Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (14 page)

Tyler laughs when it’s not working getting my panties up my wet thighs. “I’m usually taking panties off,
not
putting them back on.” His brow scrunches; he’s trying to figure out how to get them on since they’re sticking to my thighs. “This is surprisingly difficult.”

“Why are my legs all wet?”

“I had to clean you off. There was puke all over us.”

I bring my elbows underneath me and sit up slightly. “How did you clean me off?”

Tyler stands from his crouched position and scratches the side of his head, as if he’s trying to come up with a plan to get me dressed and in bed. His expression darkens with an unreadable emotion. “I took you to the car wash. You puked in my truck and I had to clean it off. So I hosed you down too.”

I want to laugh because I wish I would have been coherent enough to remember that. With a lot of effort, I stand up and help him out by pulling my panties on. “What are you doing here though? I thought you’d drop me off and leave. Remember? You don’t want me.”

I’m an obnoxious drunk tonight. So much so that I want to punch myself.

His brows draw together in a frown. “I’m not leaving you alone so Holden can come back and have his way with your naked body.”

Is that possessiveness I hear?

“Better
you
than him?”

I’m teasing, I think, but he doesn’t see it that way. His lips purse when I sway on my feet. “Not quite.”

His arm wraps around my waist, the other under my thighs as he picks me up.

“Are you sure?” I ask as he sets me gently on the bed.

Tyler’s arm slips around my shoulder as he lies down next to me, his dreamy blues landing on mine. He studies me for a moment but I don’t give him much time before I straddle his lap. I want him, right now.

Instantly his body stiffens and his hold on me falls away. “Raven… don’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re drunk and if I do this now with you, I’m not any different than these fucking frat boys. I came here to help you get to bed, not fuck you.” His lips brush the top of my head. “Please just sleep.”

I’m so grateful he’s here with me that I say what I’m thinking. “I love you, Tyler.”

It slips out and I know what I’ve done, but I play it off like a drunk girl would because I am and I can get away with it.

He chuckles but says nothing.

Closing my eyes, I let my hand wander lower, attempting to seduce him. “Make love to me. I want to know what it’s like to have a man love me.”

He catches my hand when it reaches the waistband of his jeans and puts it back on his chest. “Why do you want me to make love to you? It’s not like we haven’t had sex before, Raven.”

“No, not
sex
. Make
love
to me.”

I think I know what he’s going to say next. Something along the lines of he can’t love me, he’s too broken, blah
fucking
blah. I don’t want to hear that. I want love, damn it.

His lips brush my temple. “What was that the morning you left?”

“I’m not sure what that was. I think it was the day you broke my heart.”

He draws back and the look on his face makes me want to sigh. “It wasn’t my intention.”

“I know.”

Despite the regret I think he feels for saying no, he offers a smile. “Go to sleep.”

I can’t sleep. Not with him here and a little bit of courage. I want to know why I’m not good enough for him to love. Berkley was. Why can’t I be? “Why can’t you love me back? I’m not good enough, that’s it, isn’t it? What’s wrong with me? Was Berkley better than me?”

He ducks his chin to look down at me, his brow raising. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t know what you’re talking about, Raven. You’re drunk.”

I’m refusing to let this go and sit up and twist to face him. “Yes I do. You don’t love me. Holden didn’t love me enough. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“It’s not you. You’re perfect.” He sits up too. “There’s absolutely
nothing
wrong with you and I told you, if I was going to fall in love with anyone, it would be you.”

I take a moment to think about what he says, or I try at least but I turn and realize I’m wearing a tank top and one of my boobs falls out.

“Oh, look. One of the Double Mint twins is looking for a solo career.”

He glances down and his eyes crinkle at the corners but I can tell he’s desperately trying to not look. “Raven, fix your shirt.” Slowly, his hand eases along the dip in my side, squeezing my hip. “Please.”

I fix my boobs but then I sigh into his chest when his hands don’t leave my side. “You’re touching me and it’s making me want you, so stop touching me unless you’re going to make love to me.”

His hand relaxes, as does my breathing when he presses his lips to my forehead and then sits up. “Sleep.”

“I can’t.” A sigh escapes me. “Hold me until I fall asleep.”

Tyler doesn’t say anything but he lies back on my bed and lets me rest my head on his chest.

I lift mine again. “Are you sure? I mean, I can’t believe you don’t want any sex.”

His lips curl up into a barely-there smile, though his expression doesn’t change. “It’s not without effort.” Staring at the ceiling, he asks, “Why did you go to a frat party anyway?”

“I’m trying to fit in.”

He nods. “And that worked out, didn’t it?”

I think I should be offended by it, but I’m not. “I don’t fit in anywhere.”

“That’s not true. You fit in with me.”

“But you
won’t
love me,
or
make love to me right now.”

“Okay, stop it.” Tyler lets out a heavy sigh and turns to face me. “You’re drunk and feeling bad about yourself but you’re better than this. Knock it off.” He’s right. I’m being insecure and it’s probably pretty annoying. “It’s like two in the morning. Go to sleep.”

I didn’t think I could, but the moment I close my eyes and listen to his soft breathing, it’s a lot easier than I thought it would be.

It’s around four in the morning when I’m driving back from her dorm and I know I’m not getting any sleep tonight. All I can think about is her and her telling me that she loves me. The more I think about it the more I believe it because I know despite her being drunk, she knew what she was saying, and Raven rarely says anything she doesn’t mean.

What do I do now?

I’m completely aware that the right thing to do is to pull back knowing her feelings are getting too deep, but I’m a selfish bastard at heart and the thought of letting her go isn’t something I’m willing to entertain. As it is, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around everything this woman makes me feel. I know why, deep down, this is a struggle for me, but I’m not ready to put my feelings out there just yet.

Sitting at my kitchen table, my thoughts on the night are still buzzing loudly in my brain.

I finally decide to shower and head downstairs to get a head start on the day. Maybe keeping my hands busy will help drown out the battle going on in my head.

Grabbing my keys and phone from the table on the way out, I notice that Raven must have texted me while I was in the shower.

Raven: Sorry about last night. Thanks for saving me.

Staring at her message, I realize I can’t text her back. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I don’t want to, but because I’m afraid if I do, I’ll say something I’m going to regret and lead her on even more.

I’M NOT SURE what my problem is but weeks have gone by and I still haven’t talked to Raven. We’re approaching Thanksgiving and maybe it’s because I didn’t reply to her message or she feels guilty about that night but she doesn’t text me either and she hasn’t come home on the weekends.

I know she’s coming for Thanksgiving and the fact that I’m going to see her soon has me sort of amped and on edge at work.

I’m counting down the hours in the day so I can get the hell out of here when Berkley shows up at the shop wearing skin-tight jeans and black leather boots up to her knees.

Typical of her. Always trying to gain attention.

“What are you doing here?” I don’t look at her when she leans against my toolbox. I have a car I’m working on and the last thing I need is to get distracted. Besides, I know
why
she’s here wearing that outfit. She’s looking to hook up. “If you’re looking for Rawley, check the parts room.”

“Can’t I come by and check on
you
?”

I shrug, quirking an eyebrow at her to see that Red’s watching us. “Well, you
could
but you made it clear you’ve moved on. Why keep stopping by?”

“Tyler.” There’s a long sigh that escapes her, one I’ve come to know is her being frustrated with me. It’s like the wind, you know it’s coming, you hear the howling, you’re just waiting for the gust to hit your face. “You don’t have to be an asshole.”

I laugh. “I can be anything I want to be.”

Despite my laugh, it’s like a knife to my chest that she can pretend like we’re friends.

I swallow, the action forced because I just want to scream at her for all the pain she’s caused me. She’s one of the reasons why I can’t give Raven everything she needs. “I think it’s best for both of us if you walk away before I say something I’m going to regret.”

She doesn’t listen, nothing new, and steps forward to stand near the car I’m bent over replacing a fuel filter on. “I know the break up was hard on both of us but you have to understand where I was coming from.”

With both hands on the fender, I shake my head slowly. “Go, Berkley. Just get the fuck out of here.” My voice is sharp and she knows I’m not fucking around. She needs to leave.

When she does, her heals clicking against the concrete floor, a memory flashes in my head, the night I found out who she really was. It’s also the night I hooked up with Raven but it started with the news where my reality crashed down on me by my mother of all people.

“Why did you break up?”

“She decided she wanted something else, I guess. I’m not sure. She lost the baby and then I came home to her moving out.”

“Berkley was pregnant?”

“Yeah, like a few weeks or something.”

My mother frowns. “Is there any chance that Berkley may have been lying to you about being pregnant?”

“What? No, why would you ask that?”

“Because there’s something you should know.” She shifts her gaze to the kitchen floor which tells me whatever she’s going to tell me is important. “When you were ten and the doctors were finally able to stabilize your epilepsy with the Tegretol, we were so grateful; we really didn’t think about anything but you being able to live a normal life. As you got older and it became obvious that you were going to need to continue taking the medication long-term, the doctors informed us that prolonged exposure to Tegretol had been shown to cause some patients to become sterile. They said it wasn’t a definite but that when you were older, you should get tested.”

She raises her gaze to meet mine and there is a mixture of pain and fear in her eyes. “You may want to go and get tested because there is a good chance that if Berkley was pregnant, the baby was never yours.”