Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader
Read Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers' Institute
“Y
our books are the greatest I have ever read. The eternal struggle for reading material has finally been quenched!”
âTucker J.
“Thank you for the
Bathroom Readers
. I no longer have to read the backs of my shampoo bottles. My husband and I read so much in the bathroom that we refer to it as âthe study'. ”
âCharissa A.
“I've constructed a special shrine for my
Bathroom Reader
s. I heard that people spend about ten months in the throne room during their lifetime. I'm sure, thanks to you, I'll spend a couple of years.”
âWilliam F.
“I want to thank you for the reply to my email. Even though I feel that my life is as exciting as they come, I was tremendously pleased when I checked my email and found that it was a personal reply. It makes me love the BRI even more.”
âSteve S.
“I found your website very commodiousâquite easy to get a handle on. Frankly, I was bowled over, flushed actually, and almost fell off my stool when I discovered that Vol. 6 was not the end of your roll. I could barely keep the lid down! And the new books seem to have twice as many sheets as the prior onesâa seemingly endless supply of two-ply reading if ever there was one! Thank God there's Uncle John to float us through tough times.”
âUncle Harry Jr.
“I love the
Bathroom Readers
â¦I take them everywhere I go. Before I found the BRI, I was unpopular with the ladies; now that I'm a walking font of knowledge, they can't keep their hands off me. Thanks!”
âDwayne R.
“I was shopping and saw your book for the first time. I love trivia so I just threw one in the basket and continued shopping. I thought it would look good in the bathroom.
“Well, I started to read it and found myself looking forward to going there. Then I started taking it with me to the den. Now, I read it to my husband, and I share your stories with friends. I love the laughter. I love the way you make my mind hungry for more knowledge.”
âDebora K.
“Your books are such a CLASSY collection of information. I have become one of your bigger fans. You folks are GREAT!”
âJohn D.
“I love your material. I now have three of your books. Guests coming to my place can't wait to use the facilities because of your books. In fact, I'm thinking that I might change the color scheme of my bathroom so it doesn't clash with your books.”
âDarren McK.
“Just wanted to tell you I live to read your next bookâ¦love you guys! Thanks!”
â
Missy H.
“I just wanted to let you know that I think the
Bathroom Readers
are fantastic! My husband got me two for my birthday. And then, being the terrific guy that he is and knowing how much I loved this kind of book, he continued to buy them for me until I owned every one. It's almost as though these were books written especially for me.”
âDafna H.
“Thank you for making something that makes me want to read. I have a short attention span, but the
Bathroom Readers
keep me reading. I'm on my third book! They're the only books I've been able to read start to finish. I just want to say thank you, and please, don't stop making books.”
âMichelle F.
Uncle John's
Bathroom
Reader
By the
Bathroom Readers'
Institute
Bathroom Readers' Press
Ashland, Oregon
UNCLE JOHN'S AHH-INSPIRING
BATHROOM READER
®
Copyright © 2002 by the Bathroom Readers' Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
“Bathroom Reader” and “Bathroom Readers' Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor.
All rights reserved.
For information, write
The Bathroom Readers' Institute
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
541-488-4642
Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld,
San Rafael, CA (
[email protected]
)
BRI “technician” on back cover: Larry Kelp
Uncle John's
Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader
®
by The Bathroom Readers' Institute
ISBN-13: 978-1-60710-462-9
E-book edition: November 2011
Â
“Once you can accept the universe as matter
expanding into nothing that is something,
wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
âAlbert Einstein
“Parliamentary Manners” by Scott Feschuk, Paul Mather, and Peter McBain as “Ask Miss Parliamentary Manners” in the
National Post
: This Week In Review, April 27, 2002. © National Post. Reprinted with permission.
“How to Toilet Train Your Cat” by Karawynn Long, found on her website
www.karawynn.net/mishacat/toilet
.
“Buried Treasure in the U.S.” from THE PEOPLE'S ALMANAC © 1975 by David Wallechinsky and Irving Wallace. Reprinted with the kind permission of the authors.
Here are a few books the BRI's Throne Room would be empty without:
Lies Across America
, by James W. Loewen, and author of the bestselling
Lies My Teacher Told Me
. Copyright © 1999.
An Underground Education
, by Richard Zacks. Copyright © 1997 by Richard Zacks.
Joke Stew: 1,349 More Hilarious Servings from Today's Hottest Comedians
, edited by Judy Brown. Copyright © 2000.
It's a Conspiracy!
by the National Insecurity Council, Copyright 1992 by Michael Litchfield; published by EarthWorks Press.
What's the Number for 911?
by Leland Gregory III Copyright © 2000. Andrews & McMeel Publishing.
A special thanks to some regular readers for submitting good stuff:
Max L. Israel
Sera Kirk
Gavin Sheehan
Joel & Wendy McNeil
Dean Bliss
Mike Schuster
Adam Brucker
Jonathan Gewirtz
Charles Surine
Roger Shaheen
David Whitman
Dee & Kellar Smith
Chris O'Rourke
Joe Gayeski
Janet K. Behning
Patte Rosebank
Aaron Allermann
Glen & Janese Granholm
THANK YOU!
The Bathroom Readers' Institute sincerely
thanks the people whose advice and
assistance made this book possible.
Â
Gordon Javna
John Dollison
Jennifer & Zipper
Jeff Altemus
Jay Newman
Julia Papps
Thom Little
Sharilyn Hovind
Michael Brunsfeld
Janet Spencer
Lori Larson
Sam Javna
Jim McCluskey
Maggie Javna
Jeff Cheek
Jesse Clark
Sharon Freed
Jess Brallier
Bryan Henry
Gideon Javna
Angela Kern
Allen Orso
Georgine Lidell
Dylan Drake
Bernadette Baillie
Paul Stanley
Jenny Baldwin
Barb Porsche
Paula Leith
John Javna
Mike Nicita
Claudia Bauer
Hazel Daniels
Teri Morin
William Coleman
Pat Perrin
Mustard Press
Scarab Media
Porter the Wonder Dog
Sydney Stanley
Marley & Catie Pratt
Thomas Crapper
KBRX Radio, for their part of this insanity: Scott Poese and Nicole Kennedy, Dog House Morning Show
“My life has no purpose, no direction, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?”
Charles M. Schulz
Hiya Sophie! Hiya Jessie!
Because the BRI understands your reading needs, we've divided the contents by length as well as subject.
Shortâ
a quick read
Mediumâ
2 to 3 pages
Longâ
for those extended visits, when something a little more involved is required
*Extendedâ
for those leg-numbing experiences
Pit Stops on the World Wide Web
“A Good Example Is the Best Sermon”