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"Hey", I whisper, slowly approaching her while keeping my gaze affixed on hers, watching for any signs of discomfort or her unwillingness to be near me.

"Nick", she moans, "make them go away, make them go away", she pleads, breaking my heart all over again.

"Let go of her hands!”, I order calmly, not taking my eyes off her. I do not have the first clue about what I was doing at this point. I do not know what they were doing, this team of doctors and paramedics, and I do not know if it was good for her if they leave her alone. What I do know, is that I'm not about to let them touch her without her allowing it.

“Look, sir, we know what we are doing, and it’s imperative that you not disturb her. Ms. Elizabeth isn’t in a healthy state of mind to form judgments. Just please ignore her pleas and let us..”

"Get out", I snarl at the doctor, who stares open-mouthed at me as my facial muscles begin to twitch.

He clears his throat and begins, "I believe you don't quite understand what..." and that's as far as I allow him to speak before I reach him in 3 menacing strides, pull him by his collar and speak very calmly, letting him see the storm brewing in my eyes. I am, quite literally a step behind the line that separates sanity from the other.

“Shut up and get out. And let her loose before you leave. I’m past the stage of rational understanding. Now, I’ll just act. Just act, you hear me. DO not, and I mean DO NOT freaking touch her without her permission. DO not manhandle her, and do not frighten her again. Get out and get lost. Quickly”.

He doesn't move, which gives me an excellent target to work out some of my anxiety. I had meant every word I'd said, and the thought of kicking at least one self-righteous ass is welcoming.

"Do as he says", commands a voice from the door, in the face of the only man who can give me some answers at this point. And in his eyes, I read the pain, the anguish, and the God-awful conviction that I wouldn't like the answers.

So I placed my heart under lock and key

To take some time, and take care of me

But I turn around and you’re standing here

- Deborah Cox

So I placed my heart under lock and key

To take some time, and take care of me

But I turn around and you’re standing here

- Deborah Cox

13. The revelation

They quickly obey after that, mumbling and tsking as they gather their stuff and shuffle out of the room. I turn my attention to Beth who is rubbing her wrists and crying softly, wiping and sniffing her tears while she looks around confused and afraid. I walk towards her slowly and hesitantly, and sit unhurriedly on the closest couch, letting her adjust to my presence. When she continues to look around with that broken empty look in her eyes, I slowly extend my hands to brush hers. And that's when I see it again. The instant raw fear that leaps into her eyes as she cringes and recoils away from my touch. I let my tears fall then. Let her see the pain in them as I raise my palms slowly, looking into her eyes, willing her to understand that she is safe here, safe with me.

"Nicholas", she whispers brokenly, leaning towards me to wipe away my tears. They only come harder and faster, and I let them fall freely.

"Don't cry, they're gone, don't cry", she sighs wiping them away, comforting me in a soft, childlike voice. I make them stop when I see her lips quivering, realizing that the sight of them is upsetting her.

When she's convinced there'd be no more tears, she exhales with contentment before murmuring "I'm sleepy".

"Sleep then, I'd watch out for you," I reply and after letting out one last sigh of relief, she closes her eyes and falls asleep.

After rearranging her in a proper position, I clasp her hands in mine and watch her sleep, her chest rising and falling in a slow gentle rhythm.

"I know you have questions", uncle Cameron speaks after a while. When I make no attempt to reply, he adds, "I don't know how to answer them".

"Start from the beginning then", I speak without turning, drawing circles with my fingers on her hands still clutching mine.

“Son, I know you don’t like me very much at the moment. I cannot blame you. But I hope you’d be at least
willing
to listen to me. And believe, that whatever I did, whatever I do, was for the girl we both love, the girl whose hands you wouldn't let go to turn around and curse me in the eye."

I chose to go with silence and hear him choke in a painful cry before he continues, "Five years ago, two days before Christmas, I had called up Beth asking her.. no…. that isn’t right. Pleading,
pleading and guilting her
into spending the Christmas with her old man. She hadn’t wanted to come and I could hear it in her voice when she told me about the Christmas celebrations in the Tanner house, the cakes, the cookies, and the gifts she hadn’t yet exchanged with anyone. What she didn’t explain, and I heard nevertheless, was the real reason she didn’t want to leave. You. Beth was sixteen and had been fancying herself in love for years now, like a lot of girls her age. But what I had discounted was the fact that she was her mother's daughter. Victoria and I fell in love when she was fifteen, and this was no fancy. I didn't want Beth to fall in love this quickly and map out her entire life around you. There was plenty of time for that. Plenty of time", he begins to weep, finally giving in to the desperate urge to splurge.

“I was selfish. Plain and simple. Didn't want to lose my baby so early. So I played my final card and told her I was missing her mom somewhat fierce and was having a difficult time with it", he weeps openly, not even trying to disguise the tears at this point. He does so softly though, almost soundlessly, because the girl we both loved desperately needed that sleep.

“Beth was nothing if not compassionate, nothing but loyal, my precious child. She agreed at once and I made arrangements for her to come join me, feeling none too proud at my tactics.”

“Come Christmas Eve, she told me you were busy studying for your finals and couldn’t drop you off at the airport. What she didn’t tell me, yet I surmised, was that you must’ve been pissed off at her for leaving you like this. I knew, you see, I knew then that her feelings were reciprocated, even when I couldn’t see the depth of them. So I called up my staff and arranged for a car to pick her up from the Tanner house. And in doing so, I nailed the final screw on the coffin, burying her happiness forever".

"Spit it out, just say it quickly", I demand brokenly and turn around, only to watch him crumble to the floor as harsh, broken sobs wrack his large frame.

“She got raped Nicholas. My baby, my Beth. Got violated in the worst possible way by two,
two
fuckingfucktards,,,, faceless bastards, who raped and tossed her on the streets", he cries out, holding his arms to his chest as he cries like a broken man, crushed and defeated, never to rise again.

"Who?" I choke out, with my insides burning like acid, my mind churning with hopeless rage.

“We don’t know. The police couldn’t find any clues and assumed they were outsiders. They kept her drugged while they,,,,they kept her drugged. The police gave up their search after six months, and I spent six more, trying to hire every public and private investigator there was. But they weren't very successful. And I had to concentrate on Beth".

"Beth", he murmurs, finally looking at his daughter, "she wasn't in a very good condition. When she first woke up in a hospital bed, she had no memory of what was done to her. She woke up asking for you. But soon, soon she remembered, and her screams began."

We were both weeping now, oblivious to each other and the sounds around us.

"It was months before she could speak again, and when she did, she asked me to take her away, not to tell you anything and take her far away to recuperate in peace. I tried telling Jonathan, almost picked up my cell phone to call my best friend, when one look from her silenced me once and for all. Papa, she said, my life is over, but why do you want to spoil whatever chance they have, at a happy one. Let them go, we have each other”.

“You have to understand that she asked me for it, and I couldn’t say no. She could have asked me to jump from a cliff and I would’ve. I couldn’t deny her and I knew that in her own selfless way, she was protecting you from a similar fate.”

"I knew when she told me she was coming here. I had this awful sense of foreboding when she told me she was going to St Anns. It’s the one place she avoids at all costs, we rarely ever mention it. The incident… the… it took place outside St Anns, three miles outside. But she told me she was going. Same reason I imagine she came her for, in the first place.”

I feel pathetic. Pathetic and disgusted at myself for missing the obvious signs of distress she'd exhibited every step of the way. I was
so blinde
d by my hatred, so carried away by her supposed betrayal that I had deliberately overlooked what was staring right in my face. And in doing so, I was ultimately responsible for reviving those demons she had fought so hard to vanquish.

“We were going to London, to settle down permanently. I have some business ventures there, and Beth wanted to go there. She was going to start college in the fall so____”

“Wait", I interrupt, confused by this relatively inconspicuous trivia of information. But then, nothing about this girl is inconspicuous anymore.

“She was
going
to start college? But she told me she was attending some community college, and was yet undecided on her major.”

"She just graduated from school this year Nicholas. It would be difficult for a twenty-one-year-old to proclaim that, when other people her age are in college. The first two years… were difficult. She went back to school when she was able."

Of course. God almighty, Of course.

‘She wanted to come here, to see you all before we left the States. She thought herself well enough to handle it, handle herself. I advised against it but….. I couldn’t really deny her this. It was the only time she asked anything for herself.”

"So now you know. Why I did what I did. I had to do it son, though I know you won't agree with my reasons. It was what she wanted, the only thing she ever asked of me", he finishes and looks at me, pleading for forgiveness, for a bit of understanding if nothing else.

"You should have told me", I rock back, shaking with unspent sobs, "You should have told us. We would have come. We could’ve helped each other, we could've had each other. You should have told me", I repeat wildly, as we both stare at the girl we love. The girl we both lost.

13½. Elizabeth

I never really understood pain before Beth. Come to think of it, I never really understood love before her either. The petrifying gut-wrenching pain that comes with love, and the terrifying blood-curdling pain which comes with fear. Now I can relate to them all. Most of all, I could finally comprehend the horrors of the echoes of a thousand screams, trapped in a body of a girl you love, and the vast emptiness left behind by the loss of that innocent love.

I could understand too, why a sixteen-year-old Beth
would've decided
against sharing that pain with me. Understand, but not accept it. Maybe I'd have handled it, maybe I'd haven't, but I could and would've been there with her, for her. And maybe we'd have pulled each other through.

Or sunk together, as long as had each other.

I couldn't change the past, but I'd be damned if I'll let my present and future slip through my fingers again.

With that resolve in mind, I rise to my feet, walk towards her sleeping form and place a soft kiss on her forehead, before motioning for Kate to keep a watch on her. Kate manages to nod through the pool of tears in her eyes and I have to fight the urge to go to her, speak to her and wipe her tears away, give her a hug. Anything, anything to ease the pain. I fight it, because I know if I give in at this point, we'd never stop crying and I'd never be able to walk out of the room unscathed and intact enough to survive it.

I walk to the adjacent room where the rest of my family, including uncle Cameron, appears to be in a deep discussion. None of them stop to wipe their tears in between.

"Why didn't you tell us, Cameron? Why did you hide it from us? We had a right to know, Good lord above knows we had a right to know just as much as you did, damn it. I can understand your need to stay away from here, but I can't get past your reasons to isolate yourself in this. We would have faced this together, Cam. Beth didn't have to be alone in this. And neither did you." My father is openly crying at this point, while mom just whimpers in silence, rocking herself like Kate.