Authors: Joanne Schwehm
“How about I pack up our picnic and we take a
walk?”
He helped me up and told me he was packing up the
blanket and picnic paraphernalia. I wished I could help, but I knew I couldn’t.
He took my elbow and guided me around what must have been other picnics.
A walk sounded great, and I wanted to spend more
time with him, but my head hurt. “Actually, I’m getting tired and I have a
headache. I don’t mean a cliché headache. I mean a real one, and to be honest,
it is starting to hurt a lot.” I started rubbing my temples. I bent at the
waist to lower my head, trying to alleviate the pain in some way. I felt his
hand on my back, trying to steady me.
“Let us sit down; there is a bench about four
feet to your right.”
I sat down and felt Chance next to me. “I don’t
know what’s wrong with me. I’m telling you I feel as though I live in someone
else’s body ever since my accident. I have these flashes, and I have no idea
what they mean. Then I get these headaches that come on all of a sudden and I
get tired. I never used to get tired in the middle of the day.”
It dawned on me that I hadn’t had a panic attack
since my accident. I guess what I didn’t see couldn’t hurt me. There was no
real explanation for it; I hadn’t even thought about them. That was a good
feeling.
“Would you like to call the doctor? Maybe he can
answer your questions. Your headaches concern me. Maybe they have something to
do with the flashes of light that you are getting. Do you always get headaches
after seeing light?”
“No, it’s random.” I shook my head in hopes that
would clear it and we could move on with our day. “I know that it doesn’t
appear this way, but I really had a good time today. This is the most fun I’ve
had in a very long time. I’ll remember it forever.” And I truly would. Chance
was definitely getting under my skin and slowly into my heart.
He walked me to the entrance, and I texted Frank
to let him know I was ready.
“I think your ride is here because there is a
large man glaring at me as if he wants to kill me.”
I chuckled and pictured this burly man glaring at
us, when I had no idea what he really looked like. “Yes, that would most likely
be Frank. I don’t want to send mixed signals here, Chance, but would it be okay
if I hugged you good-bye?”
I was pulled into the side of his chest. It
wasn’t too tight; it was friendly. He let me go and rubbed the tops of my arms.
“You have my number and email address, so please contact me if you have any
more episodes or just want to talk.”
“I have your number?”
“Yes, I programmed it in your tablet the other
day at the café. I was hoping you would find it on your own. I hope you don’t
mind.”
“No, of course not, I’ll talk to you later then.”
I got in the car with Frank and we went home.
Morning came quickly, and I didn’t know
what was in store for me that day. Every day was different in Paris because I
didn’t have a job to get to; my day was unstructured. I grabbed my tablet to
check on the time and found it was only 6:00 a.m. I hated that I couldn’t sleep
past seven. It was almost comical since the sun or any form of light couldn’t
wake me up. The house was so quiet; I was left with my thoughts.
My picnic with Chance had been wonderful even
after my freak out over being tickled and my headache. But he read to me.
Who
does that? What guy does that?
No guy that I knew. Did Alex even enjoy
reading? I didn’t know the answer to that question. I thought about it for a
while and about Chance. If I were ever going to get past Alex, I needed to move
on. The sad thing was I didn’t really want to get past Alex. I learned a lot
about myself through him. I didn’t want to forget about the good times we
shared or my love for him. I would always have that. I didn’t know what I
wanted anymore; I felt confused. All I knew was that Chance meant something to
me and I needed to tell him that.
Having my tablet in my hands, I decided to email
him, so I began speaking into my tablet’s microphone.
Hi Chance,
I wanted to tell you what a wonderful time I
had yesterday. Also, I wanted to apologize for my Sybil impression. I hate that
I run hot and cold all the time. I love being your friend, and I’m so glad that
you found me in the café. There are certain things about you that are so
familiar and comforting that it makes me believe we were meant to meet that
day.
There is so much I want to tell you about
myself. I’m a better writer than a speaker, so here goes. I went to school and
graduated with a Master’s degree in English. I worked as a copywriter for a marketing
company, but I really wanted to be an author: a romance novelist. Oddly enough,
that led me to where I am today. So, when you started reading to me, you had no
idea how wonderful that was.
I never had a real boyfriend, well, not
before Alex. I wasn’t expecting to meet Alex. I just wanted to find someone who
could teach me what romance really was. For example, what types of things do men
do for women and to women that are considered romantic? I kept a journal and
made daily entries about some of my dates with Alex. In the beginning, I guess
I did intend on using him a little, but that was short-lived. Please
understand. I didn’t know if he was using me.
When I first met Alex, he was a total player
and didn’t do relationships. They were “complicated,” his words not mine. He
owns a really nice nightclub and had women fawning all over him all the time—one
in particular. I didn’t like her at all, but he assured me that there wasn’t
anything going on between them, and I believed him. I needed to believe him. It
was the only way I could imagine being with him. As time went on, I realized he
wasn’t the player I originally thought he was. We were together all the time. We
even came here, to Paris.
Anyway, it ended because he found my
journal. I’d never told him about it. Unfortunately, he only read the first
part—the part that said I was going to use someone for romance. He didn’t read
the rest of it—the best part of it—the part that described my love for him. He
believed what others had told him and not in our love. I think what hurt the
most was that he intentionally hurt me. What was worse than seeing him with
someone else, was the fact that he didn’t believe that I loved him, but I did
with all of my heart. I truly did.
I just wanted to tell you all of that
because you have the right to know why I acted the way I did yesterday.
I enjoy being with you, but I have a lot of
issues that need to be dealt with. Hopefully in time, this will get easier.
Aubrey
I put my tablet away and went to take a shower
and get my day going. I decided I wanted to tell my mom about what happened at
the park. I promised her I would be honest about seeing flashes. I just didn’t
want her to get too excited. It was hard enough for me to contain my energy; I
didn’t need to fuel hers.
I stepped out of the shower and grabbed my robe. I
had nowhere to go, so I threw my hair up in a ponytail and tossed on a pair of
sweats and my Yankees t-shirt. I could feel the number two on the back and knew
it was my Jeter shirt. That was another thing I was going to miss—watching
baseball games. I snatched my tablet off the nightstand because I wanted to
pick up reading where Chance left off.
I headed to the kitchen and sat with my parents
at the table. It smelled so good, like a French
patisserie
. “What are we
having this morning?”
“We have blueberry and cinnamon scones and plain
or chocolate croissants.”
“Geez, Mom, how about having some fruit or yogurt
every now and again? I’m going to get fat. It’s a good thing I’m blind and I
can’t see myself in the mirror!” I giggled.
“That’s not funny, Aubrey. You shouldn’t say
things like that!” Ooh, my mom was mad and did not like my humor.
“I’m sorry, Mom. It was a joke.” I cleared my
throat. “You’ll be glad to know that I saw flashes of light yesterday while I
was at the park. It was quick, but I plan on calling Dr. Beaumont today and checking
if he has any available time today to see me.”
My mom got up and hugged me. “That’s wonderful,
honey. Your dad and I will cancel our plans for today just in case the doctor
is available.”
“No, it’s okay. I can do this on my own. Frank
can take me. I’ll be fine, really. The doctor may not be able to squeeze me in.
I don’t want you to change your plans.”
“Okay, if you’re sure . . .”
“I am.” She kissed my forehead, and I headed to
my room.
I called the doctor and set an appointment at
two. My tablet rang indicating that I had an email. I found the button and
opened it up. This tablet was great because it read for me. If I had to rely on
my braille skills, it would have taken me a long time. I put on my headphones
and listened.
8:30 a.m.
Good morning, Aubrey,
I received your email this morning. Thank
you. I hope you are feeling well today and that your headache has not returned.
If you need anything, please know that I am here for you.
In regards to your ex-boyfriend, you really
don’t owe me any explanations. I know that you had a life before you moved to
Paris, and I am really happy being your friend. I am very pleased that you feel
comfortable with me, as I do with you. I do not have many female friends that
are just friends, especially when they are as beautiful as you are.
For the record, I think this Alex guy is an
imbecile or, as you Americans say, an idiot for letting you go and hurting you
so deeply. Although, as a man who has loved deeply and felt he didn’t deserve
it, sometimes it is easier to believe the negatives people say about you than
the positives.
Could it be that when he read that you wanted
to use him for your book that you hurt him? I don’t want to make you feel bad
about anything, because you are right: he should have talked to you about it
and trusted in the love you shared. But keep in mind that you didn’t trust him
either.
Although, I agree that he shouldn’t have
purposely hurt you.
Anyway, enough writing about another man. I
must be crazy!
J
Let me know if you need anything today.
I hope all is well.
Chance XO
He was an amazing man, and I felt so lucky to
have met him. I decided to call him and ask if he wanted to go to the doctor’s
with me.
The phone rang only once when I was greeted by
his deep sexy voice. It sounded deeper. Maybe that was his morning voice. Some
lucky woman would wake up with that someday.
“Hi, Chance, how are you?”
“Aubrey, it is good of you to call. I am fine,
how are you? Feeling better?”
“Yes, and as a matter of fact I’m going to see
the doctor today. Would you like to come with me?”
“Aren’t your parents going?”
“No, they had plans, and I didn’t want them to
change them for me.”
“Well then, I would more than happy to accompany
you.”
I was smiling. I knew he would want to come with
me. “My appointment is at 1:00 p.m. Frank and I can pick you up.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, Aubrey. I want to
be able to help you.”
“I know and I appreciate that. We’ll pick you up
at 12:30 p.m.
Au revoir
.”
I hung up the phone to get ready when it rang
again. “Hello.”
“Hey, it’s me, Mark.”
“Hi, Mark!” I was so excited to talk to him. “What
time is it there?”
“It’s about three in the morning.”
“Just getting home, are we?” I was laughing.
“No, actually Jess just called me from London and
woke me up. I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I thought I would call you.”
“Jess called? Why? What did she say?”
“She wanted to tell me that she would be home for
Christmas and she wants to get together. I don’t know why she called tonight.
Christmas is over a month away. It was really strange, Aubrey. I felt as if I
were talking to a stranger. I don’t even care that she’ll be here. Why did she
even bother calling?”
“I don’t know, Mark; maybe she isn’t happy and
wanted to talk to you. She could have just used coming home as an excuse. How
did you end the call?”
“I just said good-bye. I didn’t thank her for
calling because I wasn’t thankful. It’s confusing, you know? I’m finally in a
good place; I have a great job and Valerie. I don’t need Jessica coming home
and screwing things up for me.”
Work. I missed going to work and my job. I knew
Mark had stepped in to cover my absence. “I’m glad that you’re happy, Mark. You
totally deserve to be. You’re right; you are in a good place. Don’t let the
past make you not want to move forward. How is Valerie?”
“She’s awesome. She really is.”
“How’s her father?”
“He’s good, feeling much better. He’s back at
work, and I think that’s the best medicine for him. Alex hired a nurse who goes
to the restaurant every few days to check his vitals.”
I didn’t say anything. That was the first time
anyone had mentioned Alex to me. “That was nice of Alex to do. I am glad he’s
feeling better.”
“You’re glad who is feeling better? Anthony or
Alex?
Was Alex not feeling well? “What’s wrong with
Alex? Is he sick?” He didn’t mention he was sick in his email.
“Alex is fine, I guess. Apparently, he was depressed,
and for all I know, he still could be. I really don’t care about his feelings. He’s
lucky I didn’t coldcock him for what he did to you. I haven’t seen him in a
while, but Valerie said he asked about you, if we’d heard from you. Val and I
don’t go to the club much, and Brett has been working with Julie on any marketing-related
items, so the only time I hear about him is from Valerie.”
He asked about me? “Well, it’s over between us,
so it really doesn’t matter. What are you going to do about Jessica? Does
Valerie know about her?”
“Yes, I told her everything, and in a few hours I’ll
have to tell her that Jessica called.”
“It’s best to be honest. If not, it could come
back to bite you in the ass. You should try to get some sleep and I need to get
ready. I have a doctor’s appointment soon.”
“Good luck at the doctor’s. Are you doing better?
I worry about you.”
“I am getting better; I’ve been seeing flashes of
light, so that could be a good thing. Please don’t worry about me. I appreciate
it, but I’m learning to cope. I have a friend here who has helped me remember
what it’s like to have fun. He’s really nice; you two would get along well.”
“Hmm. You met a guy, huh?”
“It’s not like that. I’m not looking for more and
neither is he. I better go because you need sleep and I’m meeting Chance for a
cup of coffee before heading to the doctor’s.”
“His name is Chance?”
“Yes, why?”
“Nothing, just maybe it’s a sign that you should
take a chance.”
“I don’t believe in signs, but that’s a good
thought and why I love ya, Mark.”
“Right back at ya. Don’t be a stranger, okay?”
We hung up. I really missed Mark. I missed all my
friends. Maybe a visit at Christmas would be nice. I wondered if my parents
would want to go if I suggested it. I lay back on my pillow and thought about
what a visit would be like. I’d probably be wondering where Alex was. At least
the image of him with Leah was dissipating and being replaced with happy
memories. Even if I didn’t physically see them, I still imagined what they
would look like.
I tried to imagine the picnic in the park with Chance,
but instead pictured being in the park with Alex. When I really thought about
it, we had good times together—more good than bad. Those were the memories that
I needed to hold on to. I needed to be able to move on and let go of my
romantic fantasies, since they were what got me into this mess. The problem was
I loved romance, fantasies, and Alex. My heart hurt just thinking about him. I
thought about texting him, but decided against it.