I groaned. “Listen this protective caveman thing might float the boats of lesser women, but I don’t like it. I want to know the truth.”
You’re so stubborn.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”
Fine.
He tugged my hand, making me slide closer to him. Warmth spread from his hand to mine, then up my arm. I was pretty sure I’d never get tired of his portable generator effect Saxon had.
When a Mer takes a human to mate, he or she must be brought to the lowermost point of the lake, where they are weighed down and covered in pondweed.
I shuddered. “Gross.”
Once the human is secured, an ordination takes place. This is what alters the human into Mer form. The human remains at the bottom for one week. Usually the Mer who chose the human must remain close to protect them and make sure that the body doesn’t float to the surface. That’s what happened to those boaters. If the Mer leaves the human’s side and the body reaches the surface and is hit with oxygen, all of the progress disintegrates, leaving just a partially decomposed body.”
My stomach turned. “So humans that are altered are never allowed to come to the surface again?”
No, they’re able. But not until the body has adjusted to its Mer form. Their gills don’t seal up completely, and they aren’t able to shift into human form for more than thirty seconds or so, maybe a minute. This period can last for several years, which is why we often lose many newly altered humans in the first few years. They try to see their families on land and often suffocate in the woods.
“Then how come we don’t hear stories on the news about half-human fish-bodies being found all over the place?” I glanced over my shoulder. There was nothing but ferns and pine needles staring back at me.
Because once they die, the Mer DNA in their bodies dies as well, and all that is left is deceased human remains. There’s no second chance for humans once they have been drowned. But if they’ve been altered by a Mer, they have a chance at existing as one of us. The rules must be followed, and the new Mer must remain below the surface until their bodies can adjust to shifting properly.”
I let Saxon’s warm fuzzy feeling fill my body and leaned against his chest. “And after that?”
After that they must agree to keep the existence of Mer a secret. They cannot go see their friends and family, because according to them, Ian has died. Seeing him would upset humans and tip off our existence. This has only happened to Mer a few times, but the results were catastrophic.
“Like what? What happened?”
Saxon pushed his brown waves back from his face and looked at me intensely.
I’ve never seen a war, but I’ve heard of them. My grandfather used to tell me stories about battles between humans and Mer when I was a kid. There have been situations where the existence of Mer was exposed. Humans have tried to capture us and occasionally succeeded. Often times, the captive Mer have died once removed from the water, which leads to a dead body without a fin. Thus, no proof.
“Have humans ever gotten proof of a Mer’s existence? Like, on tape or something?”
Saxon’s frown looked almost permanent, the way the lines on either side of his mouth hardened.
Several decades ago, a human snapped a picture of a Mer coming out of a lake farther southwest, in Oregon. It was more of a reservoir. It’d been there for hundreds of years, carved out by glaciers in the ice age and then filled high every spring with runoff from the snow in the mountains. My kind had lived there for a thousand years without being discovered.
>Explorers and reporters flocked to the lake where the picture was taken, and my kind was driven out. Forced to flee to remain alive. Dozens of young Mer who weren’t old enough to come to the surface suffocated as their parents tried to escape to the nearest creek or river deep enough to submerge them. And there were also Mer that were too old to shift anymore who died while being transported.
The Council had no choice but to take action. Boats were overturned, human swimmers were drowned or poisoned, and marine life was killed. The lake was eventually deemed worthless years later. It was filled in and made into a golf course by the humans.
I covered my mouth, bile creeping up in the back of my throat. My mind was filled with images of people running through the woods, carrying their elderly and cradling their children in their arms, falling to the ground and crying out in agony.
“That’s horrific.”
Horrific doesn’t begin to cover it.
Saxon pulled me close and pressed a kiss to my hair.
That’s why the Council is so strict. They do it for our own good. They’re protecting us.
“Why did you tell me?”
Because I trust you.
He traced circles up and down my side with his fingers, making the flesh underneath squeeze with excitement. Saxon’s nearness made me cross-eyed. I loved it, but the images of Ian being dragged down still weighed on my heart. How could I sit here in the woods, cuddling with my boyfriend, when my ex was being altered against his will at the bottom of the lake?
“Is he OK?” I sat back a bit and looked at Saxon. “Ian? Is he…in pain?”
Saxon pressed his lips together.
I’ve been told that when a human is altered, it is unpleasant.
“That’s what I was afraid of.” Closing my eyes, I bit back a groan. “How long does it last? Have you seen him?”
He sighed.
I’ve seen him.
Sweat piqued on my forehead. My mind was flooded with memories of a smiling, laughing Ian, and it made my heart ache. “And…”
Saxon wriggled in his spot.
I was there for the ordinance.
I pressed my cheek against his collarbone, allowing the warmth to saturate every inch of my body. “What happens in an ordination?”
Luna, it’s very hard to explain in a way that makes sense. It will sound theatrical, and…and abstruse.
“OK, for starters, chill out on the big words. All right?” Tilting my face upward, I watched him flex his jaw flex, relax it, and flex it again. “And second, give me some credit.”
Fine.
Saxon straightened his neck, and he surveyed our little cove in the brush with a wary expression.
When a human’s heart slows down to the point where it has nearly stopped, the Mer who took him or her must supply the Spiritus Vitae.
I blinked a few times. “Say what?”
It’s Latin for breath of life.
“Breath of life? That’s…deep.” I raised an eyebrow. “Pun intended.”
Saxon offered me a small smile.
I’m serious. The Mer breathes into the mate’s mouth, filling the lungs with the oxygenated water we breathe. Once the human’s lungs have been filled, it starts the process of altering. The human’s legs fuse together to form what will eventually become the tail, and the skin peels back to form scales.
I gulped. All I could picture in my mind was Ian thrashing for air in the pitch blackness underwater. “Is the human awake for all of this?” I hoped that Saxon was going to say no, but his face remained every bit as staid as it had been since we’d sat down.
Yes. They often struggle through the change. Many instinctively try to swim for the surface, even after their gills form. Often times they try to cry out, rather than communicating telepathically. They have to be bound to the lake floor for their own safety, until they accept their fate and the connection is made between them and their Mer.”
He lowered his gaze and looked at a spot on the ground for a few seconds before raising it back to my face.
I’m so sorry. I know this is difficult to hear.
I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. “I…I want to hear something positive. Just…tell me something that doesn’t sound completely terrifying and unnatural, OK? Tell me what it is like when a Mer makes that connection with the mate.”
Saxon cupped my face and stroked his thumb along my lower lip, his icy eyes warmed.
When a Mer connects with the mate, it’s like the last puzzle piece being clicked into its place. The perfect fit. So ideal that it’s hard to tell where that person ends and you begin. And once the connection is made, it can’t be broken. When a Mer mates, it’s for life.”
I tried to suppress a shiver of excitement that tickled me between my shoulder blades as Saxon brushed my lip. “Can a Mer mate with another Mer?”
His jaw locked for a beat, and I noticed a tense vein that went taut in his neck
. It happens. But Mer know what is expected of them.
My heart twisted in my chest. If Mer knew what was expected of them, then Saxon knew what was expected of him. I had so many questions. “Sax, I—”
He brought his lips to mine, cutting off my words. My mind, and all of the disturbing mental images that were scrolling through it, began spinning like a top. The lake, the trees, the cloud of sadness that hung over the entire town, all melted away.
He stroked along the inside edge of my cheek with his tongue, and I tilted my head back. He turned his face at an angle and swept my lips open even further, prompting explosions of light and color to pop behind my closed eyelids. With one fluid motion, he settled me down on the rain-softened ground and then positioned himself above me as we kissed. When I pressed my hands against his chest, I realized this it wasn’t just my heart hammering like the throb of base in a rock song. His pressed against my palms in unison.
Luna.
His voice sliced through my muddled thoughts, as he traced a path along my jawline with his lips to the spot where my ear met the side of my head. He was the only man in the world who could still sweet talk while kissing me at the same time. This was what kissing should feel like. Every other kiss I’d experienced up to this point was just a prelude to the real deal.
Grasping the hair on either side of his head, I arched my body into his as we kissed. Warmth filled my body and clouded my brain, dimming images of a dying Ian. When I nipped at his full lower lip, he tightened his arms around me, taking my breath away.
He sucked in a sharp pull of air.
I love you.
He was the real deal.
Chapter Fourteen
Hayden had pinched his blond eyebrows together. It made my heart clunk around in my chest like a crumpled pop can when I looked at him.
He’d spent the last five afternoons with Evey, citing that our house was the only place he could go where his parents didn’t worry about him. Evey was thrilled. I could tell by the way she’d started wearing her hair down instead of pulling it into its usual ponytail, and she’d even traded her telltale T-shirts for actual shirts. With buttons and everything.
But she hid her enthusiasm for Hayden’s sake. Circles shadowed under his eyes from lost sleep, and his pale cheeks had taken on the same color as his white-blond hair. Evey said that he’d only slept a total of eight or ten hours since the afternoon it happened, and he’d taken to texting her all night because he couldn’t sleep.
“I just wish they’d accept that Ian is gone and plan the damn funeral.” Hayden rubbed his face as we all sat on the dock.
I glanced at Saxon, who’d fixed his gaze on a long crack in the wood. Posture stiff, his mouth locked into a frown as he listened to Hayden lament his brother. He’d been feeding me small updates about Ian’s progress below the surface every day. According to Saxon, some days were worse than others, and physically Ian was making the change successfully. But emotionally…not so much.
Ian was fighting his new life with a vengeance. Saxon said most altered humans would fight it for a few days, but eventually accept their existence as a Mer, especially after the connection between mates was established. Usually finding the one other being you were going to long for eternally was enough to prompt the human to succumb, but Ian was different. He’d refused to let Isolde touch him and tried—repeatedly—to escape.
“He’s gone.” Hayden hurtled a rock out at the water, creating rings that slowly scrolled back the dock. “They’ve searched the woods within a hundred mile radius; searched every town from here to Butte, Montana, and back. They’ve even drug the bottom of the lake twice now. Well, what they can reach, that is. We’ll never see his body again, much less find him alive.”
Evey put her hand over his. “It would be hard to have a funeral without a…” She gulped before continuing. “A body.”
Hayden’s eyes filled and his nose started to redden. Instead of moving to hide his emotion, he just glowered down at the water. He’d shed enough tears in front of Evey over the past week that he no longer cared if she saw. “I know, but the lake is over twelve hundred feet deep! They test submarines in it for hell’s sake! They’ll never find his body!”
I cleared my throat, trying to choke down the guilt that strangled me every time Hayden came over. “How are your parents doing? You said your mom was pretty bad yesterday.”
He shook his head. It looked as if he were trying to rid himself of an image in his mind. “My mom cries all the time. Last night she cried until she threw up. My dad says we’re gonna have to check her into the hospital psych ward soon.”
“What about you?” Evey pushed up her glasses with her free hand. “Did you, like, get any sleep at all last night?”
Hayden pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “Nope.”
She glanced at me with a cloudy expression. “He dreams about what he saw.”
“What did you see?” I asked as Saxon laced his fingers in mine and pressed a dry kiss to my knuckles. Evey shot me the look of death. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that, I—”
“No, I don’t care.” Hayden cleared his throat and took a manly swipe at his damp eyes. “Nobody believes me, anyway.” His gaze darted up to my sister’s face and softened. “’Cept Ev.”
I looked away to give them their little moment.
“I heard him yell.” Hayden picked at a splinter on the dock. “And when I got to the water, I saw something under the surface.”
Saxon stiffened his arm next to me. “What was it?”
Hayden shook his head. “I don’t know. It was pretty far down, but the water was so clear that day. I could see something.”
I looked over the edge of the dock at the dark water. Lake Pend Oreille was an incredibly clear lake, but because it was so deep, you couldn’t see the bottom beyond a few feet past the edge. The cool thing about it was that when a fish swam by twenty feet below the surface, you could see it as plain as the ring in my nose.
“Was it Ian?” Evey’s voice came out hoarse, and she instinctively started wrapping a strand of her hair around her finger.
“No. I mean, I don’t think it was. It looked like…hair. Lots of hair.”
Evey dropped her own locks and folded her hands in her lap. “Hair?”
“Yeah. It was light…and sort of green. And it was waving in the water as it went lower and lower.” He looked around self-consciously. “It looked like a girl…you know…or something.”
My skin suddenly felt too tight for my body. “That sounds weird.”
Evey chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Did you tell the police what you saw?”
Hayden plucked a splinter of wood off of the dock and let it drop onto the water. “Yeah. They said I’d probably seen some seaweed or something.”
We all nodded politely at Hayden, but logic was a damn hard thing to deny. Because the bottom was so far down, we didn’t often see marine plants close to the surface. And when we did, they didn’t often resemble long, blonde
hair
.
“If I didn’t know any better…I swear there was a girl in the water with Ian.” He paused and laughed humorlessly at himself. “I know it’s crazy. It was getting dark, though, and we’d been hiking for two hours. I was tired, scared, I guess. Maybe sort of delirious?”
My breath caught in the back of my throat, and Saxon immediately covered my shoulder with his hand, reminding me to stay calm. I wanted to tell Hayden he wasn’t delirious. That he hadn’t imagined seeing hair in the water. And that there was a psychotic she-fish who’d seduced his brother into the water with her big, green boobs.
The sound of crunching gravel stopped me from confessing, and all of our heads swiveled to look up the hill toward the house, where my parents climbed out of the van. Neither of them looked remotely happy to have been riding in a car with the other. My mom’s face was hardened into a scowl, and my father looked like he’d checked out emotionally at least an hour ago. The vacant sign was up.
This seemed to be happening more and more lately. Their arguments were becoming louder through the iron vents and now involved words like
irrevocable
and
damaged
. They no longer hissed back and forth about my well-being or how much my physical therapy bills cost each month. Now they bickered about different things, like whether my father looked at their newly hired barista too long that morning or why my mother spent more time with her trainer than she did with the rest of the family.
“What are you kids doing down there?” My mom pushed her sunglasses on top of her head and tilted her head at Hayden. “Hi, Hayden. Do your parents know you’re here?”
Hayden nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.” She shifted her purse from one shoulder to the other. “Any news yet?”
His head dropped. “No, ma’am.”
“What are you doing?” My dad snapped, stalking past her with a bag of groceries in his hand. “Don’t ask the poor kid about his brother.”
“Something could have changed,” she snarled back.
My dad dropped his voice down low, but it carried on the breeze and flopped onto the dock like a dead fish. “Don’t you think we would have heard? We were just in the store, for hell’s sake. Someone would have said something.”
I looked at Hayden out of the corner of my eye. His eyes were nearly shut, and a vein in his neck bulged.
“Why don’t you go inside and ignore us like usual? Why start paying attention to everything now?” My mother tried her best to lower her voice, but we could still hear it.
Embarrassment scalded my cheeks as though I’d been slapped. “Could you two fight somewhere else?” I yelled over my shoulder. “We have guests. And they’re not deaf.”
My mother glowered down at me, but let herself into the house, slamming the door behind her. My father stood there for a moment, staring down at his keys, before turning on his heel and stalking back to the car. Evey and I watched as he slammed the door, started the engine, and pulled away from the house. When the gravel popped and crackled under the tires, she looked down at her lap and shook her head.
Saxon was the first to speak. “Do your parents argue often?”
Rolling my eyes, I used my hands to scoot myself closer to the edge of the dock. When I peered over the edge, I searched the pool of dark water for a sign of what was lying beneath. But there was nothing but empty lake water staring back at me.
“No,” I whispered. My mom banged pans around in the kitchen sink, and the window she was standing by overlooked where we sat. “They usually just give each other the cold shoulder.”
“Because that’s so much more pleasant.” Sarcasm practically dripped off Evey like sweat.
“Why are they unhappy?”
When I looked at Saxon, I realized his expression resembled the way he looked that afternoon when I had to explain what my wheelchair was. Saxon appeared genuinely perplexed, with his furrowed brow and tight lips.
“Don’t people fight down there?” When Evey and Hayden wrinkled their faces, I quickly added, “You know, where you come from.”
“Not after a couple ma—” When I widened my eyes at him in a silent warning, he slowed down. “What I mean is, when two people decide to commit, there isn’t often any disagreeing between them after that.”
There was an uncomfortable pause, but Hayden cut the tension by raising his eyebrows high on his forehead. “I want to live where you come from, then.”
We all laughed, and the skin on my back heated as Saxon’s arm snaked around me. “My parents have been struggling for a few years.”
“It started after the accident.” Evey adjusted her glasses and looked out over the water. “It was hard on them when Luna got hurt. My dad sort of fell apart, and my mom…well, she’s just not really good at dealing when things are out of her control.”
“When I came home from the hospital, the bills started rolling in.” I rested my head on Saxon’s shoulder. “They started arguing about money all the time. Worried about whether or not I would get better. But…lately that’s changed.”
Evey sagged her shoulders. “Now they fight because they’ve grown apart.”
Guilt churned in my stomach like an eggbeater, and I wrapped my arms around my middle. “That’s what happens when you have to spend so much time worrying about your kid’s busted spine, and your money problems, instead of your relationship—”
Evey touched my arm. “It’s not your fault, Luna. You’re dealing with what happened to you. They have to deal with it too.”
Saxon rested his chin on the top of my head, and I forced myself to smash all of my guilty feelings down. “It sucks to know that my injury is what pushed them apart.”
Hayden shuddered. “I wonder sometimes if my parents are going to survive this.” When we all turned to look at him, he let one of his shoulders rise and fall. “I mean, they barely talked
before
Ian disappeared. Now my mom spends all of her time crying, and my dad needs at least two glasses of scotch to just maintain. It’s only a matter of time before they have to face the fact Ian drowned and that we’re gonna have to have a funeral. And when that happens, I don’t know if they’ll be able to stand each other by the end of it.”
All of our heads pointed back toward the water, and we watched it for the next minute or two. The only sounds in the air was the sound of my mother slamming plates together in the kitchen and the lake lapping at the dock pillars. Hayden had a point. If his parents’ marriage had a crack in it already, then this whole, awful mess with Ian might blow their relationship to kingdom come.
The dock dipped suddenly, sending us all tilting to the left and making Evey’s soda pop roll into the water with a plunk. Blinking, I looked up in time to see Hayden hit his feet. His hands were in his hair, and his skin had lost all of its color. “Did you…did you see that?”
I looked in the direction he was gaping. Nothing but water, rocks, and thick evergreen trees.
“Um…no. What were we supposed to see?”
When Hayden looked down at us, his eyes had filled again. Evey clambered to stand next to him. “What’s wrong?”
His hand shook when he reached out to point toward the mouth of Moon’s Bay. “There was…I saw…” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat.
Saxon was on his feet in an instant. “You saw
what
?”
Evey placed her hand on Hayden’s arm. “What did you see, Hay?”
He jerked out of her reach and stumbled off the dock. When Hayden spoke again, his voice was rough and strained. “I saw him…I saw my brother.”