quite-out-of-control swerve as she slammed through the gears was exhilarating.
Driving was one of the passions she could indulge. No sex. No murder. No stalking.
Okay
, a little
stalking, but no killing anyone
. A woman needed releases for pent-up energy, and there was only so much workouts and toys could do to let off stress. Sometimes speed was essential to sanity.
On this, at least, Nyx had always been tolerant. She had reduced rates on a number of vices for the local police in exchange for looking the other way on Eavan's driving habits. It had started as a sixteenth birthday present and evolved into status quo over the last eight years.
Eavan could navigate the streets of Raleigh and Durham and a number of cities within a four-hour radius. Having the I-95 corridor, I-40, and I-85 all but at her doorstep meant that her penchant for speed was easily indulged. Finding a mechanic who disabled Nyx's GPS tracking toys regularly added a layer of privacy the past two years that had made Eavan feel almost like a normal woman.
Not now. Not with Cillian holding a leash.
Eavan made her way to the beltline and just drove for a while before she headed downtown. It helped, but the anxiety was still riding her. She took a few side streets, turning at the last possible moment each time, focusing on the importance of control and precision.
It's not going to change a thing. I am not going to change how I live.
This could be a short-term problem, a test to be passed.
Or failed.
That was the real problem: Eavan felt herself getting closer and closer to crossing lines that she swore she'd never approach. This business with Daniel had become an obsession. It needed to end so that she could regain control of her life. It made control of both appetites feel precarious. If she could scare him away from the drug trade or find some information to get him arrested, maybe she could stop hunting himâbecause she
was
hunting him. She knew it, even if she wouldn't admit it to anyone else, and she needed to get it in check before Nyx found out.
Eavan parked the car down by Moore Square and headed toward one of Daniel's warehouses. It wasn't any trouble to let herself inside the warehouse: she'd lifted a key one night flirting with Daniel. Soft-soled shoes muffled her steps as she crossed the concrete floor. This was what she did, who she was. Every instinct she'd had told her that she was where she should beâexcept the ones that told her that naked with Cillian was a better plan.
Equally unhealthy urges.
She could control them though. She'd been doing so for twelve years. A glaistig's dual needs for sex and deathâpreferably togetherâcoincided with the onset of menses. It had taken her six years to learn to smother those urges until they were just a whisper. She'd slipped and hunted a few times, but she'd never killed or fucked anyone. She'd walked away from every hunt before it became an obsession.
Until now.
Now, both of Eavan's urges were screaming to life.
The smart move was to stay away from Daniel, to stay out of his clubs. Something there made all of her family uncomfortableâand made Eavan feel like electricity was battering all her synapses simultaneously. That sensation had never been quite as all-consuming as it was right now.
Because he's near me.
She stood in the shadowed recesses of a room, half hidden by towering shelves, peering between the wooden crates that were stacked at the end of the aisle of shelves. In front of her in a bare bit of concrete in the center of a darkened warehouse stood Danielâher prey. He wasn't Other, but he was tangling with things that made him resonate like he was more than mortal. She could feel it.
What are you doing?
There was more to her reaction to him than the actions he'd undertaken. The taint of the magicks he used wasn't enough to explain her compulsion where he was concerned, but she had no other explanation.
She did, however, know she couldn't ignore what he was doing. Drugging women and selling them like chattel was inexcusable.
He needs to be stopped.
The .38 was heavy in her palm before she realized she'd reached into her bag. The stainless steel vein down the back of the grip didn't burn her hands or weaken her as it would if she were truly a full glaistig. With her mortal blood still dominant, iron and steel barely gave her a twinge. Instead, the gun felt right in her hands; the desire to sight down on the tainted mortal was a compulsion inside that grew from a whisper to a roar.
As she watched, Daniel ground the child's bones into powder. It was an odd sight: he stood in a business suit at a table alongside an average-looking barbecue grill. On the grill were bones, a child-size skull, and several small lizards. On the table were assorted plants, an empty mixing bowl, a glass jar of what looked to be blood, and a modern electric meat grinder. Daniel was barefoot in a pile of earth that seemed more out of place than all the rest.
Muttering something and gesticulating, he lifted the skull from the grill. Then he raised a large hammer, closed his eyes, said something in what she suspected was to be a reverent way, and smashed the hammer onto the tiny skull until it cracked. Shards of bone lay scattered in the earth.
“What do you want?” He didn't look at her when he said it, so for a moment she thought he was talking to someone else.
She wondered if he could find her in that unerring way she had with him. They were bound together in a way that made no sense to her.
Is it the magick? Is it because I'm hunting him
? Something existed between them, and she wasn't sure what it wasâor if she really wanted to know.
“Eve?” He tossed the hammer aside and began picking up the bone shards. Once they were all gathered, he turned to stare directly at her. “What are you doing here?”
“I⦔ She didn't have words for what she wanted, not words she wanted to share. She wanted to kill him, wanted to reorder the world, press down the chaos that buzzed in her skin before she crossed a line that would change everything. She wanted to end her hunt of Daniel with something bloody and satisfying. She settled for a socially acceptable statement: “What you're doing is wrong.”
He was utterly nonplussed. “Praying?”
“That's not praying.”
“Sure it is. It's just an older religion.”
An older religion?
All faiths had a place, but humans like Daniel were the reason mainstream humanity thought Old Faiths were evil. He was using the veneer of religion to sate his greed.
“What will you do with it?” she heard herself asking, as if his admission to her would change anything. She knew exactly what he did with his poison: drugged people, addicted them, and sold them.
He dropped the bone fragments into the grinder. The whirring noise seemed loud in the empty room. “How about I make you a deal⦔
She felt like her skin was crawling with stinging things as she stepped toward him. She wanted to go to him, despite everything. “What are you offering?”
He was a bastard. He preyed on the innocent. He used earth and bone to enslave people, not as punishment, but randomly for avarice and malice.
He lifted the corner of his mouth is a sardonic half smile. “For starters, drop that piece in your hand. Then tell me what you want from me.”
She glanced at the .38; she hadn't realized she had raised it. She lowered it with effort. Her arm hung at her side, but her finger still rested on the trigger.
Did I take off the safety, too?
She wasn't sure, but she suspected she had. The habitual movement would've preceded raising her weapon.
“I want you to stop mixing that,” she told him.
The look he gave her was curious. “And if I don't? Are you going to stop visiting me? Stop stealing my toys?”
She had an intense craving to show him exactly what would happen if he didn't stop. Why this one was different she didn't know, but in that instant she wanted to let her Other heritage reign.
Sex and death.
The room was already filled with death; her body was screaming for sex. If she had both on the same night, she'd become just like the rest of her familyâlike Nyx wanted, like her mother wanted. She'd have eternity. Steal the lives of mortals, enjoy those dual pleasures, and she'd be stronger, faster, live for centuriesâ¦
She swallowed against the dryness in her mouth and said, “Please?”
“Please what?” Daniel gave her that same tempting smile he'd offered in the clubs so often. “I don't like them mindless, Eve. No medicine for you. Aren't you tired of provoking me? It's been fun to have someone try to thwart me. Ballsy. I like it. Let me give you what you want.”
Her hand tightened until the ridges on the grip pressed into her skin. Her tongue was slow in her mouth as she told him, “You
can't
.”
“Are you sure?” Daniel stood there with a jar of blood in one hand and the stuff of death all around him. “You see what I am, but you're not disgusted, are you? Come closer.”
And in that instant, she wanted to swallow his final breath more than anything she'd ever wanted. She reached out her other hand to touch him, but stopped short of actual contact. “You don't
want
to give me what I want, Daniel. Trust me. Please. If you have
anything
good in you, change your path. Stop making these drugs. For everyone.”
And then she ran, away from temptation, away from the room of death and blood and bone. She was a mortal. She could walk away. She'd chosen humanity. She just needed to
keep
choosing it.
Â
Eavan went to her car and began one of her tried and true reordering plans. Absently, she drove out to Chapel Hill. There was the first stop.
Step one. Routine.
It was a strange loop she'd adopted when she was a studentâlike walking her perimeters, demarcating territories.
Like an animal.
No,
she reminded herself,
proving that I am
not
an animal
.
It made her feel more focused.
I am not a monster.
At UNC, she measured her steps, pacing them out just so as she crossed campus to reach the courtyard outside Davis Library. That bricked vista felt reassuringâline after line of red bricks. There was order, structure. She clung briefly to that.
Order. Follow the lines.
They'd just opened for the day.
How long was I driving?
She went inside and wandered through the wide open layout. People, regular mortals, were already going back and forth between shelves and tables. Some were curled into cocoons of their own projectsâpapers and books and furrowed brows. It was normalcy. It was her worldâthe one she chose.
The one I'm staying in.
She'd find another way to deal with Danielâtalk to Muriel or one of the lupine-clan or even Nyx if necessary. She had found a limitation she wasn't going to test.
I can't keep stalking him.
She crossed back over the campus, smiling at the green spaces. Even those were in order. The paths were angled. The layout was defined and orderly. Sure, there were people who weren't walking down those paths, but they were following other guidelines. They wore their school colors or their Greek letters on their clothes. They defied grouping by assigning themselves another group. It gave form to the world. It was not-chaos.
She drove past Durham, not wanting to stop by Duke's library when she was feeling so tentative.
Step two. Choosing.
The Perkins Library building was gorgeous, and the order she craved was more obvious inside, but walking through the stacks made her feel predatory.
But I will not hunt.
Good mortals, smart humans, didn't stalk and attack. Knowing what she could be wasn't always reason enough to resist. She wanted it to be, but it wasn't.
For that, she needed her routines, her tried-and-true tactics. She hadn't needed to work this hard in years. She left the library and drove to Raleigh.
NCSU was twisted among the city; the campus twisted between houses and restaurants and stores. University buildings nestled around tattoo parlors and coffee shops and convenience stores. Students and professors ate next to construction workers and strangers.
Everyone is welcome here.
Sure, there were those that wore letters and insignias, but those who didn't could still blend. It was a feeling more than a quantifiable element, and the feeling was one that soothed her unease. Here, she could restructure herself. Here, she could create the order that kept her anchored to the world that she had chosen.