Authors: Joanne Schwehm
“Alex.” He brought his lips to that delicate spot on my neck,
making me flinch and giggle. He licked his way up my neck, around my ear and
sucked on my earlobe, giving it a light nibble. My legs instinctively squeezed
around him. I felt as if I were ready to shatter in a million pieces. “I need
you, Alex.” My voice was all breathy. I felt as if he could knock the wind out
of me with his sexy look, his cologne, and most definitely his searing touch.
He lowered his mouth to mine, kissing me with determined passion.
“You need me? Do you, Aubrey? Do you really need me?”
I couldn’t think. I needed him more than I needed the
requirements to survive; he was my necessity. “Yes, Alex, I need you . . . now.”
I kissed him. “I will need you tomorrow and always.” I hadn’t ever spoken truer
words. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, not that I had him. I pushed
that thought aside.
He pulled away from me and I whimpered. He looked into my eyes
and carried me into the bedroom. He laid me on the bed and kissed me. The
kisses were different than the ones I’d just experienced while pinned against
the door. These kisses were gentle and unhurried. We discarded the rest of our
clothes. Alex was propped up above me. He looked down at me. “I want to give
you now, tomorrow, and always, Aubrey. I have never wanted anything as much as
I want to give you that. I need you too; you have no idea how much.”
We made love and it was beautiful. It was gentle, sensual, and
perfect. He finished and was lying on top of me when I felt tears fall down the
sides of my face, running into my ears. I didn’t know why but my heart felt as
if it were going to pound out of my chest. It was a different feeling than the
anxiety attacks I was used to. It was full of love for a man that I never
thought could be possible.
Alex lifted himself and looked at me. His eyes went from love to
concern to confusion. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
My eyes closed, and when I looked up at him, I wiped my tears. I
wondered how to explain this, when I didn’t understand it myself. “I don’t know.
I am so happy. I really am. I’m filled with such true emotions for you.” I
closed my eyes and more tears fell. I whispered. “It scares me.”
“You’re scared of me?” He rolled off me and pulled me to my side
so we were facing each other. I put my hands under my head and just looked at
him.
“I’m not scared of you, well, not you directly. I’m scared that
this is too good to be true, that someone more beautiful and more exciting
could come along and . . . that you’ll leave me.” My head was spinning. I was
totally ruining this, but this was what I was feeling. “My heart is breaking at
the thought.” I immediately thought I should tell him my original intention
when we met. Maybe he would laugh about it. I knew it didn’t matter; I just
wanted to be honest with him. “Alex, when we first met,” I swallowed hard, “I
wasn’t looking for love. I was looking for—”
“I don’t think anyone knows when that one special person will
come along. I saw you and knew immediately I needed to have you. I was lucky
you continued to talk to me after what Julie told you and the other interruption.”
I knew immediately he was referring to Leah. I looked away from him. He put his
palm on my cheek to turn my head and make me face him. “I told you I will never
intentionally hurt you. Never. I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t want the extracurricular
club life. I want to run a successful business, and I want you by my side when
I do it. That’s it; that’s all I desire.”
We continued to look at each other. I was getting lost in his
blue eyes. I ran my fingertips along his hairline and kissed him. Instead of
making love, we held each other. It was a wonderful and melancholy feeling at
the same time. I’d always had that feeling that when something seems too good
to be true it probably is. I always wait for the proverbial shoe to drop and
drop hard, especially on my heart.
I was back in my humble apartment, daydreaming of Alex
and the amazing time we had together. I didn’t want to forget anything, so I wrote
it down.
Entry 8—My romance, my love, the shoe . . .
I spent two weeks in Europe with Alex, Julie, and Brett. We
toured Italy and France, enjoying the most amazing wines and scenery. Our alone
time was spent having mind-blowing sex and sharing kisses that would make ice
ignite. I can’t believe the man Alex turned out to be. I trust him, I love him,
and I hope he loves me.
We saw my parents and it was terrible. Well, my mom was
terrible. She is a money lover and I’m not. I am a lover of romance and love. To
me, money is secondary. I was a wreck, waiting for her to completely embarrass
me in front of Alex. I didn’t have to wait long, but Alex was a trooper.
I tried to tell him about my book and what my intention was in
going out that first night, but he stopped me, and we made love instead of
talking. I really need to tell him. He really can’t get mad. If you think about
it, it is really funny. Yes, I thought he was a player, and, yes, I thought he
was going to use me, and, yes, I thought I could use him, but he stole my
heart; well he didn’t steal it—I gave it.
Alex is romance personified. Just the way he looks at me and
talks to me has taught me what romance is. It isn’t the flowers, gifts, or
dinners out. It’s in his eyes and his words. I love him, plain and simple.
We’d been home for three weeks, and although it was great to be
home, I missed the beauty of Europe. Julie had been busy with Brett, and Alex had
been super busy at the club. On top of the normal work he had to do, he’d been
working on the addition of the wine room. We still saw each other every day. We
would have dinner together, and he would come over after work, which would turn
into mind-blowing sex, and then we’d have breakfast and then make love in the
shower. It was a wonderful daily routine.
Mark and I were getting closer at work too. Julie was slammed
with work, so most of her lunches were working lunches. Mark turned into my
lunch mate, and thankfully, Alex was fine with it. He knew that I would never
cheat on him and that Mark and I were just friends. He would tell me that Mark
was lucky to have me, and I told Alex that I was lucky to have him.
Mark was really funny, and I was glad to see him smile; he had a
really beautiful smile. Sadly, that smile had been rare since Jessica had left.
He’d only heard from her once, and when he did, she told Mark that she was
subletting her apartment and that he needed to move out within two months. To
say that Mark was shocked was an understatement. We were at lunch when he got
the news, and he was devastated.
“Aubrey, what the fuck am I supposed to do? We’re in New York
City. I can’t afford an apartment on my own. How am I going to find a roommate?
I don’t know why she’s being like this. One minute she loves me, and the next I’m
homeless thanks to her. What the fuck!” He dropped his head in his hands and was
rubbing his hands through his hair.
I felt horrible for Mark. I thought if Jessica had been here, I
would have slapped her. “Hey, doesn’t Walker-Stone have an apartment they
reserve for when important clients come to New York?”
“Yeah, they do, why? What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking if no one is scheduled to use it soon, that you
should talk to Brian and ask him if you can use it. Brian is a cool guy, and I
bet he’d let you use it.”
Mark just stared at me. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad
thing. “Do you honestly think that if I go to one of the owners of one of the
most prestigious marketing firms in New York and ask to stay at the company’s
apartment he is going to let me? Not to mention that I have to let my boss into
my personal shit. Yeah, I don’t know.”
“You won’t know until you ask.” I didn’t understand why this was
so difficult. Mark needed a place to stay, Walker-Stone had one, but he wouldn’t
ask; this had to be a case of male pride. He reminded me of Alex.
“Why don’t I call Alex and Julie and maybe we can all go out
tonight. It’ll get your mind off things. We can go to the club, and you can
check out the wine room that he plans to open.” I looked at him with hope and
airiness.
Mark just looked at me. “You know what? Yeah, let’s do that. Why
should I sit around being pissed off when Jessica is obviously okay?” He stood
up to leave and I did as well. “Set it up and let me know. I’ll be there. Meanwhile,
I need to go scour the Internet for apartments.”
He kissed the top of my head, and we both walked out and went back
to work. I called Alex to ask him if we could all get together tonight. It was
Thursday, and the club wouldn’t be too busy.
“Hi, babe.” Seriously, his voice could just make me rip off my clothes.
“Hi, handsome, how is your day going?”
“You know, busy, but it’s good. What’s up? Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything is fine. Well, everything is fine with me; Mark
on the other hand, not so much.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, Jessica has been pretty harsh with him. Not only did she
leave him but she told him he needs to get out of her apartment because she’s
decided to sublet it. He isn’t in a good place right now. His girlfriend dumped
him, and his impending homelessness has him completely stressed out, so I thought
that we could all hang at the club tonight. I was going to call Julie too. I
know you and Brett have to work, but at least we’d all be together. Maybe Mark
will find someone to have fun with. What do you think?” I felt as if I were
rambling.
He chuckled. “I think you had me at ‘all hang out at the club
tonight.’”
“Good, I was hoping you’d say that.”
“Why don’t you guys come right after work? I’ll order dinner, and
we can eat in my office and then head down to the club.”
“That sounds awesome. Thanks, Alex.”
I told Mark and Julie, and they were both up for it. We all left
work a little early, which Brian was fine with, and went home to get ready. We
decided to meet at the club at six.
I took a quick shower. I wanted to look fresh for Alex. As the hot
water was running over me, I thought about how lucky I was to have him. He was
really a great man, and I would never do to him what Jessica did to Mark,
especially when it was unprovoked. I just didn’t understand how a person could
do that to someone they claimed to once love.
I got out and toweled off. I left my hair down and put some loose
curls in it, letting it drape over my shoulders. My makeup was light. I hoped
to be dancing with Alex tonight, and I didn’t need makeup dripping off my face.
I put on my navy short skirt, a white top, and my navy peep-toe pumps. I didn’t
want to look as if I was on the prowl, but I didn’t want to look like a frump
either.
I made it to the club at five fifty-five, and it was pretty busy.
I’d forgotten it was ladies’ night. I spotted Julie and Mark at the bar,
talking to Brett and Tyler. Walking over to them, I looked around to see who
was there. Since it was happy hour with drink specials for the women, the ratio
of men to women seemed even. Naturally, Leah and her entourage were there, and
she was hanging on some guy who looked as if he just wanted to get out of there
and be done with her. I rolled my eyes and went to my friends.
“Hi, guys. Where’s my man?”
Brett smiled. He was such a doll, and I was so happy for Julie. “He
is in his office setting up dinner. We were told to wait for you.”
“Well, I’m here now, so let’s go up.”
When we arrived at the office, Brett went in first and stopped so
fast that we all ran into each other. It was like a train crash with all the
cars ramming into the one in front of them. Julie smacked his shoulder. “Dude,
keep walking. I almost broke a heel.”
We were all laughing, well, until I looked at Brett’s face; then
I wasn’t laughing anymore. Something wasn’t right. Was it Alex? “What’s the
deal, Brett?”
“Um, why don’t we give Alex a minute to finish up his meeting?”
I thought he was setting up dinner; now he was in a meeting? I was
confused, so I pushed by everyone to go in, and my heart sank. There was
Valerie in Alex’s arms. He didn’t even notice us. It didn’t look like a
friendly embrace. Her head was on his chest, and his right hand was stroking
her hair, while his left was on the small of her back. I stood there paralyzed.
I wanted to leave, but I wanted to stay. I didn’t want to say anything, yet I
wanted to scream. My chest started to hurt, and my breathing was getting
ragged. I just stood there and watched. She eventually pulled away and kissed
his chest as he kissed the top of her head. That did it for me. I thought I was
going to have an anxiety attack.
I was standing just inside the doorway, and everyone else was
behind me. I knew they could see over me, so they’d just witnessed what I had. I
was so embarrassed, but I needed to find out what was going on. I cleared my
throat and also tried to calm my staggered breathing.
Alex and Valerie split apart, and she looked as if she’d been
crying. Did she want him and he’d told her no? Was that why she was crying?
Valerie was wiping her eyes. She looked at me and gave me a shy
smile; it seemed forced. I turned to my friends, who were still partly in the
hallway. Brett smiled at Valerie, Julie scowled, and Mark walked away with her.
What the hell was that about? Where was Mark going?
Alex came up to me and pulled me into a hug, well, a half hug,
because my arms felt as if they each weighed a hundred pounds. I didn’t hug him
back. He whispered in my ear, “It’s not what it looks like.”
“I suppose that’s a good thing, since it looked pretty bad. What’s
going on?” Alex didn’t look that great either.
“Valerie came to tell me that Anthony suffered a mild heart
attack and was in the hospital. She was on her way back there when she stopped
in to tell me what happened.” I looked up and our eyes met. “Valerie came to
tell me and was upset. I was consoling her. That’s it. That’s what you saw.”
I felt a little hideous because I’d thought the worst. “Is he
going to be okay?” I knew that Alex really liked Anthony, and I would have hated
it if he’d lost him.
“Yes, actually, he’ll probably be going home tomorrow.”
He looked at Brett. Julie and Mark were back. “Hey, sorry about
that; come in and let’s eat. I’m sure it’s getting cold.”
I looked over at the table. There were boxes of Chinese food
almost covering the entire table. We all sat down and I looked at Alex. “How
many people did you plan on having here for dinner? Did you order the entire
menu?” We all laughed.
Alex popped a dumpling in his mouth and shrugged his shoulder. After
swallowing, he said, “I didn’t know what everyone liked, so I got a variety.”
We finished dinner, cleaned up, and were going to head down to
the club. I held Alex back and told everyone else we would meet them down
there. I needed to get something off my chest.
“I’m really sorry if I jumped to the wrong conclusion earlier. I
feel horrible for Anthony and Valerie. Are you okay?”
He held me. “I’m fine; I just got spooked when Val told me. That’s
all. You really don’t need to worry about me wanting someone else. It’s just
you, okay?”
I nodded and we left hand in hand down to the club. The music was
picking up as was the size of the crowd. We went to the bar where Tyler was
serving drinks. He looked at me. “Cocktail, Aubrey?”
“Yes, please. I’ll have a Chardonnay.”
Alex was by my side, and his hand was rubbing the small of my
back. I closed my eyes and wondered if we would always be close like this. I
really hoped so, but it scared me. “Dance with me?” His voice reverberated
through me.
I smiled, no beamed. “I would love to.”
Alex led me to the dance floor, pulled me into his arms, and
started moving back and forth slowly. Although the song was fast, we were
moving to our own beat. My head rested on his chest, and his cheek was on the
top of my head. He was moving me in a way that made me want to get the hell out
of there and move with him alone somewhere. I didn’t notice anyone on the dance
floor. I was in my own bliss bubble and wanted to stay there with Alex forever.
Forever lasted only a few minutes longer since Alex’s back was
bumped and we were shoved a little. Alex turned us around to see who it was,
and it was the bitch and her entourage. They were dancing in a circle, and the way
they were dancing, all they needed was a stripper pole. Leah noticed Alex and
looked at him up and down and then licked her lips. Alex wasn’t fazed by her
gesture. Instead, he moved us to the opposite side of the floor.
We weren’t dancing anymore. We were just standing in each other’s
arms. I was so comfortable, felt so secure and protected. We left the club and
went back to my place. Alex didn’t stay over because we both had early days,
and we knew we were going to see each other at our meeting tomorrow.
~*~
I was back at work the next day when my office phone rang.
“Aubrey Ryan.”
“Hey.”
“Hi, Alex, is everything okay?”
“Can you come downstairs? I’m in the lobby”
He didn’t sound right. “Sure, I’ll be right down.” I didn’t
bother waiting for the elevator. I tried to catch my breath since I took the
stairs at high speed. I opened the door and there he was. God, he was beyond
gorgeous. I think he gets better looking as time goes on. He was leaning
against the wall, right leg bent with his foot resting on the wall. He was
wearing black suit pants and an ice blue shirt with one button undone at the
neck. His hands were in his pockets, and he was looking down. I felt as if I could
burst just at the sight of him. I wiped my hands on my skirt and started
walking toward him. He must have heard my heels clicking on the marble floor
because he looked up. The air from my lungs was completely gone. I stopped and
just stared. I didn’t want to attempt another step. I felt as if I were going
to fall over. He pushed off the wall and started walking toward me.