“It's important to me that my daughter have two parents. My mom died when I was little, so I never knew her. I want my baby to have what I didn't.” Proud that she made the statement without tears, Norah waited for a response from Trevor.
“I plan to be more than a provider, Norah. I have to work, especially if Kim decides she wants to stay at home full-time. However, I will be there. I can't make promises about what that will look like because I've never been a dad. But I want to be one more than anything.” He reached for Kim's hand without looking away from Norah.
It was a seamless movement that made Norah smile.
“Do you have space for her in your home?”
Kim raised her hand. “That's the second time you mentioned a girl. You know for sure it's a girl?”
Norah lifted a shoulder. “That's what they tell me.”
“We have a room set aside for a nursery, but it's empty. I don't want to decorate or fill it until we know we have a baby coming home. We also live in an excellent school district and there are at least three parks within walking distance.”
“Is there anything you want to know about me?” Norah asked.
Kim and Trevor looked at each other and then shifted. They were nervous. Norah couldn't imagine being in their shoes, afraid to say the wrong thing to turn a mom off and blow their chances at a baby. To ease the pressure, Norah gave them something. “The baby is healthy. I've never done drugs or smoked. I might've had a drink or two before I knew I was pregnant, but the doctor has said she looks healthy.”
They nodded but said nothing.
“I cared about her father,” she blurted. For some reason, she didn't want them to think she was someone who slept around and got pregnant by someone who didn't matter. “But we're going in different directions and neither of us is ready to be a parent.”
“Okay,” Kim said. “Does he know we're meeting?”
Norah nodded. “I saw him yesterday but he had to go back to school. Teagan will send him the paperwork, but he doesn't want to have to do this.”
Jimmy put an arm around her shoulder. For once, she was glad he didn't feel the need to talk. After that, things lightened up and they spent almost an hour talking about all kinds of things from the trivial to the serious. Both Kim and Norah shed a few tears. At least Norah could blame the hormones. Trevor and Kim left with an open invitation to contact them at any time if she had questions or wanted to talk.
Teagan walked them out and when she returned, she asked, “So what do you think?”
“I like them.”
“Shouldn't you meet with some other people before you decide?” Jimmy asked.
Teagan answered. “It's up to you. You can. We have plenty of couples to choose from. If you want me to give you some more profiles, let me know.”
Norah's nerves returned. “Should I?”
“I've never bought the first car I looked at and this is way more important than a car,” Jimmy said.
“I guess you have a point.”
“Like I said before, I don't want you to rush into anything.”
“Okay. Do you want to change any of your parameters?” Teagan walked behind her desk as she spoke.
“No. I think you gave me a good group the first time.”
She reached into her desk drawer and pulled out four more folders.
“You have some ready for me?”
“I had a feeling you might want to keep looking.”
“Well, don't tell Kim and Trevor. I still like them and I think they'll be a good fit. I just want to take my time.”
“And that's fine.” She handed Norah the new profiles. “No worries. Do you have any questions?”
“No.” She stood and so did Jimmy. They said good-bye and left the office.
In the parking lot, Jimmy asked, “How are you really doing?”
She climbed into his car. “I'm okay. Today was hard, mostly because I didn't know what to expect. I'm going to look at these new profiles, but I think Kim and Trevor might be the best. Didn't you like them?”
“They were fine. I didn't get a bad feeling about them or anything. I just want you to be sure. This isn't something you can take back once it's done.”
“I know.” There was no turning back anything now, so she had to forge ahead and do the best she could.
* * *
Although Norah mostly enjoyed the extra day off Kai had given her, she had too much time to stew. She'd pored over the profiles and found herself comparing each new couple to Kim and Trevor. She didn't know if it was fair to the couples, but she'd spoken with Kim and Trevor, felt a small connection to them. She tried not to read too much into it.
She dressed and gathered her things to go to Kai's. She was almost ready when she heard voices downstairs, which was weird because the house was normally quiet. Sean and Tommy came and went, but since they slept in the basement, she usually couldn't hear them. And her dad was only loud when he yelled at the TV.
When she got to the dining room, the sight before her made her stomach jump. Three of her brothers and her dad were all sitting in the living room, eyes on her. The last time she'd come into this scene, they'd gathered to tell her they were sending her to Boston. Jimmy had done all the talking and Tommy wasn't there. He'd been too angry.
This time, Jimmy was the one missing and unease crawled up her neck. “What's going on?”
“We want to talk to you,” Kevin said.
She bristled. It might've just been her reaction to Kevin given their last conversation, but she was gearing for a fight. She eyed Tommy. “Everything is settled with Avery. No need for you to track him down.”
Kevin's voice softened. “It's not about that. Sit down.” He scooted over on the couch to make room for her.
“I have to leave for work soon.”
“This won't take long.”
Gripping her bag on her shoulder, she sat on the edge of the couch, ready to bolt. Her brothers shouldn't make her feel like this. She looked back at Tommy. “What's going on?”
“Jimmy told us you're giving the baby up.”
She wished Jimmy would've told her he'd done that. Yeah, she'd wanted him to, but a little warning would've been nice. “I am.”
“Why, squirt?” Kevin asked.
She turned away from Tommy. “Because I'm not ready to be a mom. I want my child to have something better than I can offer.”
“We're its family,” her dad said. It was the first time he spoke of the baby.
“I know. And this wasn't an easy decision.”
“So you're just going to give away my grandchild?”
“I'm not in a position to raise her. What do I have to offer?”
“We'd all love her, Norah.” Tommy sounded pained to speak.
“I know, but it's not enough.” She stood and turned to face all of them. “It's my decision. I want her to have more than this.” She waved across the room.
“What's wrong with my house? It's a good place to raise a family.” Dad was getting worked up.
“I suppose it might be, but it wasn't good enough for me, was it, Dad?”
“It's not the same.”
She couldn't have this fight with him. It was over. Her childhood was long gone and it made no sense to argue about it now. “I'm not going to fight with you. I have to do what's best for my baby.”
She turned and walked out the door, her heart racing. The door creaked and slammed shut behind her. Tommy had followed. “Norah, wait.”
Pausing by her car, she shaded her eyes from the glaring sun. “What?”
“I told them we shouldn't all come at you.” He shook his head. “It wasn't supposed to be like that.”
“Really? What was it supposed to be like? Were you all just going to tell me to keep the baby and that would be it?” Crossing her arms over her belly, she waited for an answer.
“No. Well, maybe. We want to help you. You don't have to do this.”
“I know I don't
have
to do anything. I've thought about it for a long time. I'm thinking of her now, not me.” She dropped her arms and stepped closer to Tommy. She didn't want to lose the closeness they'd rediscovered lately. “I met a couple yesterday. Did Jimmy tell you that?”
Tommy nodded.
“They were really nice. They have steady jobs and a great house. They desperately
want
a baby. They can give her what I can't.” She touched Tommy's arm and stared into his eyes. “Two parents, Tommy. A family I never had.”
“Ah, shit.” He pulled Norah into a hug. “We're your family.”
“I know, and I love you guys, but I want her to have it all. And I can't do that.” Tears pricked her eyes. She pushed away. “I need to get to work.”
“So how's it going? With Kai.”
“Really good.” She didn't mention the peace she felt hanging out at Kai's house or the lustful thoughts he always brought to mind. “I like his mom, and it's a relatively easy job.”
“Make sure he treats you right. He can be an asshole.”
She knew Kai had that asshole exterior, but she'd seen another side to him. The side that hugged her, held her, let her cry. The gentle way he touched her face awake or the way he'd kissed her. She knew he was not the asshole he wanted the world to believe he was. “He's nice to me.”
Tommy laughed. “I think we need to work on your definition of nice.”
She rolled her eyes and got into her car. Once she was alone, she let the tears fall that she'd held back while with Tommy. He hadn't tried to make her cry. She knew that. Tommy loved her. All of her brothers did. She believed even her dad did, but they didn't know how to handle her or even talk to her, for that matter.
They were really good at screwing up with the best of intentions.
* * *
Kai was up and drinking coffee as soon as the sun rose. He'd found it was his only chance for peace. He'd spent half of yesterday at home in order to give Norah the extra day off. He realized quickly what a stupid idea it had been. The thought of spending the whole day with his mom made his stomach turn.
Jaleesa had come over for the other half of the day. She took note of his thoughtfulness in giving Norah a day off and she also commented on the yogurtâafter his mom pointed out he'd gotten it for Norah. Why couldn't he have had a brother?
He relished the quiet of the morning, but it ended all too quickly when his mom woke. Then he was counting down the minutes until Norah arrived so he could leave.
He absolutely wasn't thinking about seeing her at all. He simply wanted to go to work. And more importantly, get away from his mom. On his third trip of pacing through the living room, his mom said, “Just go already. I'm sure Norah is on her way. I'm fine.”
But he remembered his trip to the store the other day and what had happened with her. He was afraid to leave her. Norah had to be aware of that too in case she needed to run errands. But Mom wouldn't want her to know.
“I'm going to wait outside until she gets here.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
He pointed at her again. “Don't. I already warned you about that.”
“What? I'm not the one trying to be alone with Norah.”
He clamped his jaw shut. He wouldn't rise to her bait. Sitting on the front steps, he took a deep breath of fresh air. There was a hint of fall swirling around even though the leaves hadn't started to drop. The temperature would shift soon enough and winter would barrel in. But for now, he could enjoy the warm sun and cool breeze.
“Must be nice to have a life of leisure where you can just sit on your ass.”
He straightened in his spot to look at Norah. “It is.”
She laughed, but the sound was empty. He studied her face and noticed the streaks and blotches. He stood. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing. You can go to work.” She stepped to the side as if he'd let her go without more.
“You've been crying.”
“Yeah, well, I seem to do that a lot lately.”
“What was it this time?”
“My brothers. They all gathered and treated me like I needed an intervention.”
“Huh?”
“They don't think I should be considering adoption, so they wanted me to know.”
“And how'd that go?”
“I told them it was my decision.”
Somehow, he didn't think it was all that calm. “You want me to beat up Tommy for you?”
“Nah, but thanks for the offer. And thanks for the extra day off.”
“It doesn't sound like you were able to enjoy it.”
“I did. They did this right before I left the house this morning. On my day off, I sat on my ass with nothing to do. It was nice.” This time, when she smiled, it appeared a little more genuine. “But I'm ready to get back to work.”
“About my mom.”
Norah froze. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah. I went to the store the other day and when I came back she was standing in the living room, stuck. She'd gotten up by herself to go to the bathroom, but then couldn't get back on the couch. Her knee locked up on her or something. I don't know. She said she'd only been standing there a few minutes, but I think if I'd taken any longer, she would've fallen.”
“Wow. But she's okay?”
“Yeah. I wanted you to know in case you go out anywhere. Don't stay gone too long.”
“Of course. Anything else?”
“I don't know how late I'll be.”
“Don't worry. I don't have anyplace to be and I like your house. It's quiet and I can think.”