No. It’s never been done successfully. Mer have tried it, and some have made it for years. But eventually their bodies try to shift again unexpectedly, and they are sometimes far from water. They always die. There is no way to stop the shifting forever. It’s like a volcano deep inside of the Mer body, lying dormant until one day…
“Kablooey.”
Right.
He laughed silently, his chest bouncing against my shoulder blades.
I wish I could do it. Believe me, I’ve considered it. I can already control my shifts for longer than most.
“So if you were exiled, what would you do?” I was trying to give Saxon the chance to come clean.
Saxon didn’t reply for a moment.
I made my choice a long time ago. I accept my fate.
That was too much for me. I turned my body so that we faced each other. “You accept your fate?”
His head jerked backward.
Yes, I do.
“So you just accept that you’re gonna die?”
That’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about exile.
I narrowed my eyes at Saxon. “But you’re not facing exile, are you? You’re facing death.”
You don’t need to worry—
“Don’t lie to me. Don’t you
dare
lie to me.” My voice shook. I trusted him with everything inside of me. It would kill me to know that he was lying to me about anything, especially something as colossal as this.
He looked as though he were going to speak aloud, but then reconsidered it. His face morphed from having a confused wrinkle across his forehead to his mouth pulling into a thin, resigned line.
How long have you known?
“Ever since Isolde tried to kill me.” I looked down at my bedspread and grit my teeth. “Again.”
You’re angry with me.
“You’re perceptive.” I didn’t look him in the eye. Couldn’t. It was too hard to stay mad at him when I got sucked into those pools of aquamarine.
I kept it from you to protect you.
He brushed a strand of my hair back, leaving behind a trail of prickly heat on my skin.
“You
lied
to me. I get that you’re not human and all, but in my world, lies are a big deal. Especially ones that involve you being killed.”
His jaw twitched.
I’m not going to be killed.
“Well, I heard differently.” I finally looked at him
.
“You’re going to die for me.”
He didn’t say a word. He just watched me with that horrible, resigned frown on his face. It looked like the face of a man who was giving up, and I hated quitters. If I couldn’t give up on life, then he couldn’t either.
When I spoke again, my voice was squeaky. I hated being so damned vulnerable. “Death isn’t an option. Do you hear me?” I took a shaky breath. “We’ll have to think of an alternate plan. What is the Council like? Are they nice? Will they listen to you?”
Saxon’s eyes chilled.
They’re strong. Much stronger than I’ll ever be. And their gifts—the ones that all Mer have to seduce humans into the water—are exceptional. Much more so than an average Mer. They are perceptive and often times, brutal. But nice? No, not exactly.
When I opened my mouth to protest, he cut me off.
That’s only because they’ve been given no choice. The Council is in place to protect Mer, even when their jobs require making difficult choices.
“Like drowning humans?”
It’s not like we kill them for sport.
He gritted his teeth.
There are times when we are forced to terminate our own too.
I gasped. “The more you tell me about your kind, the worse they seem!”
If a Mer chooses not to mate, or fails at mating with the human they’ve altered, that Mer becomes a liability. Another one to protect, provide for, and feed. Without eventually adding to the clan, it isn’t possible to sustain the Mer.
I prayed that Ian continued to refuse Isolde. She didn’t deserve to mate. “Wait. What does that mean for Ian? I mean, if he survives this transition, will he be put to death too?”
Saxon’s gaze went past my ear to something behind me.
Without the bond, the altered human eventually dies. Without a mate, human survival instincts never stop. Historically speaking, the human
always
tries to escape and always winds up either injured, sick, or mentally unsound. If Ian won’t make the connection with Isolde, he’ll be expected to alter his own human someday or face death.
A chill danced up my damaged spine. “What does that mean for the Mer who altered them?”
They, too, become liabilities. They can’t try again with another human, because then our existence becomes conspicuous. Without contributing to the clan, a Mer can quickly become the difference between feeding everyone and starvation. Between life and death.
“Contributing?” My stomach turned at the thought of what else Saxon was expected to do to earn his place amongst his people.
We are gatherers. We survive on mostly smaller fish, like trout or whitefish, as well as different plant species that grow under the water and along the banks. In the spring and summer months, we gather berries, nuts, and mushrooms from the woods, then bring them below the surface to be stored for the winter months when parts of the lake freeze over and it is too snowy to forage. Mer in the clan are expected to help protect each other, as well as the older members, and the younglings from predators.
The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention. “Predators?”
He widened his light eyes, and for the first time since meeting Saxon, he appeared frightened.
Believe it or not, we’re not the biggest creatures in the lake.
I tried to swallow down the clenched sensation in my throat, while every hair on my arms and neck stood upright. “What do you mean?”
He tightened his arms around me. I could feel his muscles vibrating while he gripped me.
I’ve already compromised your life, as well as your sister’s and Hayden’s, by telling you about my people. Please don’t make me compromise the safety of us all, Mer or human, by explaining further.
I could have pushed the subject. The old Luna would have held on to it like a bulldog with a bone. But something about the way his breath hitched in his throat and his face paled told me this was a conversation better saved for another day. For the first time I wondered if Isolde weren’t the most dangerous creature in Lake Pend Oreille.
I’d heard the stories as a kid. When our grade school classes went to the old buildings that used to house the Farragut Naval Training Stations—but now only held relics and framed photographs of the submarines they used to test in the deep lake waters during World War II—we’d all whispered the stories back and forth. Sea creatures that used to crumple thirty-foot subs like pop cans and then tear the naval officers within limb from limb. Sea creatures that lie still until storms rouse the black waters of the Pend Oreille, when they emerge to life, cracking entire ferries into kindling and throwing bodies so far into the woods that they’re found, years later, as nothing but skeletons in the tops of trees that the local loggers cut down.
My mom used to say that it was all old wives’ tales and would shush my father when he teased us with horror stories. I’d always relied on her confidence that the whispered rumors were nothing more than folklore…much like the existence of Merfolk.
Until now.
I drew a deep breath and then let it escape my lungs slowly, trying to omit all fear with it. It didn’t work. “Have you considered altering another human? One that…isn’t me?”
I don’t want to murder a human. Even if it is for a valiant reason.
“Saxon.” I held his cheeks in my hands and forced him to face me head on. “You can’t sacrifice yourself. That’s nuts!”
But I love
you
. Haven’t you listened to anything I’ve told you? Every Mer has a mate, and when he finds that mate, he knows. It’s an instantaneous connection for the Mer, but often times the altered human will take a while to make the connection. But as far as the Mer goes, there can be
no
other. It’s like I said…like a key fitting into a lock. No other key can fit into a lock. There is only one key for one lock.”
My heart knocked against my chest wall. “You can’t die for me. I’m not worth it.”
He rolled me so that my body was beneath his. Propping himself on one elbow, he put the palm of his other hand on the side of my face.
Don’t you understand? You’re absolutely worth it. You’re everything that is good and miraculous about the human race. You’re strength and wit and patience and perseverance all rolled into one body.
I wriggled underneath his heavy gaze. “One broken body, you mean.”
He shook his head, and his hair flopped in his eye.
Not broken. Beautiful. Absolutely alluring. I’ve never seen someone, human or Mer, who can compare with your beauty.
My cheeks started to bake. “Thank you.”
I couldn’t pull you into the water and hurt you. Even knowing that you’d have a second chance at a Mer existence. I wouldn’t be able to live through watching you claw for the surface. You’re too precious to me. It would kill me faster than the Council ever could.
He ran his hand through my hair, extending it out across the blanket. He looked down at me for a long time, his fingers gliding down the length of my locks. Gone was the lopsided smile I loved. Now he appeared serious. Grim, even.
I will think of something. I promise you. I just need time. I can’t lose you. You are my key.
Chapter Seventeen
Things were getting tense at school.
The Sandpoint Police had called off their search and declared Ian’s disappearance an accidental drowning. With him declared dead, Mr. and Mrs. McClendon had been forced to plan a memorial service. Nearly the entire town was expected to attend, so it was being held in the school auditorium on the day before prom, a fact that had some kids griping that the service would cast a shadow over the dance.
Evey and Hayden had spent the last few days walking the edge of Moon’s Bay, looking for Ian while I watched the waters beyond the bay with my father’s binoculars. Saxon usually stayed gone during the daylight hours, returning in time to lay with me in my bed until I fell asleep at night. He’d had no time to plead his case with the Council yet. Saxon’s days were filled with shifts watching Ian, who still wasn’t accepting Isolde as his mate and spent most of his days bound like a prisoner. He’d escaped twice more, once swimming as far as the Clark Fork, where he came ashore and nearly suffocated before Saxon and a few members of the Council were able to drag him back.
Tensions were soaring below the surface too. Which made my stomach twist into a pretzel. This whole “life hanging on the brink” thing was driving me crazy.
Luna,
Meet me on the path. I’ve got the afternoon free, and I’ve made you a surprise.
—S.
“Hey, Declan?” I called over my shoulder, as I pushed myself down the ramp. I’d found Saxon’s note scribbled on a chunk of newspaper he’d pulled from our recycle bin and stuck on the back door window.
“What now?” My kid brother hollered from the living room. I could already hear the theme song to Mario Kart playing.
“I’m gonna go down the path a ways, OK? I’ve got my cell phone. Just text me if you need anything.”
“Whatever. You’re gonna go play kissy face with your boyfriend.” Declan appeared in the doorway with a roll of his greenish eyes.
I looked up at him from the bottom of the ramp and pointed down the path. “Don’t forget to lock the door. I’ll be a hundred yards that way.”
“Got it.” He offered me an impish grin through the window before trotting off to play his game.
Pushing my wheels, I felt a giddy smile creeping up on me and didn’t fight it. What kind of surprise had Saxon planned? It wasn’t as though he had a mall below the surface to buy me a present, so it had to be something he’d made, which was infinitely better.
The spring sunshine warmed my arms through the sleeves of my hoodie as I moved, and it occurred to me I might need to peel my top layer off later on. I loved how spring had finally crept up on us with May just on the horizon. There was nothing prettier than the landscape around Pend Oreille in the springtime. Trees sprouted new growth so fresh and bright green it hurt your eyes, and pink and white apple blossoms bloomed in everyone’s yards.
After bouncing over the root in the path, I slowed down. What was wrong with me? Despite the fact that there was all sorts of lake-related death and destruction happening all around me, I was actually spontaneously happy. Smiling, even. I sped up, my lovesick teenager grin making my cheeks ache. Saxon had changed a lot more in my life than just my belief in mythological creatures.
I rounded a thick-trunked pine tree, then another. Maybe, after weeks of nothing but negativity and an overabundance of bad news, things were looking up.
>Why does it matter to you that I won’t alter a human?
Saxon’s voice sang out inside of my head, and I lifted my gaze off of the pine needle-covered path. I looked all around, but didn’t see him approaching through the trees. Right as I opened my mouth to call out, Isolde’s screeching wail filled my mind, making my ears buzz, even though there was no real sound at all.
Because it belittles everything the rest of us Mer
have
to do!
Sweat stung the skin underneath my arms. I hated Isolde. Why did she keep showing up?
Didn’t she have a very ticked-off Ian beneath the surface just waiting for their big
connection
to take place? You know, that whole “key in the lock” thing?
Saxon spoke next, just as I came to a slow stop at the end of the path where it narrowed. I could see their heads down the crest of the hill. He stood still, while she paced in front of him. Though I couldn’t see anything from Isolde’s neck down, I knew she was naked as she argued with my boyfriend, and that made my stomach turn. I noticed the tattered collar of Saxon’s T-shirt. At least
he
was clothed.
No, Isolde. When you tip boats over, and tangle seaweed around a swimmers ankle just to toy with humans like they’re pawns in some sort of game,
that’s
belittling everything Mer have to do.
She grated her clenched hands down her face.
Humans are worthless. Humans are useless morons who live in excess and pollute our home. Our home, the very waters we breathe are filled with toxins because of your precious humans!
Saxon rubbed his eyes as though her words were bringing on a headache.
Those “worthless, morons” are the only reason our kind still exist.
She gestured with her arms wildly, though she made no sound out loud.
How can you possibly choose a human over your own kind? That’s not the Saxon I grew up with. The Saxon who treasured Mer history and who would listen to the elders tell stories for hours. What happened to you? Why have you abandoned us?
He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she jumped away from his hand. As immature as I knew it was, I felt a tiny twinge of gratification in it. He hung his head, but just for a moment.
I haven’t abandoned you. I would never abandon the Mer.
She glared at him, and her eyes were wild with hatred. I could see it from fifteen yards away.
Then why? Why her? She’s a weak, fruitless little girl.
Shut up
. He tensed his shoulders underneath his tight T-shirt.
You don’t even know her! You don’t know a thing about her! You couldn’t be so lucky!
She’ll never amount to anything.
She shoved his chest.
If you alter her, she’ll just float at the bottom, lifeless. She’ll be another mouth to feed, unable to shift. She’ll be as useless below the surface as she is on land.
He pointed just inches from her sneering face.
Watch your mouth. You’re going too far now.
She shoved him again, but he barely swayed.
She won’t be able to increase our posterity someday. She’ll wind up shifting under the water and won’t have the strength to swim to the surface. Your little girlfriend will drown.
He didn’t respond; he just took a step closer to Isolde. Though I couldn’t see his face, I knew he was angry. Tendons stood upright in his neck, and even from here, I could see sweat glistening beneath his hairline.
Oh, that’s right.
She sounded every bit as evil as she did satisfied.
You don’t intend to alter her at all. You intend to die for her. When it would be completely simple to walk away from her, choose another human, and—
And what?
I covered my ears. I’d never heard Saxon sound so angry, so ferocious.
Don’t you understand anything I’ve told you over the past month? I’ve found
her
. It’s done.
She contorted her face.
No…you didn’t. You couldn’t have.
He nodded. Just once.
You made the
connection
with her? You’ve found your mate in that damaged little wretch? Are you demented?
He brought his arms out at his sides, then dropped them back against his legs.
What’s done is done. I cannot harm her. I love her.
She shook her head back and forth, sending her long hair flying.
No. The connection isn’t made until after the human is altered. You know that. This isn’t possible.
It isn’t probable.
His voice had calmed down to a normal level now.
But it
is
possible. My father told us a story once, when we were young. Do you remember?
She grimaced, but didn’t argue with him.
He used both hands to rake his hair back from his face.
He said that there was a Mer who saw his mate along the edge of the lake in the dead of winter when my grandfather was just a youngling. He decided to let her see him, using his mind control to help her remain calm and manipulate her into the icy water. That’s what he’d been trained to do. What he’d been raised to do. But when he caught a glimpse of her face, everything changed. He knew that he’d met his mate and wanted nothing more than to speak to her, to know her.”
He hooked his hand against the back of his neck.
So he shifted. And came up onto the snowy banks to speak to her. The instant their eyes met, the key fit into the lock and turned. The connection was made. And every single afternoon for the next year was spent on that very same beach, with that human girl. When the Council found out he’d connected with a woman, they demanded he bring her underwater to alter her. He refused. He couldn’t do it. He loved her too much to alter her.
Even though she was frowning, the sunlight streaming through the trees caught on the tears in Isolde’s eyes.
Finish the story, Saxon. What happened to him when he refused to do what the Council ordered him to do?
He squared his shoulders.
Why don’t you, Isolde? You’re so intent on reminding me of my disloyalty to my species.
She mimicked his posture.
They killed him and brought his body back to the center of their township as an example. He decayed for weeks right in front of the whole clan. And from that day on, Mer have always drowned their mates before looking into their eyes or speaking to them. It was too risky, too dangerous to risk making a connection before altering them.
Saxon took a few steps away from her and moved out of my line of sight. I had to lean forward in my seat to see the side of his face through a huckleberry bush. When his voice filled my ears, it was so strained that my heart tightened inside of my chest.
I won’t hurt Luna. I won’t do it. The Council can’t make me.
You’re right. The Council
can’t
make you. But the Council can end your life to make an example of you, Saxon. And that’s exactly what they’re going to do. They’re going to kill you—
He cut her off.
I have time.
Oh, they know.
Oh, yeah? And how does the Council know I’ve refused to alter Luna?
She shook her head slowly.
You were foolish to think you could keep it a secret forever.
His expression didn’t falter.
How do they know?
Her face turned maniacal again.
Because I told them.
I covered my mouth to keep from crying out. I had an overwhelming urge to roll back to the house, climb into my bed, and pull the covers over my head. The Council would kill him. They would lay his body in the middle of whatever kind of homestead they had down in those dark waters and let him rot as an example.
My heart hammered so loudly in my ears, I could scarcely make out what Saxon said next.
Why? Why, Isolde? You were my closest friend growing up. Why would you want me to die?
I pushed my wheels, trying frantically to maneuver my chair. I needed to get his attention without calling out. If I called out, she was going to know I was here, and then we were going to have another one of our epic battles. She just needed to go back underwater, so Saxon and I could figure out a plan. We had to run away, somewhere away from Pend Oreille, away from the Council.
He won’t mate with me.
Isolde’s voice was reduced to an embarrassed whisper.
I’ve tried and tried, but he refuses me. I can’t make the connection with him…there
is
no connection with that human.
“He has a name,” I hissed under my breath. At the same time Saxon growled,
He has a name.
He…Ian…won’t connect with me. He turns me away every time I approach.
Isolde pulled at her own hair.
How dare you refuse to alter your human when I’m facing death because my own mate refuses me!
Saxon started pacing again.
Is that why you’re trying to have me killed? Because you’re jealous of my connection with Luna? When did you become so petty?
She growled, and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
Why is every male, Mer or human, so devoted to that little twerp!? He keeps coming to the surface here. This bay, right below her house. Why would he flee from me and come here for that lame little girl?
Saxon stopped moving.
You don’t understand. His brother—
That’s why I took him, you know.
Her expression turned positively lethal.
Because I saw them together.
As soon as she realized she’d struck a nerve, she pressed on.
On her dock a few years ago. They were kissing, and she didn’t seem like a very shy girl, if you catch my drift. Seems your Luna has won over many hearts. Inside and outside of the water. I knew if I took Ian, it would hurt her. She deserves to hurt for what she is doing to you.
I shook my head. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. She used the very behavioral tactic my therapist used to accuse me of trying—deflecting Saxon’s attention off the fact she’d ratted him out to the Council.
“Don’t fall for it,” I whispered.
What does this have to do with why you chose him instead of waiting for your true mate?
Saxon snapped, sweat starting to soak the cotton of his T-shirt underneath his arms.
I clenched my hands into fists so tight, my nails bit into my skin. I wanted to kill her with my bare hands. Screw this whole hiding in the woods crap.
I opened my mouth to call out her name, but seeing the crack in Saxon’s resolve, Isolde spoke before I could.
There’s still time. You can find someone to alter and leave Luna on the surface. If you act quickly, the Council might reconsider. And then…
And then what?
He glowered at her. When she hesitated, he stood so close that their chests were just inches apart.
Spit it out. Get to it.