Uncle John’s Presents Mom’s Bathtub Reader (22 page)

After he executed Anne, Henry spread the pain around to his three-year-old daughter Elizabeth. He also denied her legitimacy, revoked her title, and ordered the once-pampered little princess to stay away from Windsor Castle.

The day after Anne lost her head, the king and his new fancy, Jane Seymour, were betrothed. They married ten days later. The courtiers bowed low to Henry’s new wife and privately wondered how long she would last. She wasn’t even crowned queen, since Henry was waiting to see if he’d get a son from this woman before he decided to place the crown on her head—that is, if she still had a head.

But plain Jane became Henry’s favorite wife. Whether from natural sweetness, shrewdness, or sheer terror, Jane was gentle, meek, and obedient. And Henry liked that. She made no attempt to seize power in affairs of state and he liked that too. The one point that Jane would take up with him was his cruel treatment of her stepchildren.

Jane begged Henry to reconcile with his daughters—a dangerous proposition, since the king had a nasty temper and an executioner . . . and wasn’t afraid to use them. In the beginning, tyrant Henry told his wife to back off and stop meddling. Surprisingly, though meek in other areas, Jane didn’t back down; she continued to work for a reconciliation.

Jane wasn’t completely selfless. She wanted to restore Roman Catholicism to England, and Mary, who was a Catholic like her mother, would be a valuable ally. Finally in 1536, due in large part to Jane’s efforts, Henry and Mary affectionately reunited, ending over 5 years of estrangement. After the reconciliation Mary was often invited to court, where Jane proclaimed her the “chiefest jewel of England” and made a show of sitting near the young woman and insisting that Mary walk beside her instead of
behind her. Such courtesies were a signal to the court that Mary—who’d been marked for arrest and even death—was restored to high status and should be respected.

Jane had less to gain from giving attention to Elizabeth, but once again she braved Henry’s wrath to have the little girl brought to court. When Jane, Mary, Elizabeth, and Henry celebrated Christmas together, they were, at last, a unified family. They might have stayed that way too if Jane hadn’t been such a dutiful wife. The queen finally provided Henry with his long-sought-after male heir, Edward. But twelve days later she was dead from childbed fever. Mary was Jane’s chief mourner, riding a black-draped horse to Windsor Castle to attend her step-mother’s funeral.

After Jane Seymour’s death, Henry married three more times. He divorced his fourth wife, Anne of Cleeves, because she was ugly (one wonders why he married her to begin with). And his fifth, Kathryn Howard, was beheaded for having an affair. What would happen to wife number six, Catherine Parr?

Catherine Parr was not envied when she went down the aisle. By now, few women wanted anything to do with Henry, king or not. But Catherine kept her head by catering to Henry’s health and his king-sized ego. Courtiers breathed a sigh of relief as this new queen attentively nursed the aging, gouty king and made him feel respected and powerful. They saw that this wife would manage the volatile monarch and manage to survive.

After Jane Seymour’s death and two wives later, Henry had begun neglecting his children again. But Catherine used her influence with Henry to humanize him, just as Jane had. Thanks to his new queen, Henry restored Mary’s title as princess and she was once again in line for succession to the throne.

For six-year-old Prince Edward, Catherine was a lifesaver. She gave the motherless prince love and affection, and she made sure that Henry provided Edward with the best education available. The young prince had a reputation for being a cold, withdrawn child with a princely temper, but for Catherine Parr he showed only deep affection and called her “my very dearest mother.”

Shrewd ten-year-old Elizabeth wasn’t as quick to take to the new stepmother. But ultimately it was Elizabeth who benefited most from her new stepmom. Catherine brought the girl to court and made sure that Elizabeth was restored to princess status and able to inherit the crown. Catherine also made sure that Henry gave Elizabeth a “male” education with the same scholars from Oxford and Cambridge who taught the prince.

Like Jane, Catherine also had her own religious agenda. Her Protestant beliefs had no effect on the devoutly Catholic Mary, but their stepmother encouraged the younger children to follow in the Protestant faith.

Catherine survived her notorious husband Henry only to marry again and die as a result of childbirth just as Jane
had. But this queen had a huge influence on history. Without Catherine’s efforts, Mary and Elizabeth might never have become queens themselves. Perhaps Queen Elizabeth I would not have been so well-educated, and one of England’s most glorious eras might never have occurred. Thanks in part to her stepmother, Elizabeth was better prepared to preside over a literary and scientific renaissance and to oversee an expansion of British power.

Jane and Catherine may have influenced history in another way. After watching both her stepmothers cater to horrible Henry and after mourning both of their deaths from childbirth, it’s no wonder that the great Elizabeth decided to remain a virgin queen.

C
an you match these celebrity moms to their famous offspring? an you match these celebrity moms to their famous offspring?

An acclaimed character actress whose first love is theater, she won a Tony in 1970 for her performance in
Butterflies Are Free.
She has been nominated for Tonys for her performances in A
Streetcar Named Desire
and
Betrayal.
Well-known for playing motherly roles on the big screen, such as in
Meet the Parents
, she’s no stranger to the small screen either.

Danner is also famous for her dedicated supporting role as mom to her superstar daughter, who won an Oscar playing Shakespeare’s true love. Mom and daughter recently shared the big screen in
Sylvia
, a biopic about Sylvia Plath.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Cameron Diaz

___B. Gwyneth Paltrow

___C. Minnie Driver

___D. Jennifer Aniston

You can see this gorgeous Swedish actress in classic films from the 1940s, such as
Casablanca
and
Gaslight.
Bergman’s beauty and portrayals of strong, sophisticated
women made her famous, but her love affair with an Italian director nearly ruined her career. Bergman abandoned her family to run away with her lover. The scandal was so overwhelming that Bergman fled the United States in 1950, and it was 6 years before her comeback Oscar for the 1956 film
Anastasia.

Ingrid’s famous daughter inherited her mom’s acting and beauty genes. Along with work in movies, she’s been a spokeswoman and feature model for Lancôme cosmetics.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Chastity Bono

___B. Andie MacDowell

___C. Isabella Rossellini

___D. Elizabeth Hurley

From her role as Dorothy in the 1939 classic
The Wizard of Oz
to her beloved recorded concert in Carnegie Hall, Garland remains a show-business legend and one of the world’s greatest entertainers. Sadly, her personal life was fraught with personal problems, including struggles with drugs and alcohol.

Before her death at age 47, Garland performed in concert with her eldest daughter and both received rave reviews. Her daughter went on to follow in mom’s footsteps, both as a film star and renowned singer, in addition to her turbulent personal life.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Liza Minnelli

___B. Barbra Streisand

___C. Britney Spears

___D. Tammy Wynette

She was a Hollywood celebrity in the 1950s and 1960s, starring in multitudes of films with everyone from Anthony Hopkins to Lassie. Leigh’s most famous film, Hitchcock’s classic thriller
Psycho
, terrified her so much that she reportedly never took showers again.

Her daughter became a scream queen herself in the 1970s as the star of a popular horror movie,
Halloween.
She’s made memorable comedies too, including
A Fish Called Wanda
and
Freaky Friday.
Like mother, like daughter.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Debra Winger

___B. Demi Moore

___C. Jamie Lee Curtis

___D. Madonna

A famously sunny actress, singer, and dancer, Reynolds was an MGM star in the 1950s who brightened up the classic
Singin’ in the Rain.
Her personal life became tabloid fodder when her seemingly perfect marriage was broken up by Elizabeth Taylor. But through triumphs and tragedies, Reynolds kept on dancing (and singing and acting) in films, television, theater, and Las Vegas nightclubs.

Reynolds also raised a famous daughter who made a splash as a galactic princess and a heralded writing debut with
Postcards from the Edge
, a novel about growing up in Hollywood.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Sissy Spacek

___B. Carrie Fisher

___C. Natalie Portman

___D. Angelina Jolie

Famous for her radical politics and her brilliant acting, Redgrave’s successes began with Shakespeare at London’s Old Vic in 1961, continued on with starring roles in Chekov plays, and have not stopped in more than 40 years. Redgrave’s films include
Julia, Howard’s End
, and 1997’s
Mrs. Dalloway.

Vanessa’s famous daughter followed mom’s lead, appearing onstage in Chekov plays and in Shakespearean roles at the Old Vic. Her films include
Nell
and
The Parent Trap.
She’s also known for her devotion to her sons and hunky husband, Liam Neeson.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Jane Seymour

___B. Kristen Scott Thomas

___C. Natasha Richardson

___D. Meryl Streep

A bubbly goofball on screen, Ms. Hawn made her mark on TV’s
Laugh-In
and in film comedies like
Cactus Flower
and
Private Benjamin.
But Hawn is actually a bright businesswoman who has managed to negotiate a Hollywood career spanning four decades.

She’s also a hands-on mother to her kids, including a look-alike, kooky blonde daughter who made Academy Award history as one of only three daughters to follow their mothers in landing an Oscar nomination for
Almost Famous.

Who is the reel daughter?

___A. Charlize Theron