Unconventional Scars (24 page)

“Seven’s fine.”
She settled into a patio chair, motioning for him to join her. “Let’s sit out here for a bit. It’s so nice.”

He pulled out the chair next to hers and sat. Sylvester promptly jumped into his lap, purring and kneading with his paws. Alex scratched him underneath his chin.

“Alex, if I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer?”
She kept h
er voice
low.

One corner of his mouth turned up. “No. I’ll lie to you.”

“I’m serious.”

“What is it you want to know?”

“Why are you so self-conscious about that scar on your arm?”

“I’m not self-conscious.”

“Yes, you are. You always try to keep it covered up around other people. It’s not that bad, you know.”

“It’s bad enough.”

“How many others are there?”

“Two.”

“Where are they?”

“One’s just above my knee. The other’s here.” He touched a spot just below his left shoulder.

“Is that why you never wear shorts?
Because of the one on your leg?
”

“Mm.”

“Can I see them?”

“Why do you want to see them?”

“Because they’re part of you.” She couldn’t express what she meant, not with words. It was just that she didn’t want him to think there was any part of him that she could ever find ugly.

“Is this a ploy to get me to take my pants off?” he teased.

“No, pervo! Okay, fine,
then
just show me the one on your shoulder.”

“I can’t right now.”

“Why not? Nobody
’ll see
.”

He sighed. “You really want to know?”

“Yes. I really want to know!”

Grasping the neckline of his
grey
t-shirt, he pulled it down, stretching it far enough that she could see the black nylon brace underneath.

“Oh. Shit. I forgot about your back brace.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

“Does it hurt you much?”

“Not as much as it used to.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“
You
can ask me two things.”

“You never told me why.”

“Why what?”

“Why those guys did what they did to you.”

“Do you really need to know, Anna?”

“I’m just trying to understand how something like that could happen.
I mean, was it something you did that made them mad
?”

“
I guess you could say that.
”

“Something bad?”

“Yeah,
baby
. I guess they thought it was pretty bad.” She was struck by the sudden sadness in his voice.

“Alex, I’m sorry. Look, forget I brought it up, okay? We’ll never mention it again. Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

He smiled wistfully. “Anna, my love. Everything matters.”

****

At precisely seven o’clock, Alex left his home for the
Moore
residence, his heart heavy with the task at hand. Summer
was slipping away
.
There could be
no more procrastination. It was time. For better or worse, she’d
soon
know the truth.

The idea that he might never be able to hold her again made him sick. It was possible, hell, even
likely
that he’d lose her friendship as well. How would he fill the empty days without his Anna? Could she forgive him his deceit?

He could see her out on the back patio, and mentally said a little prayer that things wouldn’t go as badly as he feared.
Your time is up, fraud. You have to confess. You have to look into the eyes of the only girl you ever loved and tell her now. Tell her that everything about you is a lie.

****

The night was balmy and beautiful, with a summer breeze that carried the sweet fragrance of wild honeysuckle blossoms and fresh-cut grass. Anna was relaxing contentedly at the patio table, her bare feet propped up on another chair, when Alex strolled over from next door
.
“Hi, Princess.”

She smiled. “Hi yourself, Prince Charming.
The moon looks
pretty
to
night,
doesn’t it?” It shone
full and very bright in the clear sky.

“Yeah. It
does
.”

“Erica just called a few minutes ago. She wants to know if we want to go canoeing next weekend with her and Josh.”

“Ah . . . I . . . I don’t know. Next weekend might not be good.”

“Really? How come?”

“I just . . . I’m not sure yet. Can we let her know later?”

“I guess so. Is something wrong?”

“
Wrong. Yes
. . . sort of . . .”

“What is it?”

“Do you think we could go inside?”

“Sure, if you want to.”

When Anna pulled the sliding glass door open, the air conditioning hit her like the inside of a refrigerator. Uncle Phil must have turned it down too low. Clad only in shorts and a t-shirt, her skin broke out in chill bumps so she hurried over to the thermostat and turned it up. Her stomach was starting to feel funny again. Maybe she was coming down with something.

Alex sort of looked like he might be coming down with something himself. He was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed, like maybe he was
chilly
, too. She curled up beside him, and his skin was cold. “You want a blanket?” she offered.

“No, thanks.”

“So what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

“No. I mean . . . that’s not it.
I feel fine.
I just . . . I
need
to talk to you.” He looked at her anxiously. “I have something to tell you and it’s really important and I . . .
shit, I
don’t even know how to tell you.”

Filled with sudden
dread, Anna’s thoughts raced through a kaleidoscope of scenarios.
He wants to break up with me. He’s found someone else. His family is moving to
Alaska
. He has some horrible, incurable disease. Please, please don’t let this be as bad as it sounds! Not when everything was going so well. When everything was so perfect.
She swallowed nervously. “Just tell me. It can’t be all that bad. Right?” Her own voice sounded unsure.

He hesitated for what seemed to her an eternity. “Anna, you
do
know how I feel about you, don’t you? You must know how much I love you.”

So . . . he hasn’t fallen out of love with me, at least.
“Yes, I know.”

“Please keep that in mind. Will you do that for me?”

“Of course.”

“And . . . I want you to know up front that I should have told you this already. Before we ever started dating. I just . . . I couldn’t . . . but you need to know . . .”

“Alex, you’re starting to freak me out. What
is
it?”

“You remember
last night when we were talking about
what happened in
Indiana
?”

“Getting beat up, you mean?”

“Yes. You . . . asked me then what I did to deserve it.”

“I don’t think I worded it quite like that,” she recalled dubiously.

“Well . . . at any rate.
You wanted to know why. And now I’m going to tell you.”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter! I mean, if you want to tell me, that’s fine, but it doesn’t make any . . .”

“They did it because I’m transgender.”

Time stood still.

****

Charlotte
checked her watch when she heard the front door slam.

“What are you doing home already? I thought you had to work until nine.” She pulled her hair out of the ponytail holder and shook it out. She’d just gotten in from the gym herself, and was looking forward to a nice hot bath. Creed would probably want dinner now, though.

Distracted, he looked around the living room. “I left early. Alex here?”

“No, he’s next door. He left a note.”

“How long has he been gone?”

“I don’t know. I just got home. Why?”

“No reason.” Creed said nothing else, but continued to stand in the same spot, staring at the blank television screen as if he had something on his mind.

“Something you want to talk about?”

Pulled out of his reverie, he grinned. “You know me too well.”

“I’m your mother. It’s my job.”

Creed plopped down on the sofa. “I was kinda worried about Alex.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“He’s telling Anna tonight.”

“Ay
e
,
yi yi.”
Charlotte
sat next to her son. “So how do you think it’ll go?”

“I hate to even consider. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes right now.”

“Well, all we can do is hope for the best.”

“He never should have started dating her. I
told
him!”

“Why not? Doesn’t he deserve the same measure of happiness in life that you do?”

“How can you be so blasé about what he’s been doing?”

“What has he been doing?”

“Trying to pretend he’s something he’s not!” Creed shook his head in frustration. “It’s easy for
us
to see him as a boy. He’s always been that to us. But to other people, what is he? They’ll all view him as some kind of freak!”

Charlotte
narrowed her eyes. “Don’t ever call your brother that. I’m surprised at you, Creed. Why are you so worried about what other people will think?”

He looked incredulous. “Are you forgetting what happened last time it got out?”

“Of course I haven’t forgotten. But everyone isn’t like that, honey. Most people aren’t vicious and cruel. They’re just . . . people. Like us.”
She reached over to ruffle his hair. “
And have a little faith in Alex. He isn’t fifteen anymore. He’s
mature
enough to
handle whatever happens.
”

“Are you still going to have that same point of view when he comes home with a broken heart?”

Charlotte
sighed. “Oh, sweetheart. Don’t you know by now? Heartbreak is just a part of life.”

****

Anna blinked. “You’re . . . what?”

“Female-to-male transgender.” His eyes
refused to
meet hers.

She stared at him, unable to
comprehend. What the hell was he talking about? Was this a joke? “Alex, stop screwing around. That’s not funny.”

“It’s not supposed to be funny. I’m serious.” He wasn’t smiling. If he was trying to pull one over on her, he was doing a damn good job of it. Even Karen wasn’t that adept at
carrying
a poker face.

She noticed, then, that his hands were shaking.
Jesus Christ. He isn’t kidding.

Her mouth opened slightly. “You’re trying to tell me that . . . what, that you’re a
girl
?”

“Not exactly.”

“Okay then, so exactly what
are
you telling me?”

“It’s kind of a gender identity thing.”

“You’re gay?” Sebastian’s words
returned to her, taunting
.

“You’re confused, sweetheart. Let me see if I can explain this a little better.” He rubbed his palms back and forth across his jeans nervously. “I was born in a girl’s body, it’s true. But I’ve always felt like a guy.
When I look in the mirror, that’s what I see.
It’s hard to explain.
It’s like . . . my brain knows I’m a guy, but my body didn’t get the memo. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Not really.”

“I don’t know how to make it any clearer, Anna.”

Her head was spinning. Through a
murky
haze of
bewilderment, she heard her own voice creep through the fog. “You’re a girl.”

“You haven’t been listening. I’m not a girl. I just resemble one.”

“Oh, God . . .”

“Nothing has to change with us.” He didn’t sound as if he believed it himself. “I don’t want you to look at me differently just because physically I’m not what you expected.”

“What I
expected
?” She laughed, and it sounded hysterical, even to her. “I can tell you one thing.
This
is the
last
thing I expected.
This
is . . .” Her voice trailed off, as something occurred to her. “But you’re completely flat-chested!”