Under the Moon's Shadow (35 page)

“She left me a substantial amount of money and this apartment complex. I’ve hidden here ever since.” They fell silent as they thought about her situation.

“Have you thought about another relationship?” Beth asked gently. “Getting back into the dating scene?”

Connie shook her head. “Not really. I was with her for nearly thirty years, and I loved her with everything in me. I don’t want that with anyone else. It would feel wrong. We did everything together, and we had fun doing it. It didn’t matter what the rest of the world thought about us, because we knew we had each other. I still wake up at night reaching for her.”

Hannah, who had stretched out on the couch, gave a wistful sigh. Her arm was across her closed eyes, and her words were just a little bit slurred. “See now, that’s what I want. Someone who’ll mourn me after I’m dead and gone. Someone who’ll cherish me while I’m here, who doesn’t just see me as a warm body and a cook. Maybe I need a woman,” she mused as her voice faded away.

Connie burst out laughing. “Sweetie, you know you could never have that sort of relationship with a woman. You’re as straight as they come.”

Moving her arm back behind her head, Hannah turned her gaze to Connie. “I know, but it sounds nice.”

“You didn’t have that with your husband, I take it?” Beth asked in a cautious tone. She knew that Hannah’s husband had died in prison, but Hannah had never spoken about their marriage other than to say she was glad it was over.

“Not even close, Indy,” she replied, using the nickname Paulo had given Beth. “I met the sad sack, married him, and got pregnant, all before I was eighteen. Paulo was two weeks old when his father hit me the first time, and if he hadn’t gotten sent to prison for dealing drugs, I would have either wound up dead or in jail for killing him. I wasn’t about to let any man use me for a punching bag.”

Connie studied her. “Did you divorce him?”

Hannah shook her head. “No, there wasn’t time. He was arrested the same week he hit me, and it was an automatic trip back to the slammer for him. I didn’t even know he was on parole, but apparently he’d just gotten out of prison when we met. He was older than me, and I romanticized him. After he went back in, I had a newborn to take care of and no one to help me, and by the time I got around to seeing an attorney, someone had taken care of him in the showers.” She turned to look at Beth. “Your turn. What’s your tragic story?”

“Nothing like either of yours.” With a rueful smile, she told them about Ethan and their long history. “You both know the rest - I got shot, and here I am. Trying to figure out where to go from here, what the rest of my life is going to be.”

Connie laughed outright at that, and Beth raised her eyebrows at the older woman. “Oh, honey, I don’t mean to make light of what you’ve been through. It’s just as tragic as what we’ve had to endure. It’s just that you still think you have a say over the rest of your life. None of us have that control. We’re at the mercies of the fates, the gods, whatever you want to believe in. Do you still love this Ethan?”

Beth considered the question carefully before answering. “I don’t know. I wish things had turned out differently, but I can’t say whether that’s the same as still loving him.”

Hannah sat up and faced Beth. “Do you want to go back to Leroy? Or are you still feeling the need to run away?”

“I haven’t thought about going back. I’ve deliberately shied away from that. I guess I’m afraid to find out. What happens if I can never go back? Where does that leave me?”

Hannah reached a hand over and touched her arm, patting it gently. “We haven’t known each other for very long, but I can tell you this - I know you aren’t the kind of person who just settles. You’ll find wherever it is you’re supposed to be. You don’t have the constitution to accept anything less. I think you’ll be able to go home someday, maybe sooner than you expect. How many times have you rushed over to show me something new or exciting from the paper? That town gets your blood going, and I’d be astonished if you didn’t go back. Shoot, I might go with you when you do leave.”

Connie chimed in, agreeing. “When you go back, if you find that you still want Ethan, don’t settle for friendship. March right up to him and tell him how you feel. Take the bull by the horns and get what you want. If he isn’t willing to give that to you, move on and find someone who will. Life is too short to waste on people who don’t love us.”

~ * * * ~

In the days after the birthday party, Beth’s mind kept going back to what Hannah and Connie had said. As much as she loved Santa Fe, she couldn’t help feeling as though she were living in limbo, waiting for her life to catch up to her. When Chase called her the first Thursday in March to tell her Ruby’s trial was almost ready to start, she realized it had.

Chapter Fifty Two

A few days later….

It was late in the evening when Beth slipped back into Leroy. She headed to the farm via the back way, not wanting to go through town and be seen.

She had sworn Chase to secrecy. “Don’t you tell a soul that I’m on the way home.” She’d been unsure she would actually be able to return, and didn’t want to make a commitment she couldn’t keep.

When he had called a week earlier to tell her the court was ready for her official statement in the case against Ruby, he had offered to fly out to Santa Fe with someone from the prosecutor’s office to take her deposition, but Beth had rejected the idea.

“I’ve been thinking about coming home. Let me sleep on this, and I’ll call you tomorrow, give you my decision.” After spending a very restless night considering her options, she had made up her mind that it was time to return to Leroy. She called Chase, and then she started packing.

Connie and Hannah had been saddened to see her go, but they understood. Paulo, on the other hand, was heartbroken, and his obvious distress had nearly broken Beth’s heart, as well. Before leaving, Beth made sure they all knew they would always be welcome at her home, wherever that might be. She also dropped a bug in Hannah’s ear about a manager’s position at one of Leroy’s finest bed and breakfast inns that had just been posted in the
Journal
. More than once, Hannah had said that Beth’s descriptions of Leroy made it sound like the perfect place to raise a child. Beth knew Hannah wasn’t really happy in Santa Fe, and she hoped her friend would pursue the job. As a precaution, she also sent an email to the owner, whom she knew well, to let her know that Hannah might be applying.

Fingers crossed that she was making the right decision, she had said tearful goodbyes to her new friends and pointed the Beast toward home. It was over fifteen hundred miles to Leroy from Santa Fe, several days’ worth of driving, but she made good time, growing more excited the closer she got. When she crossed the bridge from Louisville, Kentucky, into Indiana, she felt tears well in her eyes as the sense of homecoming nearly overwhelmed her. Despite the cool temperatures, she rolled the windows down and took in slow, deep breaths. Under the smell of the interstate was the unmistakable smell that was uniquely Indiana - a blend of river water, early spring air, and good, clean soil. She had hoped to be able to stop and see Joely at school in Louisville, but it was spring break week, and her sister was in Mexico on a sunny beach.

She pulled into her parents’ driveway just at dark, thrilled to see Chase and Jason’s vehicles in front of the garage. When she had known she was close enough to make it home that evening, she’d called Chase to let him know.

“I’ll get everyone to the farm.  I’m not going to tell them you’re coming, though. Are you excited?”

Beth had laughed.  “There are no words, brother mine.” Now, as she got out of the Beast, a pizza delivery car pulled in behind her. The driver’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She grabbed her purse, dug out some cash, and intercepted the boxes. After handing him two twenties, she waved away his offer of change and was rewarded with a dazzling smile.

As she walked up on the front porch, she realized just how nervous she was. Her heart felt like it was going to race out of her chest, and a thousand butterflies had set up residence in her stomach. Counting to ten, she rang the doorbell. When she heard footsteps closing in on the other side of the door, she bit her lip. The porch light came on, and the door swung open to reveal Jason.

For a moment, he didn’t move, just stared at her in shock. Slowly, a delighted grin spread across his face, and he stepped out onto the porch to wrap her in a bear hug. Beth felt a silly grin split her own face as tears blurred her vision, and she laughed, hugging him awkwardly with one arm.

Chase hollered from the back of the house. “Is it the pizza?”

Jason had to clear his throat before he could respond.  “Yeah, it’s the pizza.” Taking the boxes, he put his finger to his lips and jerked his head toward the dining room. Beth nodded and walked down the hall, stopping just shy of the door.

Going in and setting the pizza on the table, Jason was unable to hide his grin. Chase picked up on his excitement and shot him a questioning look. As realization dawned, a broad smile spread across his face. When their father saw the happy expressions, Richard shook his head, mistaking the reason for the boys’ excitement.

He opened the first box and folded the lid underneath. “I’ve never seen anyone get so excited over pizza. At least, not since you were teenagers.”

Poking her head around the door, Beth saw her family for the first time in months. Her mother and grandfather had their backs to the door, and she stood there for a moment, just taking the sight in. A happy tear slid down her cheek, and she reached up to wipe it away.

Catching the movement from the corner of his eye, Richard looked up with a frown. When he saw Beth standing in the door, he froze for an instant, hand hovering over the pizza, his expression going blank with shock. She gave him a little wave, and he gave his head a little shake of disbelief.  When he looked down at the pizza and then back up to Beth, Jackie reached a hand out toward him.

“Honey, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She turned in her seat to see what he was looking at. When she saw Beth, she gave a loud shriek and stood up so quickly her chair toppled over. Jackie just stood there for an instant with her hands clasped over her mouth before she ran across the room toward her daughter. Beth met her halfway and the two embraced, holding on to each other, laughing and crying.

“Oh, thank God, thank God,” Jackie said as tears raced down her cheeks. She pulled back to look at Beth, cupping her face and touching her hair before pulling her back in for another hug. As everyone else crowded around them, hugs and kisses were peppered by questions and giddy laughter.

“All right, now, let me see my girl.” Sampson’s voice was choked. Richard stood back as Beth held her hands out to her grandfather. He took them in his own and held them out to the side. “Looks like New Mexico agreed with you. Are you really here, girl?”

Beth nodded. She walked into his arms and rested her head on his chest. Closing her eyes, she inhaled the familiar scent of his Old Spice, and let the sounds of her family wash over her. She was unable to stop smiling. It had been a long, hard journey, but she was back where she had started, and it felt good to be home.

~ * * * ~

Sitting with her family in the sunroom after they’d eaten supper, Beth was still smiling. The shadows that had been on her heart for months were now gone. The room was filled with emotion, laughter, and teasing, and as she answered their questions and asked her own, she relaxed. She had feared that when she returned, her detachment would follow, and the longer the evening wore on, the more confident she was that the melancholy was gone for good. During a lull in the conversation, she saw Jason eyeing Chase with speculation.

“You knew,” Jason stated, narrowing his gaze and pointing at Chase with an accusing finger. “You knew all along that she was coming home. That’s why you wanted to have a family dinner tonight.”

Chase gave an abashed grin as Richard spoke. “I thought you both knew.” He was surprised when Jason shook his head.

“Nope, I didn’t have a clue until I opened the front door. All these years you’ve all thought I was the sneaky one. That guy right there, he’s the one you have to worry about.”

Chase rolled his eyes at Jason’s declaration. “I just followed the instructions I was given. Beth asked me to not tell anyone she was coming back, and I kept my word. Besides, how could I resist seeing the look on everyone’s faces when she walked in? I couldn’t pass an opportunity like that up.” He endured some gentle teasing before he stood up and stretched.

“As much as I’d like to stay and catch up, I’ve got to be in court early tomorrow morning, and Murphy’s waiting at home for his dinner. Do you need help carrying your things in?” he asked Beth.

“I just need to bring a couple of things in tonight. I can get the rest tomorrow. Mom, where do you want me tonight? Is the guest house ready or should I stay here?”

“I changed the sheets in here last week, if you don’t mind staying in the house. The guest house might be a little dusty.”

The group headed to the front door, and Chase and Sampson gave her big hugs before they left.

“I’ll see both of you tomorrow. Oh, and make sure you don’t mention my being back to anyone. I have a surprise planned for Annie and Lauren, and I don’t want word to get out until after I pull it off.”

With promises of secrecy they left, waving as Chase’s car headed down the driveway. Jackie shivered and hurried back inside, pulling Richard along with her.

“We’ll get the room ready.”

“Mom, I can do that.”

She waved off Beth’s protestations. “Go get your stuff.”

“I’ll help you carry it in,” Jason told her and they hurried to the Beast. She unlocked the hatch and told him which bags to grab. As she was closing it back, she gazed up at the stars overhead. Her breath came out in puffs of steam in the cool air.