She sat for hours in the dim light of the living room. At some point, she must've dozed off because suddenly she felt someone staring at her. Her eyes popped open to find Kai standing in front of her, keys in hand.
“Didn't mean to scare you.”
“It's okay.” She fumbled with the folders on her lap, gathering them like they were a secret.
“You could've left after my mom went to sleep.”
“I know. But in all honesty, I like the quiet here. I had some stuff to go through.” She sighed as she stared at the folders.
Kai shifted awkwardly. He always seemed to be out of his element with her. It didn't help that he'd kissed her yesterday and then immediately regretted it. She needed to get out of here and give the man the space he obviously wanted.
She stood and two of the three folders slid from her grasp. Kai bent at the same time she squatted to retrieve them. There on the floor, they were eye to eye and their hands brushed on top of the folders. The touch was nothing, yet every time he was this close her pulse spiked like it was the first time a boy looked at her.
Stupid hormones.
Kai grabbed the folders and stood, holding out a hand to help her up. She knew better, knew she should use the couch for leverage, but she couldn't help herself. Palm against his, she allowed him to haul her up. The baby chose that moment to pummel her. “Oh.” Her free hand went to her belly.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I guess she doesn't like sudden movement.”
“Shit. Sorry. I shouldn't have jerked you up.”
“It's fine.” Their hands were still connected and she liked the warmth she found there, but she let go to reach for the folders.
Before handing them over, he read the cover. With only a raised eyebrow, he returned them to her.
“Prospective adoptive parents.”
“You get to pick?”
Norah nodded.
“That's cool.”
She shook her head. “Not really. It's a shitload of pressure. What if I choose wrong? How do you know who's good enough? Is anyone really?” She was rambling and couldn't stop. And she
knew
he didn't care. “On paper they all look fabulous but that's the plan, you know? Even I can make myself look awesome on paper. That doesn't tell me the real stuff, the deep down who-you-are stuff.”
To his credit, Kai stood and listened. He didn't say anything. He just let her rant. She hadn't even realized how frustrated she was by the process.
“We all carry baggage. How do I know if their baggage is greater or less than mine? What if they turn out to be assholes?” Then she voiced her greatest fear, the words barely making it out. “What if they don't love her as much as they say they will?”
Tears clawed at her. She was so tired of crying. She was not a crier. Not when kids teased her for her lack of style as an eight-year-old. Not when she'd broken her arm wrestling with Tommy when she was ten. Not even when Jimmy sent her away at twelve. She pressed her lips together to stop the embarrassing tremble.
“Ah, shit,” Kai whispered.
Suddenly she was enveloped in his arms again. She breathed deeply and enjoyed the sensation of being held, but she didn't let the tears fall.
“Haven't they been vetted?” Kai asked.
“Of course the agency does that. But some assholes are good at covering up how bad they are.” She spoke into his chest because she wasn't ready to be alone again.
A low laugh rumbled under her ear. It wasn't a full laugh like she'd heard from Jaleesa, but it was pretty damn good.
“You have a point. Some of us are good at hiding our true asshole nature.”
She laughed, the tears creeping at the corners of her eyes. “I wasn't making any reference to you. Besides, I'm not sure you qualify as someone who hides it.”
He took a half step back and put a hand over his heart. “And I thought you bought my act.”
“Yeah, well you don't fool me.” She touched his arm to convey she knew better. Under the tough guy act, he was nice. “Thank you.”
He pointed to the folders. “So what are you going to do?”
“Hell if I know.”
“I think you go with your gut. Like when you go to the dog pound to get a puppy. They all look cute and they're vying for your attention. You choose the one you immediately have a connection with.”
She snorted on a laugh. “Did you seriously just compare the adoption of my baby to choosing a puppy?”
“I guess I did. I'm not saying it's the same. Follow your gut. All things being equal, who's the one couple you felt connected to?”
That was easyâKim and Trevor because their profile made her laugh.
Kai pointed at her. “Right there. Whoever came into your mind right now.” He bent and grabbed her bag for her, sliding it carefully onto her shoulder.
It definitely gave her something to think about. She shoved the folders in her bag. “Thanks. I don't mean to keep dumping my problems on you.”
He lifted a shoulder causing the muscles of his chest to ripple. “I dumped my mom on you.”
She smiled. “True, but you pay me for that.”
“Jaleesa said great things about you. She bent my ear for my entire dinner break. She said my mom really likes you.”
“I like her too.” She pulled her keys from her bag. “Do you need me tomorrow? I know Tommy doesn't usually work Sundays, but I didn't know if you're closed.”
“Sometimes I'll make an exception, but I'm mostly closed on Sundays. Take the day off.”
“Monday?”
“Monday's light for me, too, so take the extra day.”
“Good night.” She left Kai's house with too many emotions fighting for attention, much like the puppies Kai mentioned. She thought about Kim and Trevor, though, and decided she should meet them before making a decision to look further. That small resolution helped with her battered emotions. Who'd've thought Kai, man of few words, would manage to say just the right ones to help her?
* * *
Norah stayed in bed late on Sunday morning. Well, at least as late as her bladder would allow. The sun brightened her room. After going to the bathroom and brushing her hair and teeth, she lay back in bed debating getting dressed. She had absolutely nothing to do today.
The thought should've bothered her as much as it had last week, but since she was among the land of the employed she was content to have a day off. Her bedroom window was open allowing a breeze to flutter the curtains.
She heard Tommy and Sean working on Tommy's car at the curb.
“When the hell was the last time you changed the oil?” Sean was practically yelling.
The lack of response from Tommy made her smile. He was kind of forgetful. Norah pushed off the bed and looked outside.
Sean was bent and the top half of his body was under the hood. Tommy stood back with his hands in his pockets.
A cab pulled up at the curb drawing Norah's attention. Cabs didn't ride through this neighborhood. Even when people needed to get to the airport they asked a neighbor for a lift.
A man climbed from the cab and Norah's heart stopped. Avery. She pulled back from the window as he approached the house. As she turned toward the stairs, she heard Tommy ask, “Can I help you?”
Oh, shit. She waddled down the stairs and to the front door as quickly as her swollen feet would carry her.
Pushing out the screen door, she found both Tommy and Avery on the porch. Sean stood at the curb, leaning against the car as he watched.
Tommy pointed at Avery. “He says he knows you. From Boston.”
Norah's mouth dried as she moved forward to get between them. Tommy would never hit her.
“Yes, I know Avery.” She placed her hands on her belly.
Tommy's eyes narrowed. “This is him?”
She inhaled deeply. “Avery is the baby's father.”
Tommy's hands clenched. She patted his arm. “It's okay.”
He nodded and looked at Avery over her shoulder. “I'll be at the curb watching.”
Tommy walked down the stairs and spoke quietly to Sean. Norah turned to Avery. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you. I don't like the way we left things.”
Norah looked at her brothers and then at the house. Her dad was in the living room as usual. Which would be worse?
She opted for remaining in view of Sean and Tommy. “Want to sit?” she asked, pointing to the steps.
He nodded and held her arm as she lowered herself to the concrete. When he sat beside her, Tommy stared. She tried to ignore him. At least he'd handled Avery's appearance better than she'd thought.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Okay. I feel huge and can't see my feet, but the baby is healthy.”
“I'm sorry for what I said on the phone about abandoning our baby.” He reached over and took her hand. “It was a horrible thing to say.”
Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. “I've thought a lot about this, Avery. It wasn't a decision I made lightly.”
“I know, but it's huge.”
“Yeah.” She huffed a small laugh and rubbed her belly. “I considered keeping her. My brother Jimmy said he'd help and I know he meant it. But I want more for my kid than what I can offer. I want her to have a better life than I did growing up.”
“I can support our kid.”
“But it's more than money. I had financial support growing up. It's not enough. Neither of us is ready to be a parent.”
He nodded, his eyes never leaving her face. “You're right.”
Avery still held her hand, but she felt nothing. None of the old stirrings cropped up. Sure, now her hormones fled.
“I'm sorry for the way I handled this. I should've told you right away.”
“Why didn't you?” he asked.
She smiled and bit her lip. “Truth?”
He nodded.
“I was afraid you'd want to stay together and raise it.”
“Oh.” He slid his hand away as if she expected a proposal.
“I just . . . I know you're a stand-up guy. Even without getting married, I thought you might pressure me to keep her.” She wiped her palms on her thighs, suddenly nervous and feeling like a fool.
“Well, you got it half right. I shouldn't have tried to pressure you. But I'm not ready for marriage. We've known each other for less than a year and most of that we were apart.”
“I know.” She shook her head and stared at the street where her brothers went back under the hood. After all the hoopla when she came home, they were leaving her to handle this. They trusted her. Go figure.
“So what do we do now?”
“I'm working with an adoption counselor. Teagan. She'll be sending you the paperwork. Right now, I'm looking at couples who want to adopt.”
“You get to choose?”
“Yep. I have a couple I really like. We're meeting tomorrow if you want to join us.” She turned to face him.
He sank against the step. “I can't. I'm flying back out tonight. I have class tomorrow.”
“You flew all the way to Chicago for a day? To see me?”
He smiled. It was open and friendly. The kind of smile that drew her to him in the first place. “I needed to know we were okay. I want to know about how the adoption works. I want to hear it from you.”
“Come inside and I'll show you the profiles of the couples I have, especially the one I think is a good fit.” She angled and reached for the rail, but Avery jumped up and held out his hands for her. He hauled her to her feet. “I'm glad you came.”
“So am I.”
She waved to Tommy who had turned his attention back to them. “We're going in.” As Avery walked up the steps, she mouthed to Tommy,
Thank you.
She led Avery through the living room and to the kitchen where they might get a little privacy. Pulling the files from her bag, she said, “These are the first five I got. I immediately cut two because they don't live in houses. I want our baby to have a house with a yard and a neighborhood with friends and a mom and dad.”
“It's a good way to grow up.”
She knew he understood. He'd grown up that way. She put Kim and Trevor's file on top. “This is the couple I like. The couple I'm meeting tomorrow.”
He opened the folder and she let him read in peace. He chuckled just as she'd done when she read the letter. When he moved on to the other profiles, she tried to fill him in on the process.
“So the baby will grow up knowing she's adopted and who you are?”
“And you if you want. You can visit and be part of her life.” She swallowed. “That's how I know I'm not abandoning our baby. I'll be there, but I won't be the person responsible. I can love her and not worry about screwing her up.”
“You'd make a great mom.”
“I don't know. Maybe one day.”
“When do you think you'll decide about who gets the baby?”
“Do you want to be part of that? I mean, we can make more appointments to meet with couples or maybe we can Skype the meeting. I don't know.”
“I trust you to pick someone good. That's part of why I wanted to be here. To make sure you were sure. But it seems like you have this handled. If you want to call me and give me updates, that would be good, but I don't think I want to choose parents for my child.”
“Okay. But you'll sign all the papers, right?”
“Yeah.”
Avery stayed for an hour and her family left them alone. They didn't try to bully Avery, but they were there if she needed them. Turned out, she didn't. Avery had accepted her decision. He'd even talked to his parents about it. It had been at their urging that he came to Chicago.