Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (89 page)

UNCLE JOHN’S PUZZLERS

Answers for
page 301

1.
UND, to form underground.

2.
a.
Michael Jordan

b.
Geraldo Rivera

c.
Madonna

d.
Bill Gates

e.
Tony Blair

f.
Keanu Reeves

g.
Uncle John

3.
The answer is 3. The series shows the number of letters in the words o-n-e, t-w-o, t-h-r-e-e, etc.)

4.
The answer is not 25. If you
divide
30 by 1/2, you get 60. Add 10 and the answer is 70.

5.
The answer is 36. Add up the value of all the letters in the names (1=a, 2=b. etc.)

6.
PAS

Riveting fact: There are an estimated 2,500,000 rivets in the Eiffel Tower.

7.
(18 × 8 – 2) ÷ 2 = 71

8.
TYPEWRITER

9.
Dwell, dwindle, dweeb, dwarf.

PALINDROMIA

Answers for
page 420

1.
Otto

2.
kayak

3.
Yo, Banana Boy

4.
Ed, a general, a renegade

5.
race car

6.
a Toyota

7.
Wow

8.
If I had a hi-fi

9.
DVD

10.
Pull up, pull up

11.
L.A. Ocelots Stole Coal

12.
King Ognik

13.
Eye

14.
Was it a rat I saw

15.
Ed is on no side

16.
oozy rat in a sanitary zoo

17.
Otto made Ed a motto

18.
Now, sir, a war is won

19.
step on no pets

20.
gnu dung

21.
lonely Tylenol

22.
senile felines

23.
bird rib

24.
llama mall

25.
laminated E.T. animal

26.
DNA Land

27.
stack cats

28.
Aha

29.
ewe

30.
bar crab

31.
Strapgod’s Dog Parts

32.
swap for I a pair of paws

33.
borrow or rob

34.
lion oil

35.
Miss Sim

36.
peep

37.
Tangy Gnat

38.
Dammit, I’m mad

39.
top spot

40.
tons o’ snot

41.
TNT

42.
not a ton

43.
go deliver a dare, vile dog

44.
deified

45.
live forever of evil

46.
party booby-trap

47.
poop

48.
maps, DNA, and spam

49.
He did, eh

50.
name no one man

51.
civic

52.
Yreka Bakery

King Louis XIV had 264 personal chamberpots in and around the Palace of Versailles.

F
ELLOW BATHROOM READERS:

The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking pot shots at us.

We’ll be brief: now that we’ve proven we’re not simply a flush-inthe-pan, we invite you to take the plunge: Sit Down and Be Counted! Become a member of the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Log on to our Web site,
www.bathroomreader.com
, and place your first order at our online store, or, if you don’t want to buy anything, send a self-addressed, stamped, business-sized envelope to: BRI, PO Box 1117, Ashland, Oregon 97520. You’ll receive your free membership card, plus discounts when ordering directly through the BRI, and you’ll earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!

Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Tanks for all your support. Hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, remember:

Keep on flushin’!